Pokemon Master, Sasuke
by Maliciously Creative
Summary: SasuNaru KakaIru, ShonenAi, Yaoi Ch. 18 up! What happens when you lose the one you loved the most? But denial is a tricky thing... causing you to see the one you love most as a pokemon and you as his trainer. NOT ABANDONED! Still working on it.
1. Chapter 1: Gotta Catch Naruto

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

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10/21/04 - Did some slight alterations and 'touch up's'… i.e. found boo-boo's and perfected the Summary… for now.

Chris: Okay, here it is. My very first Naruto atrocity... um I mean fic! **(insert insane laughter here)** I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. It probably sucks but, whatcha gonna do? **(shrugs)** I plan to update maybe every week or two. I've got eight chapters typed up already but I want to make sure I don't hit any long pauses. I went almost a year before updating my other 2 fics and don't want that to happen here. Lucky you! Okay on with the... um... thingies.

**Summary:** 2 months after Naruto leaves Konoha 'forever'; Sasuke finally splits his gourd and now believes he's a pokemon trainer. He leaves Konoha with Kakashi, Sakura and his 'pokemon' Rock Lee to go on his Pokemon Training Journey so he can become a Pokemon Master and defeat his bastard, jerky brother, Itachi. After 4 months on the road they run into Naruto. Will Naruto be able to snap Sasuke out of it and return him to 'sane', normal, avenger self? Or is Naruto going to have to be Sasuke's pokemon for the rest of his days?

**Note: **Full back story of how Sasuke got to this point will be in chapter 3. The condensed Kakashi version will be in chapter 2.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, probably KakaIru and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm broke and have nothing anyways (unemployment sucks). If I owned Naruto, well let's just say Naru-chan would really get around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy.

Chris: Tigerlily, read the warning...

Tigerlily: **Warning!!!** This fic has:

**- yaoi goodness – in later chapters (there's a doozy in chapter 8)**

**- some foul language but not nearly as bad as I usually write**

**- stupid humor... c'mon, Sasuke thinks he's a Pokemon Trainer and Lee's his pokemon for pity's sake!**

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then this probably isn't for you. Yaoi and shounen ai deals with **male x male relationships**. So don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control.

Tigerlily: So if ya don't like that sort of thing do us all a favor and hit the bricks.

Chris: If you do flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my fics and webpage. So, if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all.

Tigerlily: So keep your damned mouth shut! You have been warned!!

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**Chapter 1: Gotta Catch Naruto **

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**xoxo - Sasuke's POV - xoxo**

Hi... My name is, Uchiha Sasuke. And I'm going to be a Pokemon Master! I'm 16 years old and come from Konoha Town. Traveling with me is Sakura, Kakashi and of course my pokemon, Lee. Sakura was one of the leaders at the Haruno Gym and wants to be a Water Pokemon Master. Kakashi, who wants to be a breeder was also a Gym Leader. He led the Come, Come Paradise Gym. It's strange that Konoha has 2 Gyms. It's not like it's a huge town or overly special somehow, although we do have 2 pokemon researchers.

I only have one pokemon right now, Rock Lee. He's a rock/ninja type and for some reason, he really likes Sakura. Anyway, I had to catch him with my bare hands because Professor Hokage didn't have any so I could start my Pokemon Journey! Needless to say, I was upset and very disappointed. I needed to start my journey so I could one day beat my stupid brother, Itachi. He left years ago, saying he was going to be the strongest and that I was too weak to ever beat him. He only came back once in all that time with his pokemon, Kisame. The thing was butt ugly and as much as I hate to admit it pretty strong. But he's still not a Pokemon Master; so if I train real hard I might be one before he is and beat that stupid butthead. I'll show him who's better; who's weak.

When I came across Lee, it was like a blessing from the Gods. He fought long and hard but I managed to knock him out and catch him. He was still fighting when he woke up and didn't really settle down until he found out Sakura was coming with me on my journey. Sadly, that's the only thing she's been good for. Sakura doesn't like him though. She says his eyebrows are creepy and give her the willies. I hate to say it, but I have to agree with her. But he's special to me because not only is he my first pokemon, but he's also the only one I've ever caught... even if he is a creepy crybaby sometimes. But the cool thing about him is that he speaks human like Team Rocket's, Meowth! I guess any pokemon can do it if they try hard enough. But the thing about my Lee is, he thinks he's human. He's constantly saying that he's not a pokemon but a human boy. Strange, isn't it?

We've been on our journey for 4 months now and haven't come across anything! No wild pokemon, no butthead's named Itachi, and no Pokemon Gyms I can battle at to get badges. Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada! At this rate I'll never be a Pokemon Master and defeat my butthead, jerky brother, Itachi. Maybe this is why it's taking him so long? All the better to really make him burn with jealousy when I become a Pokemon Master before he does. Heh, heh, heh...

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"Kakashi-sensei, how long are we going to carry on this charade? Sasuke-kun really needs psychiatric help!" Sakura whispered to her pervert sensei so Sasuke wouldn't hear... not that he actually listened to them before anyway.

"Sakura-chan, it's not that bad. Tsunade-sama said that he probably just needed a break and a little time to get it out of his system."

"It's been 4 months! How much more time does he need?! I'm telling you, he needs to be medicated!"

"Aww, but I thought you liked doing this. Traveling with him, with none of the other fangirls in sight. No else with us who you'd have to compete with to get his attention and possible affections..." Kakashi gave Sakura a bored glance waiting for her answer.

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**xoxo - Kakashi's POV - xoxo**

That's it, go for her weakness. Maybe I should add, 'her more well endowed, competition'?

"I do, but... he really needs help. He's not getting any better, Kakashi-sensei. And I'm getting tired of the looks we keep getting every time we come to a new town! People think we're just as crazy as he is."

"True. But at least it hasn't been boring! Remember when Sasuke tried to capture Gaara, in Sand Village? That was funny!"

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**xoxo - _flashback – 3 months earlier_ - xoxo**

After a long and boring journey filled with Sakura asking if Sasuke if he wanted to go back home to Konoha or go on a date with her, they finally came to the Sand Village. Sasuke wasted no time in asking the first stranger for directions.

"Excuse me sir, but could you tell me where the Pokemon Gym is?"

"What?"

"Can you direct me to this city's Gym Leader?"

"What are you on, crack? The only leader we have here is the Kazekage." The stranger pulled away muttering, "Stupid leaf nins... they probably smoke the leaves."

Annoyed, Sasuke accosted... um, asked another bystander for more directions as Sakura watched on mortified, Kakashi amused and Lee bored and very tired.

"Can you tell me where the Pokemon Center is?"

"Huh? Pokemon Center? What's that?"

"You idiot! How can you not know what a Pokemon Center is?!"

"I'm not an idiot, you freak! You outta be locked in a padded cell!"

"Why you! ...Never mind, just tell me where I can find the Kazekage."

"Follow that path and you'll find it... freak." The man pointed to a large road slightly behind them.

"Thanks, mister!"

And so our 'happy' little group traveled on toward the center of town to the Kazekage's office when Sasuke suddenly stopped in his tracks.

"Why did you stop?" Sakura asked, more than a little annoyed.

"It's a pokemon! It looks like a Pandamon! I've gotta catch it! Lee, go! I choose you! Get that Pandamon for me!" Sasuke shouted, excitement and adrenaline filling his body.

"What? You can't be serious! You want me to fight him?!?! I nearly killed myself last time I fought him! And if Gai-sensei hadn't stepped in, he would have killed me! He's not even a pokemon, Sasuke-san!!" Lee shouted as panic filled his core.

Yes, Sasuke in his delusion had mistaken yet another poor, hapless ninja for a pokemon. Pandamon was in fact a very annoyed and prone to extreme violence, Gaara of the Sand.

"He is too a pokemon! The rings around his eyes are a dead giveaway for Pandamon! Now go battle him so I can have him!"

And with that Sasuke threw poor Lee into the fires of hell, a.k.a. Gaara of the Sand. The bloody fight lasted only for a few minutes when Temari showed up and broke up the fight in her not so subtle way.

"What the hell are you doing to my brother?!"

"He belongs to you? I should have know that such a unique pokemon had to belong to someone... How much do you want for him? I'm willing to pay top dollar for him."

"What?! My brother is not for sale like some piece of meat, you freak!" Temari screamed in Sasuke's face.

"Say it, don't spray it!! ...fine. Can you tell me where I can find the Kazekage?"

"You're looking at her!"

"Then I challenge you to a Gym Battle!"

"What are you going on about, you prat?"

"You're the Gym Leader, right? Then I challenge you to a pokemon battle for a Sand Badge!"

"Sigh. I still don't know what the hell you're talking about, you freak." Temari began to rub her throbbing temples.

"How can you not know if you're the Gym Leader? Wait... you're not the Kazekage, are you! For your treachery, I challenge you to a pokemon battle. Winner gets Pandamon!"

"I told you already, he's not a piece of meat! He's not for sale like some prostitute and he's not a prize in some stupid and sick game!"

Furious, Temari pulled out her huge ass fan and sent Sasuke and his entourage flying out of the village to land on their asses and in Lee's case... his face.

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**xoxo - _end flashback_ - xoxo**

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"I really didn't need to be reminded of that, Kakashi-san. I don't know who's scarier, Temari or Gaara." Lee moaned.

"This is all Naruto's fault! If he hadn't have left then Sasuke wouldn't have had his breakdown!"

"Ah... but Sakura, Sasuke would have to care about Naruto for that to be true. Are you through denying how Sasuke might feel about Naruto?"

"Of course not! There's no way Sasuke could feel that way towards another boy; especially Naruto!"

"Then why did Naruto's departure affect him so much? Hmm, Sakura-chan?"

"It's just... it's... just he had no one to really spar with."

"You're saying he had a breakdown because he had no one to spar with? Sakura-chan, I thought for sure a smart girl like you could come up with something better than that." Kakashi shook his head in slight disappointment.

"Sigh. Naruto and I are the closest thing he has to friends. He keeps everyone away and closes himself off from them. But... he has to work and interact with us. He can't keep us at a distance if the team is going to succeed... Naruto leaving changed everything."

"So, you admit Naruto was important to him...?"

"I admit nothing!" Sakura shouted as she glared at me.

She's going to have to accept that Sasuke's obvious feelings for Naruto. But then, Sasuke didn't know either how he felt until Naruto was gone. He didn't realize how much he needed him to be there. He didn't realize just how much a part of his life he was. And he didn't realize just how much he cared for him. Naruto's leaving affected him greatly.

Then finally after 2 months of cutting himself off from everyone... well more so than usual, 2 months of staying in his house doing nothing but eating, sleeping and watching TV, he cracked. The boy had watched one too many episodes of Pokemon and announced he was going on a Pokemon Journey so he could be a Pokemon Master and beat Itachi by becoming a Pokemon Master before he did.

I suppose we should be grateful that Sailor Moon didn't influence him as much. Although it would have been really cool to see him a sailor fuku running around giving fan service panty flashes, yelling at the top of his lungs, "On behalf of Konoha, I will punish you!"

Sigh. If only... Jiraiya would have gotten a whole new kind of research. Might have been pretty interesting to see. But it could have been worse... Dear Buddha, there's a ton of awful cartoons and anime out there. For example, Mucha Lucha. What the hell were they smoking when they came up with that one, much less decided to air it?!

But, I understand why he chose Pokemon. The main character leaves his home town to wander the world in his quest to be a 'Pokemon Master'. Sasuke wanted to get away from Konoha and escape any possible memory of Naruto. What better way than to go on a 'Pokemon Journey'? And who better to serve as his arch rival than, Itachi? I just hope we don't run into him or we'll be in big trouble. Gods, I can just see him challenging Itachi to a 'pokemon battle'.

Sigh. I suppose on one level, Sakura is right. He doesn't seem to be getting any better and he's getting caught up in his delusion more and more. If this keeps up, I doubt even Naruto himself could snap him out of it. Sigh. Naruto...

I wonder how he's doing? Is he well? Is he sucking down ramen as we speak? Is he dead? No, he can't be. The kid has always been a survivor; a wild card. He's going to be Hokage... but then again he said he'd had enough and he'd never come back. I'm not sure what broke him. I can't imagine what would break him. It must have been huge, whatever it was. Sasuke knows, but all we could get out of him was, 'Naruto left and said he's never coming back. He couldn't take it anymore.' He said it just as calmly as he does about most everything else, but his eyes were hollow, empty... remorseful. He knew, but he wasn't talking.

It broke Iruka's heart that Naruto didn't even say goodbye to him. I kinda felt like scum having to tell him and not have a good reason for his departure. I had failed. I was totally unaware that Naruto was feeling the need to flee. I understand why he didn't say anything to Iruka, though. Iruka would have stopped him. And I know perfectly well what would have happened too. Naruto would have knocked on the door. Give Iruka a teary goodbye and don't worry about me speech. And then, when they'd 'hug goodbye', Iruka would have captured him, tied him up and denied him ramen until he changed his mind and agreed to stay.

I miss Iruka. I miss him a lot. It was fun to make him angry... cute too. Too bad Iruka wasn't around when we left. Heh. I'm sure I could have convinced Sasuke that Iruka was a pokemon... Dolphinmon, the high strung dolphin pokemon. Instead we got Lee. I wish I had seen the fight. It must have been something to behold. But oh, how Gai cried. I swear his attachment to Lee is not normal. I mean, I'm attached to Naruto, Sasuke and even Sakura but there's just something about those two that is just off... But then, Gai has always been a little off his rocker.

It's probably rubbed off on Lee. It's a miracle it hasn't rubbed off on Neji and Tenten. Although, that would be funny too. Hiashi would have kittens. Ack! I'm too easily amused... but then I bore easily too. I even wish Gai was here to cry his manly tears upon seeing Lee. But I'd be much happier seeing Iruka. He's so much fun to tease. Sigh. I guess I'm just as bad as Sasuke. I didn't know how much I cared until he was gone.

A week after Naruto was gone, so was Iruka. The day the ANBU gave up searching for Naruto was the day Iruka took up the search personally. Tsunade was very annoyed that he just up and left with no notice or permission... very much like Naruto had, but not as bad. She sent the ANBU after him too but they never found him either. A week later they pretty much gave up looking, just like they did with Naruto. That's probably why he left. Iruka's a stubborn one and his affection for our little fox runs deep. I wonder if he found him? No, he would have dragged Naruto's ass back, kicking and screaming to Konoha and Tsunade would have sent word.

Actually, I kinda expect her to send word soon saying, 'Get your ass back here!' I wonder what Sasuke will do when that time comes? But more than that, I wonder just what the hell he's staring at.

"Yo. Whatcha staring at?"

I take a look around him and see it...

"A pokemon." Sasuke gasps. " I gotta catch it..."

...I see him. Naruto.

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Okay, there you have it. Chapter 1 done and over with, so be nice and review so I know someone is reading this. Also I need a Beta-reader for this ficcie. My regular beta, Taryn is swamped with school, drama rehearsals and curling practice; so she can't do it right now... Well, she could but it'd be a month before she could get to it, at least. I had to beta this myself and I'm pretty certain I caught everything but I'm not sure. So if I can, I'd like to have a second set of eyes before I post again.

Tigerlily: Reviews make Chris's sad and pathetic world go round so review and she'll give you a... oy, whatcha got?

Chris: Um... talking Sasuke plushie? **(pushes Sasuke-plushies' tummy)**

Sasuke Plushie: I'll beat that bastard, Itachi! **(push) **I will be a Pokemon Master! **(push)** I am NOT a PERVERT!!!

Sasuke: I can't believe you're doing this to me. Don't you have anything else better to do with your time?

Chris: No, not really. Sad, ain't it?

Naruto: **Remember!** Flames will be mocked, reviews make Chris's sad world go round and she needs a Beta-reader! **(grabs a Sasuke plushie) **Can you program other phrases into this thing?

Chris: Of course! I got tons to use too! I'll show you the list while everyone reviews! :-)


	2. Chapter 2: Kitsunemon

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

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Chris: Yay! Chapter 2! Must say I am pleasantly surprised this is doing a lot better than I expected. Of course who wouldn't? I figured I'd be lucky if I got 5 reviews because of the dreaded Pokemon word. Thanks to those of you who took a chance and looked past that. I love you all! **(insert happy, genki smiley here that ffnet won't allow, here)** Huge, Godzilla sized thank you to Wowie for beta reading. You're the best!

**Summary:** 2 months after Naruto leaves Konoha 'forever'; Sasuke finally splits his gourd and now believes he's a pokemon trainer. He leaves Konoha with Kakashi, Sakura and his 'pokemon' Rock Lee to go on his Pokemon Training Journey so he can become a Pokemon Master and defeat his bastard, jerky brother, Itachi. After 4 months on the road they run into Naruto. Will Naruto be able to snap Sasuke out of it and return him to 'sane', normal, avenger self? Or is Naruto going to have to be Sasuke's pokemon for the rest of his days?

**Note: **Full back story of how Sasuke got to this point will be in chapter 3. The reason for Naruto's departure will be in chapter 5. This is AU... if it wasn't already obvious, it will be come chapter 4. I decided that pretty much they're all Chuunin; they've had 3-4 years to pass it... but just to be a mean and evil bitch, I'll leave Sakura as a genin. Also, the rookie 9 along with Lee's team knows about Kyuubi being sealed in Naruto.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, probably KakaIru and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm broke and have nothing anyways (unemployment sucks). If I owned Naruto, well let's just say Naru-chan would really get around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy.

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**Warning!!! This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness – in later chapters (there's a doozy in chapter 8 XD can't wait to post it)**

**- some foul language but not nearly as bad as I usually write**

**- stupid humor and seriously OOC behavior... c'mon, Sasuke thinks he's a Pokemon Trainer and Lee's his pokemon for pity's sake!**

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Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then this probably isn't for you. Yaoi and shounen ai deals with **male x male relationships**. So don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control.

Tigerlily: So if ya don't like that sort of thing do us all a favor and hit the bricks.

Chris: If you do flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my fics and webpage. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

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"_Yo. Whatcha staring at?"_

_I take a look around him and see it..._

"_A pokemon." Sasuke gasps. "I gotta catch it..."_

..._I see him. Naruto._

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**Chapter 2: Kitsunemon**

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**xoxo - Kakashi's POV – xoxo **

"Uh... Sasuke, what kind is it?"

I ask, slightly curious to just what he thinks Naruto is.

"I don't know. The pokedex doesn't recognize it... Lee, go!! I choose you! Catch me that pokemon!!" Sasuke shouts, pointing at the 'unknown pokemon'.

Ho, boy. Somehow, I don't think this will end well. Sasuke jumps into the clearing in front of a very surprised Naruto.

"What the hell?!"

"Lee, tackle attack, now!"

"But Sasuke-san, that's not a pokemon! It's-"

"Just do it Lee, before it escapes!"

"Sigh... Sorry about this Naruto-kun..."

Before Naruto can even react and snap out of his shock, Lee knocks poor Naruto out.

"Alright! I finally caught one!! Go pokeball!"

Sasuke throws his pokeball at Naruto's immobile form and as can be expected... said pokeball did not work. It is a fake after all, not that such things truly exist...

"Damn it! Why won't he go into the pokeball?!" Sasuke bellows in frustration.

"Maybe it's defective?"

I can't bring myself to actually tell him the truth, that they're actually borrowed from Konohamaru and his friends. All of them: the pokedex, the pokeballs, even that stupid cap he wore for a whole week before it 'mysteriously' disappeared. Truth is, I couldn't handle the hideousness of it anymore and burned it when he was sleeping. But right now, what do we do about Naruto, seeing that he didn't snap Sasuke out of it and back to his senses? Where do we go from here?

"Well, I guess we're gonna have to carry him. Lee, you carry him."

"Sasuke-san, I am not a beast of burden you know!"

"But you're the strongest one here..."

"Well... when you put it that way... okay."

"So Sasuke, what are you gonna call him? After all, you did 'discover' him."

Heh, I'm so bad. But I can't help but ask... actually, I can't help doing a lot of things lately. Oh well.

"Kitsunemon, because of his whiskers."

"Well, that's a very logical name."

Yup. This is going to be very interesting. Sakura's been awfully quiet this whole time. I'm sure she would yell and scream... especially at Naruto. I look back and see that she's absolutely frozen, wide-eyed, slack-jawed, and shocked beyond words. She's finally starting to realize that what she's been denying for weeks is probably true. And that in Sasuke's eyes, she doesn't compare. The spark is back in Sasuke's eyes... even if he does think Naruto's a pokemon.

"Ya know... your Kitsunemon appeared to be making camp. Why don't we use it and give your pokemon time to rest up?"

"Alright... I guess you're right. Lee, you can set Kitsunemon over there."

"Sasuke, why don't you go and gather some wood so we can build a fire, hmm?"

"I'd rather stay until he wakes up." Sasuke nods in Naruto's direction, "I want to make sure I'm the first one he sees."

Well now, isn't THAT interesting?

"Don't worry he'll be out for a while. Now hurry along so I can start dinner."

"Sigh... okay."

He wanders into the forest with Sakura and Lee in tow. As soon as he's out of sight, I try to wake up 'Kitsunemon'.

"Naruto. Naruto, wake up! C'mon dobe, open your eyes!"

I try slapping him awake but all I get is a punch in the face. Sigh. I try shaking him again for all the good it does me.

"C'mon dobe, wake up already!"

"I'm not a dobe, you bastard," he murmurs in his sleep.

"I'm not a bastard, I'm a pervert-sensei."

That gets his attention and he springs awake, wide-eyed and practically shouting.

"Kakashi-sensei?!"

I quickly cover his mouth before Sasuke hears him and speak to him in a low voice.

"Shh!! Look, I don't want Sasuke to know you're awake, so be quiet and I'll give you the condensed version of what's going on. Okay?"

When he nods his head in agreement, I remove my hand.

"Alright. After you left the village, Sasuke kinda lost his mind because he was unable to deal with a reality without you around. He came up with the delusion that he was a pokemon trainer and needed to go on a journey to become a Pokemon Master. So this whole time we've been humoring him, hoping he'll snap out of it. But so far he hasn't... obviously, not even after seeing you. He thinks you're a pokemon, so try to play along. Shit. He's coming back. Pretend you're asleep. He wanted to be the first face you saw when you woke up. I'll explain everything else later."

Naruto had lain back down just as Lee, Sakura and Sasuke reappeared.

"Has he woken up yet?"

"No. He's been sleeping the whole time."

As if on cue, Naruto opens those big blue eyes of his and looks Sasuke square in the eye. Sasuke gasps like a girl in love. How cute! Yup. He's definitely feeling something...

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**xoxo - Sasuke's POV - xoxo**

Gasp. Oh my god. Those eyes... I've never seen anything so blue. They're beautiful but... they make me feel so sad. Why? Why do I feel this way when they're so beautiful? When he's so beautiful? Ack! What the hell am I thinking?! He's a pokemon... a boy pokemon. But why is my heart beating so fast? Why do I feel this overwhelming urge to hug him and never let go? Why do I want to kiss his lips and feel his heartbeat next to mine?

"Well, Kitsunemon, welcome to the team. I've caught you... even though you didn't go into the pokeball... it was... uh... defective."

"Huh?"

"The pokeball you were supposed to go into was defective. But since my Rock Lee knocked you out, I've technically caught you. So, welcome to my team, Kitsunemon."

"Are you on crack?"

"You speak human?"

"Of course I can, you asshole! And my name is Naruto, not Kitsunemon!"

"But I discovered you, so I get to name you!"

"I already have a name! I had it long before you showed up, asshole!"

"Fine. Then you're a kitsunemon pokemon named Naruto. How about that?"

"No! I'm not a damn pokemon... you freak!!"

"Geeze, are all talking pokemon in denial? Is that how they're able to speak human? By denying their pokemon heritage? I'm sure Professor Umino would be interested to know this and maybe even do some research into it..."

"What the fuck are you babbling about?"

"Um... nothing. But as soon as I get some new pokeballs, I'll prove to you that you are a pokemon!"

"Yeah, right. I'm in denial... Look asshole, I don't care what you think. I'm a boy, not a pokemon. My name is Naruto, not Kitsunemon. And listen closely, because this is the most important part... You. Do. Not. Own. Me! I'm leaving, good-bye!"

"No! You can't!"

No, I can't lose him... not again...

"Please. Please don't go."

Wait... again? How could I have lost him when we've never met before?

"Please stay... Naruto. I won't call you Kitsunemon anymore. And when I get my new pokeballs, I won't try to put you in one."

I'm so confused. I can't let him go until I figure it all out.

"Please..."

I sound so desperate and weak. I hate myself. Why must I be so weak? He'll never stay with a weakling like me. I can see it in his face and eyes. He's so surprised at just how weak I am. He's probably wondering how a weakling like me managed to catch him.

"Okay."

"What?"

"I said, okay. I'll stay... but only because you said please. Break any promises though and I'm gone."

"Okay... Kitsune." Smirk.

"Hey, you promised!" Death glare.

"No, I promised to never call you Kitsunemon. I never said I wouldn't call you Kitsune." Smirk.

I can't help but smile. I actually feel happy for the first time in a long time.

"Bastard." Glare.

Even though he's glaring at me I feel a warm... bliss wash over me. God, I want to touch him...

"Well... now that you two have come to an understanding, how 'bout some grub?"

Oh god, Kakashi! I forgot he is also there. Not to mention Sakura and Lee. This is beyond embarrassing. It even surpasses mortification. If Naruto isn't here, I'd be praying for death. I'd pray for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. But he is, so I won't.

As we settle down to eat, I see Kakashi grinning like a fool... or at least I think so. It's kinda hard to tell with that stupid mask of his but I can see the outline of his mouth. And he's got that happy, curvy eye thing that he usually gets when he's pulling a prank on Sakura and Lee. Lee looks kinda happy too. Probably because he now has another pokemon to talk to. I wonder what pokemon talk about?

Sakura doesn't look too happy though. I wonder why? She should be happy that I finally caught another pokemon. Right? Maybe it's because I begged Naruto to stay. She probably thinks I'm weak and pathetic. Hmph. Maybe now she'll leave me alone. Or better yet, leave altogether and go back to Konoha Town. Damn, I should have thought of it months ago! Oh well, better late than never.

"What the hell is this?! Don't you have any ramen? You know, some real food?"

"This is real food you baka! Only you think ramen is food!"

Oh no. She is not yelling at my Naruto!

"Shut up, Sakura. If my kitsune wants ramen, we'll get it for him." I turn my glare from Sakura to look at Naruto, "Naruto, you're going to have to wait until we get to the next town. We don't have any ramen with us."

What the hell is the matter with Sakura? Why is she being so hostile towards Naruto? Is she blaming him for making me beg and be weak?

"It's okay. I got some in my pack!"

He smiles brightly but it doesn't reach his eyes. His eyes are sad behind his happy, cheerful, smiling mask... I want to tear Sakura in half. He's hurting and I don't know what to do.

"I'll get a kettle and some water. There's a stream down the path."

I get up and walk away, glaring at Sakura the whole way. I need to find a way to get rid of her fast. If she's going to keep acting like that I may kill her. While it wouldn't be a huge loss to the world, I really don't want to go to jail and be separated from Naruto. Maybe I can convince her that her sisters need her back at the Haruno Gym. But then she doesn't exactly get along with them. Ino, Hinata and Tenten seem to live to make fun of her... not that it's hard. Well, Hinata isn't so bad, but she just goes along with the other two. Maybe I can appeal to her sense of duty?

-

-

**xoxo - Back at the camp site - xoxo**

"Damn it, Naruto! I thought I told you to play along! You nearly sent him off the edge!"

"Hey, I never agreed to anything! And you aren't the boss of me!"

"Then why don't you leave? We don't need you. It's your fault Sasuke is like this! A demon like you only knows how to cause pain!" Sakura spat out venomously.

"Sakura-san!"

"That's enough, Sakura! Sasuke wants him to stay, regardless of how you feel. It's not your place or decision to make. And even if he didn't, Naruto belongs with us! He's part of our team, no matter where he goes. He's still one of us."

"Forgive her, Naruto-san. She doesn't mean it. She's just upset. Sasuke's behavior has been hard on all of us. We know you aren't Kyuubi."

"Yeah... they're always upset... they never mean it..." Naruto mumbled almost inaudibly.

-

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**xoxo Kakashi's POV xoxo**

Damn it, Naruto looks so sad... so hollow, so beaten. Sakura, just what the hell has gotten into you? I know how you and every other girl in Konoha feel about him. But that's just low. I've expected so much better from you. I guess along with making you stupid, love makes you cruel too. But then is it really love? Obsession is more like it. That definitely makes you stupid, cruel and irrational.

"You and I will talk later, Sakura. But for now, try to show a little self-control and compassion."

"...Yes, Kakashi-sensei."

Sigh. I don't know what I'm going to do with her. If she's going to act like this, I'm going to have to send her back. If we're going to have any hope of making progress, she needs to settle down. I don't think it'll be a problem getting Sasuke to agree to send her away... but I can't let her travel alone and I definitely can't leave Sasuke alone either. We can't all go back yet either. If we do, Naruto might bolt. Somehow, I don't think he's in any hurry to head back home. She'll probably be okay if we send her with Lee, but will Sasuke let one of his 'pokemon' go? I guess it depends how badly he wants to get rid of her.

"I'm back. Sorry it took so long. The creek was farther than I thought."

"That's okay. We were having a nice chat with your kitsunemon!"

Heh. Naruto throws me such a dirty look. If he could, he'd probably skin me alive.

"Shut up, you pervert!"

Ah, just like old times. We're practically a family again! I'd forgotten how much fun it was to tease him. Iruka's a lot more fun though. I guess that part of him has rubbed off on Naruto... Dear lord, the sky must be falling. Sasuke is actually smiling!

"Aww! Sasuke, your kitsunemon is so cute when he's angry! Don't you think so?

Yes! A blush from Sasuke and a glare/blush from Naruto. Hmm, very interesting... and fun! I haven't had this much fun since I pushed Lee into the river while Sakura was taking a bath. The poor boy must have lost half his blood to the nose bleed he got. Over the past 3 or so years, Sakura's bust line has finally caught up with her forehead. And Lee got a full frontal view of it, much to Sakura's horror. For a month, she refused to bathe unless we were in a town with a bath house. Of course, if I told her how Jiraiya gathers his research for his 'Come Come' series, she might have given up on bathing all together. Now she sets up traps around the area she's bathing. She can be such a killjoy.

"Don't tease Sasuke-kun! Naruto, is **not** cute!" Sakura all but shrieks.

"Yes, he is." Sasuke whispers so low that I barely hear him. And if that wide-eyed look is any indication, I'd say Naruto heard him loud and clear... oh, and that beet red blush that I'm sure reaches to his toes.

Sakura doesn't look pleased at all. I guess she heard him too. Hmm, I wonder how much longer she's gonna be in denial? It's blatantly obvious now that Sasuke feels something for Naruto. Just what it is exactly... we'll just have to wait and see. Despite of her childish attitude, normally she's a very bright girl. The sooner she accepts it, the better for all of us and her.

We boil Naruto's water and have our dinner. For the most part, it's a pretty quiet night... except for the shouting match going on now because Sasuke decided he should start training his 'pokemon'. Sigh.

"I am not a damn pokemon, you bastard!"

"If I don't train you, how am I supposed to win Gym Battles? If I don't win, I won't get badges. If I don't get badges, I won't be able to enter the Pokemon League Tournament. If I don't enter the Tournament, I won't win. If I don't win, I'll never become a Pokemon Master. If I don't become a Pokemon Master, then I'll never be able to beat that bastard, Itachi!!" Sasuke yells, practically pulling his hair out.

"Dude, you are seriously fucked up. You know that?" Naruto deadpans.

"I am not! Itachi's the one who's fucked up! He thinks he's so much better than me-"

"Fine. You're both fucked up!"

As amusing as this all is, it needs to end before things get out of hand.

"Okay boys, that's enough for tonight; so kiss and make up. You should never go to bed angry!" Grin.

"Shut up you pervert!" Blush.

"Shut up!" Blush.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Glare.

Heh, heh. Made them blush! I feel so accomplished now! And as a bonus I pissed Sakura off and left Lee speechless. Yay! Go me! Sigh. Tomorrow, Sakura, you're definitely going back. Man, I didn't think Lee's eyes could get so wide... they're kinda freaky looking. Note to self, don't freak that boy out anymore. Damn those eyes are scary!

We settle in for the night and I wait for Sasuke to fall asleep. As soon as I'm sure he's out, I wake up Naruto and lead him away from the camp site so we can have a nice long chat.

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Chris: Thus ends the second installment! Want to thank Wowie one more time for beta reading. You're pretty harsh but it's a good thing. **(insert genki, smiley that ffnet won't allow because it is evil, here)** Thanks to everyone for reviewing and feeding my ego. It makes me happy!

Naruto: You should have seen her, 'happy yaoi fangirl dance of joy'. It's truly a frightening thing.

Chris: Hush you! Anyway, everyone gets talking Sasuke plushies for reviewing. **(pushes Sasuke-plushies' tummy)**

Sasuke Plushie: I'll beat that bastard, Itachi! **(push)** I will be a Pokemon Master! **(push)** I am NOT a PERVERT!!!

Chris: Ain't he cute? Next one will be... um... Kakashi!! Yeah! **(pushes Kakashi-plushies' tummy)**

Kakashi Plushie: You should never go to bed angry! **(push) (singsong voice) **Sasuke is a pervert! **(push)** Kitsunemon is so CUTE when he's angry! **(push) **Why yes, I am a pervert. Thanks for asking!

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**To my wonderful reviewers:**

**Einld: **I'm glad I made you laugh so hard. As for Team Rocket, they're just on TV... for now, I think.

**Native Sakura:** Yes, I plan on him coming back to his right mind. However... I'm up to chapter 9 and he's no where near there yet. But the plan is to make him as sane... well his idea of sane... eventually.

**Wowie:** I'm glad you're enjoying this, thanks so much for taking up the beta job! **(huge hug)**

**PrvertedGoofness: **Thanks so much for the kind words. I hope this doesn't disappoint you too badly. Sasuke fighting Naruto bare handed would be fun though.

**Shisou: **XD I wish I could write that! Gods, the image you just painted is just marvelous. I laughed really good when I read it. Thanks so much.

**TenshiKaitou:** Yes, I am serious. XD

To **Jamoozalee, RuByMoOn17, WaterBookLover, fallingflower11, kitsune, ILLK and Kirikou-chan**; thank you so much for reviewing. I love you all to pieces. **(hands out the talking Sasuke-plushies to everyone)**

Naruto: Okay, reviews make Chris's world go round because she's an egomaniac...

Chris: OY!! **(glares)**

Naruto: Um... so... uh... review! Sasuke, save me! She's got that scary look in her eyes again!! **(wails)**

Chris: Oh, and if you want to know when I update, let me know or leave your email addy and I'll let you know.


	3. Chapter 3: Looking Back

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

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11/4/03 - found a few things that bugged the hell outta me so i fixed them.** (insert sheepish grin, here)**

**-**

Chris: Yay! Chapter 3! Holy Jesus and Mary Chain!! I can't believe how many reviews this got! O.O And pretty much everyone was expecting some hideous spawn of a fanfic from hell. Huge thanks to those of you who took a chance and looked past that. I love you all! **(insert happy, genki smiley that ffnet won't allow, here) **Huge, Godzilla sized thank you to Wowie for beta reading again. You're the best!

**Summary:** 2 months after Naruto leaves Konoha 'forever'; Sasuke finally splits his gourd and now believes he's a pokemon trainer. He leaves Konoha with Kakashi, Sakura and his 'pokemon' Rock Lee to go on his Pokemon Training Journey so he can become a Pokemon Master and defeat his bastard, jerky brother, Itachi. After 4 months on the road they run into Naruto. And well, Sasuke ends up 'catching' poor Naru-chan. Will Naruto be able to snap Sasuke out of it and return him to 'sane', normal, avenger self? Or is Naruto going to have to be Sasuke's pokemon for the rest of his days?

**Note: **The reason for Naruto's departure will be in chapter 5. This is AU... if it wasn't already obvious, it will be, come chapter 4. I decided that pretty much they're all Chuunin; they've had 3-4 years to pass it... but just to be a mean and evil bitch, I'll leave Sakura as a genin. Also, the rookie 9 along with Lee's team knows about Kyuubi being sealed in Naruto.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, probably KakaIru and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm broke and have nothing anyways (unemployment sucks). If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. Yay! YAOI!!

**Warning!!!**

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This fic has:

**- yaoi goodness - in later chapters (there's a doozy in chapter 8. I can't wait! XD)**

**- some foul language but not nearly as bad as I usually write... yet.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... c'mon, Sasuke thinks he's a Pokemon Trainer and Lee's his pokemon for pity's sake!**

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then this probably isn't for you. Yaoi and shounen ai deals with **male x male relationships**. So don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control.

Tigerlily: So if ya don't like that sort of thing do us all a favor and hit the bricks.

Chris: If you do flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my fics and webpage. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

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"_Okay boys, that's enough for tonight; so kiss and make up. You should never go to bed angry!" Grin._

"_Shut up you pervert!" Blush._

"_Shut up!" Blush._

"_Kakashi-sensei!" Glare._

_Heh, heh. Made them blush! I feel so accomplished now! And as a bonus I pissed Sakura off and left Lee speechless. Yay! Go me! Sigh. Tomorrow, Sakura, you're definitely going back. Man, I didn't think Lee's eyes could get so wide... they're kinda freaky looking. Note to self, don't freak that boy out anymore. Damn those eyes are scary!_

We settle in for the night and I wait for Sasuke to fall asleep. As soon as I'm sure he's out, I wake up Naruto and lead him away from the camp site so we can have a nice long chat.

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- - - - -

**Chapter 3: Looking Back**

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"Okay, first things first. Why in the hell did you leave Konoha?! Do you have any idea how worried we all were?"

"Why should you care?"

"I care because you're my student. I care because you left without an explanation. I care because... I just do! Okay?! All Sasuke said was that you left because you were tired of it all and that you said you were never coming back!"

"Oh, please. The only reason you care is because according to you and Sakura, I'm the cause of Sasuke's... condition. Nobody really cares..."

"That's not true! Godaime was fucking pissed and extremely worried. She had the ANBU out looking for you for a week! And when they gave up, Iruka left to look for you. If Sasuke hadn't been freaking out, I probably would have gone with him. Now tell me, **why** did you leave?"

"Like Sasuke said, I got tired of it all."

"Liar... Fine. Don't tell me!"

"Fine, I won't! Now tell me what happened."

"After you had gone, Sasuke came and told us that you had 'left forever'. He then went home and didn't come out for 2 months. Not for training. Not for missions. Not for food. Nothing! All he did was eat, sleep and watch TV. If it wasn't for me and Sakura, he probably would have starved to death. Finally, he came out and announced he was going to go on a Pokemon Journey and become a Pokemon Master..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, to beat Itachi."

"Yeah... It was a sight when he came out. The fangirls were slightly horrified. He was in really bad shape; his hair was all over the place because it hadn't been washed in two months..."

"Ewww!"

"And let me tell you, he did not smell pleasant. When he tried to see the Hokage, they sent him to the bathhouse and told him not to come back until he was clean and presentable. When he came back, he told Tsunade that he wanted her to give him a pokemon so he could start his journey. When she told him that she didn't have any, he threw a fit."

-

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**xoxo - _flashback – 4 months ago _- xoxo**

"Sasuke, I don't have any pokemon! I'm sorry, but you can't leave the village!"

"It was Itachi, wasn't it?!"

"Huh?"

"He took the last one, didn't he?! That bastard is always trying to keep me down!"

"Okay Sasuke... that's enough. Go home for now. Professor Hokage and I will figure out how to get you one, okay?" Kakashi cut in.

"Phfft. Fine." Sasuke pouted as he left.

"Well, what are you going to do?"

"Me? You're the Hokage."

"You're the one who told him we'd find him one... This job is too much trouble."

"You sound like Shikamaru. So, what are we going to do about Sasuke?"

"For whatever reason, Sasuke wants to escape reality. It's been obvious for the past 2 months that Naruto's departure has affected him far more than any of us thought it ever would. I hate to encourage and facilitate his delusion but, maybe if he leaves town there won't be a need to carry it on. There must be tons of stuff in the village that reminds Sasuke of Naruto. Sigh. Okay, you and Sakura will accompany him on his 'journey' and hopefully keep him out of trouble."

"That's all fine and good but... what about the equipment he'll need? Like a pokedex and pokeballs. Not to mention a pokemon!"

"Crap... crap, crappity, crap, crap!"

"Yup."

"Why the hell did he have to pick Pokemon? Why that; out of all the bazillion other shows on TV?"

"Because the main character leaves town?"

"Well, The Wild Thornberries travel the world too and all they need is a video camera. And so does Jackie Chan in Jackie Chan Adventures. And he uses martial arts. Not to mention Xaiolin Showdown..."

"It could be worse. He could have done Yuugioh or Mucha Lucha or heaven protect us... Teletubbies! But ya know, if he went with Gundam Wing he would have made a damn good Heero Yuy..."

And so they went on and on, back and forth about what shows he could have done for about an hour when Sasuke... returned.

"Professor! Great news! I caught a pokemon!!"

"You did?" Kakashi asked.

"Dare I ask... how?"

"I caught him with my bare hands! See?"

Sasuke pulled into the room the unconscious and prone form of Rock Lee with his freaky, creepy eyebrows.

"Oh. My. God." The Hokage and Kakashi whispered in sync.

"Sasuke... what did you do?" Tsunade asked, anxiety tainting her voice.

"I caught a Rock Lee! He's a rock/ninja type! Now can I go on my journey?" Sasuke asked with chibi puppy dog eyes.

"Dear god. Did you know he could do the chibi puppy dog eyes?"

"No. But then again, he is an Uchiha with a mission. He'll do anything to get what he wants," Kakashi reasoned.

"Uh, yeah... Sasuke, you can't go just yet."

"What?! But I caught one with my bare hands! That practically makes me a man!"

"I know, but we don't have everything you need; like pokeballs and a pokedex."

"Why the hell not?!"

"Because Itachi took those too when he stole all the starter pokemon. You know, 'cause he's a bastard who's always trying to keep you down?" Kakashi interrupted again.

"That Motherfucking, Son of a BITCH!!"

"Uh, Sasuke... you realize you just called your mother a bitch, right?"

"Damn you, Itachi! Damn you and your Kisame too!!"

"Kisame? Hoo boy..." Tsunade muttered.

"Look Sasuke, just go home for the night. We'll have what you need in the morning."

"Okay, fine..."

And with that Sasuke left, dragging Rock Lee's still unconscious and prone form behind him.

"So where the hell do we get all that crap, Kakashi?" Tsunade glared in exasperation.

"Little kids?"

"Right. Snap to it, you pervert!"

And with a poof, Elvis left the building... um, Kakashi... yeah. And shook down Konohamaru and his gang before returning the next morning... late as usual.

"Where the hell is he?! Does he have some sort of physical aversion to being on time?!" Tsunade yelled.

"I'm sure he just got caught up in his duties as the Come, Come Paradise Gym Leader."

"Come, Come Paradise Gym? Sasuke-san, there is no such place!"

"Yes there is, Lee. It's right next to the women's bathhouse... You know I never expected to catch a pokemon that spoke human..."

"Sasuke-san, for the 100th time... I AM NOT A POKEMON!!"

"Wow. I never knew a pokemon could experience denial. I wish Professor Umino was here. He'd be fascinated... but he went searching for that rare pokemon..."

"Yo!" Kakashi said as he suddenly appeared with a poof.

"It's about time you slacker! Where's Sakura?"

"Eh heh... knew I forgot something. Be right back!" Kakashi chirped as he poofed away and 5 minutes poofed right back with a very belligerent Sakura who was cursing up a storm.

"Why do I have to take her again?" Sasuke asked for the 5th time that morning.

"Because she needs to improve her skills as a..."

"Water Pokemon Trainer for the Haruno Gym. While her sisters Ino, Hinata and Tenten help run the gym while she's gone," Kakashi interrupted yet again.

"Can they really do it?" Sasuke asked.

"Of course they can! Those three are a lot tougher than our Sakura-chan here," Kakashi said as he patted Sakura on the head. This of course got Kakashi pummeled by Sakura and Rock Lee.

"Don't say that about Sakura-san, she's great!"

"Okay, whatever you say..."

"Hey, what kind of pokemon are they using?"

"Using?"

"At the Haruno Gym."

"Oh! Well, Ino is using a Shikamaru. He's a shadow type and extremely lazy. Hinata is using a Kiba and a Shino. Kiba is a canine/fire type and Shino is a bug type. And Tenten is using a Neji. We're not sure what type he is, but he complains a lot about fate and destiny. In my opinion, he's the bitchy type."

"Kakashi, how the hell can you come up with that kind of garbage, just like that?" Tsunade whispered.

"That's nothing. You should hear some of his excuses for being late. The man is a pathological liar," Sakura whispered back.

"Kakashi-san, you shouldn't lie! Gai-sensei says lies eat away at your soul and destroys youth!"

"So then, you don't want Sakura to come on this journey?" Kakashi asked and glanced down at Lee.

"On second thought... lie your ass off! You're old and have lived your life, and you sold your soul to Itcha, Itcha Paradise long ago! I've nothing to lose and this is for love!!" Lee shouted with his fist pulled up to his chest and determination blazing in his heart filled eyes.

"So Kakashi is coming with me too? Who's going to run the Come, Come Paradise Gym?"

"That would be Jiraiya, of course! He's my mentor and my hero!"

"Hey, wait... where's yours and Sakura's pokemon? How are you going to train?"

"Oh, well Sakura left hers at the Gym with Hinata. It's not a water type so it would be silly to bring it. And I left mine with Jiraiya since he didn't have one with him anymore and I'm going to be training to be a breeder! So, I'll be helping you take care of your pokemon." Kakashi gave his best 'trust me' smile that would make any used car salesman green with envy.

"Oh... why doesn't he have one anymore?"

"He let him go."

"Why? Weren't they friends?"

"Yes, they were. But sometimes you have to let go of the people you love and let them do what they need to do."

"Oh... what kind did he have?"

"A Yondaime; a spirit type."

"Wow... what kind do you have?"

"An Asuma, the chain-smoking pokemon!" Smile.

"He does this way too well," Tsunade muttered.

"Wow. So can we go now Professor?"

"Yeah, yeah. Go on, stay out of trouble!"

And so they went off 'happily' only to be stopped at the village gates by Gai and his manly tears.

"Lee my boy, Hokage-sama told me everything..."

"Wow, it's Rock Lee's evolved form, Green Gaimon! The ninja turtle pokemon!"

Sakura and Kakashi could only stare at Sasuke and wonder just how deep his delusions ran.

"... I'm so proud of you, helping your fellow shinobi in his time of need! You are a shining example of the beauty and courage of youth!" Gai then gave Lee a back breaking hug as manly tears ran down both their faces.

"Hey, I bet that's Rock Lee's mother! That's why he's crying!"

"Uh, yeah... right."

"Kakashi! The only one worthy enough for me to call my rival, I'm counting on you to watch over Lee!"

"Uh, yeah..."

"And if he picks up any of your perverted habits, I will hurt you badly," Gai whispered low and dangerously.

"No problem!" Kakashi assured poor, trusting Gai with an evil glint in his perverted, visible eye.

They finished their farewells and off they went into the horizon.

**xoxo - _end flashback _- xoxo**

-

Naruto sat in stunned silence, staring with a look of disbelief on his face.

"You've been dragging this out for **four months**?!"

"Yup."

"All of you are retarded. After a month you should have dragged his ass home! If nothing else you could have said it was because he didn't catch any pokemon."

"But we were having so much fun!"

"Ya know what? First thing in the morning, I'm leaving before this stupidity and insanity rubs off on me."

"Don't go!" Kakashi whined, "If you stay, I'll tell you about all the fun stuff I did to pass the time!"

"I don't care about your stupid book, you pervert!"

"No, not that... but it did fill a lot of time," Kakashi added thoughtfully.

"Argh!!"

"Look, you aren't leaving." Kakashi's tone turned stern and authorative. Losing all of the joviality and teasing tones, Kakashi actually sounded like... an adult, "I won't let you... Besides, what about your ninja way? You'll always keep your word? You promised Sasuke you'd stay. So, don't make me tie you up! Be a good boy and I'll tell you about the time when Sasuke decided Gaara was a pokemon and tried to catch him!" Kakashi all too easily slipped out of mature adult mode to childish, juvenile delinquent mode.

"Gaara of the Sand?!"

"Oh yeah, it was really funny..."

And on the way back to camp, Kakashi told Naruto the whole story, the two snickering the whole time.

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Chris: Yay! Another chapter out of the way! **(insert genki, smiley that ffnet won't allow because it is evil, here)** I hope you all enjoyed it. Thanks to everyone for reviewing and feeding my ego. It makes me happy!

Naruto: It was so scary when she got all those reviews! ;-; Not only did she do her, 'happy yaoi fangirl dance of joy'. But she was giddy! Kowaii! Sasuke, hold me!!

Sasuke: **(insert lecherous, 'I'm going to take advantage of poor, innocent Naru-chan' smirk, here)** Okay...

Chris: Hush you! Anyway, everyone gets talking Kakashi plushies for reviewing. **(pushes Kakashi-plushies' tummy)**

Kakashi Plushie: You should never go to bed angry! **(push) (singsong voice) **Sasuke is a pervert! **(push)** Kitsunemon is so CUTE when he's angry! **(push) **Why yes, I am a pervert. Thanks for asking!

Chris: Ain't he cute? Next one will be... um... a surprise! Yeah... that's it. .

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**To my wonderful reviewers:**

**Einld: **Don't worry, Sakura isn't going to weasel her way back. After chapter 5 you won't see her for a while. So never fear... yet.

**Kirikouchan:** Ack! BUNNIES! They're _evil_! Get them away!! **(runs screaming) **Um, anyway. Glad you enjoyed it, that scene is one of my favorite parts too. XD

**Aragornthia: **That is the million dollar question, isn't it? You'll get your answer about the Sakura situation in chapter 4. **(insert genki smile here)** However whether Naruto will be driven insane, we'll see. He does lose his temper a lot.

**Rinna: **Thank you!** (blushes) **That would be... interesting if he did that. Completely insane, but fun none the less. XD

**PrvertedGoofness: **A masterpiece?** (shiny, chibi eyes) **That's so nice of you to say! **(glomps) **You really know how to feed a girls ego!

**Polka Dot:** I don't consider Iruka a missing nin. He didn't just leave without saying anything, but you won't see that until the next chapter. So right now I consider Iruka and Naruto naughty little boys who ran away from home temporarily.

**Jenniyah:** Glad you like this so much. Ya know, I hadn't really thought about that nasty snake man. Maybe I'll make him dead... but then, now thanks to you I have another sick idea kicking around in my head. **(insert genki smile here)** Thanks!

**Volpa: **Oh. My. GOD! You have no idea how hard I laughed when I read your review. XD Poke-sexual! Can I use that word? It's marvelous! XD Thanks so much! **(insert genki smile here)** And if you really got a kick out of Sasuke's crisis, you haven't seen anything yet! XD You'll die when you read chapters 6-8 and maybe 9. XD I can't wait!!

**kashisenshey: **I kick ass?** (chibi eyes)** Thank you!

- - Naruto: Well she's got the ass part right.** (glares)**

- - Chris: Shut up! Go clean my room!

**Ririka:** No Sasuke is going to do that... at least I hadn't planned on it so we'll see.** (insert genki smile here)**

**demonesse: **Heh, heh. Didn't know "how much can one write about Sasuke and pokeballs", huh? Depending on how twisted and demented the author is, quite a lot! XD

**Katie: **Yay! It's strange! I love to be strange. Blame it all on being cooped up in a house practically all by myself for about 10 days. **(insert slightly insane genki smile here)**

**Kyuubi-kun:** XD My little brother almost got one of those! He also has that Hey You, Pikachu game. You had talk into this microphone thingy to make pikachu do stuff. XD Ack! Can you imagine Sasuke playing Hey You, Naruto!? X.x **(dies laughing)**

**Harusame x Rain:** Thanks! Sorry about your spleen though. XD Gotta gummy spleen you can use if you want it.

**Souppi:** Like I said, I'm just naturally sick and twisted. What can I say? It's a gift! **(insert genki smile here)**

**Anime Addict Anonymous:** Yes, denial is a marvelous thing. **(smirk)** As for Iruka, yeah Kakashi would happily particiapte in the delusion fest; however, Sasuke believes Iruka is a pokemon researcher who has gone off to find some rare and mysterious pokemon. So Sasuke has already worked Iruka's departure into his delusion. It might be funny if Kakashi keeps trying to tell Sasuke that Iruka is really Dolphinmon. **(insert genki smile here)**

**Dark Mimiru-Chan: (glomps)** You thought it was funny? Yay! That means a lot since your stuff is so damn hysterical. XD I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I didn't think you'd want to read it… actually I thought no one would want to read it. **(insert nervous smiley here) **Besides… I didn't want to distract you from updating.** (smirk)**

To **fallingflower11, Yuen-chan, RuByMoOn17, ITSAME, ladychimera, kate4all, angel's kat, Little Fox Kit, someone and DragonDame57**; thank you so much for reviewing. I love you all to pieces. **(hands out the talking Kakashi-plushies to everyone)**

Naruto: Okay, reviews make Chris's world go round because she's not only an egomaniac, but now you've spoiled her and now she's hooked on the 'review high'...

Chris: OY!! **(glares)**

Naruto: Um... so... uh... review! Sasuke, save me! She's got that scary, crazy look in her eyes again!! **(wails) **She's going to do something really evil I know it!

Sasuke: **(insert even more lecherous, 'I'm going to take advantage of poor, innocent Naru-chan' smirk than before, here) **Don't worry, I'm here for you...

Naruto: You're the best, Sasuke!** (chibi eyes)**

Sasuke: **(smirks and plots all the ways he's going to have Naruto 'thank' him)** Hn.

Chris: O.o Um... anyway... If you want to know when I update, let me know in your review or just email me and I'll add you to my mailing list thingy. Next update will be... sometime in November! **(insert genki smile, here) **Yay! Everyone! Do the 'happy yaoi fangirl dance of joy' with me! **(insert genki smile, here)** Be kind, rewind!

Tigerlily: Don't you mean, review?

Chris: Oh, right! **Review!!** **(evil smirk)**


	4. Chapter 4: Hit the Road Jack!

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

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Chris: Yay! Chapter 4! I still can't believe how many reviews this has gotten! Everyone seems to think that it was going to be some hideous, horrible monster... well in a way it is, but I'm trying to make a point here! **(pouts) **Just goes to show you can judge by its cover.

Naruto: Ano sa... but this doesn't have a cover.

Sasuke: I think it'd be better in you said, you can't judge a fic by its title.

Kakashi: I think it'd be better if she just changed the title...

Chris: To **_what_**, dare I ask?

Kakashi: Um... Come, Come Naruto; Sasuke Calls? Or , A Tale of Two Sensei's... who hump like bunnies!

Chris: O.O No! Not bunnies!! **(runs screaming) **They're EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!!!!!

Naruto: **(blinks)** What the fuck is her problem?

Tigerlily: Taryn thinks bunnies are evil and convinced her of it too... and then there was this one dream she had with some rabid bunny with white fur and red eyes that was attacking people and giving them some weird disease. It was weird. She wouldn't shut up about it for days. **(annoyed)**

Sasuke: Since she ran off screaming, does that mean the fic is over? **(hopeful expression that was _born_ to be crushed into dust)**

Chris: No. **(evil grin)** I always comeback... much like your brother and that sexy ass of his. **(drools)**

Huge thank you to Wowie for beta reading. **(glomps)** You're the best!

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** (insert insane, psychotic laugh, here) **Anyway, I decided that pretty much they're all Chuunin; they've had 3-4 years to pass it... but just to be a mean and evil bitch, I'll leave Sakura as a genin. Also, the rookie 9 along with Lee's team knows about Kyuubi being sealed in Naruto.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, probably KakaIru and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm broke and have nothing anyways (unemployment sucks). If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. I can still dream though.

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**Warning!!! **

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness - in later chapters (there's a doozy in chapter 8. I can't wait!! XD)**

**- some foul language but not nearly as bad as I usually write... yet.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... c'mon, Sasuke thinks he's a Pokemon Trainer and Lee's his pokemon for pity's sake!**

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then this probably isn't for you. Yaoi and shounen ai deals with **male x male relationships**. So don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control.

Tigerlily: So if ya don't like that sort of thing do us all a favor and hit the bricks.

Chris: If you do flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my fics and webpage. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

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"_Look, you aren't leaving." Kakashi's tone turned stern and serious. Losing all of the joviality and teasing tones, "I won't let you... Besides, what about your ninja code? You'll always keep your word? You promised Sasuke you'd stay. So, don't make me tie you up and I'll tell you about the time when Sasuke decided Gaara was a pokemon and tried to catch him."_

"_Gaara of the Sand?!"_

"_Oh yeah, it was really funny..."_

_And on the way back to camp, Kakashi told Naruto the whole story, the two snickering the whole time._

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- - - - -

**Chapter 4: Hit the Road Jack!**

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**-**

**xoxo – Sasuke's POV – xoxo**

God. It's that dream again. But why can't I remember any of it? Why am I always left with such an empty feeling? Why do I always feel so alone... abandoned. Sigh.

I open my eyes when I hear laughing in the distance and look around the camp. Naruto and Kakashi are gone! Where did they go? Did Naruto run away? As the voices draw closer, I realize its Kakashi's and Naruto's. What are they doing? Why did they leave the camp? I feel a jealous pang slowly settle in my gut... As they enter the camp, I close my eyes and pretend to sleep; hoping to hear what they're talking and laughing about... without me.

"I can't believe he did that. I'm surprised Gaara didn't kill him on the spot!"

"I was rather surprised myself that he didn't. You should have seen the look on his face."

"Meh. He must be mellowing out in his old age."

"See Naruto, stick around and you'll get to see all sorts of expressions."

"Yeah, I'll bet..."

"Get to sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow."

As I hear them settle in again for the night I wonder what they were talking about. Who's Gaara? Why did they leave the camp? What did they do? Too many questions and I'm so tired. Hell, I'll just deal with it in the morning. Once again I surrender myself to abyss of sleep and silently pray that the dream - whatever it is, doesn't return. I don't know what I hate more, the dream or not remembering the dream.

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**xoxo - Kakashi's POV - xoxo**

"Why do I have to go back?!" Sakura yells with indignation.

"Because, we have to let Godaime know that we've found Naruto and what's going on. Besides, just yesterday you were saying that you're tired of being stared at by the various townsfolk."

"Then why can't we ALL go back; or better yet, just send Naruto?!"

"Sasuke needs more time. We can't send Naruto because one, he swore he'd never go back and two, Sasuke doesn't want him to leave."

"He's right, Sakura-san. Right now, there's no way either of them are going to want to go back. They'll fight it, tooth and nail... they might even run away. Naruto-san already has once; who's to say he won't do it again? And Sasuke-san is not going to give Naruto-san up without a fight. If Naruto-san runs, Sasuke-san will follow him with or without us. Do you really want that to happen? Godaime-sama needs to be told of the situation..."

"Not to mention you're pissing Sasuke off."

"What the hell are you talking about?! Sasuke-kun isn't mad at me! Why should he?"

Argh. She can't be serious. And I thought Sasuke was delusional. She has got to get over this.

"Sakura-san, how can you..."

"Are you blind?! Did you not see the, 'I'm going to rip you in half and dance on your grave' glare he gave you last night?! You've been treating Naruto like crap and it's pissing Sasuke off!! Sigh... I know how you feel about him, but right now you aren't helping matters."

"Sakura-chan... I'm sorry I messed everything up for you... I never wanted to hurt anybody. I just wanted to leave and make everyone happy. I know I was never wanted... hated and despised. I thought my leaving would make everything better..."

Damn it Naruto, what happened. What made your mask crack? What... who broke you?

"Naruto-san, not everyone hated you... It's true a lot of people feared and hated you because of Kyuubi. Fear makes people do evil, hateful things. People fear what they do not understand. It's only human nature, as ugly as that is.

"But those of us who have come to know you as Naruto-san and not the Kyuubi, we don't fear you; we don't hate you. I know I don't hate you. And I know deep down, Sakura-san doesn't hate you either. She's just really mad at the whole situation. Not everyone hates you, Naruto-san."

Lee smiles gently at Naruto, "You annoy us a great deal from time to time, but that's not the same as hate. When you left we were all concerned. We wondered why you left and if you were all right. If you'd never return as Sasuke-san had said. It was very quiet without you there. Konoha isn't the same without you being there. When Iruka-sensei found out, he was very hurt and upset. The morning after the ANBU gave up, he was gone..."

"Yeah, I laughed when I saw his note."

"How could you laugh over something like that?!" Sakura yells at me... she does that a lot. It's getting annoying now that I think about it.

"Oh c'mon! It said:

_'Godaime-sama,_

_Forgive me, but I must find Naruto. I promise to return as soon as I find him and bring him back... most likely kicking and screaming. Please don't worry about us._

_Your faithful servant,_

_Umino Iruka_

_P.S. I left my lesson plan for the next three months in my desk drawer for my substitute. Please ask that they follow it.'_

How could I not laugh with a post script like that? I'm telling you, it's not humanly possible!"

"That... Iruka-sensei is responsible even when he's doing something irresponsible."

"Yes, he is quite the paradox... So you haven't seen him around, huh?"

"Nope. But in the last town a shopkeeper said a man was looking for someone that fit my description."

"Description?"

"Short, spiky blonde hair, bright blue eyes, whisker scars on his cheeks and a huge ramen fetish. I figured it was a joke since I didn't expect anyone to come looking for me... at least not now."

"Well, that's a very accurate description... did they say who the man was or what he looked like?"

"No, I didn't ask. I just blew it off."

"It could have been Iruka. He and I think everyone in Konoha knows about your ramen fetish... But, there is the Akatsuki to worry about. I'm surprised that after 6 months they haven't tried to catch you. Let's face it, you're pretty vulnerable all by yourself like this. After all, Sasuke was able to catch you..."

"HEY!!"

Hmm... Naruto's yelling seems to have woken up our little sleeping beauty. I'm surprised he slept this long. I know he was awake when we came back to camp last night, even though he tried to fake it. And it did take him a while to fall back asleep but he hasn't slept this late in a while. I wonder what's going through his mind...?

"Naruto-san, what have you been doing all this time?"

"This and that. Training, working odd jobs for cash – gotta have my ramen you know..."

"Good morning Sasuke-kun!"

Sakura puts on her best, 'I'm a nice girl who wouldn't do anything to Naruto, so please don't send me away' face. Sorry kiddo, but it has to be done.

"Sasuke! It's about time you woke up! I had a great idea while you were sleeping."

"Really?"

He shoots a suspicious glance my way that says, 'I know you're up to something.' Ah, he knows me so well. But he will thank me for this in the end.

"Yeah, I was thinking about your theory about talking pokemon and denial. And how you thought Professor Umino might be interested. So I thought it might be a good idea if we send Sakura back to Konoha Town to let him know... provided he's back yet. Of course we can't really let her go by herself, so I thought we could send Lee with her. After all, I'm sure his 'mother' would like to see him again. So what do you think?"

C'mon... say yes, Sasuke.

"Well, I hate not having my Lee to train with but I only need one pokemon to win gym battles. And I'm sure her sisters wouldn't mind having her back at the Haruno Gym... Okay, we'll send Lee to escort her back to Konoha Town."

Yes! That's my boy. I knew you'd want to get rid of her for a while. Judging from your response I'd say you were thinking the same thing. Ah, great and evil minds think alike!

"Then it's settled! After breakfast, you, Naruto, and I will go on to the next town while Sakura and Lee head back to Konoha Town!"

And then I'll be able to work on Naruto and Sasuke, obstacle free. Gee, they're kinda cute together... Heehee, this is going to be fun. Ah, the possibilities...

"It'll be nice to see, Gai-sensei again."

Yeah, won't he get a surprise when Lee tells him everything I've tricked him into and done to him the past four months. The green menace just might come looking for me... crap.

"Lee, why do you call your mother, sensei?"

Snicker. Ho, boy...

"Sigh. Sasuke-san, he's not – you know what? Never mind. Let's eat, shall we?"

Wow, Lee has learned the futility of pissing in the wind and trying to argue with Sasuke's delusions. There might be hope for the boy yet. Ah, I'm going to miss tormenting him and Sakura... but then I can pull each and every single prank that I've played on them on Sasuke and Naruto. Yay! First up, the bath stunt! God, I loved that one. If Sakura hadn't taken to setting traps, I'd do it to them time and time again. Yes, this is going to be SO much fun!

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**xoxo – Sasuke's POV – xoxo**

The next morning, I wake up to the smell of food cooking. Everyone else is up already, chatting away, except for Sakura. She's just sitting there; pouting and throwing a glare at Naruto every little once in a while. What the hell is her problem? Even though he's not looking at her, he tenses up every time she glares at him. He can sense her giving him the 'evil eye'. Sigh. My poor kitsune. Don't worry Naruto, I'll fix this somehow.

"Sasuke! About time you woke up! I had a great idea while you were sleeping."

"Really?" I shoot a suspicious glance. He's up to something. I can smell it.

"Yeah, I was thinking about your theory about talking pokemon and denial. And how you though Professor Umino might be interested. So I thought it might be a good idea if we send Sakura back to Konoha Town to let him know... provided he's back yet. Of course we can't really let her go by herself, so I thought we could send Lee with her. After all, I'm sure his 'mother' would like to see him again. So, what do you think?"

"Well, I hate not having my Lee to train with but I only need one pokemon to win gym battles. And I'm sure her sisters wouldn't mind having her back at the Haruno Gym... Okay, we'll send Lee to escort her back to Konoha Town."

I'm not sure **what** he's up to, but I'll still take the chance.

"Then it's settled! After breakfast, you, Naruto, and I will go on to the next town while Sakura and Lee head back to Konoha Town!"

"It'll be nice to see, Gai-sensei again."

"Lee, why do you call your mother, sensei?"

"Sigh. Sasuke-san, he's not – you know what? Never mind. Let's eat, shall we?"

Yeah, let's eat. The sooner we're finished, the sooner she'll be gone and stop causing Naruto pain. But, she's always been a source of entertainment for Kakashi; her and Lee both. Why would he suggest sending them away? Could it have something to do with last night? He wouldn't try to take him away, would he? Meh, it's probably a breeder thing. I bet he just wants to concentrate on Naruto without hurting Lee's feelings. After all, Lee can be pretty emotional. Yeah, that's why...

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Okay, there you have it! Chapter 4 come and gone. Hope you enjoyed it even though it's not nearly as funny as the other chapters. **(sobs)** But, I'll make up for it in the next few chapters. **(smirk)** Poor, poor Sasuke...

Sasuke: What do you mean, "Poor, poor Sasuke"? **(glares)**

Chris: Heh. You'll see...

Kakashi:** (hacks the computer and gets a sneak peek at chapters 6-8)** She's right. Poor, poor Sasuke. Such a pity... but at least I'll have fun! **(genki smile)**

Sasuke: **(panicked) **What? What is it?! It gets worse? Noooooooooooooooo!!!!! This is all Itachi's fault!!

Itachi: Foolish little brother... she hasn't even written me into the fic yet. Besides, have you read her other crap? She was like this long before we came along.** (glances at Naru-chan and purrs) **Hello kitsune, I've come for you again...

Kakashi: Chris has been reading those ItaNaru ficcies again, hasn't she?

Tigerlily: Yeah, and drooling all over the keyboard too. Same with the GaarNaru ones too.

Chris:** (drooling at the idea of ItaNaru and GaarNaru)** Pardon me, I'm going to get my pen and notebook... wait must thank reviewers first! Okay, this chapters prize plushie is... **(glances around) **Itachi!** (pushes Itachi's tummy)**

Itachi: Stop it! I'm not a damn plushie!

Chris: Awwww... well pretend you are and I'll give you 15 minutes in that closet with Naruto.

Itachi: **(torn apart) **Pride or fox... pride or molestation... pride or... fuck pride, I want Naru-chan!

Sasuke: Noooooooooooo!!!!!! Naruto is mine! MINE!! MINE!!! MINE!!!!!!!!!!!

Naruto: Want am I, a side of beef?

Itachi: No. You're much more yummy... **(purrs) **C'mon Naru-chan, I'll show you what's under my cloak...

Sasuke: Noooooooo!!!** (pulls out Itachi plushies that he just made and thus are very, _very_ ugly)** You didn't act as a plushie, so you can't keep him. **(points with triumphant smirk)**

Itachi: Hmph! Like I care.** (starts to drag Naru-chan to the closet when he is suddenly hit with purple lightning)**

Chris: Silly, Itachi. Naruto is for whoever I feel like pairing him with... wait your turn. Sasuke, what do the butt ugly Itachi plushies say?

Sasuke:** (smirks) **I'm sooooo glad you asked. **(pushes Itachi-plushie's bloated tummy)**

Ugly Itachi plushie: Sasuke is sooooo cool! **(push) **I suck. **(push)** Sasuke is twice the man I'll ever be! **(push) **I'm an asshole!** (push)** I wish I could get laid, Kisame is starting to look really good.

Kisame: **(grabs Itachi-plushie)** Itachi-chan, I never knew you cared! Let's go somewhere where we can be alone! **(runs away with plushie)**

Itachi: Damn. I'm going to have to learn how to sleep with my eyes open. Damn freak.

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**To my lovely, wonderful, kind reviewers:**

**Isolde1 : **Thank you! **(glomps) **I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hey, when are you going to update Silent Blade? I really wanna read it. **(drools)** KakaIru... yum.

**Kirikouchan : **Hamsters? I will inform Taryn right away to add them to the list! XD

**Dark Mimiru-Chan : **Yay! Okay, so long as you update I'll be happy! And I'll make sure to tell you when I post.

**WaterBookLover :** Okay, I will. Promise... up to chapter 10 at least. Working on chapter 14 now… But I plan on posting about every 7-14 days. It depends on how much I've got written and how many reviews I get. Heh.** (insert don't kill me smiley, here) **

**-taru :** Um... thank you? I'm not sure what to make of the crack comment. Part of me takes pride in being warped and other part knows that not everyone means it in a nice way so... THANK YOU!

**Souppi : **I got a real kick out coming up with their types. XD My favorites were Neji – the bitchy type and Asuma – the chain smoking pokemon. Oh and Shikamaru! I'm really becoming fond of him in the manga... silly pineapple head. XD

**Aurum :** Yeah, he is adorable. XD Just wait though, pretty soon his eyes are going to pop out of his head!

**ILLK :** Don't worry there will be plenty... XD You'll get a kick out of chapter 6 and 8.

**Suke-san : **Thank you! What can I say? I'm naturally warped! All sorts of twisted things cross my mind especially when I'm stuck somewhere for days on end.

**Sekra : **Why does everyone think there's something wrong with me? **(mock tears)**

- Sasuke: Because there is?

- Naruto: Yeah! This is pretty twisted!

- Chris: You ain't seen nothing yet! Wait until I post that Itachi fic.

- Itachi: I've already read it. I see nothing wrong with it. It's brilliant...what happened?

- Chris: Stuff it! Go clean my room! Anyway, are you the same Sekra who writes Innocent Sins? I'm drooling for an update. **(drools all over the keyboard)** GaarNaru, SasuNaru...

**Demonesse : **I really haven't decided about Orochimaru. I was saying before I might make him dead, but those twisted ideas keep yelling, 'look at me!' in my head. So, we'll see what happens. It'll be a while before I can figure out how to work him in, if at all.

**Little Fox Kit :** It wasn't that bad. The whole incident was in the first chapter. It was short, sweet and humiliating. XD

**Einld : **Sakura will leave in a whimper. No crazy shit. That'd take up a whole chapter. However, she'll be back in the story for chapter 10. After all, her and Lee have to deliver those letters. Wheee, can't wait until I can write them in. I've already got the complete letters typed up and ready to be pasted. XD I'm going to try and come up with a few little adventures. I don't plan on them being pokemon related... you'll see.

**Mikarin : **Wow! You nearly did that?! Coolies! For risking life and limb by continuing to read you get a Sasuke plushie too! Yeah, I guess I should add warnings like, no eating and drinking while reading this fic and do not read in a public place like the library or risk being stared at. I've had that problem when I was reading Dark Mimiru-Chan's fic. XD

**Uchiha FF-chan: **You're not a SasuNaru fan and yet you still read this? Wow, I'm honored! **(insert silly, happy smiley, here)** And you wanna little Sasu-chan to die? Let me guess, it's because of the whole running off to join that nasty snake-man thing right? Personally, I just wanna bitch slap him. And 'dude'? You know I'm a girl, right?

**Turotulco: **Yeah, I've been getting that a lot. **(smirk) **And yeah, Sasuke is totally off his rocker. As for Gaara, well I'm weird okay? If had done drugs as a teenager or ever for that matter, I could probably put the blame on that. But alas, I had to be a goodie-goodie and have nothing to blame. I'm just naturally sick. **(insert nervous smiley)**

**SargasDarkTemplar: **Ya know, I get that even more now. Hehehe.

**fallingflower11:** I don't fear your pokemon! For not only am I rabid yaoi fangirl, I am… A FIC AUTHORESS!! Bow before my evil!! Mwahahahahahaaa! **(crickets chirp)** Um… yeah. Hee.

**kashisenshey: **Yay! I'm a hero! Can I have a cape like Itachi's?

 - Itachi: No.

 - Poopie head. **(pouts)** You called your **gran-dad** that?! I thought I was bad. Hey you wouldn't happen to be a South Park fan, would you? I loved that movie. All the lovely profanity and such. XD I'm so sick sometimes.

**Ulitheal:** Yeah, I know. What can I say? I'm glad you liked it! But this is pretty stupid. XD Actually it's just me. Heh. Torture FUN!!

Thanks also to **RuByMoOn17, averaye, ladychimera, PolkA Dot, Lady of Gryffindor, Yuen-chan and Ranechifor** being so kind to review and offer encouraging words and a good snigger here and there. Everyone gets butt ugly, talking Itachi plushies; hand made by our favorite avenger, Sasuke! Cherish them always, minna! And this is going to be the last time I post individual responses for reviews. It takes up too much space... so, you'll being hearing from me personally. So for all the unsigned reviewers, if you got a question leave your email... or email me. Whatever. Plushies will still be given out though at then end of the chapters, I get a kick out of writing that!** (super genki smile)**

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**Okay! Next update is going to be on 11/26/04… unless of course my reviews hit 100. Whichever comes first.**

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Itachi: You're holding this piece of crap hostage?

Chris: No. There will still be an update. It'll just be sooner if I get a shitload of reviews.

Naruto: There's no way in hell, you're going to get that many reviews for this crappy chapter.

Chris: Exactly! **(super genki smile)**

Sasuke: So, you just want to torment and taunt people while having to do really nothing. And thus, not have to put any effort into prepping the next chapter until you're good and damned ready.

Chris: Such a bright boy… makes one wonder, why the hell did you go off with that nasty snake-man?! However, in the unlikly (as in _**NEVER**_ going to happen) event that does come to pass; I can have it up in a day since I don't have to type out individual responses in the notes. Mwahahahahahahahaa!

Kakashi: And people say **I'm** a slacker? I get no respect. No respect at all.

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**

**Help! ****Help!** **Help!**

Okay, I started writing an Itachi birthday fic that is going to tie into this one. I didn't know when his birthday was when I started it. Now I have 3 problems and need volunteers to be a judging panel. Info will be in my profile and Xanga log. To everyone else, if you can vote on whether it should be posted on his birthday or when he makes his grand appearance in the fic; I'd appreciate it a lot.

Thankies and please review!


	5. Chapter 5: Parting May Be Such Sweet Sor...

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

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Chris: Woot! Chapter 5!** (drools at all the wonderful reviews)** I'm stunned and amazed anyone reviewed the last chapter. It really wasn't that funny at all except for a few moments here and there. So since it sucked bad compared to my other chapters, I decided to post a week earlier than I planned. It's not as funny as chapters 1-3, but it's a lot funnier than chapter 4... well I thinks so anyway. It's going to be insane for chapters 6-8; 9 is funny but not insane... but I digress. So, think of this as being a bonus for being so kind and patient. Chapter 6 will be up on 11/26 or 12/3, so I expect lots of adoration in the form of reviews. More reviews determines when it's posted. Heh. Heh.

Naruto: Gee, that was subtle.

Chris: Do you even know what that means?

Naruto: …shut up. >.>

Huge thank you to Wowie for beta reading. **(glomps)** You're the best!

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** (insert insane, psychotic laugh, here) **Anyway, I decided that pretty much they're all Chuunin; they've had 3-4 years to pass it... but just to be a mean and evil bitch, I'll leave Sakura as a genin. Also, the rookie 9 along with Lee's team knows about Kyuubi being sealed in Naruto.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru (for now; heh, heh.), probably KakaIru and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. **(drools)** Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm broke and have nothing anyways (unemployment sucks). If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. I wonder what he thinks of our efforts and the fact that a lot of us make half the male population gay?

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**Warning!!!**

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**This fic has:**

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**- yaoi goodness - in later chapters (there's a doozy in chapter 8. I can't wait!! XD)**

**- some foul language but not nearly as bad as I usually write... yet.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... c'mon, Sasuke thinks he's a Pokemon Trainer and Naruto's his pokemon for pity's sake! Poor widdle Naru-chan...**

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Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then this probably isn't for you. Yaoi and shounen ai deals with **male x male relationships**. So don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control.

Tigerlily: So if ya don't like that sort of thing do us all a favor and hit the bricks.

Chris: If you do flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my fics and webpage. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

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"_Then it's settled! After breakfast, you, Naruto, and I will go on to the next town while Sakura and Lee head back to Konoha Town!"_

"_It'll be nice to see, Gai-sensei again."_

"_Lee, why do you call your mother, sensei?"_

"_Sigh. Sasuke-san, he's not – you know what? Never mind. Let's eat, shall we?"_

_Yeah, let's eat. The sooner we're finished, the sooner she'll be gone and stop causing Naruto pain. But, she's always been a source of entertainment for Kakashi; her and Lee both. Why would he suggest sending them away? Could it have something to do with last night? He wouldn't try to take him away, would he? Meh, it's probably a breeder thing. I bet he just wants to concentrate on Naruto without hurting Lee's feelings. After all, Lee can be pretty emotional. Yeah, that's why... _

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**Chapter 5: Parting May Be Such Sweet Sorrow... But I'll Live.**

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**xoxo – Kakashi's POV – xoxo**

We finish our breakfast and start to say our goodbyes before parting... of course I just have to get one more rise out of Sakura and Lee before they leave. After all, who knows when I'll have the chance again...

"Sakura, please give this letter to Godaime. Now be careful on your way back. Don't take any detours or shortcuts; stick to the path... and try not to seduce or take advantage of Lee! He's a very innocent and pure boy."

"What the-?! As if! He wishes I would!" Sakura screeches.

"Don't say such things about Sakura-san!"

"Why would Sakura do that to my pokemon? Or any pokemon for that matter? That's kinda wrong. I mean, aside from her forehead, she's not freakishly ugly. There has to be at least one boy in Konoha Town that thinks she's pretty."

Ouch. That has to destroy Sakura. Keep your face expressionless, Kakashi. Don't roll on the ground, laughing at your poor, self-conscious student. Wait until she's out of earshot... yeah. Snicker.

"Kakashi-san! Don't laugh, it's not funny! Sasuke-san, Sakura-san would never be so perverse. And she's very pretty, lot's of boys like her. This is just Kakashi-san's idea of a joke. A pervert like him might do it, but never Sakura-san!"

"Hey, I'm not that kind of pervert!"

"Hmm... you do have a point. He is that kind of pervert."

"Hey! I said I'm not that kind of pervert!"

"It has to be expected, what with all those perverted books of his."

Sakura's getting in on this now? Well, I suppose it's only fair...

"I'm not that kind of pervert... Sasuke is though!"

"What?!"

All four of them squawk in unison.

"I am not!"

"Sasuke-kun is not!"

"I never suspected Sasuke-san would be."

"I knew it all along," Naruto muttered under his breath.

Heehee. It's the little things in life that makes it worth living.

"Well, look at the time! Sakura and Lee, you better get going. No time like the present you know... unless you want to stay with a 'pervert' like me."

"No, that's all right!" Sakura almost screeches.

"Lee, I have a letter for Gai, too. Would you please give it to him?"

"Of course, Kakashi-san."

"Pokemon can read too?!"

Sigh.

"Alright Sasuke, time to go. You want to get to the next town and get Naruto his ramen, right?"

"Oh, yeah... c'mon Naruto."

Ah, it's just too easy. The only thing that would make this moment perfect would be for Iruka to come prancing down the path, declaring his undying love and adoration for me... me, his exact opposite. But then they do say opposites attract. Hmm... but they also say like attracts like. So... I guess that makes me simply irresistible! Yay! Go me!

_- two hours later -   
_

"Hey you two, less flirting, more walking."

"What the fuck are you talking about, you pervert?!"

"Wow, my pokemon has a major potty mouth. Hey, where do you think he picked up those kind of words?"

"Bars? He was working odd jobs, you know."

"He was? Why would a pokemon need a job?"

"He had a ramen habit to support. Money and ramen doesn't grow on trees. Right Naruto-chan?"

Ooh, an angry twitch from Sasuke... heh, heh. Well now isn't that interesting. This is going to be a lot of fun.

"What kind of jobs did you have Naruto-chan? Anything... kinky?"

Yay, another angry twitch and a glare this time! Whee, this is fun!

"Don't ask." Naruto gives me a pale imitation of Sasuke's death glare.

"Ooh, now I have to know or I'll die!!"

"I can live with that."

"Mou, Naru-chan, you're sooooooooooooooooo mean."

Uh oh. Sasuke has that 'look' again. Maybe calling him Naru-chan was too much?

"Leave him alone already! I don't know what you're trying to do, but stop it right now!"

"Mou, but Sasu-chan, I'm just making conversation. Besides, aren't you curious too?"

I give my best whiny voice and see them both twitch. They always did hate that. Well, that and being called Sasu-chan and Naru-chan.

"If he wants us to know, he'll tell us. Now, let's get to the next village."

"Fine... are we there yet?"

"No!" glare.

_- 30 minutes later -   
_

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Hmm... are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"Oh, for the love of god! No! For the millionth fucking time, no!"

"If you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to cut your tongue with a dull and rusty kunai!!"

"Mou, Sasukeeeeeeeeeeee! Not only does your pokemon have a potty mouth, he's really violent too. He needs anger management!"

"If it shuts you up, I can live with it."

"Okay, I understand. You love Naruto more than me. Sigh. I can see why you would choose him though."

"What?!" Naruto and Sasuke squawk.

"In your position, I would too; in a heartbeat. I mean look at him. Who can resist those cute, pouty lips. Those big, ocean blue eyes. His smile... his face... his butt is kinda perky too. Yeah, he's absolutely fuckable."

"You pervert!!" Naruto's eyes practically pop out of his head and he actually runs behind Sasuke in an attempt to hide. God, this is fun!!

"You **are** going to take him away from me, aren't you?! He's mine, you can't have him!"

"Hey, I am not a piece of property, asshole!"

"My, my, my. You're quite possessive, aren't you? Aww, how cute!"

"Are you listening? I'm not a piece of property!"

"He's my pokemon, I caught him and I'm not letting you take him and do perverted stuff to him!"

"I am not a piece of meat, you bastard!"

"I'd never dream of doing that. In fact, I was going to help you do perverted stuff to him!" Grin.

"There's no way in hell, I'm letting either of you do that to me! I am not a sex toy!"

"I am not a pervert! He's a pokemon, I'm a human!"

"I am not a damn pokemon!"

"You sure about that?"

"I think I'd know if I was a pervert!"

"God damn it! Is anyone listening to me?!"

"Actually, I meant about Naruto being a pokemon. And trust me, deep down you are a pervert. We can always recognize our own kind..." Smirk.

"I give up. No one ever listens to me."

"Of course he's a pokemon! And I am not a pervert!"

"You sure about that? Naruto doesn't think he's a pokemon. He's been saying that since he woke up yesterday. Think about it... maybe the pokeball isn't defective. If he's a boy and not a pokemon..." A blush stretches across Sasuke's face, "See, you are a pervert! Oh look, there's the town now! Boy, time sure flies when you're having fun!"

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**xoxo – Naruto's POV – xoxo**

Why do I have to suffer like this? Seriously, what have I ever done to deserve this? If it's not one thing, it's another. I thought all my troubles would end when I left Konoha. But here I am again... with him, the bastard. I'll admit the last six months have been far from idyllic, but it beats getting glared at and shunned by the general populace every day of my life. Treated like crap for something I had no control over. I never asked for this... but then who would?

Kakashi-sensei is asking too many questions... well ones I don't want to answer. What do I say when he asks why I left? 'Funny thing you should ask sensei. As you know I've been treated like crap by 99 of the population since the day I had been born. And yet, there is a small, miniscule, handful of people who didn't treat me as Kyuubi. I know what Lee means. I know his words are true. But the problem is I had to go and fall in love with one of them.' Yeah, that'd go over really well.

I had to go and ruin everything, like I always do. I told him I loved him. Yes him. He got angry. He asked if it was my idea of a sick joke, was I crazy? He said it wasn't funny. And it wasn't; it hurt too much. In one split second, I made the decision to try and stop the hurt. I told him I was going to leave Konoha and never come back and wanted to get in one tiny prank before I left. It was the only way I could think of to protect myself; deny everything and run away...

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**xoxo - _flashback – 6 months earlier_ - xoxo**

We had been training again and decided to stop and have a late lunch. As we sat under the cool shade of the tree, enjoying our bento's, I suddenly spoke for no reason at all except I can't keep my mouth shut to save my life. I uttered the words that changed everything and drove me out of Konoha...

"You know... I love you... a lot."

"Is this your idea of a sick joke? Cause it isn't funny, moron." He glared coldly at me.

I could say nothing. All I felt was hurt and pain.

"I guess you finally lost what was left of that tiny mind of yours."

"Ha, ha! Fooled you! Had you scared there for a minute, didn't I? Sucker!! As if I would ever like a bastard like you."

Put the mask back on. Pick up your dignity, your pride, and your heart. Don't let him see your pain.

"Stupid idiot! Just what the hell was that for?! I know you have really sick sense of humor but even this is a little much for you. What gives?"

"Sigh... I'm gonna leave Konoha tonight. Forever. I just thought I'd get one last prank in before I leave on the biggest bastard in the village."

"Why are you telling me this for? Why not Kakashi or Iruka?"

"Aside from the fact that they'd tie me down until I changed my mind? You're here and I know you won't stop me. Even though you don't care, you're the closest thing I have to a best friend. Pathetic, isn't it? I know nobody will care but, I had to tell somebody... Iruka-sensei will want to know."

"Why?"

"Because Iruka-sensei has always been the one, the only one who really gave a damn."

"No, why are you leaving?"

"I'm tired. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of being hated. I'm tired of being treated as if I don't have feelings or am something less than human. I'm tired of not being loved. And I'm tired of having to act like it doesn't affect me at all. Sigh. I give up. They win. I'll go so they can be happy..."

A few tears fall down my face and I can feel Sasuke's eyes boring into my very soul. I readjust my mask and put on my best foxy grin.

"Well, gotta go. Need to get the last of my stuff together... Ne, don't tell anyone until the morning... please?"

"Okay."

"So long bastard."

**xoxo - _end flashback_ - xoxo   
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I ran straight home, packed up the few things I wanted to keep and as soon as night fell, I was out the door. It wasn't too hard sneaking through the gate. Hell, if I had told them what I was doing they would probably have given me a personal escort to the border. I knew Tsunade-baba would have been pissed and would send the ANBU as soon as she found out. After all, she has to. Not only am I a citizen and shinobi for Konoha, but I also have the dubious honor of being the vessel for Kyuubi. It's not like she can let me wander the world on my own; unsupervised. Not to mention the hissy fit Iruka would throw. He's a regular mother hen. I think I miss that the most, having someone to fuss over me like a parent would. It made things more bearable... those moments of peace where I was Naruto and not Kyuubi.

And just what the hell is Kakashi getting at? Argh!! I know he all but lives to torment us with his perverted habits but... I don't know. And just what the hell is Sasuke's damage? And what the hell was that blush all about? That bastard can't be attracted to me now, can he? I mean, when I told him I loved him, he looked absolutely horrified... sickened even.

Kakashi claims that my leaving affected Sasuke a lot. But if he felt that way then why the hell didn't he say something? He had his chance. I practically poured my heart out to him... okay I put it on the line, close enough; but he couldn't even say goodbye to me. He let me go without a word beyond, 'okay'. I've worked hard to let go what happened that day. I've worked hard to try and forget what I felt. I've tried to tell myself, it doesn't matter and nothing could have ever come of it anyway. I've reminded myself that every fangirl in the village would murder me while I slept. The Uchiha needs an heir and there are plenty of girls he can choose from that would be more than happy to help him out with that problem. Argh! The bastard! He can't do this to me now... he can't. I can't bear it.

But then, when I said I was leaving yesterday or at least trying to, he looked so desperate. He looked so lost and frantic. Hell, he even begged! It wasn't the Sasuke I remembered. It wasn't the bastard I had loved and hated. The Sasuke I knew would never do any of that. He'd sooner die than show any vulnerability. But then again, the Sasuke I knew would never believe he was a pokemon trainer either. Just where the hell had he gotten the idea to do that? At what point did he say to himself, 'Hey that looks like fun. I think I'll do that!' Just how much TV did he watch anyway?

I don't know exactly what Kakashi is expecting from me. He talked about 'snapping Sasuke out of it', but how exactly does he plan to do that? Is that why he's teasing and pissing us off so much? To make Sasuke so mad he'll slip back into his old habits? He wasn't the most talkative person before nor had he ever defended me for that matter. This isn't normal for him. Sure he's pulled my ass out of the fire more than once, but those were during missions. He's never jumped to my defense like that; where he had nothing to really gain... or does he?

I wonder what he'd say if he knew what some of the odd jobs I've done were? It was generally menial stuff. Sweeping floors, cleaning puke up off the floor... similar to any D-ranked mission we used to do. There have been a couple of things I wasn't too proud of. But I'm proud to say I've never had to sell my body... just 'flaunt' it a little. 99.9 of the time, I was in my Sexy no jutsu form when I had to do those sorts of things. And they said Sexy no jutsu was useless...

Maybe I'll tell them about it over dinner and watch them choke on their food. Yeah... I'll start off with the boring, menial jobs and finish with the time I spent a week as a stripper. I'm sure Kakashi-sensei would raise an eyebrow and bemoan missing such a sight. Iruka-sensei would have a meltdown for sure if he knew. Heh, and I know Pervert-sennin would want details for his 'research'. Yeah, that'll definitely get a reaction. It'll just about make up for the embarrassment of telling them.

"Tell you what. If you really want to know what I've been doing for the past six months, I'll tell you tonight over ramen... you're paying."

"Of course I'll pay. I have to take care of my pokemon, don't I?"

"That's so cute. It's like a husband taking care of his little wife... how domestic!"

"You shut up! And you, "I turn back around and point at Sasuke "for the hundredth time, I am not a pokemon! I'm a boy like you, only I'm not delusional! Sigh. You know what? Forget it. As long as you're paying, I don't care."

Meh. There's that blush again... maybe he's embarrassed that he might have mistaken a human for a pokemon. Not that there are such things. Yeah, he's in denial. Never liked to admit it when he was wrong. Stubborn bastard.

"Uh-oh. Sounds like trouble in paradise! I guess the honeymoon couldn't last forever. Sigh. But you know, they say you should never go to bed angry so how about you two kiss and make-up... maybe snog a little."

"Are you sure you want to tell us? You don't have to, you know. The past doesn't matter..."

Did he just blush again? Why the hell is he being so... nice? He's totally blowing his cold bastard image.

"Um... excuse me, but I'm being perverted here so pay attention to me." Pout.

"Yeah, it'll give us something to talk about. Besides, do you really want Kakashi-sensei to prattle on about whatever crosses his perverted mind?"

"No... god, no!"

"Aww, but I'm a great conversationalist!"

"You'd do better as a mute, you pervert."

"Mou, Sasuke, you're getting as mean as Naru-chan... guess you two are starting to become one, ne? Maybe you two should date?"

"Shut up!!"

"See, you two even scream in unison... sex would be really interesting to hear..."

"Damn it! Would you stop already? He's a pokemon! You don't do that sort of thing to your pokemon!!"

"So then... if he was my pokemon or a boy, it'd be okay? That's really sweet! Guess I'll just have to prove he's not a pokemon, unless of course you want to give him to me – which I seriously doubt. Sigh. Then we can let love take its course... like in Itcha Itcha Paradise volume 5! Just thinking about it almost gives me a nose bleed... god it was great..."

Argh! I can't take it anymore! Must. Hurt. Pervert! Before I can do anything, Sasuke beats me to the punch... literally.

"Damn pervert..."

Said pervert is now out cold on the ground. That was way too easy. Sasuke's good, but there's no way Kakashi would ever let his guard down like that... unless he wanted him too. The damn fucker is probably faking it.

"Wow. You punched him out... Sigh. I guess we'll have to stay here until he wakes up."

"Or, we could just leave him..."

"Mighty tempting... and I do hear the ramen calling out to me..."

Sasuke smirks at me and asks, "So what's it saying?"

I answer in my most seductive ramen voice, "Come to us Naruto. You know you want us. We're waiting for you. You know we love you as much as you do us... We'll be all yours as you suck us into your mouth..."

I see Sasuke blushing at me, wide-eyed. He visible gulps as he finds his voice, trying to act like... I guess like nothing is wrong. Meh, I guess I sounded just a little too seductive and into it.

"It'd be nice to have a meal without his incessant chatter. He usually did this sort of thing to Sakura and Lee. I guess now that they're gone, we're his new prey."

"He did this a lot?"

"Yeah. It didn't bother me because he was teasing them and not me."

"Lovely."

"Yeah. I'm surprised she didn't run home months ago. Would have saved me a bunch of grief."

"Oh yeah? How come?"

"If she wasn't asking if I wanted to go back home to Konoha Town, then she was asking if I wanted to go on a date with her."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I don't like her that way. I can barely stand her sometimes... It'd be like dating my sister, you know?"

"Oh... so how come you don't want to go back to Konoha?"

"Nothing there for me. If I'm going to beat Itachi..."

"I know, I know. 'You need to become a Pokemon Master'."

I sit next to Sasuke and lean over to whisper in his ear. I can see and feel him visibly tense but I continue on violating his personal space...

"Hey, I think Kakashi's faking being unconscious. Play along with me, okay...?" I move away slightly and say loud enough for him to definitely hear.

"So Sasuke-chan, you're awfully cute. Wanna make out while the pervert is unconscious?"

He blushes slightly and I pull him towards where Kakashi is laying on the ground to stand on either side of him.

"Okay, sounds like fun." Blush.

"So Kakashi, you wanna watch?"

At that moment we both happily kick him hard in the ribs.

"Ow!! Mou... does this mean you won't be making out?" Pout.

"Wow, you're not nearly as stupid as you look."

"Meanies. Well let's go. If you're not going to snog, we might as well head into town. I'm expecting a good story from you Naruto."

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Okay, there you have it! Yet another chapter come and gone again. Hope you enjoyed it and thought it was better than the last one. I especially hope that you'll leave lovely reviews for me to drool over...

Naruto: And totally feed her egomaniac tendencies.

Sasuke: Don't forget the megalomania and delusions of grandeur.

Itachi: You are in no position to be calling anyone delusional, foolish little brother. **(smirk)**

Sasuke: Can't you come up with anything other than foolish little brother? **(glare)**

Itachi: How about, whiny, crybaby, delusional, pain in the ass who will never get any Naruto-lovin' because he can have me instead...?

Chris: Oy! Play nice, you can kill each other later. We need to give thanks and plushies!

Naruto: What is it this time?

Chris: Um... **(looks around) **Naruto-kitsune plushies that look like the background on my Xanga page except without the chibi Kakashi?

Naruto: What do I say?** (pushes the tummy)**

Naruto-kitsune plushie: What did I ever do to deserve this? **(push) **I am not a DAMN pokemon! **(push) **Itachi is really hot and sexy!

Sasuke: What the hell?! Itachi!!!!!!!

Itachi: What? Is it MY fault the cute little plushie speaks only the truth? **(hides programming module behind back)**

Chris: Alright! We're getting sidetracked here PEOPLE!! We have reviewers to thank. Naruto, if you please...

Naruto: Okay.** (swats away Itachi's roaming hands) **Not now Itachi!

Itachi: Later then...

Naruto: Okay, whatever...

Sasuke: Noooooooooo!!

Naruto: Chris, would like to thank:

**Kirikouchan , Little Fox Kit , Isolde1, Dark Chalice, fallingflower11, Ulitheal, tracy-kin, kashisenshey, Polka dot, heard the owl scream, ILLK, aNiMePeRfEcT, Kyuubi-kun, daflippnay, Tara(bt), Mikarin and danna-chan.**

Chris: Thanks for the kind words, reviews, etc... You guys are the best! **(hands out Naruto-kitsune plushies)**

**To fallingflower11:** Oh yeah? Well, my Naru-chan can beat your Gaara-kun with a bat of his pretty eyes and a shake of cute little tail with his Kawaii Attraction attack!** (smirk) **See?

Gaara-kun: **(drooling on the floor)** Uzumaki... pretty... gooood... me want...

Chris: Leave your email, I really don't want to continue this here. :-)

**To** **aNiMePeRfEcT: **Because you went back and reviewed all the chapters (except for 3 for some reason) you get extra plushies from those chapters. **(insert happy, happy, genki smile)**

Naruto: Remember to review! Reviews make Chris's sad, pathetic world go round and it makes her happy. Making her happy means she's not nearly as hellish to live with AND really makes her want to write and post.

Sasuke: **(sneaks a peak at chapters 11 and 12)** Yes!! Review! You have to see this! **(drools) **Finally...

Chris: Yeah, what he said. O.o

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**Chapter 6 Excerpt: **

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_"Anyway, I've worked in a few bars. Serving drinks, cleaning vomit up…"_

_"Ewww! C'mon, I'm trying to eat here, ya know! Next you'll be telling us how chunky it was."_

_"As a matter of fact…"_

_"NO! Don't say it! Never mind!!"_

_"Sometimes work would be hard to find and so I had to resort to other jobs. I don't really like doing it, but at least the money is good. Not to mention the tips…"_

_"Naruto! You didn't sell yourself, did you?!"_

_"My pokemon is a prostitute?"_

_Geez Louise, I can't even finish and already they think I'm a whore… well, in a way I am but, oh well. The look on Sasuke's face is priceless. Kakashi's right about all the expressions I'd see. The ones Sasuke gives alone are… interesting._


	6. Chapter 6: Strip Tease

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

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Chris: Yes!! Chapter 6! My evil fun begins!! Mwahahahahaaaa!!!! Sakura and Lee are gone, leaving poor, poor Sasuke and Naruto alone with my favorite pervert! But then, how long is Naruto going to be safe with Sasuke?

Kakashi: Heh, heh.

Huge thank you to Wowie for beta reading. **(glomps)** You're the best!

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** (insert insane, psychotic laugh, here) **Anyway, All the genin are now chuunin except for Sakura because I'm a mean and evil bitch. Also, the rookie 9 along with Lee's team knows about Kyuubi being sealed in Naruto.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru (for now; heh, heh.), probably KakaIru and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm broke and have nothing anyways (although that may change… finally). If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. I wonder what he thinks of our efforts and the fact that a lot of us make half the male population gay?

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**Warning!!!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness - in later chapters (there's a doozy in chapter 8. I can't wait!! XD) and shonen-ai**

**- some foul language but not nearly as bad as I usually write... yet.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... c'mon, Sasuke thinks he's a Pokemon Trainer and Naruto's his pokemon for pity's sake! Poor widdle Naru-chan…**

**- there's going to be a kind of gross moment so… you'll see.**

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then this probably isn't for you. Yaoi and shounen ai deals with **male x male relationships**. So don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control.

Tigerlily: So if ya don't like that sort of thing do us all a favor and hit the bricks.

Chris: If you do flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my fics and webpage. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

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* * *

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"_So Sasuke-chan, you're awfully cute. Wanna make out while the pervert is unconscious?"_

_He blushes slightly and I pull him towards where Kakashi is laying on the ground to stand on either side of him._

"_Okay, sounds like fun." Blush._

"_So Kakashi, you wanna watch?"_

_At that moment we both happily kick him hard in the ribs._

"_Ow!! Mou… does this mean you won't be making out?" Pout._

"_Wow, you're not nearly as stupid as you look."_

"_Meanies. Well let's go. If you're not going to snog, we might as well head into town. I'm expecting a good story from you Naruto."_

_-_

- - - - -

**Chapter 6: Strip Tease**

- - - - -

-

**xoxo – Naruto's POV - xoxo**

_- 5 hours later at dinner -_

"Okay, Naruto. Fess up and tell us all about your recent odd jobs," Kakashi asks excitedly.

"It's been mostly menial work. D-ranked mission stuff. Totally beneath a most excellent ninja as myself…"

"You're a ninja type?"

"Yeah, sure. Anyway, there was a lot of sweeping, washing dishes and waiting on tables…"

"Geez, that's it? And I thought this was going to be good. I'm so disillusioned."

"Ya know, it'd be nice if I can finish my story before you pass judgment."

"You mean there's more? Wow, don't know how you can top an exciting story like that!" Kakashi mutters sarcastically.

"Shut up and let him finish you lecher."

"Anyway, I've worked in a few bars. Serving drinks, cleaning vomit up…"

"Ewww! C'mon, I'm trying to eat here, ya know! Next you'll be telling us how chunky it was."

"As a matter of fact…"

"NO! Don't say it! Never mind!!"

"Sometimes work would be hard to find and so I had to resort to other jobs. I don't really like doing it, but at least the money is good. Not to mention the tips…"

"Naruto! You didn't sell yourself, did you?!"

"My pokemon is a prostitute?"

Geeze Louise, I can't even finish and already they think I'm a whore… well, in a way I am but, oh well. The look on Sasuke's face is priceless. Kakashi's right about all the expressions I'd see. The ones Sasuke gives alone are… interesting.

"No, I did not!! Well… not exactly. Sometimes I had to use Sexy no jutsu to get work…"

"What's 'Sexy no jutsu'?"

"It's an illusion skill… I'll show you later."

Yeah, later. Can't wait to see his expression **then**!

"The month before last I spent a week as a stripper. I made a lot of money and haven't had to work since then… and still won't need to for a little while."

Kakashi and Sasuke choke on their noodles at the same time, staring at me with wide-eyes.

"So pretty much you were selling yourself…"

"Hey, it was purely look but don't touch! Although… there were some who couldn't keep their hands to themselves, but Guido took care of them."

Kakashi and Sasuke continue to stare, unable to say anything…

"Really, it wasn't that bad! I mean, it wasn't my real body they were looking at!"

Wow. Kakashi is actually speechless! And Sasuke… well, he looks like he just got told there is no Santa Claus. I almost feel sorry for him… almost, but not quite. This may all be too much for him. Maybe I shouldn't show him the Sexy no jutsu…

"Wow, Naruto… I didn't know you had it in you to do something like that. I'm so proud! It shows tremendous growth!"

"Huh?"

"To put aside pride and ego to get the job done is… INSPIRING!"

"Only you would think that!" I shout.

"Naruto… d-does this mean you're a pervert too? Did you actually enjoy it?!"

"Hell no! I didn't have any choice! There were no other jobs and I was out of cash. Beggars can't be choosers, ya know. It was that or starve!"

"I can't wait until 'Professor Umino' hears about this! He'll die when he finds out about pokemon stripping for cash!"

"Hey, he doesn't have to know! In fact no one does! Besides, it's not like I was doing lap dances. Lord knows I could have made a fortune that way! But even I have my limits."

"Ah but Naruto, I never promised that I'd never tell. Iruka will definitely be interested in this little bit of info…"

"No! Please don't tell! He'll kill me!"

"Well, I suppose I could forget about it if…"

Crap. What does he want?

"If…?"

"I'll tell you later!"

An evil smile stretches underneath his mask and a mischievous glint shines in his visible eye. God, I'm going to regret this, I know it.

"Tell me now, you pervert."

He leans across and whispers into my ear one of my worst fears.

"I want you to give Sasuke a goodnight kiss. On the mouth, for at least 30 seconds… tongue optional. Just go with what you feel!"

Crap. Crap, crap, crappity, crap, crap. What do I do now?! It's not that I wouldn't like to do it, it's just… he's why I left damn it! Six months ago, I would have done it without a second thought, but now… now would be an excellent time for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. Argh!! Why me?! Why don't I ever think of all the consequences head of time? Sigh. Sasuke is giving Kakashi the best death glare I've ever seen… Itachi might even wince at that one.

"Leave him the hell alone already."

"Ah Sasuke, you're no fun. Okay, fine. Naruto, did you do anything else kinky?"

"Pfft. Like I'd tell you. I shouldn't have even told you that one. You honestly think I'd give you more blackmail material? Hmph. You may not be as stupid as you look, but you're close."

"Ya know, I don't have to take this."

"Then leave," Sasuke spats.

"… Only if you two walk with me to our rooms. After all, it is getting _late_."

Argh!! Bastard! Bastard!! Bastard!!! He is so going to pay for this. Must stall, must stall, must stall!!

"I'm still eating."

"You've already had 5 bowls and you're still not full?" Sasuke asks, stunned.

"Your pokemon has a huge appetite for ramen. When you think about it, he must have made a huge amount of money if he can eat like this and still not have to work!"

"Just shut up and let me eat already!"

Fifteen more bowls of ramen later, we trudge back to our rooms. I shouldn't have eaten so much. But I couldn't think of another way to postpone this moment. I really should have stopped seven bowls ago. I feel like I'm going to puke. Sigh. What a waste of tasty, lovely ramen. I glance over at Kakashi, hoping that maybe he'll let me off the hook but one look at his happy little eye tells me I don't have a prayer. So, here it is, the moment of truth…

"Sasuke…" I start as we reach our door.

"What is it?"

"Um… forgive me."

I lean in to kiss him, but before I get there… I lose the fight to keep my dinner down and puke on the poor shmucks whole front side. Horror and shock flashes across Sasuke's face before Kakashi starts laughing his fool head off. Mortification settles into the very depths of my soul. Never before have I wanted to die more than this moment. It may even top when I told him that I loved him.

-

**xoxo – Sasuke POV – xoxo**

Is he… is he going to kiss me?! Anticipation quickly builds in me as draws closer and closer to my lips. Should I even be doing this? It's wrong… isn't it? But then, why do I want this so badly? Suddenly, he hurls all over me! Is this what he meant when he said, 'forgive me'?

This is what I get for even thinking he would kiss me. Why the hell would he even want to, anyway? The thought of him doing it really excites me none the less. Kakashi's right; I am a pervert. A bigger one than him. Not even he would do something like this… I think.

"Um… sorry about that. Guess I ate too much."

My kitsune hangs his head down in shame.

"It's… okay. It's not like you could help it, or wanted to puke all over me."

Twitch. Don't feel bad. Please, don't feel bad. It's my fault… my punishment for thinking such thoughts. But god, this is gross!! It's so wet! And even though it's warm, it's cold where it's soaking through my clothes and shoes. At least it doesn't smell bad… yet. Cringe. Is there a shower in our room? God, I hope the bathhouse is at least still open.

"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up before it really starts to smell, not to mention stain your clothes."

"Yeah."

When we enter our room, I start to peel off my now very cold, wet clothes and sandals. When I get down to just my boxers I glance back and notice my kitsune blushing beet red, turning the other way. Another quick glance around the room and I notice there's no shower… not even a bathroom. Crap. That means communal bathrooms.

"Naruto, can you run see where the bathroom is and if they have a shower?"

"Yeah, sure." And he runs out before his sentence is even complete.

Five minutes pass before he finally returns carrying a pile of towels and two buckets, one filled with water.

"Bad news. There's no shower and the bathhouse closed an hour ago. You should be able to clean yourself off a little with these though and go to the bathhouse in the morning. Give me your clothes and stuff and I'll go rinse them off in the bathroom sink."

I hand him my clothes and as soon as I tug at my boxers, he spins around blushing again. As soon as my boxers are off I wrap a towel around my hips and pass him my boxers. I mutter a quick "thanks" as he bolts out the door. I quickly wipe myself off with a damp towel and try to rinse my hair out in the bucket. Unfortunately it doesn't work too well so I pull on a pair of clean boxers and begin to wipe my sandals down while I wait for Naruto to finish with the sink. I set my damp and cleaned sandals in the window sill and hope they're dry in the morning. 15 minutes later, Naruto finally returns with an armful of wet clothes.

"Where's the bathroom? I wanna rinse my hair out a little better."

"Down the hall, turn right."

On my way out the door I put on a robe and grab the last dry towel. I quickly find the bathroom and dunk my head under the faucet. Random thoughts run through my head as I as I massage any possible left over… bits out of my hair.

What would have happened if he had kissed me like I thought he would? Would I have kissed him back? Probably. Would have I enjoyed it? Disturbingly, yes. Ack! I'm becoming a bigger pervert than Kakashi! This is all that damn pervert's fault! I'm sure of it. Sigh. Okay Sasuke, no more lecherous thoughts about your cute, yummy looking, kissable… Damn it! I can't stop myself.

Okay, Sasuke… remember he's just an innocent pokemon… But… is he really? He did work as a stripper. And what the hell is Sexy no Jutsu? He said it is an illusion skill, but does that make it different? After all it's still him up there doing it. And what kind of perverts like watching pokemon strip?! But then what kind of pervert fantasizes about kissing his pokemon? Fantasizes about holding them close. Stroking. Petting. God, what am I thinking?! I really should have my head examined! I pull my head out of the sink and towel my hair dry, hoping to knock a few of the less than pure thoughts out in the process.

They say idle minds are the devils playground and right now they're having a field day. As I walk down the hall back to our room, thoughts of my kitsune invade my mind again. I wonder if he's asleep yet? Is he putting his pajamas on right now or does he like to sleep in the nude? Probably not. He didn't do it last night… of course Sakura was there… hell, I don't know. What the hell am I thinking?

When I open the door to our room, I scold myself for being disappointed that he's wearing pj's. Shame I couldn't at least watch him change. Ack! Bad! Bad, Sasuke! No more perverted thoughts! That's Kakashi's job.

"Still awake, huh?"

"Yeah. Sorry again for hurling all over you."

"Don't worry about it, I'm not mad… A little grossed out, but not mad."

"That's good to hear."

"Hey, you said you'd show me what Sexy no jutsu was when we got back to our rooms… So, let's see it."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea. You nearly choked when you found out about my weeklong career as a stripper. This might actually kill you."

"Aw, c'mon. You said you would and I wanna see what the big deal is. Besides, it's the least you can do after tossing your dinner all over me."

"Yeah! Show him. Show him!" Kakashi suddenly appears out of nowhere.

"Why the hell are you in here and not your room?" I ask, extremely annoyed.

"I was lonely… hold me!" he shouts as he attaches himself to Naruto's side.

"Get the hell off me! Why are you such a pervert?! Have you no shame?"

"What can I say? Fish's gotta swim, bird's gotta fly and a pervert's gotta be a pervert," he glibly answers as Naruto sends him flying across the room.

"Get out! You're the last person I'd wanna show!"

"Mou, you are so mean. Life on the run has really hardened you…"

"Get out already."

And with that Kakashi sashays his way out of the room.

"So… you're not going to show me?" I ask, slightly disappointed.

"Sigh. Are you sure you wanna see?"

"Yes, I'm sure!"

I answer just a tad more than frustrated. I mean what's the big deal?

"Alright but I warned you…"

As soon as the words leave his mouth, I hear a poof and suddenly see what the big deal is. Standing before me is a very nude and very… voluptuous woman. And yet she still resembles Naruto. She has his smile, eyes and whiskers. Her hair is the same sunshine blonde except it's very long and pulled up into two ponytails. If he… she was clothed, she'd probably look like some not so innocent school girl.

I can't help but stare. I mean he… she's naked for god's sake! Once again my newly perverse mind wanders and wonders what the boy version looks like naked. I guess this means the people watching him strip aren't as perverted as I thought. They obviously didn't know they were staring at a pokemon. And I have to admit, it's really hard not to stare.

"Dude, you gonna blink anytime soon?"

"Huh?"

"You've been staring without blinking for a while now and it's really creepy."

"Sorry." I blush, but I continue to stare.

"Satisfied now?"

"Huh?"

"Sigh. Can I change back already?"

"Oh. Uh, yeah…"

With a poof, my adorable, pajama clad kitsune returns and climbs into his bed.

"Good night, Sasuke."

"Good night, Naruto."

I walk over to my pack and pull my pajama's out. As I change, I idly wonder what would happen if I crawled into Naruto's bed? No. Don't go there. Bad, bad, bad, BAD Sasuke! God what would people say if they knew?!

'Oh that Sasuke used to be such a nice, pure boy. But then he fell in love with his pokemon… a BOY pokemon!'

'Oh, his mother must be spinning in her grave!'

'I blame Kakashi. Being around that pervert had to have affected him.'

'True. But what about all the pressure the poor boy is under? That'd make anyone crack.'

'Still, if he had to fall for a pokemon, why couldn't it be a girl?'

'Are you saying it's alright?!'

'Of course not! But does he even like girls? He was traveling with Sakura, but nothing ever happened between them!'

'Well, they are kinda young for THAT sort of thing. I heard she kept asking him out on dates and he always turned her down.

'Really? How could he? She's such a pretty girl.'

'He probably likes boys instead… he is awfully pretty for a boy.'

'That's true. His mother must be weeping from heaven!'

Once again, an idle mind runs amok… I heave a heavy sigh and climb into my own bed. Maybe it won't be so bad in the morning. We'll go to the baths… I'll probably get to see him… naked. Crap. Why the hell am I doing this to myself? Am I some sort of masochist? Go to sleep, Sasuke. Go to sleep.

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* * *

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Mwahahahahaaaaa! Did anyone see that coming? This chapter was so much fun to write. Naruto's a stripper! XD I especially loved when he puked on Sasuke.

Naruto: That was so gross…

Sasuke: Hey, I'm not too thrilled with it either, ya know. **(pouts)**

Itachi: I think you've never looked better, my whiny, crybaby, delusional, pain in the ass who will never get any Naruto-lovin' because he can have me instead, little brother. **(smirk)**

Sasuke: Pedophile. **(glare)**

Itachi: Hey, it's not like he's 12. There's only 5½ years between us…

Chris: **_Children_**, please! We need to give thanks and plushies!

Naruto: What is it this time?

Sasuke: How about some Malibu Itachi's; like the one you gave Kyuubi-kun?** (smirk)**

Itachi: HEY!! **(Uchiha death-glare)**

Chris: Um… **(looks around) **A Neji 'pokemon'?

Naruto: What does he say?** (pushes the tummy)**

Neji-pokemon plushie: You cannot fight fate. **(push) **It is my destiny… **(push) **I'm a bitchy a type. **(push) **Naruto is really hot and sexy. I just want to** (censored for the protection of the general populace and because ffnet won't allow such things)**

Sasuke: What the hell?! Neji!!!!!!!

Neji: What is it Uchiha? Upset that fate has chosen me over you to get some Naruto-lovin'?** (smirk)**

Itachi: Like hell, it has!! Naru-chan is mine!!

Sasuke: No! Naruto is mine!!!

Chris: Alright! We're getting sidetracked here PEOPLE!! And I'm having major deja-vu… We have reviewers to thank. Naruto, if you please…

Naruto: Okay.** (swats away Itachi's and Neji's roaming hands) **Neji, Itachi, not now!!

Itachi: Later then… same place?

Naruto: Okay, whatever…

Sasuke: Noooooooooo!!

Neji: What about me?

Chris: Fate and destiny have taken a moment to point and laugh at you right now so, no Naruto-lovin' for you this time around.

Neji: **(pouts) **I will not cry. I will take my fate and destiny like a man…** (wails and cries)** I want some Naruto-lovin'!

Naruto: Uh huh… Chris, would like to thank:

**WaterBookLover, Isolde1, daflippnay, Aurum, Sekra (not that you're in town to read this right now), Little Fox Kit, Ulitheal, (bt)Tara, Polka dot, demonesse, aNiMePeRfEcT, Kirikouchan, fallingflower11, Crimson Tida, danna-chan, modestfox, Lady of Gryffindor and Yuen-chan.**

Chris: Thanks for the kind words, reviews, etc… You guys are the best! **(hands out Neji-pokemon plushies)**

Naruto: Remember to review! Reviews make Chris's sad, pathetic world go round and it makes her happy. Making her happy means she's not nearly as hellish to live with AND really makes her want to write and post.

Chris: Not to mention I'm in serious physical pain and it would go a long way to make me feel a lot better. Full details on why, are on my Xanga page. Next update ETA is 12/17, no later than 12/19.

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**Excerpt from Chapter 7:**

"_I knew it was too good to be true," Sasuke muttered to himself. "I thought you were going to go drown yourself?"_

"_Changed my mind…"_

"_What mind?" Naruto muttered._

"_I figured someone had to keep an eye on you. Besides, I wanna be there when you finally 'do it'."_

"_Do what?" Sasuke asked in complete naivety._

"_You know… 'IT'." Kakashi leered as he smirked rather scarily._

_Kakashi then leaned down and whispered into Sasuke's ear, "So, how well hung is Naru-chan? Not that it'll matter since he'll be uke anyway…"_

_Poor Sasuke stood completely rigid, face aflame that would put a ripe hothouse tomato to shame. Naruto twitched, glared, punched Kakashi yet again and shouted._

"_You know I can hear you, even when you whisper! Damned pervert…"_


	7. Chapter 7: Fun At The Bathhouse

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

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**Note:** First of all, I wanna say I'm sorry for this being late. Don't kill me please! ;-; Stuff came up and it took priority. I hope you'll understand and don't leave me. I'm needy, have pity. If you're interested, full details (and way too much information) are on my Xanga page.

Chris: Mwahahahaaaaaa! Chapter 7… you know what that means, don't you? Next chapter is that mini-doozy yaoi scene! **::drools in anticipation::** Kakashi's perversion is building into new highs too… poor Naruto and Sasuke.

Kakashi: Heh, heh. It just comes naturally… like Chris's psychotic and insane tendencies! **::grin::**

Chris: YEAH BABY! Mwahahahaa…ha… um yeah.

Huge thank you to Wowie for beta reading. **::glomps::** You're the best!

**Another Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** ::insert insane, psychotic laugh, here:: **

**Pairings:** SasuNaru (for now; heh, heh.), probably KakaIru and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm broke and have nothing anyways (although that may change soon). If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. I wonder what he thinks of our efforts and the fact that a lot of us make half the male population gay?

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**Warning!!!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness - in later chapters (there's a mini-doozy in chapter 8 and after chapter 15 it gets A LOT WORSE. I can't wait!! XD)**

**- Mini melodrama and sap. Polka Dot will probably hate it. ;-;But I can't help myself sometimes. I'm just a drama queen at heart…**

**- some foul language but not nearly as bad as I usually write... yet.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... c'mon, Sasuke thinks he's a Pokemon Trainer and Naruto's his pokemon for pity's sake! Poor widdle Naru-chan…**

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then this probably isn't for you. Yaoi and shounen ai deals with **male x male relationships**. So don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control.

Tigerlily: So if ya don't like that sort of thing do us all a favor and hit the bricks.

Chris: If you do flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my fics and webpage. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

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* * *

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_I walk over to my pack and pull my pajama's out. As I change, I idly wonder what would happen if I crawled into Naruto's bed? No. Don't go there. Bad, bad, bad, BAD Sasuke! God what would people say if they knew?!_

'_Oh that Sasuke used to be such a nice, pure boy. But then he fell in love with his pokemon… a BOY pokemon!'_

'_Oh, his mother must be spinning in her grave!'_

'_I blame Kakashi. Being around that pervert had to have affected him.'_

'_True. But what about all the pressure the poor boy is under? That'd make anyone crack.'_

'_Still, if he had to fall for a pokemon, why couldn't it be a girl?'_

'_Are you saying it's alright?!'_

'_Of course not! But does he even like girls? He was traveling with Sakura, but nothing ever happened between them!'_

'_Well, they are kinda young for THAT sort of thing. I heard she kept asking him out on dates and he always turned her down._

'_Really? How could he? She's such a pretty girl.'_

'_He probably likes boys instead… he is awfully pretty for a boy.'_

'_That's true. His mother must be weeping from heaven!'_

_Once again, an idle mind runs amok… I heave a heavy sigh and climb into my own bed. Maybe it won't be so bad in the morning. We'll go to the baths… I'll probably get to see him… naked. Crap. Why the hell am I doing this to myself? Am I some sort of masochist? Go to sleep, Sasuke. Go to sleep._

-

**- - - - -**

**Chapter 7: Fun At The Bathhouse **

**- - - - -**

-

**xoxo – Sasuke's POV – xoxo**

Knock. Knock.

"I'm coming in. If you're having kinky sex, don't stop!"

Slam.

"Aw, you two are so boring. Not even sharing the same bed… I'm so disappointed!"

"It's too early for this crap."

"So I guess you don't WANT to go to the bathhouse? Hmmm…?"

"Crap. Okay, I'll be down in 5 minutes. Naruto, are you coming?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Yay! Then you and Sasuke can watch each other undress!"

"Would you stop already?"

Before Kakashi can even answer, Naruto roundhouse kicks him out the door and slams it shut behind him.

"Nice move, Naruto."

I smile at him and he smiles back. Unlike yesterday morning, it reaches his eyes and it makes me very happy.

"C'mon, let's hurry up before that pervert comes back to 'check-up' on us," Naruto grumbles.

"Yeah, I can just imagine it. He'll bust through the door practically shouting, 'You're taking too long! Are you making out?'"

"Or having kinky sex? Cause I wanna watch!" Naruto finishes, balefully.

"I'll never understand how anyone can be so perverted."

"God help the world if he ever reproduces."

"I don't think that'll be a problem."

"What makes you say that?" Naruto asks.

"Well for one, no woman in her right mind would let that lecher near her. And two…"

"And two…?"

"He's gay."

"No way!?"

"Yes way. Sometimes he talks in his sleep. Or thinks out loud. He has a big crush on Professor Umino."

"Iruka?!"

"Yeah… how do you know Professor Umino's name?"

"Uh… Kakashi mentioned him yesterday morning while you were sleeping."

"Oh… Well let's go. You got everything?"

"Yup!" he shouts as he pulls something out of his bag.

When we reach the lobby of the inn, Kakashi looks up and greets us in his own especially perverse way.

"Took you long enough. You were making out, weren't you!"

Neither of us answers… verbally. Naruto punches him and we walk out the door to the bathhouse. After two minutes Kakashi follows and catches up with us, tormenting us with his special brand of inane chatter.

"Mou, your Kitsunemon is so violent! Sasuke, you really need to train him. He needs to be spanked for being such a naughty boy."

"Hey!"

"There's nothing wrong with his behavior. You're a pervert. If anyone needs to be trained or spanked, it's you… but then you'd probably enjoy that."

_Especially if it was Iruka doing the spanking…_

"You know Sasuke, it takes one to know one."

"I am not a pervert!"

"Your lips say no, but your eyes say, 'Yes, spank me Naruto. I've been a very bad boy!'"

"What?!" I scream as I practically fall on my face in horror.

"You heard me… Sassy-chan," the pervert smirks at me.

"I do not want him to spank me!"

"So then you want him to do the other things to you?"

"I… I…"

Before I can come up with a coherent response in defense, Naruto once again punches Kakashi in the face.

"Damn pervert… C'mon, let's go," he says as he grabs my arm and pulls me to the bathhouse.

Why is Kakashi doing this?! Does he want Naruto to hate me? Does he want Naruto to think I'm a pervert? But then I am a pervert, aren't I? I want to hold him and crush his lips to mine… I want to make him mine. Yes, I'm definitely a pervert.

We pay our money and make our way to the locker room to change. Before an article of clothing is removed, Kakashi appears again. Damn it! This is getting annoying! Why won't he stay away? A moment of peace is all I want! I never thought I'd wish Sakura was still here. Then he'd be driving her crazy instead of me… or at least not as much.

"Mou, you left me behind! I was so scared when I came to and you weren't around. I thought you abandoned me!" Kakashi 'wails'.

"Well there's an idea." Naruto glares at Kakashi.

"Sigh. I know when I'm not wanted. I'll just go drown myself in the bath."

Somehow. Someway. Kakashi's clothes are gone and he has a towel wrapped around his waist. He was fully clothed just seconds ago and now… how the hell did he do that? Not that I wanted to see him undress… but… sigh. On his way out, he whispers into my ear and I turn red.

"Heh. Now's your chance to see Naruto strip and see how well he's hung! Try not to get caught staring… and remember to blink."

Argh! How does he know? He winks at me and actually skips out of the room! The bastard! I turn around and face the wall as I strip, refusing to watch Naruto. I will not watch. I will not be a pervert… of course, if Kakashi hadn't said anything I'd be happily watching now. But Nooooo! He had to go and make me all self-conscious and now I'm missing Naruto strip. God, I'm such a pervert.

"Ready?" Naruto asks as I wrap a towel around my waist.

"Yeah."

-

**xoxo – Naruto's POV – xoxo**

God, why does Sasuke have to be so damn sexy? I told myself I'm over him and to just let it go, but… I find myself drawn to that bastard again. I keep thinking about last night and this morning as I watch him strip. Yeah, I definitely still have a thing for him. Damn it!

All too soon the show ends and he wraps a towel around his lean, muscular waist and covers that glorious ass of his. Shame I didn't get to see a frontal view… but then he would have seen me stare and then I wouldn't have gotten to see anything at all. Hmmm… Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I ask if he's ready and when he answers yes, we move to the showers.

Neither of us says a word to each other as we wash ourselves. This of course gives my brain ample opportunity to read way too deep into past events.

'_He was staring at you a lot last night. He might have a thing for you too.' _The evil voice in my head whispers.

Sometimes I wonder if it's Kyuubi reaching out to make my life even more hellish.

'Of course he was staring. He found out I was a stripper and got a look at sexy no jutsu! Even Gaara would stare… okay, maybe not. But he would definitely raise an eyebrow… wait, I forgot he doesn't have eyebrows,' I answer back.

'_What about when you were going to kiss him? It looked like he knew what you were planning.'_

'He did not. There was no way he could know or imagine. Why should he?'

'_You told him you loved him. He had to know.'_

'He doesn't remember any of that. If he did, he'd remember me and know that I'm not some damn pokemon.'

'_That doesn't mean he doesn't remember it subconsciously. Deep down inside he knows… he remembers.'_

'Kakashi did say he was having nightmares that he never remembers…'

'_See? See? And he's always coming to your defense…'_

'He thinks I'm his pokemon; his property. Of course he's going to defend me from that pervert. He thinks I'm some innocent little pokemon. So that proves nothing!'

'_Yeah, innocent. Right. What about all that blushing he does around you?'_

'He's just embarrassed. Kakashi keeps teasing us. Of course he's going to feel uncomfortable.'

'_Yes, because Kakashi is right. Remember when he said Sasuke wanted you to do 'other things' to him? He didn't have a response like he has for everything else. He was caught and he knew it…'_

'Still proves nothing. It left me a little flabbergasted too. I still can't believe he said that. In his position, I would too.'

'_Because you love him…'_

'Yes. I mean, no! If I was Sasuke, I wouldn't love me. I drive him up the wall. We argue all the time. He thinks I'm stupid and useless… I'm a boy, he's a boy… a boy who can have his pick of any girl in Konoha or the world for that matter. I see how the women in this town stare at him with their fangirl eyes. I hear them whisper how handsome and pretty he is; and how they wouldn't mind just one night with him.' Kyuubi allows me to hear that most people wouldn't. 'I'm sure it's the same in every town.'

'_Alright then. What about when he said you were cute? And how he pleaded with you to stay? And how he cut himself off from everything for two months before cracking! Even Sakura said so; that it was your fault he cracked.'_

'But…'

'_And how he glared at her when she was mean to you? If looks could kill, she'd be 12 feet under. And he made sure to get the food you like. He hasn't argued with you, called you dobe, moron or anything. He smiles at you, and is patient. He didn't get mad when you tossed your cookies all over him. And he talks **to** you, instead of **down** to you. He's feeling something for you; you can't deny that.'_

'That doesn't mean its love. He considers me a close friend and has even said so before… Besides, he's not himself right now.'

'_What better way to be with you? The Shinobi, Uchiha Sasuke can't be with you because of his obligations and cold hearted bastard façade. But the Pokemon Trainer, Uchiha Sasuke can because he has no real obligation or façades to maintain.'_

'See, he can't love me… not really.'

'_Hmph. And you say Sasuke is delusional? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.'_

"Shut up!"

"What did you say?" Sasuke asks.

Crap! I said that out loud! How the hell do I explain that I was arguing with myself?

"Uh… sorry. I thought I heard Kakashi saying something perverted."

"Ah. He's been pretty quiet…"

"Maybe he really drowned himself."

"We can only hope. You ready?"

-

**xoxo – No POV – xoxo**

"Yup!" Naruto smiled and grabbed his bucket that was filled with something currently unidentifiable.

"What's that?" Sasuke asked.

"Sex toys!" Kakashi shouted.

"They're not sex toys!" Naruto shouted in complete indignation.

"I knew it was too good to be true," Sasuke muttered to himself. "I thought you were going to go drown yourself?"

"Changed my mind…"

"What mind?" Naruto muttered.

"I figured someone had to keep an eye on you. Besides, I wanna be there when you finally 'do it'."

"Do what?" Sasuke asked in complete naivety.

"You know… 'IT'." Kakashi leered as he smirked rather scarily.

Kakashi then leaned down and whispered into Sasuke's ear, "So, how well hung is Naru-chan? Not that it'll matter since he'll be uke anyway…"

Poor Sasuke stood completely rigid, face aflame that would put a ripe hothouse tomato to shame. Naruto twitched, glared, punched Kakashi yet again and shouted.

"You know I can hear you, even when you whisper! Damned pervert…"

"Of course I knew. That's the whole point of my little game!"

"You… you heard that? Even earlier?"

"Yes. Everything."

Sasuke crumpled to floor and hid his face in his hands and started chanting.

"Why me? Please kill me now. Let the earth open up and swallow me whole before I die of embarrassment…"

"It's not your fault he's a pervert. C'mon…" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's arm and dragged him to the main bath.

"Naruto…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what? He's the pervert, not you. You proved that by not staring at me while I was changing."

"Oh."_ 'If only you knew the truth,'_ Sasuke thought to himself.

When they got to the pool, Kakashi appeared behind them.

"You know, you punching me is really getting old. And you never answered Sasuke's question. What's in the bucket?"

Naruto stepped into the warm water, put his bucket down on the tile wall and pulled out… a cute, yellow rubber ducky and an orange, plastic sailboat.

"Bath toys?!" Kakashi asked incredulously, mouth agape. "You play with bath toys?!"

"Yes. Unlike yourself, I don't 'play with myself' in the bath! Besides, these are very precious to me."

"Precious?" Sasuke asked, slightly confused.

"They were gifts…" Naruto got a sad, far away look in his eyes, "I didn't really have friends when I was little. There were only two people who were actually nice to me, Sandaime and my academy sensei." Naruto carefully left Iruka's name out.

"Sensei? Why would a pokemon have a sensei?"

"Sasuke, ninja types aren't born knowing how to do ninja moves. They have to be taught!" Kakashi semi-lied through his teeth yet again.

"Well, what about your parents? Why didn't they teach you? Weren't they nice to you?"

If at all possible, Naruto looked sadder as he answered, "My parents died when I was born… I never really had anybody. When I met my sensei, he tried to be kind of a big brother to me. He bought these for me when he found out I didn't have any real toys. Now he gets me stuff for my birthday every year, but these were the first gifts he ever gave me and it wasn't even my birthday. So, these mean a lot to me and if you make anymore fun of me I'll do more than punch you, you pervert!"

Naruto glared for a moment before wading to the other end of the bath with his rubber ducky and sail boat. Plopping down, he began to sing…

-

* * *

- 

Chris: Sigh. Chapter 7 come and gone. I can't wait until chapter 8! XD

Sasuke: I'm torn…

Chris: About what?

Sasuke: That… scene… in the next chapter. It's fun but it was so embarrassing! **::blushes::**

Naruto: **::glomps::** Kawaii!!! Sasuke-kun, you're so molestable! **::nuzzles Sasuke's neck::** Let's go someplace… _private._

Sasuke: In your face Itachi! **::smirks and runs off with Naruto::**

Itachi: Noooooooo!!

Naruto: Itachi, why are you screaming?

Chris: Huh? But… you just left with Sasuke.

Naruto: No I didn't. I just escaped from the janitor's closet, someone pushed me in…

Neji: Then who…?

Sasuke: **::screams like a girl::** Sakura, you bitch!! How dare you?! Ugh! I can't believe I kissed you! Now I've got girl cooties!

Itachi & Neji: **::laughing their fool heads off::**

Naruto: **::sniffle::** Sasuke's cheating on me…?

Itachi: It's alright Naru-chan, I'll comfort you. I'd never do anything so heartless… **::huggles Naruto::**

Chris: You massacred your family and scarred Sasuke for life… .

Itachi: I keep telling you, they started it. I was completely justified!

Chris: Uh yeah…

Neji: Get you're hands **OFF** of my Naruto!!

Itachi: **::smirks::** As if you could make me. Even my weak and foolish brother could kick your ass.

Neji: **::charges:: **Die!!

Chris:** ::grabs Neji by the collar::** Cool your jets! I need Naruto to give thanks and crap… besides Itachi is about to seriously suffer.

Neji: Really? You promise?

Chris: Yes, I promise. Naruto if you please…

Naruto: **::leaves Itachi's comforting arms::** Chris would like to thank everyone who reviewed! This time, everyone gets…** ::looks at the plushie:: **What the hell is this?? O.o

Chris: It's… MALIBU ITACHI!!! Just like the one I gave Kyuubi-kun! See, even his swim shorts have the same pattern as his Akatsuki cloak!

Itachi: Nooooooooo!!!!!!

Neji: **::laughs himself to death::** X.x

Naruto: Umm… what does it say? **::pushes the tummy::**

Malibu Itachi: …

Naruto: I think it's broken.

Chris: No it's not. This one doesn't say anything. Instead he has a story!

Itachi: Oh god… no. ;-;

Chris: Ahem. Malibu Itachi is the arch enemy of Malibu Barbie. She tried to castrate him like she did to Malibu Ken because the only blue-eyed blonde Itachi wants is Naruto!

Itachi: Damn straight!!

Chris: Anyway! Because Malibu Itachi has yet to be captured by Malibu Barbie, he's still anatomically correct! No peeking, that's for Naru-chan to do!

Itachi: Hell, yeah!!

Chris: So Malibu Itachi works hard to overthrow the evil that is Malibu Barbie and free all the castrated action figures from her evil hold!

Naruto: Wow… that actually sounds kind of… cool!! **::glomps Itachi::** That is so sexy too!

Neji and Sasuke: Noooooooooo! ;-;

Chris: Not so fast loverboy! You still need to do the thankies and I'm not finished with Itachi yet… **::smirk::**

Itachi: Crap. I don't like that look… kowaii! ;-;

Naruto: Chris would like to thank:

**Kirikouchan, critt, daflippnay, Isolde1, animelvr4evr, WaterBookLover, Kyuubi-kun, tracy-kin, Little Fox Kit, aNiMePeRfEcT, K-chan xoxo, ladychimera, Polka Dot, (bt) Tara, Darksythe1, averaye, danna-chan, Ulitheal and Bakani.**

Since I didn't have the time now (and not nearly as many reviews as the early chapters ;-;) I decided to bring the little personal responses back… for now at least, while I still have time and what not.

**Critt: **Um… okay. You did read the warnings right? So I scare you, huh? COOL!! I feel so accomplished now!** ::insert super genki smile::**

**Kyuubi-kun: **Mou, I already gave you a Malibu Itachi, remember? Although the review did get jacked up. But you got the very first one! **::genki smile::** Salon Itachi would be so cool though!! XD And Ryuugan, it's not nice to hit people with frying pans! **::hands a cattle prod to Kyuubi-kun::** Here, smite him with this. It needs batteries though. I haven't used it since I 'played' with Seto and Jou last year… they were being naughty. .

**Tracy-kin:** Really? You might do fanart?** ::chibi eyes::** I would so love that! Sekra said she _might_ have some for me too when she gets back in a couple of months too. **::jumps up and down:: **That would be so cool, I've just got one fanart a few days ago for the very first time! Link is in my profile if you wanna see it. It's cute.And technically Neji hasn't gotten any loving… poor baby. If you do fanart, I'll let you see the next chapter early. **::wink::**

**Little Kit Fox:** Hey! You're back! Yay!

**ANiMePeRfEcT: **Yes, I figured he could actually make Oiroke no jutsu useful. XD Just the idea of him stripping cracked me up something fierce when I wrote it.

**K-chan xoxo:** Wai! You're reviewing again! **::happy grin::** I'm sorry, but remember that patience is a virtue! Not that any of us here are virtuous. Heh, heh. Don't worry, the next chapter might come sooner… hint, hint.

**ladychimera: **Your reviewing again!** ::glomps:: **Really, you never liked SasuNaru? Well I suppose it's only fair since I've never been one for ShikaChou… even though I did write one. XD I don't know what came over me.

**Polka Dot: **Not necessarily. Think about it, if someone just magically changed genders and was butt naked in front of you, wouldn't you stare? I would regardless of the gender. And don't forget, the transformed version does resemble Naru-chan and he does wonder what the boy version looks like. Now you have me wondering, if Naru-chan was a girl would he still be interested?

**(bt)Tara: **Don't worry, the whole fic will be posted. I'm still working on it so it's coming steadily. The reason for the time between updates is so I can post regularly and you don't go into a 6 month withdrawal. You thought it was short? You know, without the comments at the beginning and end of the fic it was over 2,800 words. Not many post chapters that long. ;-; This one is just over 2500 words; 4200 plus with the comments, warnings and previews. The reason for this is just it seems like a good place to stop. Sorry. But next chapter will be close to 3000 words, okay?

**Darkscythe1:** Wai! Another sadistic mind! We should start a union or something! XD I can't wait until I post those chappies too. Actually I can't wait until I post chappie 16! XD That's going to be the… well, you'll see. I don't know if I can read your ficcies. My plate is a little full right now so we'll see.

**averaye:** You're reviewing again! Yay! :-D You like my little stories huh? Meh, I just can't help myself. I have no self control what so ever. XD But I'm glad you enjoyed it.

**Ulitheal:** Yeah it was gross… but I thought it was hilarious too. But then I'm just a mean old bitch. XD

**Bakani:** Yeah, you can have a pandamon. Sasuke will remember everything. And there's a damn good reason why… but you'll have to wait. :-P

Chris: You all get Malibu Itachi's, except for Kyuubi-kun since she already has one. Instead you get… **::grabs Itachi, gags him and ties him up in a red bow::** ITACHI!!! Try not to molest him too badly. XD

Naruto: But who comfort me?

Neji: I will!

Sasuke: Like hell you will!! Naruto, it's not what you think! That whore Sakura tricked me by transforming into you! She tried to take advantage of me! ;-; It was scary!

Naruto: Really?

Sasuke: Of course! Why would I ever be interested in her or any girl for that matter? You're so much cuter than she'll ever be…

Naruto: I love you Sasuke! **::glomps and kisses::**

Neji: Why does fate hate me? ;-;

Naruto: REVIEW!! Chris is feeling depressed again because her assignment ended earlier than she thought it would and probably won't have any work until next year. And her Internet has gone bye-bye until next month. So make her feel better by reviewing and doing fanart if you feel like it. She's easily amused and easy to please!

Chris: Oooh! A butterfly!

Naruto: Yeah… Anyway, if she gets at least 20 reviews she will update early! Otherwise, it'll be 12/31 before she posts the next chapter… probably. She's been really moody lately. It's scary! **::wobbly eyes::**

Chris: Don't forget my Internet has died on me. I'm uploading this puppy at the library so, you know… I'll do what I can!

-

* * *

- 

**Excerpt from Chapter 8:**

-

"_Geeze, I'm really starting to prune up like an old man! Hey Sasuke, can we go get some lunch? I'm starving!"_

"_Ramen, right?" I smirk with amusement._

"_Well of course! Unless of course you hate me now… you know… because of last night. And so you never wanna see another ramen noodle as long as you live…"_

"_I told you before, I'm not mad at you. I honestly don't think I could ever hate you either. As long as you don't gorge yourself, I'll be fine. Let's not have a repeat of last night, ne?"_

"_Fine," my kitsune sighs in mock defeat. "Oy, what are we going to do about him?"_


	8. Chapter 8: Rubber Ducky

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

-

Chris: Mwahahahaaaaaa! Chapter 8… you know what that means, don't you? It's my long anticipated mini-yaoi scene! YAY! XD I hope you guys like it. Unfortunately, you won't be reading it here. Sorry! I'm getting a little nervous so, it will be posted on deviantArt (as soon as it stops being on crack), affnet (as soon as it starts to work again), Mediaminer and eventually nFiction. Links are in my profile or if I have your email, in your email box. Once my Internet service gets restored I'll update my webpage and post it there too. ALSO! I want to apologize for this being late. Reasons can be found on my Xanga and my Live Journal thingy page. Swear to god, the whole world is against me. -.-

Huge thank you to Wowie for beta reading. **:glomps:** You're the best!

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** :insert insane, psychotic laugh, here: **

**Pairings:** SasuNaru (for now; heh, heh.), probably KakaIru and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, Pokemon or any of the songs used here. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm broke and have nothing anyways (although that may change soon). If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. I wonder what he thinks of our efforts and the fact that a lot of us make half the male population gay?

-

**Warning!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness – There's some uh… well, you'll see… sorta.**

**- some foul language but not nearly as bad as I usually write... yet.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... c'mon, Sasuke thinks he's a Pokemon Trainer and Naruto's his pokemon for pity's sake! Poor widdle Naru-chan…**

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then this probably isn't for you. Yaoi and shounen ai deals with **male x male relationships**. So don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control.

Tigerlily: So if ya don't like that sort of thing do us all a favor and hit the bricks.

Chris: If you do flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my fics and webpage. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

-

* * *

- 

"_Sensei? Why would a pokemon have a sensei?"_

_"Sasuke, ninja types aren't born knowing how to do ninja moves. They have to be taught!" Kakashi semi-lied through his teeth yet again._

"_Well, what about your parents? Why didn't they teach you? Weren't they nice to you?"_

_If at all possible, Naruto looked sadder as he answered, "My parents died when I was born… I never really had anybody really. When I met my sensei, he tried to be kind of a big brother to me. He bought these for me when he found out I didn't have any real toys. Now he gets me stuff for my birthday every year, but these were the first gifts he ever gave me and it wasn't even my birthday. So, these mean a lot to me and if you make anymore fun of me I'll do more than punch you, you pervert!"_

_Naruto glared for a moment before wading to the other end of the bath with his rubber ducky and sail boat. Plopping down, he began to sing…_

-

-

**Chapter 8: Rubber Ducky**

-

-

"Rubber Ducky, you're the one,"

_Quack. Quack._

"You make bath time lots of fun,"

_Quack. Quack._

"Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you; woh woh, bee doh!"

"Rubber Ducky, joy of joys,"

_Quack. Quack._

"When I squeeze you, you make noise!"

_Quack. Quack._

"Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend, it's true!

doo doo doo doooo, doo doo"

"Every day when I

Make my way to the tubby

I find a little fella who's

Cute and yellow and chubby

rub-a-dub-a-dubby!

Rubber Ducky, you're so fine"

_Quack. Quack._

"And I'm lucky that you're mine"

_Quack. Quack._

"Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of you."

"Every day when I

Make my way to the tubby

I find a little fella who's

Cute and yellow and chubby

rub-a-dub-a-dubby!

Rubber Ducky, you're so fine"

_Quack. Quack._

"And I'm lucky that you're mine"

_Quack. Quack._

"Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of -

Rubber ducky, I'd like a whole pond of -

Rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you!"

_Quack. Quack._

Sasuke and Kakashi could only stare, mouths agape as Naruto sang the Rubber Ducky Song to his… rubber ducky, his rubber ducky that he had renamed Sasuke a couple of years ago. Sasuke-ducky's eyes reminded him Sasuke-sexy bastard's non-sharingan eyes. Dark, non-reflective, cold, revealing nothing… almost dead.

Sasuke while enjoying the kitsune's company, not to mention seeing him virtually naked, couldn't help but be a little embarrassed at Naruto's choice of songs. But despite it all, he was genuinely enjoying himself.

The hentai part of him wished that Naruto's towel had fallen before he plopped down into the water so could as Kakashi had put it, 'See how well Naru-chan is hung'. Damn that pervert! Damn him to the fiery depths of hell! Now he couldn't get the idea of seeing Naruto in all his naked glory out of his head!

The poor boy was torn apart inside as both sides of his heart and mind battled it out for dominance.

-

**xoxo – Sasuke's POV – xoxo**

'_You can't be attracted to the kitsune! He's a pokemon, not a human. He's a boy, not a girl. It's morally wrong!'_

'_Who the fuck cares?'_

He's pretty… no, he's beautiful. He makes me happy. I want to be with him. And what if Kakashi's right and Naruto isn't in denial? The only thing that really makes him stand out is his whiskers… and that spiral thing on his tummy. If he didn't have them, he'd be like any other human.

'_But he's a boy!' his morally, holier than thou right side reminded him._

'_True love and good sex conquers all. Who the fuck cares if he's a boy? I say jump his bones!' his humanly, passionate and very horny left side reasoned._

'_Okay, even if that's true, think about where you are! Do you really want to get a hard on in front of that pervert, Kakashi! He'll never let you live it down! And as for Naruto, how do you even know he'll even feel the same way?'_

Sigh. Why am I doing this to myself?

"Oy! Asshole! Pervert! You coming in or what?"

"Naruto, I am not an asshole," Kakashi scolds. "But you are right, Sasuke is a pervert."

I'm getting really tired of him. Maybe I should leave in the middle of the night with Naruto? But for now I'll chunk mine and Naruto's buckets at Kakashi's head.

"Ow! Sassy-chan, that hurt!" Kakashi whines.

"That's the idea, pervert. Why don't you go over there to that corner and 'play with yourself'?" I point to a corner at the other side of the bath, far away from Naruto.

"Awww, but I'll be lonely!"

"No you won't. After all," I smirk, "you still have your hand to keep you company."

"But Sasuuuuuuke, Mr. Spanky and Mr. Monkey haven't been on speaking terms since last month when Sakura caught them!"

"Ewwww!" Naruto cries.

"Is that why she was screaming that she was blind and scarred for life?"

"Yeah, she just never understood their relationship and love of Itcha Itcha Paradise."

"Just go into the damned corner already."

"Oh, I get it… you wanna play 'hide the submarine' with Naruto."

That's it. I've had enough. He's going down. I clear my face and thoughts of any emotion, walk calmly over and… punch him in the nuts. Yes, it's low but I've had it.

"There, now Mr. Monkey doesn't have to see Mr. Spanky. Just tell Mr. Spanky that Mr. Monkey isn't feeling well."

Kakashi falls to the floor into a fetal position moaning in pain. The few patrons who are there look on in horror and sympathetic pain; even Naruto is cringing.

"Sasuke, you didn't have to hit me there! I never dreamed you could be so vicious. That's just evil…" Kakashi whimpers, moans and whines.

"Get used to it." I give one last glare before making my way to Naruto's side.

"Oy, don't you think that was a bit much? It's one thing to punch him in the face or gut, but down there… We're guys! We're not supposed to aim there!"

"Are you defending him?" I blink in shock as little whispers of jealousy prod in the back of my mind.

"Hell NO! It's just… guys aren't supposed to hit other guys there. It's sacred!"

I smile at him as I sit down beside him.

"So it's a matter of honor then?"

"Yeah! It's a so not honorable thingy!"

"Alright, I promise to try and not do it anymore."

"You mean, you promise not to do it at all." The kitsune glares at me cutely. Yes, he's awfully cute when he's angry.

'_Don't forget kissable… and lickable. And more importantly, fuckable! C'mon, go for it!' _the left side of me cheers.

'_No! You have an audience here! Remember where you are!"_ the right howls in panic.

"I'm not promising anything more than I'll try not to do it. I don't want to risk breaking any promises. You said you'd leave if I broke any promises so… I wanna make sure I don't mess up and have you leave me… So I promise, I'll try really hard not to hit him there; even when he deserves it."

"Oh." Naruto blushes a light pink across his tanned cheeks. I'm not sure if it's from the water or… I don't know. But he is awfully cute… god I sound like a girl.

'_Now's your chance! Swoop in and capture his lips! Take no prisoners! He's putty!'_

'_Shut up! Don't listen to him. Remember where you are and who's watching!'_

"So… you wanna play with my sail boat?"

'_No, play with his lips and tongue! C'mon, do it! Do it!'_

'_Not here!'_

"Sure… does your rubber ducky have a name?" I ask as I take the boat.

"Yeah."

"Well… what is it?"

"I'm not telling you!"

"Why not?"

"Because I named him after someone I liked!"

"So… who is it you like?" I ask even though inside the jealousy is rising up in me again.

"I'm not telling you his name!"

"Him? As in a boy?"

'_Yes! Score! He likes boys, go for it!'_

_'Like' can be taken a lot of ways! Just because he 'likes a boy', doesn't mean he likes them in a sexual way. And remember where you are!'_

"Of course a boy!" Naruto blushes, "There's nothing wrong with liking boys. Besides, I can't give my ducky a girl's name, that's just wrong!"

'_Heh, heh. He doesn't see anything wrong with liking boys. In your face, Right Side!'_

"How?"

"One, my rubber ducky is a boy. Two, boys and girls shouldn't bathe together. And three, I can't take a girl duck to the men's side of the bathhouse!"

"Ah, well then that makes perfect sense then… Does the boat have a name or is that a secret too?"

"Yes, the boat has a name and no, it's not a secret."

"So… what's its name?"

"The S.S. Minnow!"

"… Like from Gilligan's Island?"

"Yup! It was the only boat name I knew… that and it had a song."

"What about The Love Boat or the Titanic?"

"Didn't know the name of the boat and their song were gay. And the Titanic sunk on its maiden voyage! I'm not naming it after that!"

"Ah."

"So, are you going to play with the boat or just let it float?"

"Isn't that what boats do?"

"Sigh. You can push it along or sing the song."

"The song?"

"From Gilligan's Island. You know the words right?"

"Well… yeah. But-"

"Great! Then you can sing along with me. When I point at you, you sing. Okay?"

"Sigh. Okay."

God, the things I'll do for you.

'_How about the things you wanna do to him? Those are a lot more fun!'_

Stupid hormones. This is beyond embarrassing. But to see that shining smile upon his lips… I suppose it's worth it.

"Oh, just sit right back and we'll tell a tale; a tale of a fateful trip. That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sailing man, the skipper brave and sure! Five passengers set sail that day, for a three hour tour."

_point._

"A three hour tour."

"The weather started getting rough; the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost!"

_point._

"The Minnow would be lost!"

"The ship set down upon the shore of an uncharted desert isle… with Gilligan."

_point._

"The Skipper too."

"The Millionaire."

_point._

"And his wife."

"The Movie Star."

_point._

"The Professor and Mary Anne!"

Suddenly to my inner joy, Naruto slung his arm around my shoulders and sung the last verse with me.

"Here on Gilligan's Isle!"

God, the things I do for you… the things I want to do to you…

_'Yeah! Right on! Let's do it! Go with the moment! Cop a feel while he's got his arm around you! Just snake your arm around his waist or shoulders-'_

'_For the millionth time, REMEMBER WHERE YOU ARE!'_

"Hey Sasuke-teme, you sing pretty good!"

An uncontrollable blush stretches across my face. God I hope he doesn't catch on…

"Thanks, Naruto…"

- **-** -

Three hours later we've sung The Rubber Ducky Song three times, The Theme to Gilligan's Island twice (with his arm slung around my shoulders for the last verse each time… somehow I managed to control my hands) and had a splash fight – all Kakashi-free, I might happily add.

"Geeze, I'm really starting to prune up like an old man! Hey Sasuke, can we go get some lunch? I'm starving!"

"Ramen, right?" I smirk with amusement.

"Well of course! Unless of course you hate me now… you know… because of last night. And so you never wanna see another ramen noodle as long as you live…"

"I told you before, I'm not mad at you. I honestly don't think I could ever hate you either. As long as you don't gorge yourself, I'll be fine. Let's not have a repeat of last night, ne?"

"Fine," my kitsune sighs in mock defeat. "Oy, what are we going to do about him?"

Naruto points to Kakashi's still prone form on the floor.

"He'll move when he's ready… and if he's still there when we're ready to leave town, too bad."

"Ah, an opportunity to ditch the pervert."

"Exactly."

'_Then you can have Naru-chan all to yourself!'_

'_Sigh. I give up.'_

I smile as we walk side by side to the changing rooms, gather our belongings and start dressing. This time I peek a little at Naruto as he changes… which is a really bad idea because now I really am getting a hard on.

'_Told you so! See what happens when you don't listen to me!'_

'_Hey, he's here, you're here. Put it to good use!'_

Ack! Oh God, it's getting worse! Gotta run! Gotta hide! Must not let Naruto see this!

"I gotta go to the bathroom. I'll be back!" I quickly dash to the restroom and lock myself into a stall to relieve my… problem.

* * *

**Edited out because some people are no fun and have no tolerance for minor smut or yaoi on ffnet. Links are in my profile or you can email me for the complete chapter.**

* * *

Suddenly the bathroom door loudly swings open and I hear the real Naruto – the one I now know I want, come in. 

"Yo, Sasuke. You okay in there? You didn't fall in, did you?"

Panic fills me as I can no longer hold back my climax. I let out a guttural cry as bright white light floods all my senses and cum into a wad of toilet paper. When my vision and senses clear I hear Naruto pounding on the stall door, panic filling his voice.

'_Damn, that was great! Awesome orgasm… wish I had a cigarette.'_

'_Oh, shut up. You've got what you wanted so go away.'_

"Sasuke! C'mon, say something! Are you okay! Sasuke! Say something, please!"

"I'm fine," I squeak out meekly.

"What the hell are you doing in there! It sounded like you were dying! You've been in there for almost 15 minutes!"

Oh crap! What do I say? What do I do!

'_Tell him the truth and invite him in to act it out with you of course!'_

'_Haven't you done enough today?'_

'_Never. Especially if we can have the real thing!'_

I can't do that. It's wrong. This is all wrong. I shouldn't be doing this. I'm a bigger pervert than Kakashi. I have no right to think about him like that. Control. I need control.

'_It's about time! If you continue this line of thought, you may end up violating him against his will!'_

'_He would never do that, you killjoy! Besides, Naruto would be able to defend himself with no problem.'_

"Sasuke?"

"I… I'm… constipated."

'_Constipated! Geeze, you're no fun… and that's gross!'_

'_Who cares as long as he believes it!'_

"Oh… that sucks. I guess we'll need to get you a lot of veggies then. Those uh… should help. I'm just gonna wait for you outside, okay?"

Before I can agree I hear the door open and close as the kitsune leaves. Constipated? What the hell was I thinking! How the hell am I gonna face him now?

'_A lot easier than if you told him that you were masturbating while thinking about him! Constipation is a normal, human function that happens to everyone!'_

'_So is masturbation, what's your point? I'm telling you that Naruto likes you in that way and you like him in that way so go for it already!'_

'_You have no proof. You need to keep yourself under control! You can't keep doing this in public!'_

Argh! Stupid voices. Maybe I just should just kill myself and save the misery for some other unfortunate soul.

'_No, you can't! Naruto would be heartbroken if you did.'_

'_Says who?'_

'_He was worried about you when he came in and freaked when he heard your cry! He cares, no doubt about it. Besides, kill yourself and you'll never beat Itachi.'_

Damn. Sigh. I clean myself up, swallow my pride and step out of the bathroom.

"You okay now, Sasuke?"

"Yeah." I hang my head down in a mixture of shame and humiliation.

"Don't feel bad. It's a body function. It happens to us all."

Naruto smiles at me as he attempts to make me feel a little better. And it's no surprise that it actually works because I find myself smiling back at him. How the hell does he do that to me?

"Yeah, I guess."

"C'mon, instead of ramen we'll find someplace that serves lots of veggies… but just this once."

"Okay." I smile again as we leave.

-

* * *

- 

Okay, there you have it. Chapter 8 now come and gone. I hope you aren't too disappointed after I built it up so much. But then I hadn't written chapters 12-16 yet. XD So sorry. Heh.

Naruto: It's plushie time! **:genki smile:**

Chris: That it is! This update's plushie is… Malibu Sasuke!

Sasuke: The hell!

Naruto: It's so cute! I want to… do naughty things to it. **:guilty look:**

Chris: Later dear. Anyway, no real story behind this. Same as Itachi, except his swim short are reversible!

Sasuke: What! Your nasty readers are going to molest me!

Chris: That's the idea silly boy. And don't call them names or I won't let Naruto do naughty things to you!

Sasuke: …damn!

Chris: Anyway, on one side of the shorts are chibi Naruto kitsunes! On the other sides are happy little Sasuke's with devil horns to symbolize how happy he is to finally have Naruto in his pants!

Sasuke: Woohoo! **:happy, horny smirk:**

Chris: Okay, it's time to give thanks!

Sasuke: Chris would like to thank everyone who reviewed and beg for your forgivness.

Thanks to: **Kirikouchan, WaterBookLover, tracy-kins, Kyuubi-kun, ladychimera, Ulitheal, princessares, Aimi-chan, Little Kit Fox, daflippnay, (bt)Tara, (lt)rina, Sudden Painful Death, zan0130, Ly Mizukage, Polka Dot, SasuNaru-kun, Dark Mimiru-chan, gaaraiscool, K-chan xoxo, Dark Chalice, danna-chan, animelvr4evr, devinewaterdragon, aNiMePeRfEcT, seiyaryu, Ruby Love, MadGE, von-vlad-dracul, magicalflyingdragon, Puchu-chan, LilBlue-Hedggie, LuvsDogz, Hiei'sHellkat and Yuen-chan**!

**WaterBookLover:** Personally, I'd love to see Sasuke in a fuku! XD I know what you mean by the sun and the moon thing. I'd never put poor Naruto in the role of Tuxedo Dork. Even I'm not that evil… I'd do it to someone else!

**tracy-kins:** Hell yeah, I'm bribing you! Yes, Itachi is a dolly. XD You never heard of Malibu Barbie? I wonder of they still make them? We had them when I worked in a toy store years and years ago. Maybe they call them something else now? Must go look…

**Kyuubi-kun:** **:hands over a pack of batteries:** It was missing something? WAH! ;-;

**Aimi-chan:** Your wrath, huh? You should know, I know no fear for I used to work in a TOY STORE! Spent 3 Christmas' there; I no longer fear hell…

**(bt)Tara:** I'm sorry you had to wait for so long. And I would love some fanart if you're not too angry with me now. . But there should be no more delays, I have an internet connection at home again…

**(lt)rina:** Glad you liked it! I loved the rubber ducky too, but I love the Rubber Ducky Song even more, which is why he had it. XD

**zan0130:** Yay! I would so love that!

**Polka Dot:** Ow. Okay, I'll cut it back… sorta. It's not like I have time now anyway. ;-; Iruka's not showing up until chapter 17 (in progress) though, sorry.

**SasuNaru-kun:** **:flips HomiF the bird:** Like I told Aimi-chan, I know no fear. Mwahahaha! But I'm glad you enjoyed it! And the update won't take nearly as long this time. Cross my heart hope to write a SasuSaku fic… okay, that actually does scare me.

**Dark Mimiru-chan:** You really think so? I suppose I can try and write it… **:runs from the screaming hoards shouting to finish this one first:** Or if you want, you can give it a shot. I'm sure it'd be great!

**K-chan xoxo:** Wow… you'd do that for me? YAY! I wuv you:genki smile: Heh, might just let you read the next chapter early…

**Devinewaterdragon:** Yay! Fanart! Gimme! Feed my ego! Feed my ego:genki smile:

**h:** p.p.p.s. You're a fucking idiot who can't spell and is unworthy to go on my flames page. You're lack of originality is mind numbing. I've seen this flame before; try again you twit and have the balls to leave you're email.

**magical flyingdragon:** Yeah, I know. I bashed her up real good. And I actually almost feel bad about it since she's really redeemed herself in my eyes since I wrote that part originally. But she will be back in chapter 10 and I think you'll be happy with it too. I hope you'll come back.

**Shirohikari:** Just naturally sick. Go read my FAQ for any other questions. XD

**LuvsDogz:** Wai! I'm so glad to hear that! And I'll never get tired of hearing it, so feel free to continue! I do have a small talent for rationalizing and justifying pretty much anything. Handy, no?

**Yuen-chan:** **:hands over a Malibu Itachi:** Here ya go! And yes, fate loves to screw around with Neji. XD

Well, that's all folks… until next time. I'm going to aim for another Saturday update so gimme lots of reviews if you don't hate me now.

Naruto: Remember, reviews make her world go round because she's a sad and pathetic excuse for a human being. She's working really hard right now so review and give her a little bit of happiness!

* * *

Sorry, no excerpt or eta date... less dangerous for me.


	9. Chapter 9: Dinner and One Hell of a Show

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

-

Chris: I'm baaaack. Heh, heh. **:smirk: **Did you miss me? No:**cries: **Oh well.Okay kiddies, here it is, chapter 9. Were getting closer and closer to chapters 11-16 which have quickly become my favorites. XD Especially chapter 16. I KNOW you guys are going to get a kick out of it. Okay time to get on with the disclaimer stuff so we can start the fic…

Huge thanks to Wowie for beta reading. **:glomps:** You're the best! And I'm sorry for scarring you with that other fic. I will write a special one just for you as soon as I can think one up. **:super genki smile:**

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** :insert insane, psychotic laugh, here: **

**Pairings:** SasuNaru (for now; heh, heh.), probably KakaIru and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, Pokemon or any of the songs used here. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm broke and have nothing anyways (although that may change soon). If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. **:lights a candle:** My only hope is one day he will see the light…

-

**Warning!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness – but nothing much in this chapter. Wait until chapter 11... hell chapter 16! XD**

**- some foul language but not nearly as bad as I usually write... yet.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... c'mon, Sasuke thinks he's a Pokemon Trainer and Naruto's his pokemon for pity's sake! Poor widdle Naru-chan…**

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then this probably isn't for you. Yaoi and shounen ai deals with **male x male relationships**. So don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control.

Tigerlily: So if ya don't like that sort of thing do us all a favor and hit the bricks.

Chris: If you do flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my fics and webpage unless your flame is lame. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

-

* * *

- 

_Argh! Stupid voices. Maybe I just should just kill myself and save the misery for some other unfortunate soul._

'_No, you can't! Naruto would be heartbroken if you did.'_

'_Says who?'_

'_He was worried about you when he came in and freaked when he heard your cry! He cares, no doubt about it. Besides, kill yourself and you'll never beat Itachi.'_

_Damn. Sigh. I clean myself up, swallow my pride and step out of the bathroom._

"_You okay now, Sasuke?"_

"_Yeah." I hang my head down in a mixture of shame and humiliation._

"_Don't feel bad. It's a body function. It happens to us all."_

_Naruto smiles at me as he attempts to make me feel a little better. And it's no surprise that it actually works because I find myself smiling back at him. How the hell does he do that to me?_

"_Yeah, I guess."_

"_C'mon, instead of ramen we'll find someplace that serves lots of veggies… but just this once."_

"_Okay." I smile again as we leave._

-

-

**Chapter 9: Dinner and One Hell of a Show**

-

-

**xoxo – Sasuke POV – xoxo**

We've been sitting here for a while… quietly. It's nice, but it's getting… odd? It just seems like he should be more animated. He doesn't seem upset. His appetite certainly hasn't decreased; he's on his third helping of our hot pot. I'm surprised he'd actually eat something besides ramen.

"So…"

"Soooo…"

"Did you meet anyone interesting while you were traveling?"

"I don't know about interesting but I have met a lot of nice people. Like Guido; I told you about him last night… sorta."

"He worked at that…" I blush slightly, "strip club?"

"Yeah, he was the bouncer. You wouldn't know it to look at him, but he's a really nice guy. He has a real soft spot for kittens and collects unicorns… I guess that's interesting since he's such a huge, burly guy with tattoos all over his body. Oh! And there was this really cute girl, Lily…"

Girl? Lily?

'_Don't panic! He likes boys, remember!'_

_'He never said he didn't like girls, either. In your face, Left Side!'_

Okay Sasuke, stay cool. Stay calm. Saying someone is cute is not a declaration of love.

_'Exactly! He can still be yours!'_

Of course, you don't have to be in love to sleep together… wait, it can't be what I think. He's a pokemon for pity's sake!

"She was one of my first jobs."

"Huh? How can a cute girl be a job?"

"Heh. Her mom paid me to '_babysit'_ her."

"Wait. How old was she?"

"Twelve."

_'See? No worries, she's just a kid!'_

"A little old for a babysitter, don't you think?"

"Well, my main job was to keep her out of trouble…"

"Trouble?"

"She has issues with matches."

"Issues?"

"Yeah, she likes to use them to burn stuff to the ground."

"She's a pyro!"

"Yeah, she's really a sweet kid but when she gets mad, she gets even with interest. A neighbor boy told her that because she was a girl, she was stupid. In retaliation… she burned down his treehouse."

"You've got to be kidding."

"Nope. Saw it with my own eyes. She did a really great job doing it. She even killed the poor tree in the process."

"So how did you end up watching her?"

"Her mother ran a food stall and I went in looking for work. She didn't need anymore help but the towns' festival week was coming up and she wasn't going to be able to watch Lily closely…"

"Sounds like she doesn't normally watch her closely at all. She did burn down that treehouse…"

"Lily can be pretty sneaky. Because I'm a ninja, her mom decided to hire me since I'd definitely be able to keep track of her. Lil's really nice, you'd like her. She's really smart too… of course you'd have to be in order to burn a treehouse to the ground with only a pack of matches and a couple of candles."

"Definitely. She gave you any trouble?"

"Nah. Like I said, she's a real sweetie… unless you piss her off. We got along great. I'd tell her stories about all the pranks I used to pull to keep her entertained. Actually pulled couple with her. But we got through the week fire-free and I moved on to the next town."

"Why? Didn't you like it there?"

"Well yeah, it was nice but…"

"But?"

"Let's just say I left my hometown without permission and didn't want to risk being caught."

"So you're on the run… why did you leave?"

"I'd rather not say right now… the memory hurts too much." Naruto shifts in his seat uncomfortably and stares at his bowl of food.

Crap. I said the wrong thing. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I didn't mean to pry…"

"It's okay. I'm not ready to talk about it now, but I'll tell you everything someday. Okay?"

"You sure you want to?"

The kitsune's smile shines on his face and once again I can't help but stare. He's so enthralling, so… cute. And when the sun hits his hair and face he takes on an ethereal beauty that's so soft it might disintegrate if you tried to touch it. God, I'm in so deep I may drown… what a lovely way to go.

"Yeah. I'm sure."

"So, how long have you been on the run?"

"Six months."

"What have you been doing all this time?"

"Working, training, wandering… Even though I left home, I'm still a ninja. If I want to get stronger, I have to train."

"Good. When we're done eating we can go train you… although it's not going to be easy."

"Huh?"

"I don't have Lee with me anymore so you don't have anyone to battle against."

"Not this crap again…" Naruto muttered as he pounded his head on the table. "I keep telling you, I'm not a pokemon!"

"Fine, I won't argue with you anymore. Just stop hitting your head on the table!" I shoot my hand out and grab Naruto's short locks before his head can connect with table again.

"Ow! Asshole, that hurts!" Naruto bellows, drawing everyone's attention.

I let go and whisper as quietly as I can, "Stop it. You're making a scene!"

"Hey, you're the one grabbing hair like some girl!" Naruto continues to shout and the patrons around us begin to whisper to each other.

"And you're the one pounding your head on the table like some sort of crazed masochist! And I don't act like a girl!" I shout back, no longer caring that we're making a scene.

"Yes you do! You fight like a girl and are pretty enough to be one too! We should buy you a dress with matching shoes and purse!"

Pretty? He thinks I'm pretty?

_'Yes! He likes boys and thinks you're pretty. C'mon, make your move!'_

'_Think about where you are! There are already tons of people staring. Do you want a repeat of what happened in the bathroom!'_

Before I can come up with any sort of comeback, the restaurant owner comes to throw us out.

"Alright! That's enough. You two, leave now!"

"What! We aren't even finished eating yet! Why are you throwing us out?"

"You're disturbing the other customers! If you're going to fight, take it outside!"

"But we weren't fighting!" Naruto shouting in indignation as we were shoved out the door.

'_Yeah! It was foreplay!'_

"Yeah right. Don't come back!" With that the door slams shut in their faces.

"Aw man! I'm still hungry!" Naruto whines.

"Sigh. Let's get you some ramen then," I say in an effort to make some sort of peace offering.

"Okay…"

We walk to the Ramen House where we had eaten last night in absolute silence. Just when I think I am going to go mad from the din of silence Naruto speaks up.

"Sasuke… I'm sorry I said you fight like a girl. I take it back, okay?"

_'Heh, heh. He didn't take back the part about you being pretty…'_

"It's okay… friends?" I ask as I smile slightly at him.

Naruto blinks in surprise before breaking out into a huge, honest grin.

"Yeah… friends."

'_Friends with privileges?' The left leers._

'_Oh shut up.'_

-

**xoxo – Naruto's POV – xoxo**

God, what the hell is wrong with me? Why do I always pick fights with him? I hate to admit it, but us getting thrown out of the hot pot place is all my fault. If I had just kept my voice down… but then he just starts going on about that pokemon crap and I see red! One minute we're having a nice little conversation where I feel like we're equals… real friends. The next minute he completely turns that on its ear and flips it the bird by treating me like some pet that has to be trained!

He's still nice and all, it's just… I don't want to be seen as some sort of pet or piece of property. And so I get mad and lose my temper… again. I need to get him back to his old self before I go insane. But then his old self basically hates me. Alright maybe hate is too strong a word. But he doesn't care for me in the way I want him to. This Sasuke I could actually be with if it's not for the fact that he sees me as some sort of animal.

So, I guess I need to convince him that I'm in fact a human, not a pokemon… But then what? Will he leave me behind then to search for another 'pokemon'? Is that all he keeps me around for or does he actually like spending time with me? So now the question is do I want to ruin what I do have, as pathetic as it is, or just accept my role and be basically miserable because I can't have him if I'm in that role? It's a huge gamble, all or nothing. There's no in between, no gray, just black and white. Cut and dry.

Aside from the pokemon comments and Kakashi's incessant perversion, I've actually had a really nice time with him today. I got to really talk with him, I got to sing with him, we had a splash fight much to the annoyance of the other bathhouse patrons and most importantly I got to see his glorious naked ass. It truly is a thing of beauty. Worthy of divine worship and much drooling. I want it, but I know in the end I won't have it. I'm never that lucky.

Damn it all to hell. I'm gonna convince him that I am human and if he leaves me behind, then so be it. I've survived 6 months without him. I can survive 6 more and then another 6 after that. And if he reverts back to his old self then fine. At least then I'll know where I stand. I rather lose everything than go on like this.

"Hey Sasuke… how about we stay one more night?"

"Huh?"

"Well, half of the day is already gone, so why don't we wait until morning to leave? We won't get too far if we leave now."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. It makes sense… of course that means we'll be stuck with Kakashi."

"Sigh. Damned if you do, damned if you don't."

"Yeah."

"You know, we should probably find a laundry service before it gets too late."

"Huh?"

"You know, for the clothes I… had my accident on?"

Sasuke snickers lightly.

"Oh, is that what we're calling it now?"

"Oy! It's not like I wanted to puke all over you!" It was just a lucky break for me, "Therefore, it was an accident."

"Okay, fine. Let's head back to the inn. Maybe they can tell us where to find one," Sasuke says as heads towards the inn.

Okay Naruto, think! How can you jog Sasuke's memory or convince him you're not a pokemon?

'_You could always tell him the truth… not that it's ever worked before.' _The stupid voice makes itself known, yet again.

"Sasuke… what did you do before you became a pokemon trainer?"

"I don't know… stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Yeah. Stuff."

"What kind of 'stuff'?"

"What is it you want to know, Naruto?" Sasuke asks slightly frustrated.

"What was your life like before you left Konoha Town?"

"I don't really remember… lonely I guess. Look, can we not talk about this!"

"Okay… fine. Don't get your panties in a twist. Can I ask what you're going to do when you beat Itachi and become a Pokemon Master?"

"I… I don't know. I never thought about it."

"You just want to beat Itachi, huh? So then, what will you have left then when you do it? What do you want?"

"I don't know… I guess we'll find out when we get there."

"We?"

"Yeah. We. You, me, Lee and whatever other pokemon I have when that day comes."

"Oh." He expects me to still be with him? Egomaniac. Although, I kinda like the idea… but once again, it's another thing that'll never happen.

Sigh. Geez, what do I do now? He doesn't want to talk about the past, and his future is… he doesn't know what he really wants to do! How do I make him remember the past? And I haven't a fucking clue how to get him to believe I'm not a pokemon.

'_He got really upset when you tried to force the issue. He obviously doesn't want to remember. I told you on some level he knows; he remembers.'_

Damn. This is going to be harder than I thought. It's only been two days… he's been living in this delusion for 4 months. It's not like we can snap our fingers and bam, he's better. Sigh. This is going to take time. I don't know if I have the patience or attention span to survive this. Man, this really sucks.

We finally make our way to the inn and get stopped by the innkeeper before we can even ask about a laundry service.

"Hey, just so you know; your friend is safe and sound in his room."

"Our friend?" Sasuke asks.

"Yeah, the strange, gray haired fellow that you are traveling with. Some guy from the bathhouse brought him back."

"Do you have a laundry service in this town?" Sasuke asks, totally indifferent to Kakashi being 'safe and sound' in his room.

"Yeah, there's several but old Mrs. Miyuzaki is the best. She can get it to you by morning if you ask her. She's just a few streets over; you should have passed it on your way to the bathhouse."

"Okay. Thanks."

As we walk up the stairs I hear the innkeeper mutter.

"With friends like them, who needs enemies?"

"Sigh. I guess we're stuck with him for sure now," Sasuke says when we reach the landing.

"Yeah. It would seem so. Maybe he'll leave us alone until the morning."

"Maybe. I wouldn't count on it though."

We walk into our room and quickly gather all of our dirty clothes. And just for the hell of it I decide to go get Kakashi's while we're at it.

"I'll be back in a minute."

"Where are you going?"

"To get Kakashi's laundry."

"What the hell for? He can take care of his own," Sasuke grumbles.

"Well for one, it can make up for kicking him in his family jewels and two…"

"Two?"

"Do you really want him to run out of clean clothes? He might insist on borrowing yours or just wear the dirty ones. Do you really wanna smell that? You may not be as tall as him, but he'd still be able to make due with **your** clothes."

"Damn… okay, go get his crap."

Sasuke's so cute when he pouts. It takes a lot of self-control not to walk up and kiss him. Instead I flash him a vulpine grin as I walk out the door.

"Yeah, thought you'd see it my way."

Sasuke just glares as I leave the room. Boy, he hates losing. I quickly knock on Kakashi-sensei's door and when he doesn't answer I let myself in.

"Hey. Dirty old man. Where's your dirty laundry?"

"Huh?" He asks blearily.

"Your dirty clothes. Where are they? We're going to the laundry."

"Oh. In the back pocket of my pack."

I pull out the clothes and make my way to the door when Kakashi calls out to me.

"Naruto."

"Yeah?"

"Naruto, if I die… I want to be buried with my Itcha Itcha Paradise books…"

"You're not going to die."

"And, I want you to snog Sasuke in my memory… and have kinky sex…"

"Would you stop!" I growl.

"You can keep vol. 4 of Itcha Itcha Paradise; it's the yaoi edition. It'll be helpful when you and Sasuke finally do get around to 'putting the devil into hell'."** ¹**

"What! That better not mean what I think it does!"

"You mean having sex? Yeah, it does. It's my own special name for it…" The pervert gives me a tired smile.

God, how can he do this now! I'm so tempted to let Sasuke kick him again, but opt instead to leave the room. Sasuke is waiting in the hall when I finally escape.

"Did he give you any trouble?"

"Yeah, even in his condition his perverted tendencies still sneak through."

"What did he say to you? He didn't touch you, did he?" Sasuke asks angrily.

"No. Don't worry about it. Besides, it's better that you don't know."

"But…" he begins when I cut him off.

"No buts, he didn't touch me so don't worry."

"Fine."

He frowns at the ground, pouting. God, he's so cute. Okay, Naruto. Fight the urge. Don't throw your arm around him and kiss him. I doubt it'll make him feel better. If anything, it'll probably freak him out. As we walk out of the inn, I idly wonder how I'm going to survive sharing a room with him again tonight. Guess it'll be another early night for me… at least I'll get to watch him change again. Yay! I get to make myself miserable, lusting after what I can't have… again. God I'm such a masochist.

-

-

¹ I entered Hatake Kakashi into a Sex Name Generator and got, "It's not sex. It's… Putting the Devil Into Hell. Incidentally, that's also what I got when I entered Uchiha Sasuke. XD I'll be putting the link to the name generators in my profile and Xanga blog. There's one for Stripper name, Porn Star name, Penis name, Drag Queen name, Star Wars Masturbation Method and my favorite… The Magical Pick Up Line generator. I'll be using some of the answers I got from the stripper name and magical pick up line generators in later chapters. Heh, heh.

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* * *

- 

Well, there goes chapter 9. Goodbye chapter 9, I'll miss you! What? Don't look at me like that! Anyway, obviously chapter 10 will be next but pretty much all of you will not be enjoying it because… there will be no SasuNaru. I know, it's horrible and evil and well, not fun but it has to be done. Next chapter, we'll be checking in on Lee and Sakura. It's boring really, and you'll probably all hate it. But I VOW you will have chapter 11 a week after it goes up. Barring of course websites going down like ffnet did when I was ready to post. -.- Then all bets are off. And this is extra late because when I was working on this at the library, it didn't save right and I didn't have a back-up with me. So I've had to do the thankies and junk all over when I home. Fortunately, I have my phone and Internet back now. Yay! So I don't have to do all this at the library. Specifically the library in Dallas because the ones in Fort Worth won't let you use their disk drives. The bastards! They're afraid of viruses so they have these lock things in their disk drives and if you want to save something you have to buy one of their disks to use. Unfortunately, my modem is acting up and I keep losing my connection. Have I mentioned how much my life sucks? Okay, it's present time! And we have so many to hand out. Don't we Naru-chan?

Naruto: Yep! **:vulpine grin:**

Sasuke: Oy! DON'T call him Naru-chan! Only I can do that!

Chris: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Naru-chan, if you will unveil this months Malibu Plushie please…

Naruto: This time, it's Malibu Neji! **:holds it in the air with one hand while throwing a peace sign with the other:**

Chris: Neji is wearing pure white swim shorts. On the reverse side, is chibi nakie Naruto's in the Oiroke no jutsu pose!

Sasuke: **:twitch, twitch:** Oh HELL NO! **:grabs the plushie and starts to write on it and strip it:**

Naruto: Wow, Chris-neesan was right! They are anatomically correct! **:turns to Neji: **You're really well hung, aren't you?

Neji: **:smirk:** The real thing is even better. Would you like to see it? I've been saving it for you… **:starts to hump a tree:** Oh Naru-chan, you're so hard…

Naruto: What the hell? O.o

Itachi: Nobody humps my Naru-chan but me! **:smirk:**

Sasuke: No, ME!

Itachi: Me.

Sasuke: ME! ME! ME! **:stomps his foot on the ground:**

Chris: Ooookay. -.- Naru-chan, while they're fighting let's give thanks and plushies.

Naruto: Okay! Chris would like to thank everyone who read and worships everyone who reviewed!

Thankies, love and adoration to: **Nanashi Ouka, daflippnay, Yit-ha, animelvr4evr, K-chan xoxo, ANiMePeRfEcT, tracy-kins, YRyoku-sama, Little Fox Kit, Kyuubi-kun, Dark Mimiru-chan, Aimi-chan, Sora Jr, Polka dot, Ruby Love, Puchu-chan, Ulitheal, jazzy, magical-flyingdragon, Inuki-Chan, cheeseboi, princessares, Sakura-san, gaara-no-suna, Submit Review, Honey, Ginka**** , Generally Maz, ****Kirikouchan (on lj), moonprincess90 (on lj), kisaru (on lj), and taleneismyyami(on lj)**

**daflippnay:** Yeah, I agree with you on Kakashi having no openings normally… however I need him… um… down. The is a reason for my madness! Mwahahahahaa… yeah. And I don't think even Kakashi would expect that and so he's caught off guard. And I thought it would be funny!

**Yit-ha:** Funny you should mention that… Sasuke ain't as vocal about it since he's so focused on Naruto himself. Although the thought is still lurking. As for the title, I thought it was funny. That's my reason for doing most things. All the other times is because its perverted fun. XD I have been thinking about changing the title though for quite sometime. Mainly because the pokemon word is such a deterrent even if people take a look at how many people have reviewed.

**animelvr4evr:** Yes, I do plan on them returning and entering the fray… Well Itachi at least. I wanna bring Gaara back too but I'm not sure if I'm ever going to be able to get to it.

**tracy-kins:** - **:wobbly chibi eyes:** You love me? I'm so happy! **:genki smile:** Yes, I am that desperate for attention… sorta. Anyway, working in toy store isn't as fun as it sounds although it has its moments. I'll tell ya all about it later though.

**Little Kit Fox:** No offense taken. Poor Sasuke… isn't as cool under pressure as we all think. Even he can panic. XD

**Kyuubi-kun:** XD Sing-a-long! Awww, next time I'll write… you… OOOOOOH! Great idea just now! Tell you about it later… if I remember. **:sweatdrop:**

**Aimi-chan:** NOOOO! Think dirty thoughts! Those are the most fun!** :hentai grin: **And I love lemons! XD So, count on some… sorta. There's some other fics in the wings. Email me if you wanna know about them.

**Sora Jr:** - **:pats Sora on the head:** It's okay, you get used to it. The majority of my family was afraid of me by the time I was 15. They think I'm insane for some reason. **:innocent face:** All I did was punch a few people and stand up for myself. They have no idea about this shit…

**Polka dot:** Hey you keep mentioning him and saying you can't wait. I felt bad every time knowing you're going to have such a long wait. ; It was the humane thing to do. You will hang in there, right? Hmm, split personality… that might be interesting. But I'm not going there… yet. Oh look! A new idea!

**Ruby Love:** So are you saying I'm truly great in spite of the formula? Hee! I'm such a rebel. For doing such a wonderful job of feeding my ego, you get Neji for the next 24 hours… after that genjutsu thing wears off that is. **:nervous:** Did you to download those Naruto chapters?

**Ulitheal:** So I've pretty much warped and scared you for life then? Yay! Sorry, I enjoy doing that sort of thing to people. Ask my 'little sister' Taryn. She used to be such a nice young girl. XD

**magical-flyingdragon:** Yes, she will be less of a meanie. I kinda have a love hate feeling towards the girl. Sometimes she does stuff that impresses me and then she goes and does something that gives women everywhere a bad name and makes me want to kill her. -.- She's a nice girl who's prone to emotional stupidity.

**Inuki-chan:** You mean give in to the voices… well the naughty one? Heehee. Patience. That's all I'm going to say. Just wait till chapter… I think its 11. You won't believe what happens. XD Or maybe you will.

**cheeseboi:** - **:brings tigerlilies to cheeseboi's grave:** Never fear, you died for a good cause. XD Glad you enjoyed it so much. And yes, I can be very silly. Don't know why. A woman my age should be more serious but I'm just such a juvenile delinquent at heart. **:genki smile: **So what did ya think of Kakashi's name for sex? **:falls over laughing:** And it will not be ending there. It's just so much fun. XD

**princessares:** Well, the right is perverted because… well… in politics, the conservatives (Republicans) a.k.a. the moral right, family values, we're holier than thou party is called the right wing. The left wing is the liberals (Democrats) who kinda go with the flow and are accused of having loose morals. So, the right side of his conscience is really prudish and overly logical; and the left is passionate and really horny. Make sense?

**Sakura-san:** Oh c'mon, Sasuke being gay is not that weird. Kishimoto-sama made him gay, he just hasn't realized it yet. Yeah… What was strange about the Temari and Gaara sibling thing?

**Honey:** Fanart? Yay! I don't care if it sucks, it probably really doesn't. Fanart is the best kind of praise. Feed my ego!

**Ginka:** You drew something? **:tackle glomps: **I adore you! Send it to me! Ahem. Yes it is getting dirty. In fact it's gonna get downright filthy because I'm just such a raunchy person. XD And yeah, there are less funnies and for a little while it will get a little… emotional? Meh. Can't find the right words. But it will be a result of the dirty little… um... big parts. **:sweatdrop:**

**Generally Maz: **Cookie! **:does best Cookie Monster impersonation:** Are they Mint Milano's? I love those! Thanks for the love! **:feels warm and fuzzy:** Hmm… what does Itachi taste like?

Itachi: Only Naruto shall know. **:steals lollipops:**

Chris: Well, that's it for now. You know the routine. Give me praise and let me know how hard you laughed. Actually, if I just make you laugh I will be very, very happy… which is actually praise since that's what I'm aiming to do!

Sasuke: Review so we can get this damn show on the road. I wanna get to chapter 11! And 12… oh and 14-16 is good too…

Chris: O.o Suddenly, I'm actually worried. I think I've corrupted the poor boy. Yay! Go me!

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**Chapter 10 Excerpt:**

-

After 30 minutes of walking, we finally reached the village. We quickly find an inn and put our stuff away before going to look for someplace to eat. We find only one onigiri stand but since it looks quite disgusting and unsanitary, so we opt for ramen instead. Strangely the onigiri stand reminds me of Sasuke-san when he finally came out of his house.

"Ya know, the onigiri stand reminds me of when Sasuke-san came out."

"That's funny. I was thinking the same exact thing." We laugh together.

Finally we find the ramen stand and stop dead in our tracks. I can't help but laugh, the place is called Kitsune Ramen. On the sign is picture of a happy, chibi fox-girl (or is it a boy?) slurping up ramen.

"Dear god… it's like a sign from the gods."

"Naruto-san would enjoy this." I laugh, "We should bring him next time we see him just to see the look on his face."


	10. Chapter 10: Remorse

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

-

Chris: Dear God… Could it be? An update in less than a month! Wow, is that a flying pig? Yes, it is. XD

Huge thanks to Wowie for beta reading. **:glomps:** You're the best! And I'm still sorry for scarring you with that other fic. I'm still thinking up a plot for that fic for you. **:huggles:**

**Note: **This is AU, everything after chapter… um 245 (I think?) does not exist to me for this story. I don't wanna hear any bitching, moaning and complaining saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, KakaIru (but a LONG way till we get there) and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto although I wish I did. I sure as hell don't own Pokemon and quite frankly I don't want to. When you think of it, Pokemon is nothing but kiddie cock fighting. God that sounded SO wrong. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time. I don't even have the means to pay my creditors, you won't be getting one single, red cent out of me. If I owned Naruto… it'd be a lot more vulgar, raunchy and perverted… and Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-sama becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy… think he'd rent Naruto out?

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**Warning!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

Hmm… actually, this chapter really doesn't have anything bad. It's really PG stuff. I'm so disappointed with myself. I think I should go cry in a corner now…

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* * *

- 

_God, how can he do this now! I'm so tempted to let Sasuke kick him again, but opt instead to leave the room. Sasuke is waiting in the hall when I finally escaped._

"_Did he give you any trouble?"_

"_Yeah, even in his condition his perverted tendencies still sneak through."_

"_What did he say to you? He didn't touch you did he?" Sasuke asks angrily._

"_No. Don't worry about it. Besides, it's better that you don't know."_

"_But…" he begins when I cut him off._

"_No buts, he didn't touch me so don't worry."_

"_Fine."_

_He frowns at the ground, pouting. God, he's so cute. Okay, Naruto. Fight the urge. Don't throw your arm around him and kiss him. I doubt it'll make him feel better. If anything, it'll probably freak him out. As we walk out of the inn, I idly wonder how I'm going to survive sharing a room with him again tonight. Guess it'll be another early night for me… at least I'll get to watch him change again. Yay! I get to make myself miserable, lusting after what I can't have… again. God I'm such a masochist._

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* * *

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**Chapter 10: Remorse**

-

-

**xoxo - Sakura POV – xoxo**

Is Kakashi right? Does Sasuke really feel that way? Should I just let go? His words to me keep playing in my head. They are harsh and cold. But I deserve it. I didn't want to believe it but now… I just don't know anymore.

-

**-** **-** **-** **_flashback_** **-** **-** **-**

"Then why don't you leave? We don't need you. It's your fault Sasuke is like this! A demon like you only knows how to cause pain!" I spat out venomously.

"Sakura-san!"

"That's enough, Sakura! Sasuke wants him to stay, regardless of how you feel. It's not your place or decision to make. And even if he didn't, Naruto belongs with us! He's part of our team, no matter where he goes. He's still one of us."

"Forgive her, Naruto-san. She doesn't mean it. She's just upset. Sasuke's behavior has been hard on all of us. We know you aren't Kyuubi."

"Yeah… they're always upset… they never mean it…" Naruto mumbles almost inaudibly.

-

"Sakura, you need to accept what's happening."

"There's nothing _happening_. It's just your perverted mind run amok again!"

"Look Sakura, you're a very bright girl who's normally fairly kind. But right now you're being a fucking bitch!"

Did that pervert just call **me** a bitch!

"I don't enjoy talking to you like this. I don't enjoy calling you that. But I don't know any other way to get through to you! If you don't learn to deal with this, it will destroy you. And in the end only you will lose.

"Sasuke and Naruto will move on without you. I will move on without you. We are supposed to be a team. We will always be a team no matter where we are. Naruto cares about you a great deal. You're one of his important people. He'd give his life to protect you and all you do is treat him with resentment and hostility because he has what you want."

"That's not true."

"Sigh. Sakura pull your head out of your ass already! If you truly love Sasuke as much as you claim you do, you'll let him go. You'll put your happiness aside for his. Sasuke actually cares about Naruto. Do you have any idea how hard that is for him?

"He's closed himself off from any kind of public emotion. He has worn an uncaring and indifferent mask ever since his family was massacred. He's refused to let anyone to get close to him. He hid behind the avenger excuse but the truth was he didn't want to get hurt again. He didn't want to deal with the pain of loss."

"You're wrong. It can't be true."

"Fine. You keep telling yourself that all the way back to Konoha. Think long and hard about it. Let it destroy you. Become a bad person, because that's where the road you're on leads to. I hope you realize that before it's too late. You're a bright and talented girl. I expect a lot from you because I know you can do it. Don't disappoint me. Accept it."

- **- **- **-** -

"What the hell are you talking about! Sasuke-kun isn't mad at me! Why should he?"

"Sakura-san, how can you…"

"Are you blind! Did you not see the, 'I'm going to rip you in half and dance on your grave' glare he gave you last night! You've been treating Naruto like crap and it's pissing Sasuke off! Sigh… I know how you feel about him, but right now you aren't helping matters."

"Sakura-chan… I'm sorry I messed everything up for you… I never wanted to hurt anybody. I just wanted to leave and make everyone happy. I know I was never wanted… hated and despised. I thought my leaving would make everything better…"

"Naruto-san, not everyone hated you… It's true a lot of people feared and hated you because of Kyuubi. Fear makes people do evil, hateful things. People fear what they do not understand. It's only human nature, as ugly as that is.

"But those of us who have come to know you as Naruto-san and not the Kyuubi, we don't fear you; we don't hate you. I know I don't hate you. And I know deep down, Sakura-san doesn't hate you either. She's just really mad at the whole situation. Not everyone hates you, Naruto-san."

_**-** **-** **-**_ _**end flashback -** **-** **-**_

-

I've said such horrible things to Naruto. I can hardly believe it myself. Kakashi is right. Sasuke does care for Naruto. Naruto has what I've always dreamed for without even trying. Is it too late? Am I already a bad person? God, I'm so sorry…

- **- **- **-** -

**xoxo – Lee's POV – xoxo**

After 3 days of painfully silent traveling, we've come to a town.

"Sakura-san, there's a town up ahead. Why don't we stop for the night? It would be nice to sleep in a real bed and have a hot bath."

"Okay." Sakura-san answers in the same monotone voice she's used since we parted with Kakashi-san, Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun.

In the past 3 days, the only words that have come out of her mouth is 'yes', 'no', 'okay' and 'alright'. The only time she speaks is to answer a question and each time the answer is short. Sigh. I don't know what to do for her and the silence is starting to drive me slightly insane. I don't think I can survive the week it'll take us to get to Konoha. I wish I knew what she's thinking.

"Lee-kun… am I a bad person?" Sakura-san asks so softly I barely hear her.

"I don't think so. What would make you think you are?"

"… The things I said to Naruto were horrible."

"Ah. Well, yeah what you said was horrible. But that doesn't make you a bad person."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Well for starters, you feel remorse for what you did. If you didn't, then yeah you would be a bad person. But I know you aren't like that. You're only human, Sakura-san. Nobody's perfect; not even Sasuke-san. We all do stupid things at one time or another; it's human nature.

"You did it out of anger, frustration and jealously. I know how you feel about Sasuke-san and seeing him like that has been painful for you. He's been just going through the motions of living these past 6 months. His soul was unhappy and lost… and when Naruto-san appeared, so did his happiness. It was as if we didn't matter at all. Ultimately, we were unable to do anything for him but keep him company.

"Naruto-san has done in a matter of moments, what we've tried to do for the past 6 months. He's made him happy and possibly given him a purpose. And when Naruto-san tried to leave… Sasuke-san opened up and made himself vulnerable and human. He put aside pride and ego to try and keep Naruto-san from leaving. He cast away the façade he exists behind. He cares a great deal for Naruto-san, something you've been unwilling to accept since Naruto-san left."

"He's been my dream for such a long time…"

"It's hard to let go of our dreams. They give us a goal; a purpose to carry on and keep trying. But that doesn't mean you can't have a new dream. Work hard to be the best person you can be and you'll never be disappointed!"

"Lee-kun… thanks."

"No problem!" I shoot her my best nice guy pose and smile, "Anything for the woman I love!"

"… um, yeah…"

Sigh. Things are practically back to normal, she's looking at me in that, 'What is going on in that freaks head!' look again.

"Sakura-san… what are you going to do when Sasuke and Naruto come back…possibly together?"

"I don't know. I guess I should apologize first to Naruto."

"I'm sure he'd appreciate it… hey, let's have ramen in honor of Naruto-san!"

"Let's not… how about onigiri, in honor of Sasuke-kun?" Sakura-san smiles sadly.

"Sigh. Okay." I smile as we come closer to the town.

You'll be fine Sakura-san, I'm sure of it. You'll find someone or something else that'll make you happy. And with any luck, you'll be able to smile when you see Naruto-san.

I wonder what will happen when they finally return to Konoha? Better yet, I wonder what we'll say to our friends when we come back without Kakashi-san and Sasuke-san? Do we tell them everything? We'll have to tell them about Naruto-san; they'll want to know. Especially Hinata-san… she didn't react as badly as Sasuke-san did, but the sadness and disappointment were still there. Even Neji-san felt a little bad for her. He hadn't been nearly as mean to her as usual when we left.

If Sasuke-san's feelings are what I suspect them to be, then Naruto-san is a dead man when he comes home. Those fangirls are scary! If Sakura-san's reaction is any indication to what the others are going to feel, I doubt even Godaime-sama can protect him from their wrath. Yes, Naruto-san is one dead man when he gets home. Maybe if we spread the news, it won't be such a shock when they get back. But then, they might all leave the village too on a search and destroy mission. I suppose Godaime will know what to do.

After 30 minutes of walking, we finally reached the village. We quickly find an inn and put our stuff away before going to look for someplace to eat. We find only one onigiri stand but since it looks quite disgusting and unsanitary, so we opt for ramen instead. Strangely the onigiri stand reminds me of Sasuke-san when he finally came out of his house.

"Ya know, the onigiri stand reminds me of when Sasuke-san came out."

"That's funny. I was thinking the same exact thing." We laugh together.

Finally we find the ramen stand and stop dead in our tracks. I can't help but laugh, the place is called Kitsune Ramen. On the sign is picture of a happy, chibi fox-girl (or is it a boy?) slurping up ramen.

"Dear god… it's like a sign from the gods."

"Naruto-san would enjoy this." I laugh, "We should bring him next time we see him just to see the look on his face."

We sit down at the counter and after we place our orders, we start to chat. It seems Sakura-san is already in better spirits.

"So what should we tell the others?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"What do we tell Hinata, Neji, Ino, Shikamaru… well, you know; everyone?"

"I've been pondering that myself. I guess we at least tell them the basics. Naruto-san's fine, Sasuke-san's still delusional, Kakashi-san's having way too much fun and we were sent back to update Godaime-sama. As for Naruto-san's and Sasuke-san's possible relationship…"

A hurt look crosses Sakura's face. The pain and guilt is going to be there for a while, it seems.

"We'll just see what Godaime-sama says. If we can use you as a gauge for how those fangirls of his are going to react, Naruto-san's a dead man."

Sakura looks away in shame and whispers, "I'm sorry…"

"There's no need to apologize, I know you're only human. And when Naruto-san comes back, you can apologize to him and then we'll all be happy again!"

"Assuming he forgives me…"

"Sigh. Sakura-san, I think you're underestimating Naruto-san. He doesn't have it in him to hold a grudge over that. You're important to him, regardless of what you say or do. I think that goes for all of us. Even now, he doesn't hate the village. The adults have verbally and emotionally abused him and looked down on him for years; and instead of taking revenge, he left so they could be happy."

"I wish I could be just as sure as you…"

"Just wait, you'll see. Everything will work out fine. I'm just worried about all those fangirls. Honestly, I don't think Godaime-sama can protect him from them."

"Well, maybe we can leak out word slowly."

"I was thinking about that, but then what's to stop them from leaving the village as well and going on a 'search and destroy' mission?"

"Well, there are only a few who could do that. There's quite a few kunoichi that adore Sasuke-kun but not all of them really have the skill or nerve necessary to pull something like that. Ino's just one of them, but Shikamaru, Chouji and Asuma-sensei should be able to keep her restrained… at least for a while."

"She's also the most volatile. I can only imagine what she could do with that astral projection thing she does." I shudder slightly, "She wouldn't hurt Naruto-san, would she?"

"Probably not… well, I doubt she'd kill him at least."

"That's… comforting."

Geez, girls are nuts. No wonder Sasuke-san's gay. At least I think he is. He has to be; he has all those girls throwing themselves at him and he doesn't look twice at them! So, he's either gay or asexual.

"I guess there wouldn't be anything too wrong with telling the guys what's going on, but the girls…"

"We should definitely wait for Godaime-sama to decide."

"I'm going to feel kinda bad hiding the whole truth from Ino."

"It'll be only temporary, I'm sure. One way or another, she'll find out eventually. They all will."

Our orders finally came and we ate in a comfortable silence. I think everyone is going to be just fine. Hopefully Iruka-sensei will find them, and protect them from Kakashi-san. I'm sure by now he's driven him to the point of murder several times. Sigh, Poor Sasuke-san and Naruto-san. Maybe death at the hands of fangirls will be preferable than having to deal with that dirty old man. Just what the hell ever possessed Gai-sensei to see Kakashi-san as his rival! Sigh.

-

* * *

- 

Well, there it is. Chapter 10 gone and soon to be ignored and forgotten. I know, ya'll are probably going to hate it. I'm sorry it sucks so bad but there is a method to my madness… i think. And this will not be the last time we see these two either. Yes, they will be back and I plan on it to be funny. But that's a long way away, probably chapter 20… definitely not before then except for a flashback in the next chapter. So…

Naruto: Um isn't this where you give thanks and junk?

Chris: Yes. Yes it is. Okay, this chapters' plushie is…

Gaara: Malibu Gaara… the Nude Beach edition. **:starts to pull the plushie out:**

Sasuke: Oh, HELL NO! Katon! Goukakyu no jutsu! **:burns plushie to ash before it can _flash_ anyone:**

Itachi: If anyone is going to inadvertently flash Naruto it will be me. Naru-chan, would you like to see what's under my cloak?

Neji:** :stands between Naruto and Itachi: **No, he doesn't!

Chris: Children, PLEASE!

Itachi: I am not a child. **:Uchiha Death Glare™:**

Chris: I'm older than you and you are behaving like one. To me, you are a child… a very perverted child. Now go stand in the corner and think about what you've done until I call you back, young man!

Itachi: The hell I will!

Chris: Silly Itachi. Of course you will… oh, what's this? Ah, your birthday ficcie where I let you play. Hmm… I wonder what would happen if I hit the delete button?

Itachi: Crap. Fine… evil bitch. **:goes and stands in the corner:**

Naruto, Sasuke and Neji: The hell? O.o

Chris: Okay this months real plushie is…

Naruto: Malibu Kakashi! **:genki grin:**

Sasuke and Neji: **:melt into a puddle of mush:**

Chris: Malibu Kakashi sports an adjustable hitae ate, however his mask is unremovable. His swim shorts feature little chibi Iruka's on one side and chibi Kakashi's riding a dolphin on the other side…

Kakashi: Really? **:happy grin:**

Chris: Not like that you pervert! It's a subliminal, symbolic thing…

Naruto: **:tugs on Chris's shirt: **Um… can we start passing these out? I need some… um…can we just get it over with already?

Chris: Yeah, yeah…

Love, adoration and gratefulness to: **Little Kit Fox, Kirikouchan, BeryliaCrystalia, Generally Maz, tracy-kins, Nissie, Seiya, Ulitheal, Aimi-chan, Tales of Pwnage, aNiMePeRfEcT, Polka dot, RandomOo, Nanashi Ouka, zan0130, Puchu-chan, magical-flyingdragon, Binnybobarino, Ruby Love, Ginka, K-chan xoxo, Yit-ha, Sailor Epyon, Tsugath, naruto-fanfic and amekan.**

**Little Kit Fox:** Oh yeah, I had to write in the middle of the night to suppress my happy little hentai grin for chapter 16. XD And the path starts in chapter 11 and then just continues to… escalate. XD Oh, and sorry for the heart attack.

**Kirikouchan:** I don't mind if you bother me. :hugs: Sorry I shocked you with the email, but being evil is in my nature. **:nervous smile:**

**BeryliaCrystalia:** Yay! Glad I could do that for you. I don't know if I can turn the other characters into pokemon though. The pokemon thing isn't going to be running as deep but we may revisit them…

**Generally Maz:** O.o **:rearranges dolls so Itachi, Sasuke and Neji are off to the side, arguing who gets to have Naru-chan:**

**tracy-kins:**I love fanart. XD**:does a little happy dance: **Anyway, Sasuke ain't admitting anything anytime soon. And as for the smex, I'm with you all the way! It is my goal, however… before I get there, I'm gonna be jerking a lot of chains around. XD

**Nissie:** Oh my gawd, you are my 200th reviewer! **:cries for joy as she takes flowers and candy: **I never had anyone give me flowers before. **:genki smile: **So you're stalking me, huh? Wow, never had one of those either! Thanks for trusting me, I hope this chapter lived up to it. And my health is fine. No more chest pains, although there were a few dizzy spells. But I'm medicated now so everything should be fine. Also, I haven't updated Xanga in ages. I've been doing that on livejournal so you may want to go there to keep up with what's going on. Thanks again! **:silly happy grin:**

**Seiya:** Geez, I don't wanna even THINK about that!

**Ulitheal:** Yeah, I like that part too. Yet another thing added that wasn't in my original draft. I wish I knew WHY I do that.

**Aimi-chan:** Heehee, again I am sorry about that. But I made it up to you, didn't I?

**Tales of Pwnage:** Yay, a new reviewer! Ano sa… you hate yaoi? So what possessed you to read this? You might not like it for much longer… not that I don't want you to read and review. I just hope you continue to enjoy it.

**aNiMePeRfEcT:** Ack! Wait till I start using the other ones. XD You're going to die!

**Polka dot:** Aww, but Naruto is a sweetie! And I doubt he wants to smell Kakashi when his clothes start to get a little rank. ALSO, he did feel sorry for the little pervert when Sasuke nailed him in the cajones. So because he is a sweetie, he would take Kakashi's clothes since they're going to the laundry anyway… besides, I needed to get Naru-chan in there. XD

**Random Oo:** How many times do I have to say it? **:pouts:** I am not on crack nor have I ever been. I just do a marvelous impersonation of one. If anyone's on crack, it's my computer.

**Puchu-chan:** Yeah! Pyro! Burn Baby BURN! Ahem… sorry. I adore Lily. The idea of a 12 year old pyro just tickled me and I want to write more about her… Naruto's past has been soooo interesting, look for it to come back and haunt him. XD And there will be smut, I promise.

**magical-flyingdragon:** So are you okay with how I write Sakura now?

**Ruby Love:** You're already that far? Are you in tears yet? I was pretty upset at the end of the fight but it was all so cool too. Stupid Avenger Boy. **:smacks Sasuke in the head:**

Sasuke: Ow! Quit it!

Chris: No.

**Ginka:** Heehee, thanks again for the fanart.

**K-chan xoxo:** Yeah, but I still had fun. **:hands over pixy stix and cherry coke:** Here's something for while you wait. I don't want you to starve to death.

**Yit-ha:** Well, I don't want to say how long it's going to be because I really don't know. I am however still working on chapter 17 and I can tell you it's no where near finished if I do all that I want to do. So, at least 20 chapters… possibly 30 if my mind keeps wandering.

**Sailor Epyon:** Thank you! **:does the, I got a new reviewer dance:** Ahem. Anyway, glad I could give you a good laugh.

**Tsugath:** Hmm… I don't know if I should give you one. Just kidding, you can have one!

**naruto-fanfic:** O.o Um okay. No I will not be pairing up Kiba and Hinata. They're just cannon fodder and might only have few minutes here and there with some others. And sorry, no yuri. It's not that I have a problem with it, I'd just suck bad at writing it. Just don't feel comfortable enough to pull it off successfully, so sorry.

**amekan:**Don't worry, you'll find out all in good time. I wonder if Sasuke would react like this if Naruto left town like that? I was just aiming to humiliate him andit's just spiraled out of control. How far have you read into the manga? I hope you continue to enjoy it though.

Well that's it! Ya know, I'm surprised no one said anything about Naruto pounding his head on the table or Sasuke grabbing his hair like a girl. Oh! And Naru-chan telling him he was pretty and they needed to get him a dress with matching shoes and purse. Those made me laugh hysterically. Ah well.

-

* * *

- 

**Chapter 11 Excerpt:**

-

It's been two days since the bathhouse incident. Two days since I got to sing with Naruto. Two days since I surrendered to lust and sinned in a bathroom stall. Two days since we fought. Two days since we apologized. Two days since he said I was pretty. Two days… and Kakashi was still walking funny. Heh.

He whines incessantly, but because of his… condition, he hasn't really been able to do anything to really torment us. Sure he taunts and teases, but he hasn't been able to pull any of the pranks he did to Lee and Sakura. To be honest, I'm not sure if I should be relieved or disappointed.

I mean, sure Lee was embarrassed and Sakura was mortified; but Lee got some really great opportunities considering he likes her so much. I mean, he got to see her naked (there's just no accounting for taste) and he's gotten to grope her on several different occasions when he was pushed or tripped by Kakashi.

I remember when we went to the beach. Kakashi _claimed_ we might find some strong water pokemon since the ocean was such a hard place to survive. Truth was, he just wanted to go to the beach. He's like that. He tells you what you want to hear, or rationalizes something to get what he wants. It's scary how he can rationalize anything he wants. Lee and Sakura happily agreed without hesitation with going to the beach. Sakura, because she had what she called a 'cute little bathing suit' and Lee because he wanted to see her in her 'cute little bathing suit'.


	11. Chapter 11: Here Comes the Groom…

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

-

Chris: Wow, the pigs are flying again! Look everyone, it's an update!

Itachi: I suppose you think you're _so_ clever now, don't you?

Chris: Shut up you. I'm tired, I thought my shift would never end. ;-;

Huge thanks to Wowie for beta reading. **:glomps:** You're the best! You have my love and adoration for doing it.

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** :insert insane, psychotic laugh, here: **You should also know, everything after chapter 244 in the manga does not exist for this story.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, KakaIru (but a LONG way till we get there) and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm living paycheck to paycheck and have nothing anyone would really want. If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. **:lights a candle:** My only hope is one day he will see the light…

**Warning!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness – It's cute. In other words, they aren't humping yet; but it's still fun!**

**- some foul language but you really can't blame poor Sasu-chan.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... of course you SHOULD know this by now. **>.>

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then you probably haven't been paying attention all through this fic; yet another thing you SHOULD know by now. Don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control. If you flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my webpage unless your flame is lame. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

* * *

_Geez, girls are nuts. No wonder Sasuke-san's gay. At least I think he is. He has to be; he has all those girls throwing themselves at him and he doesn't look twice at them! So, he's either gay or asexual._

"_I guess there wouldn't be anything too wrong with telling the guys what's going on, but the girls…"_

"_We should definitely wait for Godaime-sama to decide."_

"_I'm going to feel kinda bad hiding the whole truth from Ino."_

"_It'll be only temporary, I'm sure. One way or another, she'll find out eventually. They all will."_

_Our orders finally came and we ate in a comfortable silence. I think everyone is going to be just fine. Hopefully Iruka-sensei will find them, and protect them from Kakashi-san. I'm sure by now he's driven him to the point of murder several times. Sigh, Poor Sasuke-san and Naruto-san. Maybe death at the hands of fangirls will be preferable than having to deal with that dirty old man. Just what the hell ever possessed Gai-sensei to see Kakashi-san as his rival! Sigh._

* * *

**-**

**-** **-** **-** **-** **-**

**Chapter 11: Here Comes the Groom…**

**-** **-** **-** **-** **-**

**-**

**xoxo – Sasuke's POV – xoxo**

It's been two days since the bathhouse incident. Two days since I got to sing with Naruto. Two days since I surrendered to lust and sinned in a bathroom stall. Two days since we fought. Two days since we apologized. Two days since he said I was pretty. Two days… and Kakashi was still walking funny. Heh.

He whines incessantly, but because of his… condition, he hasn't really been able to do anything to really torment us. Sure he taunts and teases, but he hasn't been able to pull any of the pranks he did to Lee and Sakura. To be honest, I'm not sure if I should be relieved or disappointed.

I mean, sure Lee was embarrassed and Sakura was mortified; but Lee got some really great opportunities considering he likes her so much. I mean, he got to see her naked (there's just no accounting for taste) and he's gotten to grope her on several different occasions when he was pushed or tripped by Kakashi.

I remember when we went to the beach. Kakashi _claimed_ we might find some strong water pokemon since the ocean was such a hard place to survive. Truth was, he just wanted to go to the beach. He's like that. He tells you what you want to hear, or rationalizes something to get what he wants. It's scary how he can rationalize anything he wants. Lee and Sakura happily agreed without hesitation with going to the beach. Sakura, because she had what she called a 'cute little bathing suit' and Lee because he wanted to see her in her 'cute little bathing suit'.

**xoxo_ – flashback –_ xoxo**

It was the last dregs of what was supposed to be the fall season. Even though the winter season was supposed to be close at hand, it was still hot for that time of year at a balmy 89°F. In Kakashi's mind, it was the perfect time to go to the beach and slack off. It was warm and sunny, the wind was light and for some bizarre reason, Sakura had thought to pack a swimsuit of all things. So when Kakashi suggested going, Sakura immediately agreed with a mad gleam shining in her green eyes. 

'Yes! I'll wear my swimsuit and Sasuke will automatically fall in love with me! It can't fail; Sasuke will be mine at last!'

As for Lee, he never went against Sakura. If she told him to take a long walk off a short pier, chances are he would. Sasuke really had no choice but to go along. Besides, it's not like he was finding any pokemon here. Maybe a change in scenery would bring a change of luck too.

The sun was high in the afternoon sky. Sakura had stretched out onto a towel in her best 'seduce Sasuke' pose. Obviously, he was neither impressed nor for that matter seduced.

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura called out sweetly.

"What?" He asked, already annoyed. Why wouldn't she leave him alone?

"Would you like to put some suntan lotion on my back?" Sakura batted her eyes in what she thought was a seductive manner. It wasn't and just made her look even sillier than normal.

"No."

"Please, Sasuke-kun?"

"I said, no."

"But…"

"No, means no!" When would this idiot girl catch a clue that he wasn't interested in her or for that matter any girl?

"I'll do it for you, Sakura-san!" Lee shouted as he ran up the beach towards the pair.

"No, that's quite all right!"

"Oh, it's no problem at all…!"

All so conveniently, Kakashi appeared between the two. And before Lee knew what was happening, Kakashi's foot 'accidentally' crossed Lee's path and tripped him. The scream that ripped from Sakura's throat was heard for miles around. Because not only had Lee landed right on top of her, but his face was planted right between her ample breasts. Lee lost a lot of blood that day. Not so much from the ensuing nosebleed he got from being in such a suggestive and awkward position, but from the pounding Sakura gave him.

"You pervert!" _Slap._ "How dare you, put your face there!"

"Sakura-san! It was an accident, I swear!"

Pound.

"Don't give me that crap! You could have avoided Kakashi-sensei's foot if you wanted to! Admit it, you did it on purpose!" 

Slap. Pound.

"Sakura-san, I swear to you; I didn't mean to!"

"Liar!" The pink haired girl screeched, "You probably worked it out with that lecher!"

Punch. Slap. Crack.

"I swear to you, I didn't!"

Half an hour later, the screaming, groveling and beatings came to an end. Poor Lee laid on the sand in a bloody and lumpy heap. Naturally, Sakura huffed away unscathed because Lee could never raise his hand against the girl he adored. Kakashi and Sasuke had enough sense not to try and break it up because coming between Sakura's and her wrath was never a good thing and often painful. You simply could not win if she was in a rage. Truth be told, she even scared Kakashi from time to time.

"Ma, sorry about that Lee."

"It's alright Kakashi-san, I should have been paying closer attention…"

"Instead of focusing on her bust line." Kakashi laughed, "So, were they soft or firm?"

"Soft; very soft. Yes. Very soft and warm," Lee answered with a dazed and dreamy smile on his face… that was until he realized Sakura had heard him. "Oh, crap!"

Sakura re-appeared; angry chakra pulsing around her.

"You pervert!"

This time Lee had the sense to run away instead of trying to convince her of his innocence. Kakashi laughed as Sakura barreled after the poor boy up and down the beach, screaming that his death was near at her hands. And she knew he did it on purpose and etc. The man had a perverse idea about what was funny.

"Why did you do it to them? It's really annoying when she tries to kill Lee. He's the only pokemon I have! And except for that Pandamon, we haven't seen any other pokemon!"

"Two reasons;" Kakashi began in a sage like tone, "One, it's fun! And two… well, actually there is no other reason!" Kakashi quickly slipped back to his 'normal' persona.

"What!"

"If it bothers you that much, why don't you make her stop?"

"Do I look stupid to you!" 

"Well, now that you mention it…"

Sasuke glared at the perverted man.

"Maa, maa, maa! Don't make such a face, it might stick that way! Look, think of it as training!"

"You can't be serious!"

"I'm always serious."

Sasuke gave a look that screamed 'liar'.

"What? Don't give me that look! I'm really serious! Anything that doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Right? And if he can survive a beating from Sakura's wrath, he can survive anything. She hits really hard when she's mad!"

**xoxo_ – end flashback –_ xoxo**

Geez, Kakashi is really fucked up in the head. But he is right, Sakura does hit hard. And even though Lee took a major beating, he never regretted it. More than once, I caught Lee eyeing Sakura's chest with a glazed, dreamy look clouding his eyes. Sigh. There's no doubt about it, Kakashi had corrupted my pokemon. I really have to make sure I keep Kakashi away from Naruto… right?

'_That git, Sakura isn't around. You're the only one here for him to really drool over…'_

'_Will you stop already?'_

Sigh. Letting Kakashi corrupt Naruto could be an advantage… Then regardless of whether he was a human or a pokemon, he'd want to stay.

"Sasuke…?" Kakashi whines.

"What now?" I growl.

"My groin is really starting to hurt. Carry me?"

"Oh, HELL NO!"

"But it's your fault I'm hurt!" Kakashi plops on to the ground, refusing to go any further.

He's also really good with that guilt thing. Bastard. I will not lose. I will not give in. This is his fault, not mine!

"My fault! You're the one who brought this on yourself!"

"And I suppose it's my fault you're unable to control your anger and emotions then?"

"You are the cause of my anger, you ass!"

"No, I'm not. The true problem lies elsewhere. Hmm… You, Uchiha Sasuke, need to get laid!" 

"What!"

"I said, you need to get laid. Screwed. Fucked royally. You know, have sex; intercourse. Or as I like to call it, 'Putting the Devil Into Hell'.

"Argh! Not that again!" Naruto howls.

All the blood ran from my face and I found myself forgetting to breathe; I'm turning a lovely shade of blue. Hmm, Naruto's eyes have a prettier color, I think idly.

"Naruto, I think it's up to you to help Sasuke with his little problem. I'm counting on you to give him the fuck of his life! After all the first time should be something really good and memorable!"

"Are you insane?" Naruto shrieked.

C'mon Sasuke, you need to breathe! You remember how…

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? Of course I'm not insane! You're the best one for the job! As his 'pokemon' and as a man, it's your duty to help him out!"

Oh, look the world is spinning…

"I am not doing that! You do it!"

Naruto won't? Damn…

"I would, but he's not my type…"

Thank god for small favors…

"Sure he's pretty, but for me that just doesn't cut it. Iruka's more my type…"

Yes! Air! Sweet, wonderful air!

"Yeah, I heard."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You know you talk in your sleep?"

"Do I? Find out anything interesting?"

"You've got really vocal dreams, you know that? Last night you were moaning for Iruka to please fuck you again." Naruto grins like a cat that has swallowed a canary.

"So, did he?"

Okay, you're going down Kakashi! Time for a taste of your own medicine! 

"Gee Kakashi, I never figured you'd be the uke," I finish for Naruto.

Damn it. He is not going to beat us again! However, Kakashi appears to be completely unfazed. Damn.

"For shame, Sasuke! Don't you know that variety is the spice of life? That it's better to give than to receive? That… well, what I'm trying to say is, demanding to always be seme will get you nothing but resentment after a while. The goal for any couple… you should probably take notes on this.

"Ahem, the goal for any couple should be to see their partner – in your case, Naruto, that their partner is happy and satisfied. Being selfish gets you nothing but a date with your hand. So! After Naruto fucks you real good, it's your duty to return the favor and see to it that he is as content as you are!"

"We are not fucking!" we both shout.

"Oh fine then; carry me. I'm tired now. There's a town not too far from here. I think we can make it before dark."

"Oh, I know that town. I worked there for a week about 3 months ago."

"Oh?" Kakashi and I ask at the same time.

"Doing what?" Kakashi's quasi smirk widened.

"I was a Bus Boy at this weird restaurant."

"Weird, how?" I ask slightly wary. God, was it another kinky thing!

"They didn't have any ramen and no chopsticks! You had to use these weird things called forks to eat. It smelled good though!"

"What was it called?"

"Illiyan… Tamlin… Taliban… Oh! Italian! They called it Italian food!"

"Well, let's go visit it then!" Kakashi chirps like a git.

"Uh, let's not."

"Why not?"

"Well… I'd rather not talk about it…"

"Aww, don't make me whine… Naru-chan," Kakashi smirks.

Stupid bastard! Leave him alone! If he doesn't want to talk about it then we should make him! Argh! And don't call him Naru-chan! Only I should be allowed to call him that!

"Sigh. Fine. I had to leave town really fast." 

"Because…?"

"Sigh… Because the owner wanted me to marry his daughter!"

"Wait. He wanted his daughter to marry a pokemon?"

"God Damn it! I am not a pokemon! Would you just admit it already!"

Admit it, he says. Yeah right. And then where does that leave me?

_'Well, you won't be nearly as big of a pervert as you think you are…'_

True. But then it also means he won't have to stay. I don't want him to leave. I don't want to lose his company. So, do I admit Naruto's human and thus be not as big of a pervert as I think I am, only to have him leave? Or do I refuse to admit what I'm suspecting to be true, continuing to be the biggest pervert on the planet so I can keep him?

_'What makes you think you can make him stay now? It's not like you keep can him chained to you. He could leave anytime regardless of what you say.'_

"You know, denial is such an ugly thing. Why is it so hard to accept you're a pokemon?"

No way in hell I'm letting him go; I won't risk it. And if I have to be the biggest pervert on the planet to do it, then so be it.

"Because I'm not some damn pokemon you asshole! And why is it so hard for **you** to admit you're wrong?"

Before I can answer, Kakashi sticks his nose in again.

"Now, now. Lovers shouldn't quarrel over such tiny things!"

"We are not lovers!" Naruto shouts.

Not lovers. I wish we were though…

"Okay fine. We won't go visit the place. Can we at least go into town though? I really would like to have a nice hot soak and sleep in a nice soft bed."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea…"

"C'mon, please? I'll be good! And if you want you can hide out in the room. That way you won't be spotted. What do you say?"

"Aw man, I don't wanna! Look, there's another town 3 days ahead. It's nice and no one there wants me to marry their daughter!"

"Look at it this way, one night in comfort and I think my groin will be as good as new!"

"Oh fine. Let's go." Naruto sighs in defeat. 

"Yay!"

Within 3 hours we make it to the town, long before dark. Naruto leads us to a slightly slummy looking inn. Geez, shouldn't this building be condemned?

"Uh… Naruto? Are there any other rooms in town?" I ask leery of the building.

"Yeah, but they're really close to **_that_** restaurant."

"Oh."

We walk in and mercifully, they're booked up… can't imagine a place like _this_ being booked up though.

"Guess we got no choice. I just hope we don't get spotted…"

As we make our way closer and closer, Naruto's anxiety rose higher and higher.

"Relax, Naruto. The chances of running into them can't be that high, can it? This looks like a pretty good sized town. So don't worry, I won't let them take you away from me to marry some stupid girl."

"You know, except for the part where you make me sound like a piece of property; that was pretty nice… you feeling sick or something?"

I smirk as we come to the inn and head inside. There's good news. And there's bad news. The good news, we've got the last 2 rooms in the place. The bad news, they only have one bed each. They're full sized, but that means I'm going to have to share with Naruto! Why does fate treat me like crap?

It wouldn't be so bad if I'm sure that I could control myself. But I stand a pretty good chance of molesting him in my sleep. And I'm sure as hell not going to let either of us share a bed with that bastard Kakashi. Judging from the blush on Naruto's face the thought of sharing with Kakashi doesn't sit well either.

"C'mon, let's go put our stuff away," I mutter as I start to head up the stairs.

We trudge into our rooms and put our stuff away.

"So what side do you want?" I ask as I sit on the edge of the bed.

"Huh?"

Sigh.

"What side of the bed do you want to sleep on tonight?"

"It doesn't matter…" Naruto blushes.

"Fine, I'll sleep on the left tonight." 

'_Ask him if he wants to sleep on the left too! Ask him! Ask him!'_

'_Sigh. Would you shut the hell up already?'_

'_Never! This I vow in the name of, NOOKIE!'_

"I'm off to the bathhouse!" Kakashi walks into our room, uninvited as usual. "If you decide to help Sasuke with his _problem_, be sure to take pictures!"

Naruto growls and throws his pack at Kakashi's retreating head.

"Didn't he say he would be good?"

"What do you expect? He's a pathological liar. Sigh. Let's go get something to eat."

"But I don't wanna leave the room! Can't you go and bring something back for me?" Naruto pleads.

"I'd rather you came with me… but if you want to stay here, I _suppose_ I could."

I sigh loudly as I get up and walk out of the room. As soon as I reach the stairs, I hear my kitsune running after me. Heh.

"Wait for me, you bastard!"

I turn around to see him running towards me and smirk.

"Glad you changed your mind. Having company without the pervert is always nice."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go." Naruto pouts so cutely. He's so molest-able.

An hour later we leave the ramen stand. Naruto sighs happily as we walk and pats his tummy.

"Maa, that really hit the spot!"

"I should hope so, you ate 6 bowls."

"Couldn't help it, it was so tasty!" Naruto grins blissfully.

"Naruto?" A voice calls out.

Naruto stops dead in his tracks and I see his eyes widen in panic and fear.

"Naruto, it **is** you! You've come back to me, my love!"

Just as Naruto turns to face the voice, the girl attached to that voice suddenly attaches herself to **my** Naruto!

"Who the hell are you?" I growl at her. 

"I'm his fiancée. Who the **hell** are you?" The stupid bitch glares at me as she tightens her hold on Naruto.

My kitsune looks at me, pleading for help. And before I can even think twice, the words comes tumbling out of my mouth.

"I'm his boyfriend!" I snarl as I rip her hold from him and pull him towards me as I wrap an arm around his waist.

God, I hope he doesn't kill me for this! He looks at me in shock for a second before recognition clicks into his brain.

"Is this true!" the twit screeches.

Naruto slips an arm around my waist and pulls closer to me.

"Yes. Yes it is… this is why I couldn't marry you. Sorry Sophia, but I'm in love with Sasuke."

"You're making it up. There's no way you can be gay! Him, yes. But not you!"

Hey! That bitch! How dare she say I'm gay!

_'Newsflash. You are gay, Sasuke.'_

'_Yeah, even I have to agree.'_

Oh yeah. But still… ah hell.

"You two don't even act like a couple!"

The hell?

"Hey, just because he isn't fucking me in the middle of the street or hanging all over me, doesn't mean we're not a couple! Just accept it already, Sophia!"

She wants proof… I'll give her fucking proof. Without warning, or for that matter, thought, I pull Naruto closer to me and capture his lips with mine. Fortunately he doesn't fight me and I feel him increase the pressure. I find myself doing everything automatically. It's not exactly what I fantasized about, but I'll take what I can get at this point.

My hand slips to the back of his neck to pull him in closer. When I feel a tongue along my bottom lip, I open my mouth, allowing it entrance. I feel his tongue clash and caress with mine and let out a slight moan. Where the hell did he learn how to kiss like this! I'm seriously jealous here. Note to self; find and kill the person who taught him how to kiss like this before they come and try to take my kitsune away.

I force my tongue into his mouth as I try to take back control of the kiss. He tastes like miso. Never really cared for miso before, but now… it's the most wonderful thing I've ever tasted. The need for oxygen becomes overwhelming and as we pull away I tug on his bottom lip with my teeth before giving one last soft kiss. Sleeping with him is going to be hell tonight, I quickly realize. But damn it, it was definitely worth it!

I turn to glare at the girl Naruto called Sophia. The look on her face is priceless. Her eyes are as round as Lee's and her mouth is shaped into a huge 'O'. She looks absolutely horrified. Ah, life is good. 

"He's my boyfriend and I don't share! So consider your engagement **OFF**!" I snarl and tighten my hold on Naruto's waist.

"You – you – you…" Sophia stutters horrified. "How could you!"

"What, you want me to show you again? Or maybe you want to come back with us to our room and you can see what else we can do with each other?" I taunt her.

'_C'mon, say yes. Give us an excuse to screw Naruto's pretty little head off!'_

'_Shut up!'_

Naruto kisses me on my neck and whispers loud enough for her to hear, "I never knew you were an exhibitionist…"

God, his voice makes me so hard I want to fuck him in the street. Damn, must find a bathroom soon. Finally, that git runs away crying.

"I'll never love anyone again! Just you wait, I'll get you back for this you- you- home wrecker, you!"

Heh. I win. Sasuke – 1; Stupid Bitch – 0. Yes, life is very good.

-

* * *

- 

Mwahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa! **:does stupid happy dance:** Chapter 11 is finally done and gone. I hope you all have happy little grins right now because I sure as hell do. XD Yes, things are FINALLY starting to warm up but I wonder exactly how long it will last? **:insert evil and diabolical mad scientist laugh here:** For those of you who complain that the chapters are too short, I hope you're happy now. This chapter without disclaimers, chat, title, etc. is 3676 word according to MS Word. Now, I did not give into any demands so don't let it go to your heads. It just worked out that way this time. Those of you who want longer chapters and constantly ask for them, try and understand, they're as long as I need them to be… That made absolutely no sense what so ever, did it? Believe me, it makes sense in my head.

**_PAY ATTENTION NOTE_ : **I need to say some things about Sophia and the additional original characters I will be throwing into the mix eventually; I don't want to hear them called Mary Sues or whatever and hear complaints that I just threw the story into the crapper. They are necessary and you don't know what I'm going to use them for. Remember, because of Sophia, Sasuke FINALLY got to snog with Naru-chan a little. One comment or complaint like that and I will **STOP** this fic. I MEAN IT! That's what happened to my other one, although it was a subconscious thing at the time. Comments like that make me second guess myself and I end up just tossing the whole thing. You can bitch and complain about the characters' personality or behavior all you want; I don't mind. Calling them Mary Sue's or saying I just ruined the story however I do mind since as I've said, it messes with my head and my creative flow. If you MUST say it, wait until I've finished posting the whole story, ne? Pretty please? I didn't write anything for almost a year last time (even though I continued to post what I had very slowly). And when I tried it came out in short crappy bits not worth typing. They aren't Mary Sue's. Naruto is not interested in them. They're cannon fodder… very, very, VERY weird cannon fodder. And they make me laugh so, nyah. **:sticks out tongue:**

Naruto: Are you finished now?

Chris: Yeah sure. -.-

Naruto: Are you ready to give love, thanks and adoration?

Chris: Yes! Yes I am! **:genki smile:** All reviewer responses however will be found on my new livejournal page that I made specially for it in an effort to shorten this somewhat. Link is in my profile, my user name is malichan (blame tracy-kins). I know it bugs some of ya'll… you KNOW who you are. >.> Ahem…

Love, thanks and adoration to: **Aragornthia, Ly Mizukage, Little Kit Fox, Luvsdogz, Ulitheal, Ginka, Aimi-chan, Nissie, Puchu-chan, Yit-ha, Sailor Epyon, Sora Jr., Parasite of Raven's Wings, ladychimera, Suke-san, evvy, zan0130, spikemyangel, tracy-kins, Tsugath, magical-flyingdragon, Polka dot, Generally Maz, itoshii-youkai, Mako, kelpy, Seiya, Chaotic Demon, animeperfect and Tsubaki-chan.**

Chris: Behold this chapters' plushie…

Naruto: Malibu Iruka-sensei! **:grin:**

Chris: Malibu Iruka has ocean blue swim trunks with little dolphins being ridden by a very happy chibi Kakashi.

Kakashi: And he's anatomically correct right? **:pervert grin:**

Chris: Sorry, his shorts cannot be removed. **:evil grin:**

Kakashi: They can't? **:wobbly eye:** Nooooooooooooooooo! Iruka, comfort me! **:runs for Iruka:**

Iruka: **:walking by:** Huh? **:gets tackled and dragged into a convenient bush:** What the hell?

Kakashi: Chris did something evil! Comfort me! **:starts to molest:**

Iruka: Huh? Why should I? Hey! Wait! I… oh… that feels nice… **:moans:**

Kakashi: Heehee!

Naruto: O.O I-Iruka-sensei?

Iruka: NOT NOW! I'm busy… **:moans:**

Sasuke: Oy! **:glare:** How come our swim shorts were removable and reversible but Iruka's wasn't?

Chris: It is. I just didn't want Kakashi molesting the plushies! **:genki grin:**

Naruto **:outraged:** And it's better if he molests Iruka-sensei?

Chris: Well… yeah! Listen, don't they sound happy? **:genki grin:** Besides, Polka dot has been asking for Iruka and this is the only way she's going to be getting him for a while… although she's probably going to have to fight Kakashi for him. Eh… heh… yeah. ®¦lt;/p>

Naruto: That's not very comforting. **:glare:**

Chris: Meh. Whatever. Pass out the plushies, I got crap to write… I mean masterpieces to write. Yeah. Next update will be in at least 2 weeks so I can have plenty of time to prep it. I'm exhausted but pushed myself to get this out because I made a vow.

Naruto: It's her ninja way! **:genki:**

Chris: I'm not a… meh, whatever. I'm gonna go die now. X.x

Naruto: **:passes out plushies:** Remember! Be kind, rewind.

Sasuke: That's review, moron.

Naruto: Don't call me a moron, asshole! **:glare:**

Sasuke: **:smirk:** You know, you're really cute when you're angry… sexy too… downright molest-able. **:starts to drag Naruto off to a sound proof room:** C'mon, let's go 'play'.

Naruto: **:blushing:** Um, Review! Reviews make Chris's world go round because she has no real life outside of this and work. So pity her and give her a reason to live!

**:door slams shut:**

* * *

**Chapter 12 Excerpt:**

**-**

"Let's stop." I call out to him.

"Huh?"

"Let's rest for a while." I say as I come to a running stop. God my legs feel like rubber.

"Ok." Sasuke stops and leans forward, hands resting on his thighs and panting lightly. Before naughty thoughts can run through my head, I start to make camp.

"I'm gonna get some firewood, can you start prepping some food?"

"Yeah. No problem… be careful, okay?"

I shoot him a foxy grin and tease, "Awww, is my **_boyfriend_** worried about me?"

Sasuke just blushes and pouts. Kawaii!

"Aw, don't make that face! I'm just kidding, geez! I'll be back really quick." I run off into the woods before he can say anything else or worse, I jump on him and molest him…


	12. Chapter 12: A Kiss Is Just A Kiss… Right...

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

-

Chris: Yay! It's an update! Yet another one in less than a month! I'm on a roll, I should go to Vegas… except… I can't get chapter 17 out. ;-; I think I have writers block!

Itachi: No. You're just lazy. Those sick ideas are still bouncing around for new stories in your head and you don't want to really deal with them. Not to mention all the stuff you promised to write…

Chris: Shut up. **:glare:**

Huge thanks to Wowie for beta reading. **:glomps:** You're the best! You have my love and adoration for doing it.

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** :insert insane, psychotic laugh, here: **You should also know, everything after chapter 244 in the manga does not exist for this story.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, KakaIru (but a LONG way till we get there) and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm living paycheck to paycheck and have nothing anyone would really want. If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. **:lights a candle:** My only hope is one day he will see the light…

**Warning!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness – It's cute. In other words, they aren't humping yet; but it's still fun!**

**- some foul language but you really can't blame poor Sasu-chan.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... of course you SHOULD know this by now. Yeah, I'm talking to you! **

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then you probably haven't been paying attention all through this fic; yet another thing you SHOULD know by now. Don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control. If you flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my webpage unless your flame is lame. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

* * *

-

_I turn to glare at the girl Naruto called Sophia. The look on her face is priceless. Her eyes are as round as Lee's and her mouth is shaped into a huge 'O'. She looks absolutely horrified. Ah, life is good._

"_He's my boyfriend and I don't share! So consider your engagement **OFF**!" I snarl and tighten my hold on Naruto's waist._

"_You – you – you…" Sophia stutters horrified. "How could you!"_

"_What, you want me to show you again? Or maybe you want to come back with us to our room and you can see what else we can do with each other?" I taunt her._

'_C'mon, say yes. Give us an excuse to screw Naruto's pretty little head off!'_

'_Shut up!'_

_Naruto kisses me on my neck and whispers loud enough for her to hear, "I never knew you were an exhibitionist…"_

_God, his voice makes me so hard I want to fuck him in the street. Damn, must find a bathroom soon. Finally, that git runs away crying._

"_I'll never love anyone again! Just you wait, I'll get you back for this you- you- home wrecker, you!" _

_Heh. I win. Sasuke – 1; Stupid Bitch – 0. Yes, life is very good._

* * *

-

**Chapter 12: A Kiss Is Just A Kiss… Right?**

**xoxo – Naruto's POV – xoxo**

An hour later we leave the ramen stand. As we walk, I happily pat my tummy.

"Maa, that really hit the spot!"

"I should hope so, you ate 6 bowls."

"Couldn't help it, it was so tasty!" I can't help but grin.

"Naruto?" A voice calls out.

Oh god… no! Say it isn't so! Please let it be just my paranoia spiraling out of control. Please don't let it be her!

"Naruto, it is you! You've come back to me, my love!"

Oh crap! Why? What did I ever do to deserve this! As I turn, Sophia attaches herself to my side.

"Who the **hell** are you?" Sasuke growls at her.

"I'm his fiancée. Who the **hell** are you?" Sophia glares at Sasuke as she tightens her hold on me.

Oh crap, do something Sasuke! Anything! You said you wouldn't let them take me, you bastard!

"I'm his boyfriend!" Sasuke snarls as he pushes her off of me and pulls me towards him; wrapping a possessive arm around my waist.

OH MY GOD! Did he really just say that! Does he mean it? Oh wait. I get it. If she thinks I'm involved with someone else… a male someone else, she might back off.

"Is this true!" Sophia screeches.

I slip an arm around his waist and pull myself closer to him.

"Yes. Yes it is… this is why I couldn't marry you. I'm sorry Sophia, but I'm in love with Sasuke."

"You're making it up. There's no way you can be gay! Him, yes. But not you!"

Heh. Shows what she knows. I'm the one who's gay, not Sasuke. If she knew the sort of things I've done before… maybe I'll tell her. That'll push her over the edge… I'll just have to remember to leave out certain names. Sasuke would really have kittens if he knew… well, had his memory refreshed.

"You two don't even act like a couple!"

The hell!

"Hey, just because he isn't fucking me in the middle of the street or hanging all over me, doesn't mean we're not a couple! Just accept it already, Sophia!"

Before I even know what's going on, Sasuke starts kissing me! Wow. This is nice. Well, might as well get while the getting's good. I press my lips harder to his on the pretext of giving Sophia 'one hell of a show'. Yup, that's what I'll say… I suddenly feel his hand move to the back of my neck, pulling me closer. I run my tongue along his bottom lip. He finally opens his mouth and allows me entrance into the place that I've long to touch for the past couple of years. As our tongues clash and caress, he lets out a slight moan. Heh, heh. So, Sasuke likes this huh? Well there's a surprise… sorta. I know how I felt the first time someone kissed me like this. I never expected to enjoy it, but the way he made me feel…

Sasuke suddenly forces his tongue into my mouth , trying to take back control of the kiss. I melt inside as I feel his tongue stroke mine, caressing the roof of my mouth, his tongue darting everywhere, trying to feel it all. God, he's good. I feel the blood starting to pool into my groin, making it hard. God I want him so badly.

Where in fucking **HELL** did he learn how to kiss like that! Must remember to find and kill his 'practice' partner. Wonder just who in the hell it was? If it was a girl, she would be gloating all over town… so, was it a boy? Is Sasuke GAY! So, I might actually have a chance? Except… his normal self can barely stand me. Why do I do this to myself?

The need for oxygen becomes overwhelming and as we pull away he tugs on my bottom lip with his teeth before giving one last soft kiss. Sleeping with him is going to be hell tonight, I quickly realize. But damn it, it was definitely worth it! Wish I could do it again, actually. And then again… and again… oh and again… and some more. Me hooked? Hell, yeah.

I turn to look at Sophia, my eyes slightly glazed and lips bruised. The look on her face is priceless. Her eyes are as round as Lee's and her mouth is shaped into a huge 'O'. She looks absolutely horrified. I feel kinda bad for her. She's a nice girl, but I'm just not interested! The only one for me has always been Sasuke, no matter how hard I try to deny it… well, maybe Itachi too. No. No! Definitely Sasuke, even if Itachi is really hot and yummy. Sigh.

"He's my boyfriend and I don't share! So consider your engagement **OFF**!" Sasuke snarls as he tightens his hold on my waist.

Holy shit! He's really getting into this. I knew he was possessive, but holy hell!

"You – you – you…" Sophia stutters horrified. "How could you!"

"What, you want me to show you again? Or maybe you want to come back with us to our room and you can see what else we can do with each other?" Sasuke taunts her some more.

He can be pretty vicious and cruel to someone he doesn't like… Actually he pretty much treats everyone like that. Except for me and Sakura… to a lesser degree. Although it's not as bad as it used to be, and he actually hasn't treated me like he used to. I don't know what to think anymore. Part of me hopes she calls Sasuke's bluff so he'll have to follow through with the threat.

"I never knew you were an exhibitionist…" I kiss him on his neck and whisper loud enough for Sophia to hear.

I feel him shudder and wonder if it's a, 'I'm really getting turned on' one; or 'Oh god, what the hell am I doing!' one. Finally Sophia gives up and runs away crying.

"I'll never love anyone again! Just you wait, I'll get you back for this you- you- home wrecker, you!" Sophia shouts as she points an accusing finger at Sasuke before running home.

Oh crap. This is SO not good. Vengeance… her family is **big** on vengeance. Sasuke is a dead man if her father gets a hold of him!

"Hmph." Sasuke smirks at me, "Told you I wouldn't let them take you… Uh, sorry about kissing you like that. It was the only thing I could think of; hope you're not mad."

Sasuke turns away blushing. God he's so cute. I look down and notice his arm is still wrapped around my waist. Heh, heh.

"No problem. I didn't mind at all." I say before giving him a light peck on the cheek. Sasuke turns a wonderful shade of crimson.

"Glad to hear it…" He squeaks. He finally notices his arm and slowly pulls it away.

"C'mon, we need to hurry up and get back to our room." I take his hand into mine and start to pull him along.

"What? Why?" Sasuke asks with wide eyes. Maybe he thinks I'm about to molest him? There's a thought…

"Were you not listening? She said she would get you back!"

"So? I can take her. I'm not afraid of her. All I had to do is kiss you and she went running for the hills." the last part had him blush more.

"Her family is keen on vengeance! It won't be just her you'll be dealing with, it's her whole family! And her dad is fucking scary as it is! WE NEED to leave. **NOW**!"

Finally we make it to the inn and hurry to our room. As we quickly pack our bags, my blood runs cold as someone pounds on the door. Oh god. He's already here!

"Uzumaki! Open the door. I know you're in there!"

_Pound. Pound. Pound._

"When I get my hands on your… **_lover_**, there won't be enough left to fill a doggie bag!"

_Pound. Pound. Pound._

"Open up! You will be marrying my daughter, you little bastard!"

I glance over at Sasuke and take in the shocked expression. Heh. Expressions. Guess he didn't think I was serious.

_Pound. Pound. Pound._

"Open up! My daughter has been dishonored; vengeance will be mine!"

"Window!" I whisper to him.

He nods and we grab our packs as we run to the window. Just as I'm climbing out I hear him trying to break down the door. Crap. When we hit the ground we start running for the city gates.

"Where do we go now?" Sasuke calls over to me.

"There's a town nearby…"

"The one you said was 3 days away?"

"Yeah, we can make it in 2 if we push ourselves."

"Sounds good! What do we do about Kakashi?"

"He'll find out what happened when he goes back to the inn. He should be able to figure out where we're headed and catch up with us."

"NARUTO! COME BACK HERE AND ACCEPT YOUR RESPONSIBILTY!"

Oh crap! He must have broken down the door! For a big guy, he sure moves fast. I wonder if his speed is relative to his anger?

"Crap! Run faster, Sasuke!"

"Shit!"

I wonder if Sasuke is really starting to regret that kiss. I wouldn't blame him one bit. Sigh. I just hope he doesn't start to hate me. We finally make it out of the city gates but Giovanni and his brothers are still hot on our trail. Heh. They won't be able to keep up with us for long. We're ninja's damn it! Some stupid civilian can't hope to keep up with us… although if Sasuke could remember all his little skills we could make for the trees and escape that way. But nooooooooooo. Stupid, Sasuke. Stupid, really hot Sasuke with that talented tongue of his.

Damn it! It's been an hour! How can they still be chasing us! The sun is starting to go down. Maybe we can lose them in the dark? Finally it seems as though they've given up. It's about damn time! Who knew they were in such great shape?

"I think they've finally given up." Sasuke calls out to me.

"Keep running! They might be trying to catch their second wind. We need to put as much distance between us and them."

"Right. Think you can run all night?"

"Compared to having to face Giovanni and his brothers? Hell yeah! I can run for 2 days if I have to."

"Heh."

We continue a steady pace as the sun finally rises in the east. Considering Sasuke hasn't really trained in 6 months, he's in pretty damn good shape. Although I can see the fatigue is starting to creep up on him.

"Let's stop." I call out to him.

"Huh?"

"Let's rest for a while." I say as I come to a running stop. God my legs feel like rubber.

"Ok." Sasuke stops and leans forward, hands resting on his thighs and panting lightly. Before naughty thoughts can run through my head, I start to make camp.

"I'm gonna get some firewood, can you start prepping some food?"

"Yeah. No problem… be careful, okay?"

I shoot him a foxy grin and tease, "Awww, is my **_boyfriend_** worried about me?"

Sasuke just blushes and pouts. Kawaii!

"Aw, don't make that face! I'm just kidding, geez! I'll be back really quick." I run off into the woods before he can say anything else or worse, I jump on him and molest him…

When I make it back, Sasuke has everything ready to go. As we eat, Sasuke decides to interrogate me about Sophia.

"Why… how did you end up engaged to that girl?"

I take a deep sigh before beginning my little 'tale of woe'.

"Well, I told you I was working in the restaurant her father owned, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, I had been there for about 4 days and we were getting along really well. The guy she had been dating decided he wanted to see other people… only he started seeing other people before breaking up with her.

"Obviously, she was heartbroken when she found out. Being what I thought was a good friend, I tried to console her… that was a huge mistake! It was after hours and we were sitting outside when she told me…"

_**xoxo – flashback – xoxo**_

"What's the matter, Sophia? Why are you crying?" Naruto asked as he stepped outside of the restaurant.

"Nothing…" Sophia sniffled.

"Oh, so you always sit outside your dad's restaurant crying… what's wrong, Sophia?"

"It's Miroku…"

"Your boyfriend?"

"Yeah… he decided he wanted to see other people." Sophia's lip quivered, "A month ago!"

"He's been cheating on you?" Naruto asked, his mouth gaping.

"Yes!" Sophia wailed, "I wanted to surprise him tonight with a nice dinner, so I went over to his house and he was on the couch, on top of some girl!"

"Why did he do it!"

"He said it was because I wouldn't put out."

"Put out?"

"Sleep with him; have sex. He said he had needs and I wasn't fulfilling them so he needed someone else."

"Aw, geez… Sophia, I'm so sorry."

Naruto reached over to hug her as Iruka had done to him when he was upset. Sophia melted into the hug and sniffled into his shirt.

"Look at it this way, Sophie. At least now you know. You can find someone a lot better than him. Someone who'll respect you and love you without question."

"No I won't!"

"Yes, you will. A pretty girl like you? Boys are going to be beating down your door once they find out you're available!"

"Really?"

"C'mon? Would I lie to you?"

Sophia looked up at Naruto's gentle blue eyes in adoration. Why couldn't all boys be like him? He was so nice and sweet…

"Naruto-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"There's a festival this weekend… will you go with me? I was going to go with Miroku, but now…"

"I'd love to take you. We'll have blast and rub it into that jackasses face!" Naruto flashed his trademark, 'everything's gonna be great' grin.

_**xoxo – end flashback – xoxo**_

"She asked you out?" Sasuke asked, a darkness flicking behind his eyes.

"Yeah. Up until the festival, she hung around the restaurant helping me out and stuff. I thought she was just trying to be nice, ya know; like a friend… When the night of the festival came, we had a blast. When we spotted Miroku, I made sure to put my arm around her waist to kinda taunt him."

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched.

"She put hers around mine and the whole night we just walked around like that with Miroku following us. When the festival was over I took her home; but before I could leave she kissed **me** goodnight and said she had a really nice time."

A vein started to pulse on Sasuke's forehead.

"The next morning when I came into work, Giovanni informed me I had to marry his daughter because not only did I escort her to the festival with my arm around her all night but because** I** had kissed Sophia."

"Wait. You said **she** kissed **you**…"

"She did, but her dad saw and thought I was kissing her! She had also told him that she was in love with me and wanted me to stay."

"Just because you were nice to her, he decided you were going to be married?"

"Yeah. That's about it. I tried to explain that it wasn't what he thought and why I took her. Apparently Sophia hadn't told them what happened between her and Miroku… but they wouldn't accept it and said I had to marry her, since my lips had touched hers.

"And on top of that, our wedding was going to be that night! Obviously I didn't stick around for that. I ran out of town without a lot of my stuff or ever collecting my wages. I ran back to my room only to get my half packed bag and the bath toys my sensei gave me."

"So you worked for what, 7 or 8 days and never got paid? That sucks."

"Yeah, I had enough money to scrape by, but 2 weeks later I was doing the stripper thing."

"So it's her fault that you had to become a stripper?"

"I wouldn't say that…"

"If she hadn't decided she wanted to 'keep you'; you wouldn't have had to run away without collecting wages or all of your things! It's that bitch's fault!"

Bitch's! That's a bit harsh.

"Look, I know the idea of her trying to own me really threatens you; but I'm not going anywhere with her so calm down. It's not her fault she's co-dependent. And if it wasn't for this whole marriage thing, you've probably would have gotten along with her."

"I highly doubt that." Sasuke growls.

"Geez, you're possessive… C'mon, let's get moving. We can rest again when it starts to get dark and be in town by tomorrow afternoon."

I get up and start to gather our things and smother the fire. If Sasuke didn't see me as a piece of property, his possessive nature would be real turn on… Sigh, such is my sad and pathetic fate.

* * *

YAY! It's done it's over and Polka dot, if you say that it was repetitive I will… well, I don't know. But it will be annoying! Yes. Yes it will. So please don't say it because I know that's what you're thinking. Okay, reviewer responses are on my livejournal page. Behold, this chapters' plushie! 

Naruto: Malibu… Barbie! O.o

Malibu Barbie: Surrender foolish mortals and bow before me, your Queen!

Malibu Itachi: I don't think so, bitch. **:Uchiha Death Glare™: **Katon! Goukakyu no jutsu!

Malibu Barbie: **:smoking cinder: **X.x

Chris: Yay! Malibu Itachi just saved the world from the evil that is Malibu Barbie! He's a hero! He deserves a prize! **:way too hyper and totally genki: **I nominate Malibu Naruto!

Malibu Naruto: You're so cool Malibu Itachi! If I can ever do anything for you, feel free to ask. I'd be honored to do anything for you!

Malibu Itachi: Really? Okay. **:tackles and pins him to the ground:** Let's fuck!

Malibu Naruto: Okay! **:super genki grin:**

Sasuke: Now wait just a DAMN minute! What the fuck do you think you're doing!

Chris: Playing dollies.

Sasuke: Stop it. It's sick. **:Uchiha Death Glare™:**

Itachi: **:OOC:** Awww, but it looks like fun! **:genki grin:**

Sasuke: What the hell is the matter with you… besides the usual crap. **:glare:**

Chris: Itachi got him some!** :super genki grin:**

Sasuke: When? Who?

Itachi: Who do you think? Naru-chan of course! **:smirk:**

Chris: Yup, last chapter! He henged as you and dragged him into a sound proof room.

Sasuke: What! Noooooooo! Naruto, is this true?

Naruto: Eh heh… yeah.

Sasuke: Damn you Itachi! **:runs away:**

Naruto: Sasu-chan, don't be mad! I still love you! **:runs after Sasuke:**

Chris: Damn. Now I don't have Naruto to pass out plushies! Itachi, you're doing it now.

Itachi: What the hell for?

Chris: Because you got some last time. Nothing comes for free, pal! **:passes a plushie:** Now get to work, bitch.

Itachi: Fine. The new plushie is Malibu Naruto. Oooh, he feels nice. Real thing is like a 100 times better though… Think you can get this thing to purr and vibrate?

Chris: Yeah, but I won't. I don't need you stealing and molesting all the plushies. NOW! Malibu Naruto is wearing cute little black shorts with kitsune versions of him being 'chased' by Neji, Sasuke, Itachi and Gaara on one side. On the other side it the same thing, except kitsune Naruto is replaced with Super Uke Naruto and his pursuers are excreting more drool as they 'chase' him! **:super genki grin:**

Love, thanks and adoration to: **Sailor Epyon, LtF, magical-flyingdragon, gaara-no-suna, Nissie, Nanashi Ni, tracy-kins, K-chan xoxo, Seiya, koyote, Generally Maz, Ginka, agent ayasha, hujin, Ulitheal, Sora Jr, Yit-ha, Chaotic Demon, Aimi-chan, Ruby Love, godess of sand, suke, Rachel Dracon, Polka dot, sodesne, Azamaria-chan, WaterBookLover, Serena Malfoy-Jackson, KaiHiasobi, btTara, Niamoshi, Dreamer, Chis, Berylia-Crystalia, xEvil-Lil-Eminax and Tenshi-no-Yokai.**

Chris: **:passes out plushies:** Thanks for reviewing, I hope you keep doing it. It makes me feel so happy and I smile whenever I read them. Also, don't be mad but the next chapter is going to be only about 1600 words. But never fear, an update will be out a week after that! So, no bitching please. I have way too much going on right now.

* * *

**Chapter 13 Excerpt:**

-

_Ya know, after such a warm and relaxing bath, I NEVER expected to come back to what I see before me. I must admit, those two never fail to surprise me. I guess Naruto got spotted buy his fiancée and her family. This huge guy is yelling at the inn keeper asking if he knew where Naruto and his faggot lover are heading. Hmm. I guess they finally did do it. I hope they took pictures of such a wonderful Kodak moment like I asked them to._

"_Look, Giovanni! I don't know! They just arrived this afternoon! I don't ask questions!"_

"_You knew Naruto was supposed to marry Sophia! Why didn't you tell me he was here? If you had, Sophia might not be so hurt right now! Instead she had to see them together doing… **that**!"_

"_Look, I'm sorry! But maybe it's better this way. He never asked for Sophia's hand. It's better that you found out he was like 'that' before they got married."_

"_I don't care! They dishonored my Sophia! Naruto will marry her and his lover will die, period!"_

_Crap. What the hell did they do? They wouldn't do **it** in front of her would they! Ooh, maybe they'll let me watch next time! Yay! I never knew they were exhibitionists! Finally that Giovanni guy pushes past me and out the door. Wow, he's a lot bigger up close…_


	13. Chapter 13: The Amazing, Disappearing St...

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

-

Chris: Well it took… what a month? But hey, circumstances were out of my control so don't hate me. Please? Pretty please, with smutty yaoi on top? ;-; Okay, lets move along, shall we? I'm back; no more house sitting for me. To get the full story on that and way too much information, so read my regular livejournal. But bottom line, I'm back for good… I think. This chapter is just Kakashi, Sasuke and Naruto will be back in the next chapter. So since this is just Kakashi and it is short (about 1400 word with out all the crap), chapter 14 will be up by Saturday on the 14th.

For the first time ever, Polka Dot didn't review the last chapter. O.o I'm a little worried now. If you're still reading, I hope I didn't offend you. ;-; I was just genuinely curious. I didn't mean it in a bad way, okay?

Huge thanks to Wowie for beta reading. **:glomps:** You're the best! You have my love and adoration for doing it.

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** :insert insane, psychotic laugh, here: **You should also know, everything after chapter 244 in the manga does not exist for this story.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, KakaIru (but a LONG way till we get there) and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind… because well, I have a sick mind.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm living paycheck to paycheck and have nothing anyone would really want. If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. **:lights a candle:** My only hope is one day he will see the light…

-

**Warning!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- some derogatory terms because Giovanni is an asshole.**

**- OOC behavior, but Kakashi is fun to play with. :genki smile:**

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then you probably haven't been paying attention all through this fic; yet another thing you SHOULD know by now. Don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control. If you flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my webpage unless your flame is lame. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

**-**

**

* * *

-**

"_So you worked for what, 7 or 8 days and never got paid? That sucks."_

"_Yeah, I had enough money to scrape by, but 2 weeks later I was doing the stripper thing."_

"_So it's her fault that you had to become a stripper?"_

"_I wouldn't say that…"_

"_If she hadn't decided she wanted to 'keep you'; you wouldn't have had to run away without collecting wages or all of your things! It's that bitch's fault!"_

_Bitch's? That's a bit harsh._

"_Look, I know the idea of her trying to own me really threatens you; but I'm not going anywhere with her so calm down. It's not her fault she's co-dependent. And if it wasn't for this whole marriage thing, you've probably would have gotten along with her."_

"_I highly doubt that." Sasuke growls._

"_Geez, you're possessive… C'mon, let's get moving. We can rest again when it starts to get dark and be in town by tomorrow afternoon."_

_I get up and start to gather our things and smother the fire. If Sasuke didn't see me as a piece of property, his possessive nature would be real turn on… Sigh, Such is my sad and pathetic fate._

_-_

* * *

- 

x-x-x-x-

**Chapter 13: The Amazing, Disappearing Students**

x-x-x-x-

**xoxo – Kakashi's POV – xoxo**

Ya know, after such a warm and relaxing bath, I NEVER expected to come back to what I see before me. I must admit, those two never fail to surprise me. I guess Naruto got spotted buy his fiancée and her family. This huge guy is yelling at the inn keeper asking if he knew where Naruto and his faggot lover are heading. Hmm. I guess they finally did do it. I hope they took pictures of such a wonderful Kodak moment like I asked them to.

"Look, Giovanni! I don't know! They just arrived this afternoon! I don't ask questions!"

"You knew Naruto was supposed to marry Sophia! Why didn't you tell me he was here? If you had, Sophia might not be so hurt right now! Instead she had to see them together doing… **_that_**!"

"Look, I'm sorry! But maybe it's better this way. He never asked for Sophia's hand. It's better that you found out he was like _'that' _before they got married."

"I don't care! They dishonored my Sophia! Naruto will marry her and his lover will die, period!"

Crap. What the hell did they do? They wouldn't do **it** in front of her would they! Ooh, maybe they'll let me watch next time! Yay! I never knew they were exhibitionists! Finally that Giovanni guy pushes past me and out the door. Wow, he's a lot bigger up close…

"Um, excuse me…" I ask as I walk up to the desk, "What exactly happened here?"

"You're still here! I thought you left with your friends!"

"I was at the bathhouse; what happened?"

"Sigh. The blonde boy you were with; he was supposed to marry Giovanni's daughter like 3 months ago. His daughter, Sophia saw him with the other boy you travel with kissing. When Sophia didn't believe them, the black haired one invited her to come back and watch them while they… you know."

"Really? They've never done that before. It's about time!"

The innkeeper stares at me wide-eyed and blushes before continuing his tale. Didn't think there'd be more.

"Well, Giovanni came here looking for them, demanding that they'd come out so he could kill the black haired one and make Naruto marry his daughter like he was supposed to-"

"Sasuke."

"Huh?"

"The black haired one is Sasuke."

"Ah. Well, he was going to kill Sasuke and make Naruto marry Sophia. While Giovanni was pounding on the door, they took off out the window and out of town! Giovanni and his brothers didn't know until they broke the door down. They chased after them as they ran out of town for over an hour when they finally had to give up the chase. He said that they were still running to the crossroads when he couldn't take running anymore."

"I'm not surprised. Those two can run all night if they have to."

"Ah. Well… Giovanni really trashed the door and the room when he broke in and…"

"And?"

"He refuses to pay saying that it's Naruto's fault and he brought it upon himself so…"

Sigh.

"You want me to pay for the damages. Well. That doesn't seem very fair, does it?"

"I know! But someone has to pay, and Giovanni… you just don't argue with him if you want to keep all your bodily organs intact. Anyone who crosses them either never gets seen again or left unrecognizable! Please try to understand!"

"Calm down. I get it. Okay, I'll pay the damages in the morning."

"You're not going after them?"

"Not right now. I need a nice little rest. Besides, tracking them in the dark isn't going to be easy."

"Ah. Well then, good night."

**x-x-x-x-**

Ah, what a wonderful morning. The sun is shining, the birds are chipping and with any luck, Naruto and Sasuke are humping somewhere in the forest. Or at least that's what I thought until I tried to leave the inn. Giovanni and what I'm assuming are his brothers are waiting for me outside.

"Can I help you?"

"Are you the one traveling with Naruto and that faggot lover of his?"

"Sasuke."

"What?"

"His faggot lover's name is Sasuke."

"Why the hell should I care!"

"Makes no difference to me, but I'd prefer you call him by his name instead of faggot. That's not a very nice word you know."

"I'll call that faggot anything I want! After what he's done-!"

"Yeah, yeah. I heard about that already. So what do you want?"

"I want to know where Naruto is so he can marry my Sophia!"

"Sorry, no can do."

"What!"

"I said I couldn't do that."

"Why the hell not!"

"Because one, Naruto doesn't want to marry your daughter. Two, he wants to be with Sasuke. And three; now pay attention because this is important – I am his teacher and am thus responsible for him and do not approve of him getting married at such a young age. So piss off already. He's not marrying your daughter."

Apparently, Giovanni is not pleased. Guess that's why he's trying to punch me, huh? Sigh. Doesn't he even realize I'm a ninja? I mean the clothes and hitai-ate should be a dead giveaway. Did Naruto ever tell them anything about where he came from and what he did before? I mean, has he not heard the 'I will be Hokage' speech? Maybe he really was planning on never coming back.

On the upside, the chances of him coming to Konoha looking for Naruto are slim to none. I'd like to see him go toe to toe with Tsunade-hime. Somehow I don't think he'd appreciate being beaten up by a girl. I mean, he's not too thrilled with me not letting him land a punch! Maybe I should pull out vol. 5 of Itcha, Itcha Paradise and really piss him off?

As fun as this all is, I really don't have time for this. I start to make a shadow copy when another idea strikes my fancy. Heh. I'm so bad… no wait just bored. But the two always seem to go hand in hand.

"Look, I really don't have time to deal with you right now. If you really want Naruto to marry your daughter then you'll have to ask permission from his aunt, Tsunade. She's the Godaime in Konoha. Get her permission and I won't stand in your way."

"Konoha?"

"Yes, Konoha. The Hidden Leaf Village. Didn't you know Naruto was a ninja? Meh, and you want him to marry your daughter? Do you even know who Naruto is?"

"And she'll give permission?"

"Probably not; but either way, you'll have to go through her when it comes to Naruto."

"I won't be stopped by some woman! Naruto is marrying Sophia."

"Yeah, yeah… you be sure and tell her that, okay?" Heh, heh.

I wander out of town with Giovanni and his family following behind me. I wonder if they expect me to lead them to Naruto or if they're going straight to Konoha… Can't risk it. Heh, heh. This might be fun…

Instead of going to the village Naruto mentioned yesterday, I decide to backtrack and head to the town we were last at. Either way, they're going to have to go this way anyways. After a few hours, I make a shadow clone to take my place and make him run towards the town as I jump up into the trees. Gullible… were they not paying attention when I said Naruto was a ninja and I was his teacher. Stupid idiots. I decide that the clone will jump into the trees and disappear after a few hours. Heh, won't they be surprised?

They begin to run after my clone and I watch them until they're way out of sight. After I'm sure they're a far distance away, I start to jump through the tree branches just in case there are stragglers following behind. It's only after I'm well past the village that I get back down onto the main road. I decide there's really no need to hurry.

Naruto said the town was three days away. They should be fine during that time… Hell, the way Giovanni and the inn keeper made it sound, I'm sure they'll be there by tomorrow afternoon. That'll give them about two days without me… which I'm sure will be a huge relief to them. This is the perfect opportunity for them to get in some 'quality time'… I really hope they take pictures… lots and lots of pictures! Ah, they're growing up so fast… I think I'll introduce them to the joys of Itcha, Itcha Paradise… the yaoi edition. Heh, this is going to be so much fun!

* * *

- 

Well, there you have it after waiting all that time. Kinda pisses you off, huh? Well, if you don't entirely hate me then please review. And yes, I know this chapter sucked ass something fierce. Forgive me, please.

Naruto: The world is going to end now, isn't it?

Chris: Huh?

Naruto: You actually asked for reviews personally, instead of getting me to do it. Are you feeling well?

Chris: **:glares:** Shut up, it's plushie time!

Naruto: Yeah, yeah. This chapters' plushie is Malibu… oy, what's the plushie?

Chris: …I don't know! ;-; I'm out of Malibu ideas!

Naruto: Well go with other characters you like but don't think they're cute or whatever.

Chris: Okay… I know! Malibu Kiba and Akamaru with leg humping action! **:super genki smile: **Ya'll can decide who has that ability for yourselves. XD His swim trunks have little Akamaru's all over them.

Naruto: O.o Okay, I am officially disturbed. **:carefully passes out the plushies:**

Love, thanks and adoration to: **KidieVanessaReiand Kai, Puchu-chan, seiyaryu76, WinterOfOurDiscontent, Little Fox Kit, Yit-ha, Nissie, Generally Maz, TheSunshineGirls, sodesne, Dark Mimiru-Chan, animeperfect, btTara, Azamaria-chan, Ruby Love, godess of sand, Sailor Epyon, zan0130, Nanashi Ni, Dual Rasengan, Niamoshi, Gi wo mite sezaru was ya n, K-chan xoxo, ladychimera, Momochi Zabuza, suke nya, Ginka, KirikouChan, Kyuubi-kun, Chris, magical-flyingdragon, Bo, The Spore Whore, hi, kijo kasumi, 1Natsuyo1, Luna Catgirl, Yuen-chan, ReiArubiru, strawberries and napkins, RianniChan, Hanasaki Rikku, and Clueless-Idiot.**

Chris: So thanks everyone, and expect chapter 14 by the 14th or the 13th. Probably the 14th though because well, it'll be Friday the 13th. Yes I am superstitious, deal with it. Also I like the idea of 14 on the 14th. Okay, shutting up now. Oh and next chapter, you can look forward to Sasuke getting constipated… twice. XD

* * *

**Chapter 13 Excerpt:**

-

_A couple of hours later we finally make it into town. When we make it to the inn, I decide the patron god off inns has it out for me._

"_Sorry boys, I only have one room left and it only has one bed. But it's big so you two should fit with no problem."_

"_Sigh. Got no choice then. We'll take the room."_

_As we trudge up the stairs to our room I wonder again as I did only 2 days ago, can I control myself? It's a very nice room and the bed is huge… no way I could accidentally roll over next to him or get close. Damn. The room even has it's own bathroom with a shower. Guess we won't be going to the bathhouse. Pity._


	14. Chapter 14: Kiss Me Again

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

-

Chris: Yes, I kept my promise. Here it is… CHAPTER 14! Ahem, although I seriously considered not posting because Dual Rasengen said I sucked. But then I remembered my promise and the fact that I really don't care anyways. However I am annoyed that someone told me what I already know. But I digress… Because of Sasuke's 'constipation' problems, the full version is going to be in my lj and the castrated version is here. Direct link can be found in my user profile. If the link isn't showing, click on the lj link for yaoi is my god to find it. Okay, on with the freak show!

Huge thanks to Wowie for beta reading. **:glomps:** You're the best! You have my love and adoration for doing it. Someday I will make it up to you, I promise. ;-;

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** :insert insane, psychotic laugh, here: **You should also know, everything after chapter 244 in the manga does not exist for this story.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, KakaIru (but a LONG way till we get there) and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm currently unemployed again and have nothing anyone would really want. If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. Keep the dream alive kids, one day he will see the light!

**Warning!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness – It's cute. In other words, they aren't 'actually humping yet; but Sasuke has a really good imagination! XD**

**- some sappy stuff. I can't believe I wrote it now.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... of course you SHOULD know this by now. Yeah, I'm talking to you! **

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then you probably haven't been paying attention all through this fic; yet another thing you SHOULD know by now. Don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control. If you flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my webpage unless your flame is lame. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

* * *

_I wander out of town and Giovanni and his family, are following behind me. I wonder if they expect me to lead them to Naruto or if they're going straight to Konoha… Can't risk it. Heh, heh. This might be fun…_

_Instead of going to the village Naruto mentioned yesterday, I decide to backtrack and head to the town we were last at. Either way, they're going to have to go this way anyways. After a few hours, I make a shadow clone to take my place and make him run towards the town as I jump up into the trees. Gullible… were they not paying attention when I said Naruto was a ninja and I was his teacher. Stupid idiots. I decide that it will jump into the tree's and disappear after a few hours. Heh, won't they be surprised?_

_They begin to run after my clone and I watch them until they're way out of sight. After I'm sure they're a far distance away, I start to jump through the tree branches just in case there are stragglers following behind. It's only after I'm well past the village that get back down onto the main road. I decide there's really no need to hurry. _

_Naruto said the town was three days away, they should be fine during that time… Hell, the way Giovanni and the inn keeper made it sound, I'm sure they'll be there by tomorrow afternoon. That'll give them two days without me… which I'm sure will be a huge relief to them. This is the perfect opportunity for them to get in some 'quality time'… I really hope they take pictures… lots and lots of pictures! Ah, they're growing up so fast… I think I'll introduce them to the joys of Itcha Itcha Paradise… the yaoi edition. Heh, this is going to be so much fun!_

* * *

x-x-x-x-

**Chapter 14: Kiss Me Again**

x-x-x-x-

**xoxo – Sasuke's POV – xoxo**

It's the afternoon when the town comes into sight, just like Naruto said we would. He's been pretty quiet since yesterday morning. Neither of us has brought up the kiss either. I find myself glancing at him often, wanting to feel his lips against mine again. I wonder if I'll ever get the chance again? He said he didn't mind but… that was to throw Sophia off. How would he feel if he knew I wanted to kiss him all the time?

'_Hey, he did give you that kiss on the cheek, **AFTER** Sophia had gone…"_

Doesn't mean anything…

'_He smiled at you too.'_

Still means nothing…

'_He practically shoved his tongue down your throat. He didn't **have** to do that to convince Sophia.'_

Shut up.

'_Heh, heh. You KNOW I'm right.'_

"Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"About… the kiss… are you sure it didn't bother you?"

Naruto turns an interesting shade of red… is he mad?

"N-no… I didn't mind."

"You sure? I wouldn't blame you if you are…"

"No, really; I didn't mind… it was actually… kinda… nice."

"Really?"

"You're a really good kisser… I bet you had lots of practice with the girls back in your hometown!" Naruto laughs and scratches the back of his head… how odd.

"Uh… actually, no."

"Really?"

"I never kissed anyone before."

_'You sure about that? I seem to recall differently…'_

What?

_'All in good time…'_

"You're kidding right? A pretty boy like you?" Naruto smiles teasingly.

The blush invades my cheeks despite my attempts to keep it down.

"I'm not kidding. I've never kissed anyone before… especially like that."

"Eh, sorry about that… got kinda carried away. I guess it's because you reminded me of someone I knew a long time ago…"

Someone else? Ah, there's that jealously pooling in my gut again. Damn it. I want him to kiss me, not the person I remind him of. Next time, he won't even think about that 'someone else'.

_'Next time? Heh, heh. That's my boy!'_

"So, who was it?"

"Who was it what?"

"Who did I remind you of?" A frown crosses my brow.

"Sasuke… are you jealous!" Naruto grins widely, "You are, aren't you!"

"No." I shout, "Why would I be?" I turn away. Why the hell did I do that? Why the hell did I ask him?

"No, I think you are!" Naruto steps in front of me grinning and points a finger in my face. "C'mon admit it!"

"No." I glare at his finger.

"Heh. Sasuke, sometimes you're so cute …" Naruto says as turns around and walks towards the town.

"So are you going to answer my question?" I ask after a few minutes.

"What question?" Naruto smiles to tease me.

"Who do I remind you of?" I growl in frustration.

"Does it matter?"

"…maybe."

"Why?"

"I don't know… it's just…"

"It's because you're possessive and don't like to share."

I say nothing and glare at the road ahead of me.

"Don't worry about it. It's was a long time ago…"

"How long."

"Sasuke, why are you doing this?" Naruto sighs.

"Well?"

"About eight months ago."

"That's not a long time…"

"It only happened once… it shouldn't have happened in the first place."

"What happened?"

"I'm not telling you that! If you're jealous over a kiss, I hate to think how you'd react over that…"

"You didn't…?" No, please don't let it be…

"No, I didn't do **_that_**… well, I almost did… You're not mad are you?"

"No reason I should be." I lie.

"No reason you should be jealous either, but you are."

"I'm not jealous…"

"Oh c'mon!" Naruto laughs.

"I'm not!"

"If it makes you feel any better, I like you a lot more than I ever liked him."

"Him? So… you like guys?"

"Does that bother you?", Naruto asks.

"No… Is that why you didn't want to marry Sophia; because you like guys?"

"Part of it. She's nice but, even if she was a guy or I liked girls; I still wouldn't have seen her as anything more than a friend."

"That's all?"

"Maybe… maybe not." Naruto teases. "Don't worry your pretty pervert head over it."

"I am not a pervert."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes."

"So then you admit I'm a human then?"

"What?"

Where the hell is he going with this?

"Do you admit I'm a human and not a pokemon?"

Ah, I see his little game… not going to fall for it.

"No."

"So then, you're a pervert. Not only did you kiss a boy; you kissed a boy pokemon!"

"You kissed me too. Hell, you practically shoved your tongue down my throat! I guess that makes you a pervert too. And didn't you say that there was nothing wrong with kissing a boy?"

"You kissed me first. And as I recall, you weren't complaining at the time. And, I said there was nothing wrong with liking a boy. However, I would agree, there's nothing wrong with kissing a boy either. And since I know were both human and I'm not a pokemon like you keep insisting… I guess that makes you the only pervert here!" Naruto actually smirked, "Unless you want to admit I'm not a pokemon."

"I admit nothing." I will not lose.

"Spoken like a true, closet pervert."

"I am not a pervert."

"Then, I MUST be human…"

"Fine! I'm a pervert then. Happy?" I shout.

"No, not really…"

"Look, I'm not saying you're a human."

"Not even to humor me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because… you're not."

Don't tell him. Don't tell him it's because you don't want him to leave.

"But I am."

"Why do you want to be human? It's painful, you know…"

"Because I am."

"We're never going to agree… are we?"

"Yes we will, as soon as you admit I'm human."

"Naruto! Give it up."

"Never!"

Argh! He's so infuriating!

"C'mon Sasuke, don't be mad… alright, I'll stop arguing… for now!"

"Thank you."

"So, what do you want for dinner?"

"Why? We'll just end up eating ramen anyways."

"Ramen it is then!"

"Are you trying to make me crazy?"

"No. You're already crazy, **but**… I promised to stop arguing for today, so I won't say why. Just that you're crazy." Naruto grinned lazily.

"You're **too** kind."

"Hey, you're the one who started it."

"I **_did_**?" I ask, incredulous.

"You're the one who brought up the kiss…"

"Well… I was a little worried. Aside from you telling me about why that twit insisted on marrying you, you really hadn't said anything much since we… you know."

"Kissed?"

"Yeah… it seems strange you're so quiet. I thought maybe something was wrong and well it was the only thing I could think of…"

"Ah. I see. You shouldn't worry. I'm just thinking, wondering… hell, the kiss probably bothered you more than it did me. Honestly, I'm stunned you did it."

"Why?"

"Well, you don't seem the kind to go around kissing boys without warning. Not that I minded." Naruto gives me a smile that makes my knees melt.

"That's a… relief."

"You're worried I'll leave, aren't you?"

"No… maybe. Would you want to be left with that pervert?"

"Uh, no."

"See? Besides… I like talking with you."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah… why wouldn't I?"

"Why should you?"

"Because you don't try and make me date you… you treat me like a normal person… I like that."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I like talking with you too. Tell you what, why don't we have onigiri tonight?"

"I'd like that."

What I'd like even better is another kiss.

**-x-x-x-x-**

A couple of hours later we finally make it into town. When we make it to the inn, I decide the patron god off inns has it out for me.

"Sorry boys, I only have one room left and it only has one bed. But it's big so you two should fit with no problem."

"Sigh. Got no choice then. We'll take the room."

As we trudge up the stairs to our room I wonder again as I did only 2 days ago, can I control myself? It's a very nice room and the bed is huge… no way I could accidentally roll over next to him or get close. Damn. The room even has it's own bathroom with a shower. Guess we won't be going to the bathhouse. Pity.

"Hey, you want the left side?"

"Huh?"

"The left side of the bed. Do you want to sleep on it? It's the side you chose last time."

"Oh, yeah. That's fine. Naruto… how much is this room?"

"Don't worry, I got it covered."

After we put our stuff away, we take turns taking a quick shower to wash the grime off of us. Once we're both a hell of a lot cleaner and fresher smelling we go in search of an onigiri stand.

"You spent a week in this town right? Shouldn't you know where stuff is?"

"Only four days, actually. I had Giovanni hot on my ass then too. And I only eat ramen, remember?"

"Look," I point off to the distance. "There's one."

**-x-x-x-x-**

After eating, wandering around town and doing some minor supply shopping, we head back to the room. My mind or rather my hormones run amok… again.

'Hmm… how are we going to grope him in his sleep?' 

No. I can't do that.

'_Aw, c'mon! You know you want to.'_

Well of course I do. But that doesn't mean I should do it!

_'Kakashi would want you to…'_

Kakashi is a dirty old man who is capable of all sorts of lechery.

_'Oh, look! Naruto's stripping!'_

No, must not stare… well that's what I tell myself but I do it anyway. God, he's beautiful. His back is so lean and muscular… I want to touch him. I want to go up to him, wrap my arms around his waist again and kiss his neck. Crap. There's that annoying, pooling warmth…

"Hey, I'm gonna be in the bathroom for a while… I'm feeling… constipated again. So don't worry, okay?"

"Okay." Naruto barely holds back a snicker.

**(Edited out because ffnet is no fun and won't allow anything smutty. And even though I think it's not too bad, I'm not taking any chances with this being pulled down.)**

He turns off the water before taking my hand to lead me out. As soon as I step out of the shower, I unfortunately come back to my senses. I look back into the shower and see my seed splattered all over the wall. Gee, I got some good distance with that one. Stepping back into the shower, I turn back on the water and rinse away the evidence. I pick up my clothes off the floor, turn off the water and 'accidentally' drop them onto the wet shower floor. I pick them up and hang them to dry over the shower rod. I walk over to the shelves to grab a towel and wrap it around my waist.

When I step out of the bathroom and see that Naruto is not only asleep but sprawled out across the bed. God damn it! He's actually taking up most of the bed. Is he trying to make me nuts? It's going to be hard enough sharing a bed with him as it is, and now he's taking up most of what should be my space! Crap. I hope I don't molest him in his sleep. Hopefully I got it all out of my system. I walk over to the drawer and pull out my pajamas. As I change, I get the feeling that someone is watching me. I turn around to look at Naruto, but he's still asleep. Chalking it up to my imagination, I continue changing.

I climb into bed and successfully push him aside. As soon as I'm settled and about to drift off, Naruto's arm flings itself across my chest. Holy crap! No! I gently lift his arm and move it back to his side. No sooner than I do that, than he turns and snuggles into my side. I mentally whimper and wonder, why me? When I try to push him aside, he just snuggles in closer, this time throwing his leg over mine. I sigh at the futility of it all and try to make myself as comfortable as I can. Just when I think I can't take anymore, he proves me wrong by snuggling his face into my neck and murmurs.

"Smells nice."

Sighing again, I stare at the ceiling as I wrap my right arm around him. I'll just explain what happened and that it was the only way I could keep my arm from going to sleep. He doesn't have to know how much I enjoy it… god is he going to do this tomorrow night? Stretching my neck to look down at him, I smile down at his sweet, gentle and content face. Before I even know what I'm doing, I lean down and kiss his lips softly. He doesn't have to know. He'll never know just how much he means to me. It's better this way…

* * *

Yay! Well sorta… I mean, this is the castrated version so we should be grateful that's over now, ne? I hope ya'll read the uncensored version and like it. Now give me yummy reviews that will make so happy I want to cry. **:genki smile: **

Naruto: Hell must have frozen over. You're asking again? That's two times in a row! O.o Sasuke, I'm scared!

Sasuke: Don't worry, Sasu-daddy is here. **:huggles:**

Chris: O.o Ah, yeah… Anyway, it's plushie time.

Naruto: Who is it this time?

Chris: This time it's Malibu Lee!

Lee: Me? You're choosing me? I'm so happy! **:jumping up and down:** So, what do I wear?

Chris: Green shorts with chibi Sakura's on them…

Lee: YOSH! I'm so happy… **:cries 'manly' tears:**

Chris: **:mutters:** There's just no accounting for taste. -.-

Lee: Do I do anything special?

Chris: Uh… sure. **:thinks:** Okay! Squeeze his tummy and he strikes his 'Nice Guy Pose'

Lee: COOL! **:Nice Guy Pose:**

Chris: Yeah… **:begins to pass out the plushies:**

Love, thanks and adoration to: **gaara-no-suna, Rachel Dracon, Luvsdogz, seiyaryu76, K-chan xoxo, blackgate, Dark Mimiru-Chan, Little Fox Kit, Momochi Zabuza, goingcommando, Sekra, Bomb-O-Maniac, danna-chan, KirikouChan, Ginka, Sorrosa Girlie, Aimi-chan, ShadowCelest117, sodesne, Generally Maz, btTara, bloodofakiller, Sailor Epyon, AbsurdAnne, Puchu-chan, Nanashi Ni, Cazeh, Ly Mizukage, goddes of sand, Kyuubi-kun, Ulitheal, Heather-Hezzer-and-Honaluki, TheSunshineGirls, agrias-101, CluelessIdiot, Bo, Yoake, von-vlad-dracul, Kichi Hisaki, ChibiNekoSakura, Ruby Love, flclinutri, Azamaria-chan, Alana-StarSugarCat, magical-flyingdragon, Van Kim 'n' Su and Luna Catgirl.**

Reviewer responses can be found in my mali chan lj as always. Responses are going to be limited to people I have more than thank you to say to because… well I feel kinda lame saying thank you again and again and my brain cannot come up with an original way to say it beyond love, thanks and adoration. That and there's so many reviewers I almost feel like I'll never be able to answer them all. . Ahem…

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* * *

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**Chapter 15 Excerpt:**

-

"_How long do you think until Kakashi gets here?"_

"_What, you want Kakashi to come?" Naruto grins at me._

"_No… not really. Just wondering is all."_

"_Uh huh. If not by tonight, then by tomorrow afternoon… provided he's figured out where we're heading. And how fast he's willing to move his ass."_

"_Knowing him, probably pretty fast so he can 'watch us do it'. You think he ran into Giovanni?"_

"Probably. I'm sure he confronted him at some point and probably told him what we… uh… did." Naruto blushes prettily. God why the hell is he so damn cute! Sigh. 

"_God you're so damn cute." I mumble before realizing I said it out loud._

"_What?" Naruto asks blushing harder._

"_Um… nothing." I try to pathetically cover up. "Hey what's that?"_

_Divert attention. Divert attention! Totally ignore what I just said. Please, for the love of god!_

"_What's what?" He asks still blushing._

"_That, next to the onigiri stand."_

"_Don't know. Wasn't there last time I was here."_

_Yes! Completely forgotten. Go me! We walk over to see what the whole thing is. A shiver runs down my spine. Girls are swarming around the place. That can't be a good thing. Swarming girls is never a good thing! Regardless, we still draw closer. There is no choice, it's either this or me explain why I said he was cute. Crap._

* * *

A longer excerpt since I can't promise when the next update will be, except it'll be at least 2 weeks but no more than a month… barring death, hospitalization, or the end of the world. No joke. 


	15. Chapter 15: Snuggly Vengence Be Thy Name

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

**-**

**Beta read by: **Wowie **:glomps:** You're the best! You have my love and adoration for doing it. Someday I will make it up to you, I promise. ;-;

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** :insert insane, psychotic laugh, here: **You should also know, everything after chapter 244 in the manga does not exist for this story.

**Pairings:** SasuNaru, KakaIru (but a LONG way till we get there) and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm currently unemployed again and have nothing anyone would really want. If I owned Naruto... well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. Keep the dream alive kids, one day he will see the light! Maybe even sooner than we think… Did you guys see the NejiNaru hint in 262? **:drools:** 0.0

**-**

**Warning!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness – It's cute. In other words, they aren't actually humping yet; Naruto continues to yank poor Sasuke's chain XD**

**- some sappy stuff. I can't believe I wrote it now.**

**- OC cannon fodder and plot devices.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... of course you SHOULD know this by now. Yeah, I'm talking to you! **

-

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then you probably haven't been paying attention all through this fic; yet another thing you SHOULD know by now. Don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control. If you flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my webpage unless your flame is lame. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

* * *

-

_When I step out of the bathroom and see that Naruto is not only asleep but sprawled out across the bed. God damn it! He's actually taking up most of the bed. Is he trying to make me nuts? It's going to be hard enough sharing a bed with him as it is, and now he's taking up most of what should be my space! Crap. I hope I don't molest him in his sleep. Hopefully I got it all out of my system. I walk over to the drawer and pull out my pajamas. As I change, I get the feeling that someone is watching me. I turn around to look at Naruto, but he's still asleep. Chalking it up to my imagination, I continue changing._

I climb into bed and successfully push him aside. As soon as I'm settled and about to drift off, Naruto's arm flings itself across my chest. Holy crap! No! I gently lift his arm and move it back to his side. No sooner than I do that, than he turns and snuggles into my side. I mentally whimper and wonder, why me? When I try to push him aside, he just snuggles in closer, this time throwing his leg over mine. I sigh at the futility of it all and try to make myself as comfortable as I can. Just when I think I can't take anymore, he proves me wrong by snuggling his face into my neck and murmurs.

"_Smells nice." _

_Sighing again, I stare at the ceiling as I wrap my right arm around him. I'll just explain what happened and that it was the only way I could keep my arm from going to sleep. He doesn't have to know how much I enjoy it… god is he going to do this tomorrow night? Stretching my neck to look down at him, I smile down at his sweet, gentle and content face. Before I even know what I'm doing, I lean down and kiss his lips softly. He doesn't have to know. He'll never know just how much he means to me. It's better this way…_

-

x-x-x-x-

**Chapter 15: Snuggly Vengeance Be Thy Name**

x-x-x-x-

**xoxo – Naruto's POV - xoxo**

Sasuke had been in there for a while before he started the shower up… Ya know, I don't think he's really constipated. You don't make sounds like that while in the shower unless… HOLY SHIT! He can't be, can he! I never figured he'd be one for self love. Well now, isn't this interesting… I wonder if he's thinking about someone or just going on sensation? Judging from that moan, just now; I'm going to go with fantasizing. You don't make a sound like that off of sensation alone. NO ONE is that good… well, maybe Itachi. Meh. So I wonder who he's thinking about?

'_Who do you think, stupid? Kakashi? It's you! Get with the program and catch a clue you idiot!'_

Don't you know how to shut up?

'_Do you? I'm you, remember?'_

Stupid voice… wait calling the voice stupid - does that mean I'm calling myself stupid?

_'Yes. Yes, it does.'_

Meh. Well then, let's put this to the test and drive him up the wall! Mwahahahahaaaa! I'm brilliant! Utterly, completely, fucking brilliant! I sprawl out on the bed and take up most of his space. Even if he isn't attracted to me, this will drive him up the wall. PAYBACK! If he won't admit I'm human, I'll just slowly and surely drive him insane. Heh, heh.

Finally I hear the water stop for the second time… wonder what he was doing? When the bathroom door opens, I close my eyes and feint sleep. I hear him stop at the foot of the bed and heave a heavy sigh in exasperation. Heh, heh. When I hear him walk over to the dresser, I open my eyes to watch him change and enjoy the view. Truly, that ass of his is a thing of beauty. It just makes you want to go up and give it a squeeze; worship it, even! I suddenly close my eyes when he turns around and stares at me intently and then the room. That was close. He shrugs it off and turns back around, continuing to put on the rest of his night clothes. Since the best part is over, I just keep my eyes closed.

I hear him shuffle over to the side of the bed and feel him try to push me aside a little. I let him just so he'll crawl into bed. I feel the bed sink with his weight as he settles into the bed and makes himself comfortable. I wait a few minutes before making my next move and throw my arm across his face and chest. When he gently pushes my arm aside, I turn and snuggle into his side. Heh, heh.

He tries to gently push me off so I snuggle in closer and throw my leg over his for good measure. I hear him sigh in surrender… Got you, you bastard. Just for the hell of it, I snuggle my face closer to his neck. God he smells good. It makes me want to kiss and lick him.

"Smells good." I murmur groggily into his neck.

Heh, I can just hear the eyes popping out of his head. I hear him sigh again before he really surprises the hell out of me. I feel his right arm snake under me, wrapping itself around me and pulling me close. This is… this is nice. I wish we could always do this. I can't help but smile happily in my 'sleep'. But apparently Sasuke is still full of surprises… I feel his lips press softly against mine in a chaste and loving kiss. It takes all my self-control to not press back or shove my tongue down his throat as I molest him. I do that and the game is all over. And people say I have no self control…

**-x-x-x-x-**

When morning comes, I realize we're pretty much in the same position as last night… except now, Sasuke's hand is on my ass. It's not like I mind it, but this would make wonderful ammo. Heh. I look up to his sweet, sleeping face. He looks so soft, peaceful and… angelic. I almost feel bad for what I'm about to do to him. The key word here is, 'almost'.

I take a moment to drink in his appearance, wishing I could kiss him like he had to me when he thought I sleeping. But with my luck, he'd wake up and I'd have no explanation for my actions. I don't think he'd be too happy with, _'Well, Sasuke… you looked so molestable I couldn't control myself. So… do you wanna deflower me?' _Yeah. That would go over SO well. Make note of the sarcasm here, please. Add to the fact, my whole plan would be shot to hell… And as much as I would love to just lie here next to Sasuke… hot, sexy, molestable Sasuke, snuggled up to his side with his hand on my ass, this opportunity is too great to pass up.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing!" I shout in his ear that I find myself just longing to lick and nibble on.

Sasuke's eyes fly open as he jumps out of the bed and falls onto the floor onto his sexy ass.

"What the hell!" Sasuke shouts completely flustered, "Naruto!"

"You had your hand on my ass! Not only that, you had me pulled up to your side! You PERVERT!"

"What! I did **not** have my hand on your ass! And you climbed onto me last night and wouldn't move!"

"You're blaming me!" I make my lip quiver and let a lone, single tear fall down my cheek, "I knew you were a pervert, but I never knew you were a cad!" I sniffled as my eyes filled tears on the brink of being shed.

Sasuke's eyes widened as he reaches out to touch me. Before he can lay a finger, I spring from the bed, running to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. Within seconds, Sasuke is pounding on the door; saying he's sorry and begging me to please open the door… Heh, heh. God I'm good; I smirk as I wipe away the fake tears.

Learning to cry on demand has really come in handy, although I've only used before while I was in Sexy form. I ask you, what self respecting guy walks past a crying girl? The guilt points alone make my potential embarrassment, worth it. Hmmm… I wonder how long I should make him suffer? This is going to be fun!

**xoxo – Sasuke's POV - xoxo**

"You're blaming me?"

Naruto's lip quivers as a tear runs down his cheek. Oh my god! I'm making Naruto cry! Nononononononoooo! He'll hate me! I don't want him to hate me!

"I knew you were a pervert, but I never knew you were a cad!"

No Naruto, please don't cry! When I reach out to touch him and try to say I'm sorry, he bolts from the bed. I chase after him as he runs into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him and in my face.

"C'mon, Naruto! I'm sorry! Please open the door!" I beg, as I pound on the door.

"NO! You **_violated_** me in my **_sleep_** and have the nerve to blame **me**! You asshole!"

"Naruto, nothing happened; I swear!"

"Liar! You molested me in my sleep!"

"Naruto! Please, believe me! I didn't molest you; I'd never molest you…"

'_No, of course not… Kissing him while he's asleep doesn't count, does it?'_

'Shut up!'

"Liar! This is why you won't admit I'm human…"

"What!"

"You're a… a poke-sexual!"

'The hell! Poke-sexual!'

_'No, more like Naruto-sexual…'_

"You've wanted to take advantage of me the whole time!"

'_Well of course you've wanted to take advantage of him! Who wouldn't!'_

'You're not helping!'

"You won't molest me if I'm human! That's why you won't say I'm human! You want to do perverted things to me!"

'_Well, duh!'_

"God damn it, Naruto! That's not true and you know it!"

Naruto says nothing. That bathroom didn't have a window did it? No… I don't think I remember seeing one.

"Naruto!"

I reach down and turn the knob, hoping by some miracle that it had magically unlocked. Sigh. Apparently, miracles are a hoax… at least in my life.

"Naruto? C'mon, please open the door. I'd never do any of that to you."

_'Unless of course he asked…'_

I start to literally hit my head against the wall in frustration.

"Naruto…? Please?"

I turn to lean against the wall next to the door and slide to the floor. Sigh. Why me?

**-x-x-x-x-**

Two hours later and I'm still sitting beside that accursed door; my throat is hoarse and tight from pleading with my kitsune. God, is he ever going to open that damn door?

"Naruto… believe me when I say, I'd never do that. You're my friend… I don't want to lose you. Please come out." 

Finally the door opens and I spring to my feet. He walks out and glares at me suspiciously, his arms crossed against his chest. I can't really control myself and wrap my arms around him, hugging him tightly with my face buried in his shoulder.

"I'm really your friend?" He muffles into my shoulder.

"Yes. My first real friend. So don't hate me, okay? And trust me… I wouldn't do anything to hurt you."

"Alright… fine. But if I catch you in the act, I will hurt you badly."

I pull away from him, letting him loose from my hug and blush. Damn I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I said that. He looks really cute when he makes death threats. God… what you do to me, Naruto. If you only knew… you'd probably run screaming to the hills.

"It's late… we missed breakfast. I wonder when the ramen stand opens." I quickly change the subject.

"In an hour."

"Sigh. I'm really starving. I can only imagine what it's like for you. You always seem ravenous."

"Yeah, well…" He laughs nervously. Sigh. Everything about him screams cute. It's all I can do to beat down the urge to kiss him.

"C'mon, let's get dressed. We can wander around a bit before the ramen stand opens."

"Okay."

**-x-x-x-x-**

The sun is now high in the afternoon sky and I find my thoughts wandering all over the damn place. Everything from, will Naruto do what he did last night again tonight to that stupid pervert Kakashi. I don't want a repeat of this morning. My throat still hurts damn it! But if he does, what do I do? I guess I'll just have to wake up before he does. I'm torn between wanting Kakashi to appear and hoping he never comes. I like being with Naruto but, I can't go through this every morning and we really can't leave until Kakashi comes… if he ever comes.

"How long do you think until Kakashi gets here?"

"What, you want Kakashi to come?" Naruto grins at me.

"No… not really. Just wondering is all."

"Uh huh. If not by tonight, then by tomorrow afternoon… provided he's figured out where we're heading. And how fast he's willing to move his ass."

"Knowing him, probably pretty fast so he can_ 'watch us do it'_. You think he ran into Giovanni?"

"Probably. I'm sure he confronted him at some point and probably told him what we… uh… did." Naruto blushes prettily. God why the hell is he so damn cute! Sigh. 

"God you're so damn cute." I mumble before realizing I said it out loud.

"What?" Naruto asks blushing harder.

"Um… nothing." I try to pathetically cover up. "Hey what's that?"

Divert attention. Divert attention! Totally ignore what I just said. Please, for the love of god!

"What's what?" He asks still blushing.

"That, next to the onigiri stand."

"Don't know. Wasn't there last time I was here."

Yes! Completely forgotten. Go me! We walk over to see what the whole thing is. A shiver runs down my spine. Girls are swarming around the place. That can't be a good thing. Swarming girls is never a good thing! Regardless, we still draw closer. There is no choice, it's either this or me explain why I said he was cute. Crap.

"Hey, what do they sell here?" Naruto asks a random girl.

The random girl blushes as she turns around and looks into his blue eyes. She. Must. Die. Stupid girl.

"Valentine chocolates! They make the best chocolates and are only open for a couple of weeks before Valentines Day and White Day."

"Are they really that good?"

"Oh, yes! And if want a special one made, you have to ask a year in advance!"

"Really? Wow."

"You must be new in town, huh?" The random, soon to be dead girl asks as she blushes again.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. We're just passing through… well, we will be as soon as our friend gets here."

"Oh, well then maybe I'll see you around then. My name is… um… uh…"

The stupid git trips over herself as she stares into Naruto's eyes. Yes, she must die…

"Dear god, you forgot your own name again? She's Mei Lin, I'm Mayura." The pushy girl introduces herself and practically molests me with her eyes. Yet another girl that must die. What a pity. Yes, that was sarcasm.

"Well, it was nice to meet you. We gotta go so, we'll see you around then…" Naruto starts to lead me happily away.

"Hey, wait! You didn't tell us your names!" Mei Lin calls out to us. 

Damn. Almost got away.

"Oh, sorry about that!", He smiles apologetically. "I'm Naruto and this bastard here is Sasuke."

God I love his smile. The way his soft lips widen and his blue eyes shine… I feel my knees melt… I'm sure Mei Lin's have too. Have I mentioned that the bitch must die?

"Well it's nice to meet you both. I hope we can meet again." Mei Lin bows politely and meekly.

I hate her even more now. Stupid proper and well mannered girl. Well, I know just **WHAT** to do about this…

"C'mon, Naru-chan. We have to get back and see if Kakashi is here yet."

I grab his hand, weave our fingers together and pull him along with me. Mei Lin's and Mayura's eyes practically pop out of their heads as their jaws drop. Heh. And once again, all is right with world. Once we're a good distance away, he pulls me into an empty alleyway.

"What the hell are you doing!"

"Didn't like the way they were looking at you."

"Sigh. You are such a possessive bastard, aren't you? I didn't like how that Mayura girl was eyeing you like a piece of meat either, but you don't see me overreacting! I really wouldn't have put it past her to grope or rape you."

"Yet another reason to hold your hand… besides, it's not like it bothers you." I smirk as I hold up our hands, still intertwined.

He rips his hand out of mine, blushing but I grab it back, lacing our fingers together.

"Remember, I'm a possessive bastard. And while Valentine giddy girls are swarming, I insist you hold my hand. After all, I don't want another girl and her father deciding you're going to marry her."

And if anyone is going to give you Valentine chocolates, it's me.

_'Can we cover him in Valentine chocolate syrup?'_

"Oh shut up." Naruto glares and blushes at me before leading me out of the alley and into the light of a judgmental world. Don't people know it's rude to stare?

**-x-x-x-x-**

It's night time again and there's still no Kakashi… which means I have to share a bed with Naruto again. I just hope we don't have a repeat of this morning. I go to relieve my 'constipation problem' the same as I did last night, except I don't make a mess all over myself. When I come out of the shower Naruto is actually still awake, waiting on the edge of the bed.

"Took you long enough. I thought you were going to be _constipated_ forever." He smirks.

God, does he know what the hell I was really doing? Fuck.

"Well, I decided to take a shower too…"

"My turn!" He shouts as he runs into the shower.

Within moments I hear the water running and continue to change into my pajamas. Just as I climb into the bed, I hear a low moan come from the bathroom. Is Naruto _'constipated'_? Can pokemon even do that? What if they can't? Then that can only mean… A shiver of pleasure runs down my spine and pools warmly in my groin. I wonder if I could get him to moan like that for me? When another moan and then an even louder one after that comes, I wonder what I'm going to do.

**(teeny part editted out because I'm paranoid now. Full version is in my lj)**

Satisfied, I wad the towel up and toss it to the floor. Just as I climb into bed, I hear the water stop. Shit, that was close. The door opens and he walks out towel drying his hair. I stay quiet as he walks over to his pack to pull out his pajamas. When he stoops over his towel falls to the floor, exposing his wonderful little ass. Before I can become aroused again I turn away as he gets dressed. Within moments he climbs into the bed and… snuggles into my side… again.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Snuggling."

"I know that. Why?"

"Well according to you, I did it last night so I might as well do it now. Ya know, that way I know I snuggled into you and you weren't molesting me… Just keep your hands off of certain places, okay?"

"O-okay…"

Naruto snuggles closer and his warm breath tickles my neck. It feels good but… well, I run the risk of getting 'constipated' again.

"Naruto, that tickles…"

"Ne, Sasuke… you smell really good." Naruto mumbles as he rubs his face into my neck.

He is trying to drive me insane. I know it! Sighing in defeat, I snake my arm around his waist again.

"And just what in the hell do you think **you're** doing?"

"Trying to keep my arm from falling asleep. Or are you the only one who's allowed to be comfortable?"

"No, just checking. Just watch the hand."

Watch the hand? Heh, heh. Okay… I drop my hand to his cute ass and give it a squeeze.

"Just what in the hell are you doing! I told you to watch your hand!" Naruto squawks.

"I am watching it. It looks quite content, thank you."

Naruto blushes an interesting shade of red and shouts, "You pervert!"

"I think that was established yesterday and today; and you still snuggled into me. So, you really shouldn't be surprised."

"B-b-but…"

Heh, heh. Try and drive me crazy, will you? Well I can play this game too and I win this round.

I kiss him gently between his eyes and murmur, "Just go to sleep already."

Naruto glares at me before sighing and closing his eyes.

"Pervert." He mutters.

"Yeah, yeah. I love you too…" I smirk and surrender to sleep with my hand happily cupping his cute little ass.

* * *

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Well there you have it. We're getting closer and closer to chapter 17 and I haven't finished it yet. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will. I stare at the paper, at the screen and I can't get it out. ;-; I see it in my head but it won't come out to play with us. I keep thinking of smut scenes and how to work out their first time. X.x Anyway, get to work Naruto.

Naruto: **:wanders in covered in hickeys:** Crap. Back to normal again, huh?

Sasuke: If you can call it normal…

Chris: Shush! Get to work or no smut for you. It'll go to Itachi and Neji.

Itachi and Neji: Yes!

Sasuke: Fuck.

Chris: That's the idea, Princess Angst.

Naruto: O.o Uh, this months' plushie is Malibu Shikamaru!

Chris: Malibu Shikamaru sports sky blue shorts with the pretty clouds he likes to watch pass by on them. He doesn't do a damn thing though because he's too lazy.

Shikamaru: Sigh. Women are insane.

Chouji: Well that one is at least. **:stuffs face with chips:**

Shikamaru: That goes without saying.

Chris: Shut up you! Sasuke, get to work you bitch!

Sasuke: …bitch. Sigh. The things I'll do for nookie… **:passes out the plushies:**

Love, thanks and much adoration to: **Bo, KirikouChan, Puchu-chan, Van Kim 'n' Su, Rachel S. Dracon, Luna, spikemyangel, Ulitheal, Little Fox Kit, Sailor Epyon, goingcommando, Ly Mizukage, Maskoftime, Seiya, Dual Rasengan, magical-flyingdragon, Uzamaki Liliana, OokamiHanyouGurl, Heather-Hezzer-and-Honaluki, btTara, Yit-ha, Generally Maz, Polka dot, Aimi-chan, agrias-101, flclinutri, Alana-StarSugarCat, CluelessIdiot, sodesne, zan0130, meheeners, Chris, ice krystahl, Fan, digi-oh, HikariChang, CrimsonAnjel, ht, eBooeBoo, Dark Chaliceand Yuen-chan.**

Reviewer responses can be found in my mali chan lj as always. Responses are going to be limited to people I have more than thank you to say to because… well I feel kinda lame saying thank you again and again and my brain cannot come up with an original way to say it beyond love, thanks and adoration. That and there's so many reviewers I almost feel like I'll never be able to answer them all. . Ahem… Oh and if you want details on who Sasuke was reminding Naruto of, go read Tanjobi Negai (Birthday Wishes). Full version can be found in my lj, castrated version is here on ffnet.

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**Chapter 16 Excerpt:**

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_When Mei Lin finishes ringing me up, I ask her if she can get some chocolates for me. She nods okay and giggles again. This time his blush reaches the back of his ears. Unable to completely control myself, I jump on his back, throw my arms around his shoulders and kiss his cheek._

"_You're cute when you blush."_

_He blushes even harder and I whisper in his ear, "You keep blushing like that and I'll have to molest you in the middle of the store."_

_His eyes practically pop out of his head before he regains his composure and looks back coolly at me._

"_Feel free to anytime, anywhere." He smirks._

_Damn, sexy bastard. Tonight is going to be complete hell. I only survived last night because I was able to relieve myself in the shower just as he had before me. I'm definitely going to be in there for a while tonight. Hell, I may have to run back there in a little while if he keeps this up._

"_Exhibitionist pervert." I mutter as we walk out the door, "Oy! Mei Lin! Thanks again!"_

_I turn to wave good-bye and see a happy little smile on her face… is that drool?_

"_You know, you're in no position to judge. You said yourself that you were ready to molest me in the middle of the store."_

_A few heads turn with wide-eyes as murmurs of perverts, fags and deviants float through the air. Sasuke glares at each one and they quickly shut up. Good old Uchiha Death Glare. I guess some things never change. It's actually a comforting thought…_

* * *

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Once again, a long excerpt since you're looking at a month long wait and… well there really were no good and short ones. Tee hee. So yeah you're looking at a month long wait while I try to write, draw and get my guild on Gaia off the ground and going. I've really bitten off more than I chew. **:I need an annoyed and tired smiley right here:** And remember to read my other fic. Yeah, I'm whoring it. I want reviews! XD

Naruto: The whore is back… remember, reviews make her world go round and that's the only thing she really checks her mailbox for anymore.


	16. Chapter 16: Chocolates and Keroppi

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

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**Beta read by: **Wowie **:glomps:** You're the best! You have my love and adoration for doing it. Someday I will make it up to you, I promise. ;-;

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** :insert insane, psychotic laugh, here: **You should also know, everything after chapter 244 in the manga does not exist for this story.

**Pairings:** SasuNaruSasu, KakaIru (getting closer!) and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm still unemployed and have nothing anyone would really want. If I owned Naruto... I'd be a lot happier, living in Japan and well let's just say Naru-chan would be a very busy little boy who really gets around with the male population. But alas, I don't so it'll never be... unless of course Kishimoto-san becomes a rabid yaoi fanboy. Keep the dream alive kids, one day he will see the light! Otherwise, I shall be moving to Australia someday.

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**Warning!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness – It gets really smutty and is thus once again relegated to my LJ.**

**- some sappy stuff. I can't believe I wrote it.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... of course you SHOULD know this by now. Yeah, I'm talking to you! **

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then you probably haven't been paying attention all through this fic; yet another thing you SHOULD know by now. Don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control. If you flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my webpage unless your flame is lame. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

You can find the link to the uncensored and thus more entertaining version in my fic profile or in the email I sent as always. Enjoy. It's a little longer and a lot more perverted this time.

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_Watch the hand? Heh, heh. Okay… I drop my hand to his cute ass and give it a squeeze._

"Just what in the hell are you doing? I told you to watch your hand!" Naruto squawks.

"_I am watching it. It looks quite content, thank you."_

_Naruto blushes an interesting shade of red and shouts, "You pervert!"_

"_I think that was established yesterday and today; and you still snuggled into me. So, you really shouldn't be surprised."_

"_B-b-but…"_

_Heh, heh. Try and drive me crazy, will you? Well I can play this game too and I win this round. _

_I kiss him gently between his eyes and murmur, "Just go to sleep already."_

_Naruto glares at me before sighing and closing his eyes._

"_Pervert." He mutters._

"_Yeah, yeah. I love you too…" I smirk and surrender to sleep with my hand happily cupping his cute little ass._

_-_

-x-x-x-x-

**Chapter 16: Chocolates and Keroppi**

-x-x-x-x-

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**xoxo – Sasuke's POV - xoxo**

When I open my eyes the first thing I see is his cute little face. He is still snuggled into my side and my hand is still quite happily resting on his ass. I'm tempted to give it a squeeze again but it's way too early in the morning for him to call me a pervert. Maybe in an hour or so…

His sleepy blue eyes open and he stares at me as I stare at him, blinking. I smile and before I can even say good morning, he yells… again.

"You pervert! You molested me in my sleep again!"

He shoves me off the bed and bolts to the bathroom. I should have known this would happen. As soon as I finish cursing my fate on the floor, I get up and start to pound on the door again.

"Naruto! Open up damn it! Don't you remember what happened last night? You snuggled into my side so this wouldn't happen!"

After a few minutes my kitsune comes out looking rather sheepish.

"Eh heh… sorry about that…"

"Sigh. C'mon, get dressed; I don't want to miss breakfast again…"

"Okay."

**-x-x-x-x-**

After breakfast we found ourselves wandering around again. There really isn't a whole lot to do in this town. There are plenty of shops, but we already have everything we need. It's so boring waiting for Kakashi to appear. We walk past what appears to be a toy store and Naruto stops in his tracks.

"Hey! Let's go in there!" He shouts as he pulls me in with him.

"Okay, okay! You don't have to pull my arm off!"

Naruto laughs and smiles. God he's so cute, I can't stand it!

"Well move faster. You walk like an old lady!"

"Hmph."

"Good morning!" The shopkeeper greets us, "What can I help you with to- Oh! It's you!"

Huh?

"Yeah, it's us! So, I guess you work here, huh?"

Crap. It's that girl from yesterday, Mei Lin. And already she's fawning over him. I wonder if there are any good places to dispose of a body around here?

"Yeah, my family owns the shop. I thought you guys would be gone by now. Didn't your friend come?"

"Nah, we're still waiting on his sorry ass. He'll probably be here this afternoon."

"Well, I'll be sorry to see you go."

"Why?" I ask suspiciously.

"Well, uh…" She looks around nervously, "Is there anything I can help you find?"

"Not really. The store just looked interesting from the outside. There's not a whole lot to do here, ya know?"

"Yeah, but we have lots of festivals so it kinda balances out."

"Really?"

"Yeah, we'll even be having one for Valentines Day. If you're still here, you should go. It's lots of fun! Especially if you have someone to got with…"

"I'm sure." I mutter. God is she ever going to shut up? If she asks Naruto out I will kill her, here and now. Screw finding a place to dump her corpse!

"They say, if you kiss while the fireworks are going off the whole time, you were meant to be together!"

"Really? What happens if you don't?" Naruto asks.

"Well, if you kiss its still good luck."

"So do you have anyone to kiss this year?"

Naruto, what the hell are you doing? No! Don't!

"Sigh. There was this one guy, but he decided he liked that whore, Anzu better… I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this!"

Crap. We need to leave now before Naruto ends up engaged to another girl!

"His name wouldn't happen to be Miroku, would it?"

Don't you dare offer to take her! If you go, it'll be with me! Me, damn it!

"No. It was… it doesn't matter; I just call him asshole now."

"Haha! I'm sure you'll find someone by then… Hey you guys carry Sanrio? Do you have any Keroppi or Badtz Maru?"

"Oh yes! We just got in a new shipment of Keroppi stuff yesterday."

Naruto bounded off without another word, leaving me and that git alone. All is silent for a moment as I glare at her.

"So… have you gotten him anything for Valentines yet?"

"Why?" I intensify my glare.

"No reason, just curious… if you haven't, you should get to the chocolate shop."

"So you want me to leave him here then; by himself… with you?"

"Oh no! You'd never make it back in time with that line!"

"Then why do you care?"

"I don't know… I guess people should get something on Valentines from their loved ones."

"Hmph."

"He really seems to like Keroppi…" She quickly changes the subject.

"I guess… he has this change purse thing that looks like a frog…"

"There's a really cute plushie one. It's small so it won't take up a whole lot of room while you're traveling."

Damn it. She's trying to sell me crap.

'_It's her job. You are in her store. And she has a point. You want to claim him, you have to act the part. Show you're affection, present him with a gift.'_

'_So you've finally decided to join the winning side?'_

'_Shut up. If I can't stop him then I can at least help keep him from looking like a complete fool.'_

'_Heh. Ask if they have Keroppi condoms!'_

'_No! Don't do it!'_

'_Spoil sport…'_

Damn, I need to get him something… And I really don't have the time or opportunity to do it. We're always together…

"Let's see it." I relent.

She smiles and sneaks over to get it without Naruto noticing. She hands it over to me and I have to admit, it is cute. Its smile reminds me of Naruto…

"How much?"

"700 yen."

"Okay, I'll take it." And I hand her my money.

"Thank you. I'll wrap it up really nice for you! I got a box that's just the right size and some really cute Keroppi paper…"

She runs off before I can tell her that she doesn't have to bother. She comes back fairly quickly with the wrapped package. I have to admit again, it is cute. The paper is white with little Keroppi's and pink and white hears. The ribbon wrapped around it is pink with little white hearts. She hands it and a small blank card with a little Keroppi on it.. It's holding a big red heart and is actually winking. Somehow, I know he's going to get a kick out of this.

"Thank you. How much do I owe you for the wrapping?"

"Don't worry, it's included."

"Oh… can you bring this to the inn later? I don't want him to see it."

Why am I asking her for help? Why am I trusting her?

"Sure thing," She smiles. "If you want, I can stop and pick up some chocolates too."

"That's okay, you don't have to…"

"It's no problem! This is your first Valentines together, you **have** to give him chocolates!"

"How… how did you know?" I asked stunned.

"You two blush **a lot**. It's so obvious you just got together." She grins way too happily.

Together. If only she realized the truth… that it's all an act no matter how much I wish it was true. Sigh. But maybe she sees something I don't.

"Oh. Thanks then…"

Naruto finally walks back over carrying a few items that for some reason he feels the need to hide from me. One glance tells me to turn around. Sighing as I comply, I hear Mei Lin giggle.

"You two are really cute!"

I feel the blush stretch to the back of my ears and she giggles again. Ack! Must fight the urge to kill… until she makes her deliveries.

**xoxo – Naruto's POV – xoxo**

God Sasuke is so cute and actually very sweet… And it seems forgetful as well. He's obviously forgotten about my very keen hearing. Of course I was getting him something anyways to make up for yesterday and this morning… and possibly tonight. But to think he wants to get me something and for it to be a surprise… makes me feel special.

When he blushes, it just makes me want to dry hump him, drag him into a dark alley and do all the things a certain someone taught me last year. God, I hope Kakashi comes today or tomorrow morning, Sasuke will be the one shouting that he's being molested!

When Mei Lin finishes ringing me up, I ask her if she can get some chocolates for me. She nods okay and giggles again. This time his blush reaches the back of his ears. Unable to completely control myself, I jump on his back, throw my arms around his shoulders and kiss his cheek.

"You're cute when you blush."

He blushes even harder and I whisper in his ear, "You keep blushing like that and I'll have to molest you in the middle of the store."

His eyes practically pop out of his head before he regains his composure and looks back coolly at me.

"Feel free to anytime, anywhere." He smirks.

Damn, sexy bastard. Tonight is going to be complete hell. I only survived last night because I was able to relieve myself in the shower just as he had before me. I'm definitely going to be in there for a while tonight. Hell, I may have to run back there in a little while if he keeps this up.

"Exhibitionist pervert." I mutter as we walk out the door, "Oy! Mei Lin! Thanks again!"

I turn to wave good-bye and see a happy little smile on her face… is that drool?

"You know, you're in no position to judge. You said yourself that you were ready to molest me in the middle of the store."

A few heads turn with wide-eyes as murmurs of perverts, fags and deviants float through the air. Sasuke glares at each one and they quickly shut up. Good old Uchiha Death Glare. I guess some things never change. It's actually a comforting thought…

"Keep your voice down. Do you want to get us thrown out of town before Kakashi gets here?" I whisper harshly.

"Fine. But remember, **you** started it."

"I did not… Your blushing did."

"And just who do you think was making me blush?"

"Mei Lin?"

"That's not even remotely funny."

"I don't know… I was pretty damned amused." I grin.

"Doesn't take much for you, does it?" He smirks.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

His smirk only widens as he says, "Nothing. Nothing at all. Let's get some lunch and then head back to the inn. Kakashi will look for us there, I think."

"Fine."

**-x-x-x-x-**

It's nightfall and there's still no fucking sign of Kakashi. Lazy asshole. He's probably walking really slow. 'Getting lost on the road of life.' I swear, he's doing this on purpose.

"I guess he's not coming today after all…"

"Looks like it. What do you think happened to him?" I ask even though deep down I pretty much know the answer.

"Who knows. He'll probably have some lame ass excuse."

"Maybe he found Iruka and is molesting him in the forest right now…"

"Poor Iruka… we might be here for days."

"He wouldn't take advantage of him or take him forcefully, would he?"

"I wouldn't put much past that pervert. But I don't think he'd ever take someone forcefully… He's an honorable pervert."

"That sounds so wrong… and yet it describes him so perfectly."

"Yeah… Why don't you take a shower? I'll keep an eye out for him."

"Okay."

I only agree because I know poor Mei Lin has been waiting for an opportunity to deliver Sasuke's stuff. Well that and I really need to service myself before I have to climb into bed with him. As soon as I close the door, I start the water running to warm it up. As soon as the water begins to flow I hear him open the door and talk to Mei Lin.

"Thanks. Sorry about the wait."

"It's okay."

"How much do I owe you?"

"1000 yen."

"Here… can I ask you something?"

"Sure!"

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why are you helping me? Yesterday you looked horrified at us being together and now…"

"Well… promise you won't get mad or laugh?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"I'm a R.Y.F.G."

"What's that?"

"Rabid Yaoi Fangirl. You two are like one of my manga's come to life! I was shocked yesterday because I had never seen two boys together and so openly. I never would have guessed just looking at you two. Well, I'll go now. Ja!"

"Hey, wait…"

"What is it?"

"How long do the fireworks last… on Valentines?"

I can just see her happy fangirl grin…

"Twenty minutes; they stop at midnight. If you can't last that long, then the longer the kiss, the more luck you have. So, are you going to be staying for Valentines after all?"

"Maybe. We thought our 'friend' would be here today, but now I'm not so sure he's coming anytime soon."

"Ah, well I hope you're able to go. Ja!"

"Ja."

I grin happily to myself as I strip and climb into the shower. He wants to kiss me again, huh? Hmm… I wonder how he's planning to manage that? Stepping under the spray of water, the fantasy comes easily as always…

**

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(edited out for the safety of my account; full version in my lj)

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The fantasy ends when I hear Sasuke trying to jiggle the door open. Pervert. But then again, this could have possibilities. I look around me and realize suddenly that I'm sitting on the floor, against the wall… Funny, I don't remember sitting down. I look ahead at the wall in front of me. Whoa, I must have come harder than I thought. My seed is all over the wall as if it had exploded. Damn, the things you do to me Sasuke… I stare at it spellbound for a moment before rinsing it off. Just as I do, Sasuke finally jimmies the lock open. Well that was a close one. Really wouldn't want to explain **that**.

"Naruto! Are you all right?" He shouts as he pushes the curtain aside.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I've been pounding on the door for close to five minutes!" He starts to get slightly hysterical, "I heard you shout and then there was a huge thud! You wouldn't answer me!"

"Okay, calm down. I'm fine. I guess I just slipped. Okay? I feel fine. Nothing feels broken or hurts… well not much at least."

"What hurts?"

"Why?" I ask slyly, "You want to kiss it and make it better?"

He blushes hugely. Damn, so molestable… I guess he's finally realized how close we are and how very, very naked I am right now. Heh, heh.

"There's that blush again. Better be careful, Sasuke. I might just make you kiss it where it hurts. And somehow, I don't think you'd appreciate it as much as I would."

I walk past his slack jawed and frozen form, grabbing a towel to wrap around my waist and walk out of the bathroom. As soon as he thinks I'm out of earshot I hear him mutter, "Don't be so sure."

I guess Sasuke does like me.

'_Told you so…'_

Shut up.

"I heard that." Heh, I bet that blush reaches all the way to that cute little ass of his. Sure enough, when he steps out he's blushing yet again. Damn, this is fun. No wonder Kakashi teases us all the time.

"What else did you hear?"

"When?"

"Today."

"Nothing much. Just people muttering about us. Maybe tomorrow we can put on a show for them?" I wink.

"And you call **me** an exhibitionist pervert? You must have hit your head hard in there."

"No, you've just corrupted me. Kakashi will be proud."

Sasuke rolls his eyes, "That's all I need…"

"Hey, I'm going to go down to the front desk and tell the innkeeper about Kakashi, okay?" I tell him as I start to get dressed.

"No. I'll go. Go ahead and put your pajamas on."

"Have it your way."

As soon as he's gone, I hear a light knock on the door. Ah, Mei Lin. I open the door to her grinning face. Yup, a rabid fangirl.

"Oh my god. I could so hear you two out here! It was so hot the way you tease each other!" She squeals in delight. "Oh, here's your chocolate."

"Thanks! How much do I owe you?"

"1000 yen."

"Thanks again." I say as I hand her the money.

"No problem. Hey… if you stay for Valentines, do you mind if I watch you two kiss under the fireworks?"

I can't help but blush and my eyes kind of bug out. That's really perverted.

"Spoken like a true rabid yaoi fangirl…", I mutter. "I don't think I could really stop you from doing it some how."

"Hee, hee. Don't worry, I've got really good binoculars! You won't even know I'm there!"

"I really didn't need to know that… he's going to be back soon, so…"

"Going! Good luck!" She bolts down a side hall to wait for Sasuke before leaving.

I close the door and start to pull on my pajamas. I wonder how long she's going to stay out there? Is she going to wait and see or rather hear what happens next? I wonder if she could be Kakashi's long lost sister. Their perversion is certainly on the same level. Just as I finish changing, Sasuke returns.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, they'll let him know where we are and etc." He pulls out his pajamas and starts to strip… yummy!

"Not that I don't appreciate the show, but aren't you going to take a bath?"

"I'll do it in the morning. I don't want to leave you for too long."

"Ah, going to play doctor? Kinky. Okay, I'll play!"

"This isn't a game, Naruto. You don't remember falling and you didn't answer me when I was pounding on the door. I don't think you have a concussion, but you still need to be woken up every two hours."

"You're going to stay up then?"

"Yeah."

Wow. He's really worried!

"You don't have to. I feel fine, really!"

"It doesn't matter if you feel fine. Something could still be wrong."

Damn. How do I explain my little fantasy just got really intense? I can't explain about Kyuubi either and my ability to heal quickly."

"But who will I snuggle against?" I pout.

Whee! He blushed again!

"I'll still lie next to you; so you can snuggle, okay?"

"Yay!" I bounce on the bed, climb under the covers and hold out my arms, "C'mon, let's snuggle! Let's snuggle!"

He rolls his eyes and sighs before smiling gently, "Just like a little kid."

"Hey! I like to snuggle with you… of course I've never snuggled with anyone else before." Except for **_him_**…, "But I like it!"

"Even though you wake up calling me a pervert?" He asks as he climbs under the covers and into my arms.

God I love this. I snuggle into his side and bury my face into his neck.

"Yes," I breathe into his neck. "That's kinda fun actually."

"Sadist. And that tickles, you know." He grouses.

"What?" I breathe lightly onto his neck.

"That!"

"This?" I blow lightly onto his neck. Heh.

"Yes!"

"What about this?" I place several butterfly kisses onto his neck and feel him shiver.

"N-not really…"

"I'll keep that in mind," I rest my head on his shoulder and smile. "Goodnight!" I lean up and kiss him on his cheek.

He whimpers in frustration… I think I'll push his buttons some more before the night is over.

After about an hour of 'sleeping', I decide to make my next move.

**

* * *

**

(edited out for the safety of my account; full version in my lj)

* * *

"Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh Shit! Fucking damn!"

He quickly slips out of my arms and the bed, running to the bathroom. Score! Go me! I hear him moan again and do a happy little dance in my head. I give myself a high five when I hear him muttering.

"God damn it, Naruto! Why do you have to do this to me? It's hard enough sleeping next to you, not being able to touch you. But nooooo, you **have** to turn me on. I am so getting you back for this…"

Heh, heh. Damn, I'm good. Time to make his life even more hellish… I climb out of bed and walk over to the bathroom.

"Sasukeeeee, where are you? I woke up and there was no one to snuggle."

**

* * *

**

(edited out for the safety of my account; full version in my lj)

* * *

"You need help with that?"

He stares at me, pale and wide-eyed.

"No? Well, hurry up and come back to bed; I get lonely. Call me, if you change your mind and want a little 'help'."

I coolly walk back to the bed, climb in and make myself very comfortable. After about 15 minutes he finally shuffles out of the bathroom.

"Did ya have fun without me?" I ask coyly.

"Look, about what you saw… I'm sorry I-"

"What to be sorry about?" I interrupt him, "It's a normal body function. I do it too, so don't worry. If it bothers you so much, we won't talk about it anymore."

"Pokemon m-ma-mas-…"

"Masturbate? Of course not! Further proof that I am NOT a damn pokemon."

"You're making it up…"

"Am not. Don't believe me, ask Kakashi. He'll tell you pokemon don't masturbate. Now be a good poke-sexual and come to bed."

"Even if it's true… how do I know you do it?"

"What, you want me to do it now? I've already done it once tonight," Sasuke blushes as I continue, "I don't know if I can do it again. But if you want, I can give it a shot. Seeing you do it **was** kind of a turn on… Or would you rather come back to bed so I can snuggle and go back to sleep?"

The poor boy stands frozen to his spot, unable to move or it seems, think. Gee, I may have gone too far this time. Sigh. Well I guess the rest of tonight is shot and he won't be coming back to bed after all. Finally I just decide to turn on my side, and face away from him. Part of me really wants to cry.

If I don't look at him, maybe I won't get hurt. Don't look back or you'll turn into a pillar of salt. The look on his face reminds me of that day 6 months ago. It's not nearly as bad as it was then, but I guess my fun is at an end. It's a shame because I was really enjoying myself, even when I wasn't teasing him. I'm going to miss kissing him and snuggling with him too. Well, it was fun while it lasted…

"Come to bed, Sasuke. I promise I won't molest or tease you. Just come and go to sleep. If sleeping in the same bed as boy makes you that uncomfortable… sigh, you can pretend I'm a damn pokemon."

After an eternity of 15 minutes he finally moves again and climbs into bed. I sigh sadly and try to go to sleep. Not even a minute passes when suddenly I feel him wrap his arms around me and spoon up behind me. I smile and breathe a sigh of relief as I snuggle into him embrace. I melt when he kisses and nuzzles the nape of my neck and whispers, "I don't mind… not if it's you." I guess I'll get to kiss him again after all.

I turn my head to look over my shoulder at him and smile, "You are such an ass; ya know that?" I kiss his lips softly.

"Yes, but I'm your ass." He smirks and kisses me back just as softly.

"And such a sexy ass it is…" I turn my head back again and sigh happily, "It's late Sasuke; I'll play with your ass in the morning. Let's get some sleep."

"Don't forget I need to wake you up in two hours…"

"You're not really going to do that, are you?"

His lips rest on the nape of my neck and I can just feel his little smirk, "You bet your cute ass I am."

"Sadist."

"Tease."

-

* * *

- 

Okay. Done. I hope this ties you over until they finally get to making with the love. Next chapter, the honeymoon ends, Kakashi returns and we'll have a new person to play with.

Kakashi: YAY! XD

Since you're in such a good mood, you can pass the plushies out! **:genki:**

Kakashi: Okay! What is it this time?

Ku ku ku ku… Malibu Lifeguard Gai. :tosses plushie to Kakashi:

Kakashi: O.o **:dodges the plushie:** Eeeewwww! That is so wrong! How could you? What is **wrong** with you?

Had nothing else better at the moment? Running low on ideas here ya know. You aren't exactly helping, ya know. **:glare:**

Kakashi: …kowaii. ;-;

Yeah, well… get to work. I got my computer to set up and crap.

Kakashi: Uh… Malibu Lifeguard Gai is wearing Green Shorts and a Green life preserver. **:shudders:** This one unfortunately speaks whether you want him to or not… just like in real life. Sigh.

Malibu Lifeguard Gai: You can trust me with your life! **:strike good guy pose:**

Lee: Cool! 8-)

Yeah. Whatever. This update was brought to you by the letter S, E, X and the numbers 6 and 9… and whole bunch of guilt on my part. **:hangs head in shame:**

Love, thanks and much adoration to: **Nissie, OokamiHanyouGurl, Ly Mizukage, Alana-StarSugarCat, nefalkariel, Dual Rasengan, Sora Jr, Niamoshi, Damnedest-Creature, Van Kim 'n' Su, Seiya, Momochi Zabuza, kathy, btTara, TheSunshineGirls, Generally Maz, sodesne, Uzamaki Liliana, Yit-ha, ht, Nanashi Ni, Puchu-chan, SavageDarknessD, Puppy-Kagoge, RuByMoOn17, Ulitheal, Bo, hex and anni chan, haolover9312, Shirohikari, CrimsonAnjel, L33t m4st3r L4rgo, nekokyo, Mourning-kun, Gi wo mite sezaru wa ya n, Naru-Kit, shadowcat15, Cyndi1, DeathIsntTheEnd, Chris, Sailor Epyon, Fan, aicyke, Uke Love, Anatta, lovebaby and Ryni.**

Reviewer responses can be found in my mali chan lj as always. Responses are still limited to people I have more than thank you to say to because I feel really lame saying thank you again and again and my brain cannot come up with an original and cleaver way to say it beyond love, thanks and adoration. That and there's so many reviewers I almost feel like I'll never be able to answer them all. . Ahem… Oh and if you want details or a reminder on who Sasuke was reminding Naruto of, go read Tanjobi Negai (Birthday Wishes). Full version can be found in my lj, castrated version is here on ffnet.

There will be no chapter except at this time because it hasn't been finished or betaed yet. I'm almost finished again. I had to go back and rip it apart at the last minute and am currently making it longer. I can tell you, Iruka will finally appear. I don't know how long it will be until I get it up. My regular beta has gone and gotten herself a life so it will be a little while.**:cringe: **Hang in there kids!


	17. Chapter 17: It's Not What It Looks Like

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

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**Beta read by: ** Wowie **:glomps:** Have I told you how much I adore you? Because I do. I really do.

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** :insert insane, psychotic laugh, here: **You should also know, everything after chapter 244 in the manga does not exist for this story.

**Pairings:** SasuNaruSasu, KakaIru (getting closer!) and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, Gravitation, Eerie Queerie or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm still unemployed and have nothing anyone would really want. If I owned Naruto... ah, the joy it would brings to the hearts of fangirls everywhere.

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**Warning!**

**-**

**This fic has:**

**- yaoi goodness – not a whole lot in this chapter, it's actually safe to post for once.**

**- semi-angst – in other words, Sasuke is a big poopie-head.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... of course you SHOULD know this by now. Yeah, I'm talking to you! **

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then you probably haven't been paying attention all through this fic; yet another thing you SHOULD know by now. Don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control. If you flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my webpage unless your flame is lame. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

Okay KakaIru fans, the moment you've all been waiting for has arrived. Yes, Iruka finally appears. Yes, after many re-writes and such he finally makes his grand entrance. Oh happy day. And because I feel so guilty, this chapter is a bit longer than the others. Enjoy!

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* * *

- 

_If I don't look at him, maybe I won't get hurt. Don't look back or you'll turn into a pillar of salt. The look on his face reminds me of that day 6 months ago. It's not nearly as bad as it was then, but I guess my fun is at an end. It's a shame because I was really enjoying myself, even when I wasn't teasing him. I'm going to miss kissing him and snuggling with him too. Well, it was fun while it lasted…_

"_Come to bed, Sasuke. I promise I won't molest or tease you. Just come and go to sleep. If sleeping in the same bed as a boy makes you that uncomfortable… sigh, you can pretend I'm a damn pokemon."_

_After an eternity of 15 minutes he finally moves again and climbs into bed. I sigh sadly and try to go to sleep. Not even a minute passes when suddenly I feel him wrap his arms around me and spoon up behind me. I smile and breathe a sigh of relief as I snuggle into him embrace. I melt when he kisses and nuzzles the nape of my neck and whispers, "I don't mind… not if it's you." I guess I'll get to kiss him again after all._

_I turn my head to look over my shoulder at him and smile, "You are such an ass; ya know that?" I kiss his lips softly._

"_Yes, but I'm your ass." He smirks and kisses me back just as softly._

"_And such a sexy ass it is…" I turn my head back again and sigh happily, "It's late Sasuke; I'll play with your ass in the morning. Let's get some sleep."_

"_Don't forget I need to wake you up in two hours…"_

"_You're not really going to do that, are you?"_

_His lips rest on the nape of my neck and I can just feel his little smirk, "You bet your cute ass I am."_

"_Sadist."_

_"Tease."_

-x-x-x-x-

**Chapter 17: It's Not What it Looks Like**

-x-x-x-x-

**xoxo – Naruto's POV - xoxo**

When morning comes I'm surprised to see him pinning me to the bed, hovering over me. Not entirely unpleasant but a surprise nonetheless.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Not that I actually mind.

"Making sure you don't run to the bathroom yelling that I molested you in your sleep. I know how fond you are of doing that." He smirks.

"Meh. So you figured you'd just molest me first thing in the morning?" I can totally live with that.

"No! I just-"

Before he can give any sort of amusing excuse, my blood runs cold as the door swings open. Bloody hell…

"Sasuke! I knew you'd be seme! Looks like you put my time away to good use! So how well have you got him trained?"

Yes, the pervert has returned. God damn it! Why now! Of all times for him to show up, why now? That man has a perverse sense of timing.

"It's not what it looks like!" Sasuke shouts.

"So, you're NOT pinning Naruto the bed? Funny, because it sure looks like it! So, did you take pictures?"

"Of what?" I ask.

"Of your kinky sex, of course! Don't deny it. I heard all about you two from the innkeeper and that Giovanni asshole."

"So, you ran into him, huh?"

"Yeah. A really sociable fellow. Calm. Meek. Polite. Understanding. Non prejudiced. In case you're wondering, that was sarcasm. He got really pissed when I told him I couldn't allow you to marry his daughter. But, he wouldn't take no for an answer; he even followed me out of town!"

"Crap! He didn't follow you here, did he!"

"Naruto, give me some credit. Of course he didn't follow me here… I sent him to Konoha!"

"What!" Sasuke and I screech.

"Why the hell would you do that!" I scream.

"I told him if he really wanted you to marry his daughter, he'd have to get Tsunade's permission. And to make sure he informed her that he wasn't going to do what some woman told him, like he told me. I don't think he's going to appreciate the ass kicking she's going to give him."

"Ah. No, he won't."

"Why would she even give permission or be able to?" Sasuke asks, confused.

"She won't. But in that letter I gave Sakura, I told her all about Naruto. Don't worry, she'll deal with him."

"Wait. What exactly did you tell her?" Sasuke asks, fear tainting his suddenly high voice.

"Oh, nothing much… just that you finally caught a pokemon. He was really cute and you were so obviously in love with him and extremely possessive. Don't worry. She won't let that nasty man take your Naru-chan away." Kakashi teases, an obvious smirk stretching under his mask.

"I am not in love!" Sasuke blushes fiercely, "It's not like that…"

It's cute but it breaks my heart. Sigh. He just can't admit that he likes me even a little. He seemed more than willing last night… Sigh. He's like a little kid. Refusing to show any open affection, picking on the one's you like. Meh. I'm going to remember this tonight, tomorrow and the rest of the week. If he wants to be like that, so can I.

"Really? So you haven't been sucking face and hanging on each other all over town? And you didn't engage in any tonsil hockey in front of Sophia? And you weren't just now pinning him to the bed in a very… intimate and suggestive position?"

"It's not what it looks like. I mean yeah, I did all those things but… it's not as vulgar as you're making it sound! A lot of it was self-defense!"

"Okay, I'll buy that in Sophia's case, but I've heard whispers about you two since I came into town. There's no reason for you two to continue in the name of self-defense…"

"Yes, there is!"

"You'll forgive me if I don't believe you."

"It's true." I cut in, "Do you know what day it is?" As much as I hate the way he's acting right now, I kinda agree with what he's getting at. Until last night, it really was all for show, now I wonder if he meant any of it last night. Bastard.

"February 12th…"

"And what happens two days from now?"

"Valentines Day… so? Don't tell me you're afraid of a few girls!"

"These aren't ordinary girls! They're fangirls under the sway of Valentines Day!" Sasuke shouts, "That makes them more dangerous and insane than usual!"

"Oh c'mon, you're overreacting…"

"No we're not! You should have seen the way some of them were looking at Naruto!"

"And one girl looked like she was trying to rape Sasuke with her eyes."

"I'm telling you, the sooner we get out of this town, the better! The females here are nuts!"

"But, Sasuke… don't you like girls?" Kakashi leers. God I want to smack him so much right now.

"That has nothing to do with it!"

"Well, be that as it may, we're staying tonight."

"What? Why!"

"You've spent all this time in this nice, comfy and expensive hotel. I wanna be comfy too! And maybe go to a sake house… We can leave tomorrow."

"Fine." Sasuke pouts cutely. No! Don't think cute. I'm mad at him. I can't think he's cute when I'm mad at him because then I can't be mad at him. Fuck!

"Besides, I thought for sure you'd want to take Naruto to the Valentine's festival. You know, to get a little…"

Oh Gawd.

"Ack! Would you stop!"

"Hmm… no!"

"You know we've been wondering what was taking you so long and when you were going to get here, but now I wish you'd just go away and never return." I heave a heavy, exhausted sigh. Why does he wear me out so much? He's like a psychic vampire…

"Aw, you missed me? That's so sweet!"

"Actually we were wondering how long we were going to be able to live in peace." Sasuke grouses.

"And how long you were going to be able to molest Naruto. Sasuke, you're such a naughty boy! It brings tears of joy to my eyes."

I can't take much more of this. I shuffle over to the dresser and pull out my clothes. Shooting a quick glare at Kakashi and Sasuke, I walk into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind me. Stupid bastards. If Sasuke wants to pretend like the last few days… that last night never happened or meant anything then fine. I can do that too… stupid bastard. Suddenly, said bastard is pounding on the door again. Ah, so begins the daily ritual… sorta.

"Naruto! Unlock this door!"

"Hey, Sasuke… you don't want to appear too eager. You might scare Naruto away…"

"It's not like that, you pervert! Last night he fell in the shower and hit his head. It took me forever to get the door open last night, I don't want to do it again. Naruto, open the door!"

"No. I'm getting dressed you pervert! I'll be out in a minute, so keep your shorts on. Besides, I'm not a baby you have to coddle." I snap back.

**  
xoxo – Sasuke's POV – xoxo**

Pervert? Did he just call me a pervert? And why the hell does he sound so mad at me? I'd think he'd be mad at Kakashi, but not me.

"Damn it! I'm not coddling you! I'm tired, so don't be difficult!"

'Oh, that was smooth. Now you're really going to piss him off.'

The door finally opens and I find myself facing a very angry face. Crap.

"I'm tired too you asshole! I may have gotten some sleep but it wasn't good sleep. And I am NOT being difficult!" Naruto growls and pushes past me and Kakashi.

"Ah ha! So you did do something last night!"

"The only thing I did was wake him up every two hours to make sure he didn't have a concussion!"

"Aw, you watched over him all night? How loyal and sweet… you molested him while he was sleeping, didn't you?"

"I did not! I'm not like you!"

_'__Yes you are. Remember that first night?'_

I kissed him. It's not the same!

_'You enjoyed it, didn't you? You never asked him if you could and never told him about it. It counts as molestation.'_

"Sure you're not… Well either way, given the night you had last night, we will be staying tonight and maybe even tomorrow night."

"Bloody hell…"

"I'm going to get me some breakfast. I'll see you all later."

"Naruto, wait for us…" I call out to him.

"I'm not a baby! You don't have to hold my hand."

The venom in his voice pains me. What the hell did I do? We were fine before Kakashi showed up. He wasn't mad then. Naruto leaves and slams the door behind him. Bloody hell…

"I think you should get dressed if you want to catch up to him…"

Crap.

I quickly grab my clothes, change in the bathroom and rush out the door past a snickering Kakashi. I finally catch up with Naruto after a few moments.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" I ask as I grab his shoulder and spin him around to face me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He glares at me, venom lacing his voice and tone.

"Cut the crap. You're mad and I want to know why!"

"Yeah whatever… If you don't know, then there's no point in telling you."

Naruto shrugs his shoulder out of my grip, turns and walks away from me and all I can do is stare at his retreating back. The hell?

"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?" I shout as I chase after him again.

I reach out and take his hand only to have him pull it violently away from me. A hollow and empty feeling fills the pit of my stomach. Am I about to lose him? Does he regret last night? Is that why he's so mad?

"Just leave me the hell alone… don't worry, I'll be back later."

Hell no, I am not leaving it to that! I follow him to the ramen stand as usual for a late brunch. I take the empty seat next to him only to have him ignore me. Damn it, this is killing me! Mere moments later, Kakashi joins us and orders his food. Just when I think I can't take the deafening silence anymore, Kakashi begins to prattle.

"Uh oh, looks like trouble in paradise…"

"Shut the hell up." I roll my eyes in exasperation.

"Sigh. Fine, be that way. See if I care."

Our orders finally come and we eat in silence for once. It's so… wrong. Naruto should be smiling and talking happily. Instead, he's quiet and frowning; eating his ramen at normal pace instead of inhaling it. I don't like him like this. It's wrong; like Kakashi not acting like a pervert. It tears my heart knowing I caused this somehow. I just wish he'd tell me what I did so I can apologize and properly ask for forgiveness. But I can't because he won't tell me what I did wrong.

"You two should show me around town."

"What the hell for?" I ask.

"Because I'm bored and you two are no fun right now."

"Fine." Naruto says in a monotone voice, "Let's go already." He mutters as he walks out the door.

**  
xoxo – Naruto's POV – xoxo**

We wander about the town and once again I hear the whispers fill the air. Everyone seems curious about the 'strange looking man' with us. Is he like us? Is that a dirty book he's reading? Sigh. These people have entirely way too much time on their hands. For some stupid reason, Kakashi decided we need to show him around town. Stupid ass. He just lives to torture us. He knows good and damned well how the villagers feel about us here. Any ninja would be able to find out easily. You'd have to be a complete boob not to. Stupid ass pervert. And quite frankly I'm not too keen on being around Sasuke right now. Stupid bastard.

-x-x-x-x-

By nightfall we finally head back to the inn. Kakashi however quickly headed for the Sake House to celebrate our 'snogging'. It's been a long and annoying day. We ran into Mei Lin again. She and Kakashi really hit it off. For close to an hour they talked about all sorts of perverted stuff; what was good to read, how cute Sasuke and I were together… She even told Kakashi about the night she brought our Valentines stuff! They 'giggled' about that for about 10 minutes alone! Of course Mei Lin told him about the festival and its little fireworks tradition, although I get the feeling he knew all about it already.

So, naturally he's decided that we will definitely be staying for it. Yesterday, I would have been more than happy but now… after this morning, I'd rather beat the crap out of Sasuke than kiss him. Before parting, they made reading selections to each other. Mei Lin suggested Eerie Queerie and Gravitation while Kakashi naturally suggested Icha Icha Paradise, especially vol. 4 since it was the yaoi edition. It would not surprise me to find out that they're related somehow. Perversion like that has to be genetic. God it's been a long day. I quickly take a shower and climb into bed while Sasuke takes his. Hmm… he's awfully quiet. I guess I just don't do it for him anymore. Oh well.

I try to sleep but instead end up listening to various sounds. I hear the hot spray hitting that sexy bastards body. I hear the water stop. I hear him climb out of the shower and walk into the bedroom. I hear him rummage around for his pajamas. I hear the smooth material brush against his slightly damp skin as he pulls it on. I hear him walk over to the bed before I feel him sit down. I feel the bed shift as he climbs under the covers. I feel anger flow in my veins as his arms wrap around me as he spoons up behind me and buries his face into the nape of my neck.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Huh?"

"Just what do you think you're doing?" I growl as I push his arms away and sit up in the bed.

"The same thing we've been doing since we got here…"

"Yeah, well we don't need to anymore."

"What?"

"Go to sleep Sasuke. You don't need to snuggle with me anymore…"

"But…" Sasuke reaches out to try to hold me again and I swat his hands away.

"Don't touch me!"

"But Naruto…" Sasuke reaches out to me again and this time I kick him in the stomach and knock him to the floor.

"I said, 'Don't touch me'! Until you figure out what that means, stay down there." I toss his pillow and a blanket to him before turning my back to him and going to sleep. Stupid jerk. I'm not a plaything.

**  
xoxo – Kakashi POV – xoxo**

Ah, what a great day! Apparently Sasuke and Naruto have gotten a lot closer than I could have ever hoped for in such a short time. This calls for a celebratory drink. I walk into the biggest Sake House in town which as chance would have it is the only Sake House in town. You'd think in a town with so little to do there would be more bars. My eyes scan the room and suddenly, I'm so very glad it is the only Sake house in town. The gods must think favorably of me now to present me with such a gift. But then why wouldn't they? I did push Sasuke and Naruto together to snog happily… although Naruto wasn't looking too happy. Sigh. Why does Sasuke have to be such a putz? Meh. I'll worry about them later. Right now, I have to go say hi to Iruka… in my own special way of course. Ah yes, and then he'll fall instantly in love with me as he declares his undying love and tells me he missed me so much and didn't realize how much he cared for me until he left. Alright, maybe not but that doesn't mean I can't make him fall for me. After all, who could resist such a handsome and debonair fellow such as myself?

As I walk closer to the bar I can see he's a bit smashed. Funny, I never imagined Iruka getting drunk. Actually I never imagined him drinking at all. And of course vultures of the male and female variety are circling my future lover. Little bastards. I'll just have to show them he's mine… Easy. Real easy. Suddenly a man slings his arm around Iruka's neck and tries to grope him with a free hand as he whispers in my sweet dolphin's ear. Must kill. My Iruka! Mine! But before I can take another step, Iruka punches him and sends him flying across the room.

"I said no, fuck face!"

Fuck face? Iruka cusses? How sexy. Iruka's a little more violent when drunk too… but who can blame him? Ya know, now that I think about it, why the hell is he drinking? I don't recall a time ever when he was drunk or drinking for that matter. Well, might as well and go see for myself… hope he doesn't kill me.

"Hi. I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus."

"Argh! For the millionth fucking time, I'm not interested!" Iruka slurs drunkenly and aims a punch for my face which I easily dodge.

"Not even in a fellow Leaf nin and sensei?", I chirp.

"Not even a – wait… Kakashi? Is that you?" Iruka stops mid punch and blinks owlishly at me. Gah, he's so cute.

"The one and only!" I chirp.

"What are you doing here? Wait. You're not going to take me back are you? I haven't found Naruto yet!" Iruka almost shouts, clearly panicked. "I'm not going back without Naruto!"

"Relax, Iruka. I'm not here to take you back."

"You're not?"

"Of course not."

"Then why… what are you doing here?"

"Funny you should ask. Well, let's starts from the beginning, shall we?"

"It's always a good place…"

I lead Iruka to a small table in the back and begin to tell my tale.

"As you know when Naruto left town, Sasuke locked himself up in his house."

"Yes…"

"Well he didn't come out for 2 months… Naruto's birthday, actually."

"He didn't?" Iruka asks incredulously with wide eyes.

"Nope. And when he did, he announced that he was going on a Pokemon Journey and demanded a starter pokemon from Tsunade-sama."

Iruka stares blankly at me before he finds his voice to ask, "Excuse me?"

"He announced that he was going on a Pokemon Journey and demanded a starter pokemon from Tsunade-sama."

"Dear lord…"

I tell Iruka the same thing I told Naruto less than 2 weeks before and his reaction is just as rich. My little Dolphin is just so cute.

"So he rationalized the lack of pokemon was all Itachi's doing in an effort to 'keep him down'. Well I see his brother prosecution complex is still going strong." Iruka sighs cutely, "I can't believe he's mistaken Lee and Gaara for pokemon though… are you making this up? What am I saying? Of course you're making this up. This is too ridiculous to be true."

"No, I'm not. It's funny, because Naruto thought the same thing too." I grin happily.

"Naruto! Now I know you're making this up. Honestly, Kakashi-sensei…"

"But I'm not making it up. We found Naruto 10 days ago and Sasuke decided he was a pokemon too."

Iruka stares straight ahead, dumbstruck until finding his voice again. "What?"

"We came across Naruto and Sasuke 'caught' him 10 days ago…"

Iruka has the most indescribable expression on his face. I stare for a moment before continuing to tell him almost everything that's happened since then. The only thing I leave out is the tale of Naruto's short lived career as a stripper. As proud as I am of him, I doubt Iruka would share my feelings… besides there's no telling what he'll do smashed.

"Naruto and Sasuke… have been making out all over town?"

"Oh yes, they're coming along quite nicely!"

"Why must you lie, Kakashi-sensei? You know as well as I do, those two would rather pound the shit out of each other than kiss."

"Well, that's always fun too; but they really do care for each other… they just have problems with expressing it. It really is cute the way Sasuke gets all over protective and jealous when it comes to Naruto."

"I'm sorry, but I just can't see it." Iruka mumbles as he takes another sip of sake.

"That's because you're totally smashed right now." I grin at him.

"I am not smashed. I may be a little buzzed but I am not smashed." Iruka slurs.

"Is that so? Well do you mind me asking, how much exactly did you drink? To get buzzed, I mean?"

"Only 2 bottles of sake. See? Not smashed. Barely enough to get a buzz."

"True. Ya know… I don't recall ever seeing you drink. Do you do it often?"

"No. I only do it when I'm a little stressed out and needed to unwind… If you're trying to imply I can't hold my alcohol, I'll have you know I've drunk tons of people under the table since I was 14!" Iruka shouts.

"But Iruka, isn't 18 the legal drinking age? I never thought someone as straight-laced as you would break the rules." I grin playfully at him and see him start to twitch.

"Shut up. You don't know everything about me. Hmph! It's not like we know each other outside work." Iruka snaps at me. I wonder if I'm pissing him off?

"Well, I can deny that." I slide up next to him and throw my arm around his shoulder, "So, how about we get to know each other a little better?" I leer at him as lewdly and suggestively as I can muster.

Iruka stares at me for a full minute before laughing hysterically. I think I'm not being taken seriously.

"I'm sorry, did I say something funny?"

"Kakashi-sensei," Iruka wheezes, "I had no idea you actually had a sense of humor!"

Yup. I'm definitely not being taken seriously.

"Yeah, I'm a regular comedian… So, where are you staying?"

"I haven't gotten a room yet. The need to drink was overpowering." Iruka mutters gloomily.

"Well in that case, I insist you stay with me!"

"Oh, no! I couldn't impose on you; it's really quite alright."

"Nonsense! This way, you'll be able to see Naruto first thing in the morning."

"But-"

"No buts! You're staying with me." 'And then I can molest you in your sleep. Tee hee.'

"Fine… I need another drink." Iruka sighs in defeat and signals to the waitress to bring two more bottles sake.

"So… care to tell me why you're drinking?"

"I was a little unsure of what to do…" Iruka begins.

"About what?"

"Me."

"You?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I didn't expect to be gone for so long. The lesson plan I left was for only 3 months and it's been 6 months already! I was debating on going back to the village to at least check in but…"

"But?"

"I didn't know if I should because what if I miss my chance to find Naruto? And I'm pretty sure Tsunade-sama will have plenty to say to me when I get back. What if she wouldn't let me leave again?"

"Iruka… she didn't let you leave. You left without permission. You know she had the Anbu looking for you for a week? You're so going to get yelled at and grounded for at least a year. But don't worry, I'll still come to visit you!"

Iruka stares at my face and mutters, "Oh joy."

I feign hurt as I ask, "Don't you want me to visit Iru-chan? I'm so hurt."

"Yeah right… you gonna move that arm anytime soon?"

"Why? I'm comfortable… unless of course you want me to grope you. In which case I'd be more than happy to move it for that."

Iruka chokes on his sake and sputters, "Kakashi-sensei, that is so inappropriate!"

"Aw, but it's fun! Here, allow me to demonstrate!" I chirp happily and begin to reach for his thigh.

Iruka clearly becomes panicked and as red as any hothouse tomato.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Iruka squawks as he bats away my hand.

"Oh fine. Spoil sport. I haven't got to have any fun in the past 6 months."

"Fun? What do you call all that you put Sakura and Lee through. I'm sure Lee's traumatized by now."

"Oh, nonsense. He had a great time! He got to see Sakura naked and even got to stick his face in her boobies once! What's so bad about that?"

"The fact you would even ask that frightens me."

We stay and drink for a couple of hours drinking and chatting. Actually Iruka does most of the drinking and by the time we leave, his steps are pretty unsteady. Walking back to the room, I throw my arm over his shoulders to support him. He doesn't complain or comment and I do a little victory dance in my head. Yeah, I'll wear him down. He'll be mine by the time we get back to Konoha, I'm sure of it. And then we will date and make out like horny little bunnies. And thus we will live happily ever after. Ah, life is good.

**-x-x-x-x-**

* * *

Well? Was it everything you thought it was? Everything you hoped and dreamed for? No? Oh well, ain't changing it so you'll just have to put up with it since it went through 3 re-writes already and I'm not messing with it anymore. **:wink:**

There will be no omake this time because I couldn't come up with anything. Unless of course you'd rather I delay posting while I pick my brain for something weird. No? Didn't think so either. Also, I will not be answering individual reviews this time either, since I spent all my time trying to come up with something for the omake and failed miserably. However you still get plushies, my undying graditude and my pleas for forgiveness.

The next chapter is also going to be a while in coming since I haven't started it yet. I also want to wait until I have at least 2 chapters done. Next chapter planned, we will be checking in on Lee and Sakura as they make it to Konoha and deliver those lovely letters Kakashi wrote. So that's why I want to have 2 chapters done, so you don't go without SasuNaru and KakaIru for more than a week after getting a filler chapter. Okay Naruto, you know what to do!

Naruto: The psychotic author would like to thank all that reviewed with this chapter's plushie, Iruka-sensei with a chibi Kakashi humping his leg… ew. **:drops plushie:**

**Thanks to:** Generally Maz, HikariChang, animeperfect, GaaraBelongsToMe, lovebaby, meheeners, Cyndi1, Nanashi Ni, Aseret Kitsune, Nissie, spikemyangel, RuByMoOn17, Seiya, Momochi Zabuza, Trigger Happy Chaingunner, BlueStar123, kelpy, naruto-fanfic, Dragon'sSword, Alphonze, Kirikouchan, Kuro-Kaze-Ryu, CertifiedxDork, Alana-StarSugarCat, Aiya-Chan, the shadow91, telynaayuri, fujisti stytghi, lazymongoose, kyo anime, Wellwellwell, Sailor Epyon, neko-leaf, rry, CluelessIdiot, tlpg92, ZebioLizard2, Fairy Demon, Totally-Out-Of-It, NarutoBlackmail, Tysonkaiexperiment, alex, rikku, Carazon and tigersmt.334 X Assasin's core.


	18. Chapter 18: Home Is Where Insanity Lives

**Pokemon Master, Sasuke**

**-**

**Beta read by: ** Wowie **::glomps::** Have I told you how much I adore you? Because I do. I really do.

**Note: **This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor.** ::insert insane, psychotic laugh, here:: **You should also know, everything after chapter 244 in the manga does not exist for this story - although now some characters that do appear will be making an appearance since I like them... more or less. So watch out for potential spoilers in terms of character names and roles - like Sai, Sasori, Deidara, etc...

**Pairings:** SasuNaruSasu, KakaIru (soon, so soon...) and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm still unemployed and have nothing anyone would really want. If I owned Naruto... ah, the joy it would brings to the hearts of fangirls everywhere.

**Warning!**

**This fic has:**

**- **

**- yaoi goodness – but not in this chapter because it's a catch up / check in chapter with Sakura and Lee.**

**- semi-angst – in other words, Sasuke is a big poopie-head; but he's not in this chapter.**

**- stupid humor and OOC behavior... of course you SHOULD know this by now. Yeah, I'm talking to you! **

**- language – because a certain someone is back and he's a hateful son of a bitch who calls people not so nice names.**

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then you probably haven't been paying attention all through this fic; yet another thing you SHOULD know by now. Don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control. If you flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my webpage unless your flame is lame. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

Because **so much** is going on, this chapter is going to be in 3rd person…

-

**Updated 12/13/06** - noticed some boo-boo's I missed - like the ramen guy's name (I had decided to change Carl to Kichiro and didn't catch all of them) and the superscript that didn't covert from my original (put them into brackets now). Also changed Shadow Bind to Kagemane since that appears to be the right name right now.

Also, I turned off PM's because I don't like the way they work currently. There's no way to reference pervious conversations and you can't reply from the email you get, so I tend to forget what was said, etc. However, my email is still up so feel free to contact me that way - just let me know your pen name.

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* * *

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**Chapter 18: Home Is Where Insanity Lives**

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**February 13th: Evening**

The gates to Konoha loomed largely before the two leaf nins. While strong and imposing in appearance, it was a warm and comforting sight. They had pushed on for four hours instead of setting up camp for the night. It had been four bizarre months since they last laid eyes on it. It was good to finally be home.

"Wow." The pink haired one began to speak, "It seems like forever and a half since we've been here…" **(1)**

"Yeah… Welcome home, Sakura-san." The black haired boy flashed her a warm and bright smile.

Sakura smiled gently as she responded, "Welcome home, Lee-kun."

"What do you think we should do first? Go home or report to Tsunade-sama? It's pretty late…"

"We should probably see Hokage-sama, first. I know once I get home, I'm not going to want to move for a while. The sooner we get this over with, the better." Sakura sighed heavily.

The two trudged wearily to the Hokage tower to deliver the good and the bad news. Sakura idly wondered what their leader would do. Would she demand that Kakashi drag Sasuke and Naruto home? Would she send the Anbu out to get them? Or would she just let them continue on their merry little way? It surprised her that they had been allowed to wander for so long. Didn't the village have to make money? Sure they were only 4 ninjas- 6 with Naruto and Iruka; but the village needed every able bodied person they had to take on jobs.

They finally reached the tower and were stopped by the two Anbu on duty.

"It's a bit late to be coming here and visit Godaime-sama. You should come back in the morning." The first Anbu ordered.

"I'm sorry, but we really need to see her now. We just got back into the village." Lee answered.

"Trust us, it can wait until morning. Now go home." The second Anbu ordered.

"We've been gone for four months. We have a letter from Kakashi and information about Naruto." Sakura added.

"Hell… I suppose we have to let them in." The first spoke to the second.

"Yeah, but she's still not going to be happy about being disturbed." The second responded.

"Alright, follow me." The first Anbu signaled to Sakura and Lee to follow him.

The three climbed the stairs and walked down the long halls to Tsunade's quarters. With a steady and firm hand, the Anbu knocked on the thick oak door.

"Go away." Tsunade shouted from behind the door.

"Tsunade-sama, there are two ninja's here that are requesting to report to you."

"Tell them to come back in the morning! It's too late for this crap!" Tsunade shouted belligerently through the door.

"Hokage-sama, they have a letter from Kakashi and information about Naruto."

"I don't care what they- Wait. What?" Tsunade yelled as she swung open the door. "Sakura. Lee. Why are you back alone? And what's this about Naruto?"

Sakura handed the letter to Tsunade and said, "You may want to sit down for this."

"Of course. Please come in." Tsunade stepped aside and invited the two teenagers in. "You can return to your post." She ordered to the Anbu.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama." The Anbu bowed before poofing away to his post.

Tsunade closed the door and walked to a large chair.

"So what is this about Naruto?" She asked as she sat down.

"We found him." Sakura answered. "It would probably be more efficient to read Kakashi-sensei's letter first. We should be able to fill in any details you may want."

Tsunade sighed as she opened the letter.

_Dear Tsunade-sama,_

How are you? We're fine… all things considering. As I'm sure Sakura-chan and Lee-kun have told you we've found Naruto! Sasuke is convinced he's a pokemon and has named him Kitsunemon. Isn't that cute? Naruto was, and still is not pleased. We've managed to convince him into staying with us for now… well actually Sasuke convinced him and I reminded him. As for returning to Konoha, I doubt he will right now.

_He feels that his leaving would have made everyone happy. Lee-kun gave a very heartwarming 'speech' about how not everyone hated him and so forth. He's very wise for someone so young and is truly kind. When I get back, I think I'll buy him the new Icha Icha Paradise box set. It has volumes 1-4! It's quite handy and the art on the box is gorgeous! _

_Did ya hear that volume 5 came out? I got it last week and it's really great! Please tell Jiraiya-sama that I think it's his best work yet! You should read it, there's one story I think would really interest you. It's about two childhood friends who after 30 years apart, come together and well… I won't spoil it for you. But even though the main characters in the story were old and not exactly sexy, it was a very nice story. So you should really check it out! You might just get hooked on them too. _

_All of his stories are really inspiring. I plan to use a couple of the plots from volumes 3, 4 and 5 to try and get Naruto and Sasuke to come clean about how they feel. Once Sasuke does that, I'm sure he'll be back to his old self… hopefully with Naruto by his side. Oh, the tears the fangirls will shed… not to mention the blood should they get their hands on Naruto. _

_Naruto mentioned that someone had told a shopkeeper that they were looking for someone fitting his description. Have you sent more Anbu out looking for him? I just hope it's not the Akatsuki. Naruto said no one has bothered him, so I guess they haven't heard yet or just don't care; which would be a huge surprise. With any luck, it was Iruka and we'll find him soon as well. Naruto says he's been training and doing odd jobs the whole time. He looks well and appears to be healthy and is just as short fused as he's always been. Seeing him and Sasuke argue was like old times. Like nothing had changed in the world and they were still firmly in their original roles. It felt like all was right with world again. Meh, I sound like a sentimental old man, don't I?_

_Sasuke is still firm in his delusion that he is a pokemon trainer. Maybe now with Naruto here, he'll snap out of it soon. He does seem very drawn to Naruto and doesn't want to leave his side. I'm sure Lee-kun will give you the full detail of what he did when Naruto said he was leaving. And while you're at it, ask him to tell you about the Pandamon incident at the Sand Village. It's really funny! But he doesn't like to be reminded about it so he might not tell you. Oh well, I'll just have to tell you myself when I get back and all about the fun things I did to have fun when I wasn't reading Icha Icha Paradise! With any luck, we'll be back in a month, scratch-free, with Iruka in tow._

_Your favorite pervert,_

_Hatake Kakashi_

Tsunade's brow twitched in annoyance. That stupid pervert. Why the hell was he telling her about Jiraiya's smut? It had no place in a report or letter to her.

"He told me you would fill me in about what Sasuke did when Naruto tried leave, Lee."

"He kind of… panicked. He actually begged Naruto to stay and promised not to call him Kitsunemon anymore."

"He begged? The same boy would rather die than ask for help or pity, begged?" Tsunade asked, clearly shocked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"And Sasuke is still resolute in his delusion?"

"Yes ma'am."

Sigh. "Kakashi only gave the high points and a bunch of prattle. Why don't you tell me how you found Naruto and what happened."

For the next 53 minutes Lee and Sakura told Tsunade every detail, even Sakura's shameful behavior. Sakura had looked at her feet shamefully as she told Tsunade what she had done and admitted that she regretted doing it.

"Alright. You can go now. I know you're tired." The two weary teens made their way to the door when Tsunade spoke again. "Sakura."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama."

"While I'm disappointed in how you behaved towards Naruto, I won't force you to apologize to him. However, I do hope you will. He is still your teammate."

"I already planned to do so as soon as I see him, Tsunade-sama."

"Excellent. Get some rest for now. Come back tomorrow evening and you can fill me in on what you've been doing for the past 4 months. Kakashi mentioned something about a Pandamon incident?"

Lee's slumped in mortification and Sakura answered for them both, "Yes, Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade sighed when the door closed.

"Do you even know how to use a door?" Tsunade asked the seemingly empty room.

"Do you really want people to see me coming in here so late at night?" A male voice answered her.

"What the hell do you want, Jiraiya?"

"I was thinking of putting a poker game together tomorrow night and thought you might like to come. I can always use the extra money." Jiraiya grinned cheekily.

"Asshole. That couldn't wait until morning?"

"I get my best research material in the morning!"

Tsunade glared at her former teammate with a baleful look. "Don't you ever get tired of acting like a damn pervert?"

"You say pervert like it's a bad thing."

"So, how much did you hear?"

"I heard enough."

"Sigh. So what do you think?"

"Sasuke has it bad for Naruto." Jiraiya shrugged, "Big deal; like it wasn't obvious before."

"Obviously. But what are we going to do?"

"Why should we have to do anything? It's none of our business what they do, so long as Sasuke doesn't force himself onto Naruto." Jiraiya shrugged again.

"From the sound of it, he doesn't know what to do with himself. He's still drawn to Naruto even though he doesn't know why. The attraction is stronger than the delusion. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing." Tsunade frowned slightly.

"I imagine it's a good thing. It shows that the delusion isn't so powerful with Naruto around."

"But the delusion is still there… The avenger, Uchiha Sasuke cannot have someone to love or care about in his life. However, the same cannot be said for the pokemon trainer, Uchiha Sasuke."

"He wants Naruto, but he can't him any other way. He's trapped. That's pathetic. So what are you going to do?"

"Call them back. There's nothing more that can be done now. Letting them wander will accomplish nothing. He won't change unless he's forced to change."

"Ah. So who are you going to send?"

"Haven't decided yet. I'll do it tomorrow. Oh, and Kakashi wanted me to tell you that he thinks vol.5 is your best work yet."

"Really? Well yes, I did get some excellent research material for that one…"

"He said I should check it out, " Tsunade stared at the pervert suspiciously with her arms folded across her chest. "That there was one story that might interest me. About 2 childhood friends who are separated for 30 years before coming together. Care to tell me what it's about?"

"Uh… well, look at the time! I really must be going. I have to be up early for research. BYE!" Jiraiya talked quickly as he practically ran for the window before jumping out.

"Moron." Tsunade mumbled as she made her way towards the bed.

-

**February 14th: Afternoon**

After lounging around in bed most of the morning, Sakura finally dragged herself out of the warm comfort of her favorite blanket. After a leisurely shower and late lunch she finally left the house to visit the village she had missed. It wasn't long before she ran into Ino… or rather, Ino tracked her down like some sort of animal.

"Hey! I heard you were back big forehead girl; I've been looking all over for you!" Ino teased.

"Oh really, Ino-pig? All I had to do was follow your oinking to find you." Sakura shot back.

"Oh so funny." Ino looked at Sakura with a baleful look. "So what happened? Why didn't Sasuke come back? Kiba said something about finding Naruto?"

"How the hell did he find out?" Sakura asked, clearly confused.

"Well, Lee reported back to Gai and his team; and Neji is on that team. Neji told Hinata, Hinata told Kiba and I guess Shino, and Kiba told me, Shikamaru and Chouji." Ino grinned, clearly pleased with herself. "All Kiba knew was that you and Lee were back without Sasuke and Kakashi and that you had found Naruto. So what happened?"

Sakura wondered just how much Lee had told Gai and his team. Was it just the basics or in full detail? She scolded herself for not working out what they were going to tell people. Sure they wouldn't tell that Sasuke clearly had a thing for Naruto, even if he did think Naruto was a pokemon. But how much should they tell? Do they tell how Naruto tried to leave and Sasuke pleaded with him to stay? Damn. She should have worked this out with Lee ahead of time. The last thing she needed to do was contradict whatever Lee had already said. If they didn't keep their stories consistent., people would get suspicious and start asking questions. It would only be a matter of time before they found out about Sasuke's little attraction to a certain boy. If that happened, things wouldn't end well for Naruto, specifically at the hands of Sasuke's fangirls and the homophobes.

"Well… we came across Naruto in the forest," she began, deciding to just give the basics and run. "He was setting up camp and Sasuke decided he was a pokemon. Sasuke had Lee knock him out so he could catch him. Kakashi made sure Naruto wouldn't run off and the next morning sent Lee and I to report back to Tsunade-sama that we found him."

"And? That's it? Why did he leave?"

"I'm sorry Ino, I really have to get to Tsunade-sama's and finish my report. I'll see you later!" Sakura shouted back as she ran as fast as she could to the tower, leaving Ino speechless and confused in her dust.

"Okay…" Ino said to the air that Sakura had occupied only seconds ago. "Damn, that was weird."

As Sakura ran she spotted Lee chatting away with his teacher. She ran over and quickly came up with an excuse.

"Lee, we still need to finish our report to Tsunade-sama. You will excuse us, won't you?"

Without waiting for an answer she pulled Lee behind her as she ran quickly. Gai stood there with a completely dumbfounded expression.

"Of course…" He muttered to the empty air, "Damn, that was weird. No… wait. Springtime must have finally come for them! How beautiful!" Gai cried as manly tears of joy ran down his face.

"Sakura-san, please slow down! You're going to rip my arm off!" Lee cried from behind her.

Stopping and ducking into a small alley she interrogated him.

"I need to know what you told your team! Ino came looking for me to get details."

"Ino? I never told Ino…"

"No, but Neji told Hinata, and Hinata told her team, and Kiba told Ino's team! We need to get our story straight or people are going to find out about Sasuke and Naruto."

"Well, I only told them the basics like we said we would; Naruto-san's fine, Sasuke-san's still delusional, Kakashi-san's having way too much fun and we were sent back to update Godaime-sama. I also delivered Kakashi-san's letter to Gai-sensei. What did you tell Ino?"

"We found Naruto and Sasuke had you knock him out so he could catch him. Kakashi sent us back to report to Tsunade after he made sure Naruto wasn't going to run away."

"And she didn't ask for details?" Lee asked, surprised.

"Yeah, but I told her I was late for a meeting with Tsunade-sama and ran."

"I guess we should finish reporting to her now and see what she wants to do about Sasuke being attracted to Naruto."

And with that the two left the alley to the tower. Neji stepped out of his hiding spot, clearly annoyed and slightly worried. He knew Lee was holding back something when he came and saw them this morning. He may not know the whole story, but Sasuke being openly attracted to Naruto was not acceptable. Naruto was his. That stupid asshole didn't deserve the kitsune's affection!

He knew deep down that it was probably Sasuke's fault that Naruto left. All he ever seemed to do was hurt Naruto. He had known for a long time that Sasuke was attracted to Naruto but never did anything about it… just as he did. And even though neither ever said anything about it to the other, the two were in a silent competition for Naruto's favor. If Sasuke was being openly attracted to Naruto and Naruto had done nothing to stop it… then he might win Naruto over. Sasuke had the advantage now and it gnawed at Neji's pride. He had to find a way to stop this now. But how the hell was he going to get out of the village and not get caught or called a missing nin? Maybe he would get sent on a mission outside the village and he could run into him. Alright, maybe not. Damn it all the hell.

As he stepped out of the alley he heard Gai-sensei scream from not too far away. Wondering what in hell could make the lunatic scream in such a way, he rushed to find his insane sensei. He finally found him sprawled under a tree, foaming at the mouth. On his chest was a letter. Figuring it was the letter from Kakashi and the source of Gai's trauma, he picked it up and read it.

_Yo, Gai!_

_Just wanted to let you know what an excellent student Lee is... Not to mention helpful._

I taught him how to spy on the women's baths. Once he even got an eyeful of Sakura's front side! He lost half of his blood to that nosebleed... He's well on his way to becoming a man. You should be very proud; I know I am!

_He was especially helpful when I couldn't make out some words in Icha Icha Paradise. He was also kind enough to read to me when I was too drunk to see straight._

_I guess you know by now we found Naruto. I've already told Tsunade about the rousing, touching, heart to heart Lee had with Naruto. You'd be proud to see how wise and compassionate he is. As a reward, since he's practically a man; I'm going to buy him the Icha Icha Paradise box set and volume 5! He deserves a great reward for putting up with Sasuke if nothing else. But I think he may have helped Naruto feel a little better. I'll let Lee fill in the other blanks for me. See if you can get him to tell you about our adventure at Sand Village. Keep an eye on Sakura for me. She was pretty upset at having to leave even though it was for the best. She might do something foolish, like leave the village on her own. So, I'm counting on you Gai._

_Your favorite pervert,_

_Hatake Kakashi _

Neji calmly placed the letter back on his still twitching teacher and walked away muttering to himself, "What in the hell is wrong with these people. And who the hell would put Kakashi in charge of the welfare of minors? The people in this village are fucking nuts."

**-x-x-x-**

Sakura and Lee entered the Hokage's Tower, heading to Tsunade's office. The door was open so they walked in unannounced. Tsunade looked up at them over a random document with painfully small print.

"Yes?" She asked, "You're earlier than I expected. Is there something you need?"

"Well, yes… It's about Naruto." Sakura began in a faltering tone.

"Close the door then." Tsunade instructed the Anbu on guard, "And wait outside."

Motioning them to take a seat, they sat down in the large chairs in front of her desk.

"Now, what is it you want to talk about?" Tsunade asked the two nervous nins.

"Well, we were wondering…" Sakura began again. "What are we going to tell people about Naruto?"

"You mean Naruto and Sasuke." Tsunade said, cutting straight to the heart of the matter.

"Yes. Naruto and… Sasuke." Sakura agreed. It was still hard to completely accept the two boys as a couple. For so many years it had been Naruto vs. Sasuke. Now it was Sasuke and Naruto… together. She would be able to accept it in time, but right now it was just so strange.

"It occurred to us that Sasuke's fangirls might not be too happy with Sasuke's…" Lee attempted to help, but it was strange to him as well. After all, who would've guessed Sasuke would've been attracted to Naruto? But looking back, it all made sense.

"Attraction." Tsunade assisted. "Look you two, why don't you just say that Sasuke has a thing for Naruto. It has been obvious for quite sometime. Why are you having such a hard time saying it?"

"It just seems so unlikely. They're just so different; they fight a lot…" Lee explained.

"Opposites attract, Lee. As unlikely as it may seem to you, it's still a fact."

"Sasuke's fangirls aren't going to be too happy about his choice. True none of them would be happy with any choice he made, but it's a guy and Naruto no less. They're going to go on the war path once it gets out." Sakura pointed out.

Tsunade sighed heavily, "Well its really no one's business what goes on between Sasuke and Naruto. But you're right, once they find out it won't be safe for Naruto. In the meantime people are going to talk and wonder why Sasuke didn't come back with you. We can give them the basics but… I guess we can release information slowly to soften the shock, provided they are in fact together at that point. I was going to call them back immediately, but I guess I can let them stay out for a week or two while the information sinks in."

"So what are we going to say exactly?" Lee asked.

"Answer their questions short of Sasuke's attraction to Naruto. Put out the suggestion or idea that Sasuke's gay. People will reject it, but give it time and it'll eat at them and play out in their minds. And if they come back arm in arm, it won't be such a huge shock… probably."

"But… even if it isn't a shock, he's going to be on the hit list of every fangirl in the village. His life will be made miserable." Lee pointed out.

"He's always had a hard time. From the moment the Kyuubi was sealed inside him, he has been fated for a hard life. But despite everything, he has persevered. He never gave up… well, it seems until he left. But he has always been a survivor and a persistent little punk. Sakura, you've been awfully quiet…"

"I'm sorry. Its just, even though he's always found a way to survive… it doesn't seem fair that he's going to suffer even more now. It's true that he has gained some acceptance, but this is probably not going to end well. Sasuke-kun… people will leave him alone; but for Naruto, its just one more reason for people to give him a hard time." Sakura sighed heavily as she unburdened her concerns.

"That's true, but so long as he has someone to stand with him I'm sure he'll be fine."

"If you say so…" Sakura trailed off, unsure and worried.

"I do. You can go now, unless there something else you want to discuss?" Tsunade asked.

"No. That was all."

"Then you can go. I'll let you have a few days off and then you can start going out on missions again."

"But, my team isn't-" Sakura began.

"Don't worry, we'll find something for you to do. Konohamaru could use some help with his chakra skills… For now, just enjoy being back and visiting and of course subtly suggesting Sasuke's 'preferences'."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama." The two answered and walked out the door.

Once outside the tower, Lee began to speak nervously, "So… Sakura-san…"

"Yes?"

"Do you want to go get something to eat?" Lee blushed slightly.

Sakura stared at the blushing boy, slightly perplexed. "It's a little early for dinner, isn't it? It's barely 5 o'clock."

"Ah, yes…" Lee stared nervously at the ground for several moments before pulling out a small and nicely wrapped box of chocolates. "I know girls are supposed to give chocolates on Valentines Day, but I still wanted to get you something…" Lee held the box out in front of him to Sakura.

Surprised, Sakura took the box from Lee's nervous hands. "Arigato, Lee-kun. It was very thoughtful of you." Sakura smiled sweetly, "It's still pretty early, but we can sit and visit with the passersby. It would be also more efficient to help spread the news and make sure our story stays consistent, don't you agree?"

"You mean…?" Lee blinked at her, hardly believing his ears.

"Let's go get something to eat. Ichiraku is always busy, so lets go there. I'm sure Kichiro-san will be glad to hear his best customer will be returning soon."

Lee started jumping up and down, whooping and hollering, "Yes! Sakura-san's going on a date with me!" Lee hadn't been this excited since Gai taught him the Lotus. "Yeah! Wahoo!"

"Rock Lee, if you don't stop I'm not going anywhere with you!" Sakura shouted, "And it's not a date; it's dinner with a friend!"

Lee stopped jumping and grinned bashfully, "Sorry, I just got so excited…"

Sigh. "C'mon, let's go and please try to keep your enthusiasm down to a dull roar." Sakura sighed heavily.

The two headed to Ichiraku's, walking at an easy pace. When they got there, they told Kichiro **(2)** about Naruto's imminent return.

"Heh, I guess I should start stocking up now, huh?" The old man laughed and shouted to him wife in the back, "Karin, Naruto's coming back so start getting the suppliers ready tomorrow."

"Good, now maybe we can afford send Hiroshi to college and have a nice dowry for Hinako." Karin laughed from the back.

"Does he really eat that much?" Lee asked, eyes wide.

"Just about. He eats a lot and he eats fast. I'm surprised he isn't as fat as your friend Chouji!" he laughed heartily.

"Hey, I'm not fat!" Chouji shouted angrily as he walked through the entryway. "I'm pleasantly plump! Besides, is that anyway to talk about your best customer?"

"Sorry, sorry. What will it be today?" Kichiro grinned cheekily.

"Seafood ramen." Chouji answered grumpily as he sat down next to Lee and next to him sat Shikamaru.

"I'll have beef." Shikamaru drawled lazily.

Kichiro turned and began working on the two orders.

"So, what's the deal with Naruto?" Chouji asked Sakura and Lee.

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked cautiously.

"Kiba said you guys found Naruto but you didn't bring him back. How come?"

"Well… we came across Naruto in the forest." Sakura began, deciding to tell them what she told Ino earlier. "He was setting up camp and Sasuke decided he was a pokemon. Sasuke had Lee knock him out so he could catch him. Kakashi made sure Naruto wouldn't run off and the next morning sent Lee and I to report back to Tsunade-sama that we found him."

"And? That's it? Why did he leave?"

'This is eerily familiar.' Sakura muttered to herself.

Lee looked to Sakura, unsure if he should say why. Seeing no real harm, he decided to answer anyway. "He thought it would make people happy."

"What? What the hell kinda reason is that?!" Chouji shouted.

"One that makes sense," Shikamaru interrupted. "Lets face it, he gets a lot of grief from most of the villagers because of what's inside him. Of course all those years pulling pranks to get attention didn't help matters either." Sigh. "He's so troublesome and such a moron. Still it's hard to believe that that would be the only reason. Naruto's never been one to just give up…" Shikamaru rubbed his chin, deep in thought.

Warning bells went off in Sakura's head and panic began to fill her. If anyone could figure it out, it was Shikamaru. He was too smart for his own good. They would have to get his train of thought off the track before their secret was exposed.

"So, Shikamaru… what have you guys been up to all these months?" Sakura asked, desperate to change the subject. "Have you finally asked Ino out?"

Chouji's back went stiff and his cheeks blushed lightly as Shikamaru looked at Sakura with a horrified expression. "Are you insane? As if I'd ever take up with that mad woman! Just the idea gives me chills… Apparently Sasuke's insanity is contagious." Shikamaru glared at the pink haired girl slightly.

"No it's not. But you spend 4 months with Kakashi non-stop and see if you can retain your sanity." Lee threw in, attempting to be helpful.

"So he's really that bad?"

"He's worse." Lee gave Shikamaru a tired look.

Four months with the perverted copy-nin had been exhausting. It wasn't that he was a bad person. He just seemed to get bored fairly easily and boredom meant entertaining himself. Given how he liked to read perverted books in his free time, it was no surprise he'd do something perverted to keep himself entertained. Not that Lee was complaining; he'd gotten to see Sakura naked and have his face land between her lovely bosoms. While the price was high, it made putting up with Kakashi a little bit easier.

"Really? What did he do?" Chouji asked as he slurped up his noodles.

Sakura blushed as the memories of all the times Lee had been pushed onto her and of course the time he saw her naked was still mortifyingly clear in her memory.

"Damn it, Chouji! Don't talk with your mouth full!" Shikamaru scolded.

"Well…" Lee squirmed nervously in his seat as Sakura glared and sent a silent but clear message that if he told about being pushed into her breasts, on to her and seeing her naked she would hurt him badly.

"Well?" Chouji prompted.

"Lots of stuff. But once in a while he'd get so drunk he couldn't see straight and make me read to him from Icha Icha Paradise."

"Whoa…" Chouji and Shikamaru muttered at the same time with wide eyes.

"What was in it? Is it as dirty as they say?" Chouji asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Chouji!" Shikamaru scolded, "There is no reason you need to know what's in those books."

"Aw c'mon, Shika. Don't tell me you aren't at least a little bit curious what it is that makes Kakashi so addicted to them?"

"No, I'm not."

"Well I am. So what's in it Lee?"

"Mostly it contains short stories. A lot of them are really… explicit." Lee blushed, "But there were a few that weren't. Like there was one about a girl and her first kiss. But volume 4…"

"Yeah?" Chouji asked, practically on the edge of his seat.

"It was all… yaoi and shounen-ai stories. Like the other volumes, there were tame and explicit stories… It was educational if nothing else." Lee had a dazed look in his eyes.

When he was coerced into reading, Sakura would shout and scream before surrendering to plugging her ears up. Sasuke on the other hand, just glared and rolled his eyes before going to his sleeping bag and sleeping with his back turned to them. Lee suspected that even though Sasuke feigned disgust and disinterest, he was listening in. After all, it was educational.

Before, Lee had had no idea how gay men and women had… _'relations'_. Of course, he had never thought about it before since he was more interested in girls. But even though the characters in the stories seemed to enjoy _'relations'_ a great deal, it sounded very painful. After all, that particular orifice wasn't exactly intended to be used that way. Shoving a thick, hard cock into such a small place had to painful. But then again, why was there a particular spot deep inside - unreachable by women that brought such pleasure? It made no sense unless nature had purposely supplied an alternative. It had to be worth it to endure that sort of pain; after all why would gay men even bother if it brought no pleasure to both parties? And according to the stories, it was mind numbingly pleasurable once they worked past the initial pain. While Lee was curious what it could possibly feel like, he was in no hurry to try it out – even as a lark.

"How explicit? What happened?" Chouji asked.

"Chouji!" Shikamaru shouted, "You don't need to know that!" Shikamaru sent a silent message that if he didn't stop, people would get curious as to why he wanted to know. And the last thing he wanted was someone prying into their business.

Chouji blushed and muttered, "Sorry."

The rest of the night was spent telling friends about finding Naruto and how Sasuke was still stuck on being a Pokemon Trainer. The reactions varied. Some rolled their eyes at Naruto's reasoning while others nodded in apparent understanding. The Sasuke fangirls however could care less about Naruto – although most made cracks that it was fitting he be treated like an animal. Those who did however were sent flying out by Sakura. But all the fangirls could do was morn that the Uchiha had not returned. Most people merely laughed at Sasuke's delusions and called him pathetic. Those people faced the wrath of the fangirls who threatened death and mutilation to the offenders of their object of desire.

Seeing their behavior from a new perspective, she suddenly felt a great deal of embarrassment. She had acted like that. She was as obsessed as they were. She was that pathetic. Sakura was tempted to slap herself for being so stupid. Even if Sasuke was straight, why would he be interested in girls who acted this way? She was glad Sasuke was gay. It forced her to take a good look at herself and present the chance to change. She would change for the better. She would move on with her life. She would be a better person and more importantly a better friend to her two team mates. She would protect them both – although it was probably Naruto who was going to need protection from Sasuke's fangirls. She knew he wouldn't hit a girl ever unless she was a ninja and even then he wouldn't do it out of malice. She however would have no problem smacking a few around.

In the end they had to leave because Lee threw out the suggestion that with Sasuke's lack of interest in girls he might be gay. That of course got him pummeled by all present fangirls, leaving Sakura to throw him over her shoulder and carry him home.

-

**February 15th: Noon-ish**

Sakura and Lee were sitting again at Ichiraku since they both decided that it would be the best place to spread news. A fair portion of the village ate there often for lunch and so the news would continue to filter through to the masses without having to run all over town and announcing it. It was also decided if they stuck together they could make sure that their story was consistent and the other would know what was said. So there the two sat eating their ramen when Ino walked in with Shikamaru and Chouji for a quick lunch.

"Why Sakura, I didn't know you and Lee were dating. What a cute couple you make." Ino taunted Sakura as Shikamaru rolled his eyes. He knew from past experience that things would not be pretty. Chouji took a tentative step back, pulling Shikamaru with him by the arm.

A vein in Sakura's forehead pulsed as she retorted through gritted teeth, "We are not on a date. And if we were, at least I could get a date unlike you." Sakura and Ino laughed their usual fake and 'polite' laugh.

"Well unlike you, I have standards. After all, Sasuke is worth waiting for."

"Well you're going to have a long and lonely wait since I know for a fact that Sasuke-kun isn't interested in you." Sakura laughed once again as Lee grew increasingly nervous.

"Uh, Sakura-san… maybe you should stop before you say something you'll regret."

"Forget it, Lee. Once those two start there's nothing short of Sasuke that can stop them. It's best just to let them go at it and hope no one gets killed in the process." Shikamaru sighed heavily.

Hinata walked in with Shino and Kiba and stared at the two girls fighting. She really hated when they fought. It was just so… mean.

"Is that so? Well the way I see it, you're going to have an even longer wait. Because if he ever did show any interest, it'd take a week for the news to make it past your forehead." Ino smiled smugly as Sakura merely laughed.

Kiba took a seat next to Shikamaru. "Let me guess. It's about Sasuke."

"Was there ever any doubt?" Shikamaru sighed heavily.

"Ino, who says I'll wait. After all it is pretty pathetic to be obsessed over a boy who won't return your affection. You'll die old and alone while I have moved on."

Hinata inwardly cringed at that. It reminded her of Naruto and how he didn't think of her that way. Of course he didn't know how she felt, but the comment still hit home.

"Oh really?"

"Really. I mean, not even Shikamaru will date you."

"Why you!" Ino threw a punch only to be stopped by Lee's hand.

"I know that I shouldn't interfere but I really can't let you act like this. You two in your own twisted way are friends…"

Before Lee could continue, an unfamiliar face entered the store and roared, "I'm looking for Tsunade! I demand to speak to her now!"

"What the hell…?" The small group of nin's muttered together while whispers filled the air.

"Excuse me, but why do you want so see Tsunade-sama?"

"I was told I needed to get permission from that bitch!" The man shouted angrily.

"Watch your tongue, _sir_." Sakura said in an icy tone, "That's our Hokage you're talking about. I suggest you show some respect."

"Hmph, a woman in charge? Women should be kept in a kitchen barefoot and pregnant. Now take me to her little girl."

Sakura held back the desire to punch the man into the next village and asked, "And exactly why do you need to see Hokage-sama."

Sakura noticed a several Anbu and Jounin, including Asuma waiting in the shadows to hear his answer.

"I don't need to tell a little girl like _you_." The man said snidely.

"That _'little girl'_ can knock you into the next village. I _suggest_ you answer her." Ino stepped up next to Sakura, crossing her arms across her chest as she glared coldly. "Do you think we'd let an obvious lunatic like you near our Hokage, much less have you waste her time?"

"Now, who are you and why do you want to see Tsunade-sama?" Sakura glared coldly.

The Anbu stepped out of the shadows sending an obvious message that if he did not answer, _something_ would happen to him.

"Fine." The man sighed, knowing there was no way he could take on so many armed people. "My name is Giovanni Barrone. I was told by a freak with grayish hair and a face mask that I needed to come her to get her permission before Naruto could marry my daughter."

Hinata's eye's widened in shock and small yelp left her chest. Was Naruto really involved with a girl?

"I'm sorry but, did you say you wanted Naruto to marry your daughter?" Sakura asked wide eyed.

"Yes, Uzumaki Naruto. Do you know him?" Giovanni asked.

Sakura sighed, "Yes, he's my friend. Why on earth do you want him to marry your daughter?"

"Because he's dishonored her **twice**!"

Whispers filled the air as people asked each other what exactly what Naruto could have possibly done. Had he dishonored her in '_that'_ way? Could the girl be pregnant? What else could it possibly be? And he had done it twice! Some people were bewildered while others had no doubt since he had Kyuubi sealed in him. No good could ever come from someone like _that_.

Hinata knew better. He was one of the most honorable people she'd ever known. He would never dishonor anyone. There had to be a mistake… but then why did Kakashi send him here?

"Dishonored her how? I know Naruto and he would never dishonor anyone intentionally; much less twice." Sakura was now confused. Had she read the situation wrong? Was Sasuke's affection one sided? And what had Naruto done?

"He left her at the altar 3 months ago and then he showed up back in town a week ago and made out with his faggot lover in front of her!!" Giovanni howled.

"What?" everyone in the restaurant shouted in unison soon followed by hushed whispers about Naruto and his sexual preferences. A few said that they couldn't believe it, some said that it was no surprise and the majority were rather disgusted.

Hinata found herself increasingly growing light headed.

Sakura and Lee glanced nervously at each other. There was only one person it could possibly be, right? But why the hell would they do it in public and for that matter so soon? And now the whole village was going to know; this would not end well. Still, Sakura had to be sure.

"And what was the boys name?"

"The man who sent me here said that faggot's name was Sasuke." Giovanni growled, "Now take me to Tsunade so I can go kill that faggot and make Naruto marry my Sophia! I demand satisfaction!"

Shikamaru grinned slightly as it all clicked into his head. It all made perfect sense now. The careful lack of detailed information about Sasuke and Naruto. Lee's suggestion last night about Sasuke possibly being gay. Why Sasuke had reacted so badly when Naruto left. And he was willing to bet money that Naruto's leaving had to do with his own feelings for Sasuke. The two were such idiots, for years he had been suspecting Sasuke had a thing for Naruto; in hindsight it was now blatantly obvious. However, being the pro at hiding his own inner turmoil, Shikamaru hadn't been entirely sure where Naruto stood. For a while the boy had followed Sakura around asking for dates. But now that he thought about it, Naruto hadn't shown any real interest in Sakura or any other girl in years. It was pretty clear now where the boy stood.

Hinata couldn't take it anymore. Naruto was gay and with Sasuke? Her head spun and the poor girl fainted. Fortunately, Kiba caught her before she hit the ground.

The rest of the restaurant sat in shocked silence. Sasuke was **gay**? After a few moments, the fangirls –except for Ino snapped out of their stupor.

"Sasuke is not GAY! You take that back!" They shouted as present ninja's tried to hold the crazed women back.

"Look, if he's making out with Sasuke that means he's gay too. Do you really want her to marry him? And I doubt very much he would ever agree to marry your daughter. If he had, he would have kept his word. Naruto would never break a promise."

"His lips touched hers! Honor demands he marry her! It also demands that his faggot lover die at my hands!" Giovanni growled.

"So it was going to be a shotgun wedding?" Chouji asked to no one in particular.

"That's enough!" Ino shouted as she snapped out of her shocked state. "You will not call Sasuke a faggot and you will not threaten to kill him. Do it again, and I will kill you myself."

"Hmph. I seriously doubt that, _little girl_."

Ino's eye twitched and she began to cast the hand seals for tenshinten no jutsu. Realizing too late what she was going to do to cast his own jutsu, Shikamaru lunged at her and tackled her to the floor before she had a chance to finish.

"Ino, stop! Let Tsunade-sama and the Anbu take care of it. Besides he's not worth getting into trouble for!" Shikamaru tried to reason as he struggled to keep her down.

"Get off of me! I wasn't going to hurt him… much. And he called Sasuke a faggot! That's a horrible name to call somebody! He deserves it, damn it! And did you hear the way he's talking to us just because we're women? Even if he wasn't a homophobe, he's still a sexist pig! Let me at him!" Ino screeched at she struggled against Shikamaru.

"A little help here?" Shikamaru shouted. "I can't keep her down forever you know!"

Chouji and Asuma moved over quickly and to hold her down while Shikamaru used his Kage Mane no Jutsu. **(3)** When he finished, he forced her to sit on the floor while she shouted belligerently.

"Nara Shikamaru, you release me this instant or I'll make you sorry!"

"Ino, this is for your own good." Asuma sighed heavily. "This might be a good time to take him to Tsunade-sama before this turns into a riot."

Agreeing, the Anbu took Giovanni not so gently to the Hokage Tower.

When they left and most of the crowd left to spread the sinfully sensational news, Ino finally spoke again in a small voice.

"You knew didn't you? You knew the truth about Sasuke didn't you, Sakura? That's why you said you weren't going to wait forever and how you knew he would never be interested in me… For how long? How long have you known the truth?"

"Since we found Naruto; but we didn't know for sure. His behavior did make us very suspicious… it's not like he ever came out and said it." Sakura answered her in a gentle and sympathetic voice. She knew what Ino was feeling. She had felt the same; it was blow to ego and dreams. She hadn't wanted to believe it either.

"I've been such an idiot…" Ino whispered.

"I think we've all acted foolishly… C'mon, let's go to Yoshi Dango and get some tea and dango. I'll tell you everything I know, alright?"

"Just promise you won't leave the village to try and track them down or hurt Naruto." Asuma added to be sure.

Ino sigh and relented, "Fine. I won't leave the village or kill Naruto."

"No, promise you won't hurt him." Asuma stared.

"Fine. I won't hurt him, kill him or leave the village. Happy?" Ino glared at her sensei grumpily.

"Very. Shikamaru, let her go."

Shikamaru released the jutsu and the two girls left. Looking to his right he noticed Kiba and Shino trying to rouse Hinata.

"She fainted, huh?"

"Yeah, hearing about Naruto and Sasuke was just too much for her." Kiba sighed.

-

**Hokage Tower**

Before letting Giovanni speaking to Tsunade, an Anbu went into her office to tell her what had transpired at Ichiraku while a few Anbu kept Giovanni 'company' outside the doors. Tsunade could feel the ulcer forming as he told her everything Giovanni had said and the near riot that had transpired. When he finished, she felt an overwhelming need to smash her head into the wall over and over in the hope that she could forget everything. Of all the annoying things that could have happened, this was no where on the list.

"Alright, tighten security on the gates; no one leaves unless it's for business. Last thing we need is crazed fangirls roaming the countryside for Naruto's blood… and send Shikamaru to my office. I'm sending him and a team for the rest of Team 7."

"Hai, Hokage-sama… what about Giovanni?"

"Send him in. I'll see if I can defuse the situation."

The Anbu bowed in respect and moved to let the belligerent man in.

"It's about time! You got a lot of nerve making me wait!" He shouted.

"You've got a lot of nerve causing so much trouble in our village." Tsunade retorted. "Now what's this about Naruto marrying your daughter?"

"He dishonored her twice! I demand he marry her!"

"And what makes you think I'll force him to marry her?"

"Look, I'm not asking you to do anything; I'm telling you to make him."

Tsunade's brow twitched in annoyance as she tried to reign her temper in. "Is that so? Well, I'm telling you that I take orders from no one; I give them. Naruto is not going to marry your daughter, so I suggest you go home and learn to live with that fact."

"Just who do you think you are?" Giovanni growled as he raised his hand to slap her.

Tsunade glared and grabbed his wrist when his hand was mere centimeters from her face. "And just who do you think you are to slap any woman?" Tsunade glared as her grip tightened. Giovanni howled in pain as he felt the bones in his wrist cracking and breaking.

"Fucking bitch. A woman should know her place!" Giovanni said through gritted teeth.

"And you really should know when to shut the fuck up." Tsunade's glare intensified, "Naruto is not marrying your daughter. If you ever come near him again, send someone after him or come to this country again, there won't be enough of you left to identify much less put in a doggy bag. Are we clear?"

"Bitch." He spat.

With that, Tsunade lost all patience and punched him through the wall and somewhere onto the streets outside. She turned to her Anbu, "Find him. Escort him to the border. If he gives you trouble, do what you have to do. Make sure he understands that if comes back or near Naruto, he's a dead man."

"Hai, Hokage-sama." The team answered before leaving.

"Sigh. I think I'm going to name my ulcer SasuNaru…" Tsunade muttered as she laid her head down on her folded arms.

-

**Yoshi Dango**

Ino stared down into her tea as Sakura finished telling her everything from beginning to end. "So I guess there's no doubt then. Sasuke really is gay." Ino murmured.

"It would seem so, yes."

"I feel like an idiot."

"I know. I felt the same way too. Are you going to be okay?"

"I guess… it's just so weird. I mean, who would have ever thought that Sasuke and Naruto would be…" Ino trailed off.

"I know. I've had a few days for it to soak in and it's still a bit bizarre to me. But what can we do? He loves who he loves. It's not our place to tell him he can't."

Ino snorted, "As if he would listen to us in the first place. He never listens to anybody; he does what he wants… is he really happy?"

"I think so. His eyes haven't looked so alive since Naruto left…"

"Then I guess we have no choice…" Ino started.

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked nervously wondering if Ino was going to break her promise or try to break the two apart.

"No choice left but to let him go and be happy for him." Ino smiled sadly.

"Yeah." Sakura smiled softly at her friend.

"Think Naruto will tell us how good of a kisser Sasuke is?" Ino smirked wickedly.

"Ino!" Sakura cried in shock.

"What? I can't at least know what I'm missing out on?" Ino asked innocently. "Ya know, the other fangirls are going to murder Naruto if they get their hands on him."

Sakura heaved a heavy sigh. "Yeah. We were hoping to keep it under wraps and put out the idea of Sasuke being gay in the hope of keeping it from turning out like this."

"Well, that's blown all to hell. Sigh. It's so troublesome but I guess we're going to have to lookout for him. He'd never hit a regular girl back… or a kunoichi for that matter outside of a mission."

"Fortunately you and I don't have that problem." Sakura smirked.

"So… you gonna start dating Lee?" Ino smirked as she took a sip of tea.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I don't know; you gonna try and convince Shikamaru to date you? He seemed pretty against it yesterday."

Ino snorted, "Yeah right, as if I'd try that." Ino lowered her head, leaning forward and whispered, "He's gay."

"What? Are you serious?" Sakura shouted back in a hushed whisper, wide-eyed.

"Yup." Ino smirked like cat who had swallowed a canary.

"How long?"

"He and Chouji have been seeing each other for about a year." Ino leaned into whisper again. "They've been sneaking around and don't know that I know so this is between you and me. Okay?"

"Of course… wow… not as surprising as Sasuke and Naruto though."

"Of course. After all, they've always been close whereas Sasuke and Naruto have always tried to knock the snot out of each other."

"I wonder who else is gay?"

Ino smirked again, "You really wanna know?"

Sakura stared wide-eyed again. "You know?"

"I know most of them. I am after all a yaoi fangirl. C'mon, let's go to my house and I'll tell you." Ino got up and motioned to Sakura to follow. Within minutes they were at Ino's. "Kasaan, I'm home! Sakura and I are going to be in my room."

"Okay, dear." Her mother answered from the back.

Ino went into her room and Sakura closed the door behind them. Ino pulled out a large scrapbook looking thing and grinned widely. "Okay, let's start with couples."

"C-couples?" Sakura stuttered. "Is everyone in that book gay?"

"Yup! Let's see, first up are Genma and Raidou-"

"Those two?"

"Yeah. They've been an item for a while, even though Genma is a huge flirt who likes to fool around. I honestly don't know why Raidou puts up with it. Then there's Chouji and Shikamaru, Kotetsu and Izumo, and now Sasuke and Naruto."

"That's all the couples there are? I thought there'd be more."

"There would be if they would just pay attention to each other. There are tons of gay guys here. There's Kakashi who has a thing for Iruka; and Iruka has a crush of Kakashi but Iruka doesn't know Kakashi likes him. Shino's gay – I think he's trying to wear Kiba down but Kiba has a small crush on Hinata. Neji… come to think of it he has a thing for Naruto too; so does Gaara and Sasuke's brother Itachi. He's pretty popular with the pretty boys, huh?" Ino stroked her chin thoughtfully.

Sakura felt very dizzy. "Yeah, I guess so…" All this information was almost too much. Well, at least Sasuke and Naruto would be in good company.

-

**Ichiraku's**

Hinata awoke to find herself in Kiba's lap and several people standing over her, looking down in concern. She immediately recognized her own teammates along with Shikamaru, Chouji and Lee.

"Hinata-san, are you alright?" Shino asked, his voice full of subtle concern.

"Yes. I can't believe I fainted…" She blushed in embarrassment. "I had the strangest dream."

"Oh?" the bug boy asked.

"Yes. I dreamt Sasuke and Naruto… were gay and a couple. And some loud man came in demanding the Naruto marry his daughter because Naruto had dishonored her." Hinata blushed.

"Uh, Hinata-chan…" Kiba began nervously.

"That really did happen. You passed out when you heard about Sasuke and Naruto." Shikamaru cut in bluntly.

"Oh." Hinata said simply.

"Are you going to be okay?" Kiba asked.

"I still feel a little dizzy. I think I should go home and rest for a while."

"Of course." Shino helped Hinata to her feet and led her out with Kiba.

"Sigh. So troublesome."

Moments later, Neji walked in. He had heard what had happened and came to find out for himself. He walked up to Shikamaru and asked, "Is it true what they're saying about Sasuke and Naruto?"

Shikamaru sighed, "Yeah. It's so troublesome. You'd think the way these people act, there was nothing else important in the world."

Neji nodded calmly in agreement, eyes emotionless while a tornado of emotions swirled inside. This simply wouldn't do! This was worse than last year when Itachi came to town and nearly deflowered his sweet Naruto! Neji wanted to pull his hair out in frustration. He had to get out of this village and stop Sasuke before he took Naruto away from him forever! But how? Neji saw his opportunity when the Anbu that Tsunade sent for Shikamaru arrived.

"Shikamaru-kun, Tsunade wants to see you in her office."

"What's it about?"

"She's sending you and a team to bring back the rest of Team 7."

Neji almost broke out into a song. Could it be? Was fate actually cutting him a break for once? He had to get on that team, no matter what!

"So troublesome." Shikamaru sighed as he headed to the Hokage's tower.

-

**Hokage Tower**

Shikamaru knocked on Tsunade's door and entered when she said to come in.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, I'm sending you out to bring back Kakashi, Sasuke and Naruto. I want at least one Anbu with you, so I'm assigning Sai to you."

A muscle in Shikamaru's eye twitched. He really didn't like, or for that matter, trust Sai. He seemed to switch sides too easily and seemed to be obsessed with penises.

"Is that such a good idea? He was in Root…"

"Yes, but his jutsu may prove very handy. I'm still concerned that Giovanni fellow may try something. Also…"

"Also?"

"I find it hard to believe Akatsuki haven't made a move for Naruto. His luck can't last forever and so I want an Anbu with you. Think what you may of Sai but he's still very good at his job. You can pick two others for your team, but I would like to recommend you take Genma with you."

"But he's a special Jounin…"

"Yes, but he'd also be able to keep Sai somewhat in line. I'm sure you've heard from Naruto about Sai's apparent obsession with penises? Well, Genma's a bigger pervert than him and should keep him subdued."

"Fighting fire with fire?"

"Exactly. Have your team ready to leave in the morning."

"Shouldn't we wait? I mean it's not too safe for Naruto right now."

"I was going to wait but now… it'll take a little while to find them. Tell them what's happened and have them stay away for at least a month – things should be calm by then. When you find them, send a message and keep in touch. Now go."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Shikamaru turned and left the building, wondering who else he'd bring on this mission. He could bring Chouji, but that could arouse suspicion or appear to be favoritism. Of course there was no good reason to leave him behind either.

-

**Outside Hokage Tower**

"I'm guessing Tsunade-sama is letting you choose your team?" Neji's voice broke Shikamaru out of his thoughts.

"Part of the team, yes."

"I want to be on the team."

"And why would you want to go?" Shikamaru asked already knowing the answer.

"Why ask questions you already know the answers to?"

"It'll be too troublesome if you come. It's pretty obvious what Naruto has chosen."

"I want to be sure for myself."

"And if you don't like the answer, are you going to break them up?" Shikamaru sighed, "Why should I let you come anyway?"

"I think of you somewhat as a friend so I don't want to resort to threats and blackmail. But I will if I have to."

"Oh? And what you possibly threaten me with?" Shikamaru asked, a sick suspicion sinking in his stomach.

"I know about your relationship with Chouji. I'm guessing since you haven't made it public knowledge, that you want to keep it private."

"So? If you tell, it won't matter to me what others think. It's just simply no one's business but mine and Chouji's. You're going to have to do better than that."

"Can you say the same for Chouji? Or rather, his parents? I know for a fact that his mother tries to fix him up on dates and wants him to find 'a nice girl'."

"Asshole."

"Don't misunderstand me. I don't want to do this, but my reason is no different from yours. You want to protect Chouji, and I was to protect Naruto. I honestly don't think Sasuke deserves him."

"And you deserve Naruto?"

"Probably not. But Naruto deserves a choice."

"And if he doesn't choose you?"

"Then so be it."

"Fine. But I'm only doing this to protect Chouji." Shikamaru glared. "How did you find out anyway?"

"A few months ago, I was training in the forest with my Byakugan… I saw you two trying to lick each other's tonsils."

He had wanted to bring Genma as Tsunade had suggested, but now he was worried about leaving Chouji behind – especially for more than a month. Sigh. It couldn't be helped. Genma was the best one to keep Sai's perversion in line and if the latter decided to switch sides again, he was also better skilled to do so. Besides, Chouji wasn't going to cheat on him or be lured away by some girl. Shikamaru turned around to tell Tsunade of his decision so it could be passed onto Genma. He was sure he was fooling around with Raidou just about now and had no desire to interrupt or walk in on that… again.

-

**February 16th: Dawn**

"All right, we're all here. Everyone should have everything they need." Shikamaru spoke as he stifled a yawn. "If not, too bad."

He was exhausted. He'd spent half the night with Chouji, trying to calm the boy down. He was none too pleased when he found out that Shikamaru was going to be gone for at least a month and he couldn't come. And he was even less pleased when he found out why Neji was going. It had taken a lot of placating words and kisses to calm him down.

"Ah, I can't wait to see Naruto's penis again. It's been so long since I've seen it… it was so long and nicely proportioned." Sai sniffed.

Neji grit his teeth.

"Mine's bigger." Genma grinned.

"Knock it off and let's go already." Shikamaru groaned as he started walking. It was going to be a **long** month.

**-x-x-x-x-**

(1) This particular phrase gave Wowie some trouble since she didn't understand it. Basically it breaks down into longer than forever; like infinity plus 1. Any questions, just ask.

(2) I named the ramen guy and gave him a family.

(3) Wowie and I couldn't recall the name of the jutsu and could find no reference for it. However, Totally-Out-Of-It and inu382 are of the opinion that Kagemane no Jutsu is the correct name so I'm going with that. Blame them if it's wrong...

**-x-x-x-x-**

Okay, there it is… and it only took me a year! Please don't kill me – I wrote 10,508 words for you; more than 11k with the notes and stuff! I thought I would have it out last year but then I lost my focus and had a bit of personal drama and depression – hard to be funny when you're depressed… not that it's much of an excuse. I've decided though to go back to my spiral method since I seem to get distracted when I try to do it only on the computer. I've also decided not list everyone who reviewed (there's so many of you) and to not do the little thank you skits anymore - at least not every chapter! Thinking about coming up with something is as hard – if not harder than trying to write a chapter. I hope you all understand and know that I love you all, your reviews and encouragement more than words can say.

I've started the next chapter. I can't say when it will be done since it always leads to disappointment. I'm going to be at my sisters' for the next 2-3 days (company she works for needs someone for about 2 days) so I hope to get some writing in at some point and maybe look for other employment in the area. Also, I have a new email addy so I'll be sending fic update info from it. If you want to be added, let me know. If you're on Gaia, you can find me as Maliciously Creative.

Read and review! Show me you still care!


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